OSU Joke Thread

Submitted by Ellerbe is Yoda on November 17th, 2009 at 10:25 AM

Let's hear your best OSU jokes. I'll start:

Why do OSU graduates hang their diplomas from the rearview mirror?

So they can park in the handicapped spot.

Comments

GoBlueScott

November 17th, 2009 at 10:29 AM ^

A little boy and his mother were walking through an Ohio cemetery when they came upon a headstone that read: "Here lies an OSU graduate and a good man." The little boy look at his mother and asked, "Mommy, why did they bury two people in there?"

BlueFanInWI

November 17th, 2009 at 10:35 AM ^

Coaches Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr are walking down the beach talking about the rivalry between Ohio State and Michigan. As they are walking, Lloyd trips over something in the sand. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie’s lamp. “Who disturbs me?” asked the genie. Jim and Lloyd both say they did. “You will each get one wish,” said the genie. Jim offers to go first. “I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Ohio so that none of those stupid Michiganders can ever get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is high and I want it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace!” The genie grants the wish to Jim and his is instantly whisked away to his new paradise. The genie now tells Lloyd he’ll grant him one wish. Lloyd says, “Fill it with water.”

Tater

November 17th, 2009 at 10:38 AM ^

Why has the Horseshoe had artificial turf since 1971?

To stop the cheerleaders from grazing.

Why don't they let OSU cheerleaders do splits?

They're afraid they'll stick to the ground.

GoBlueScott

November 17th, 2009 at 10:42 AM ^

my mom taught this to me when I was a little boy.

You all should know it too.

Liquidate Ohio State
(Sung to the tune of the OSU Fight Song)

Liquidate Ohio State and turn the Buckeyes blue.
They breed a lot of cattle in Columbus,
It looks just like a zoo.

Knock them off their ivory towers,
Send them crawling into the showers,
Down with Ohio State,
It’s a know-nothing party school!

They say the girls who go to O.S.U.,
Are husband hunting dames,
They dig the jocks who got the killer instinct,
Not the boys with brains.

At Columbus you’re way ahead,
With straight A’s in Physical Ed,
Down with Ohio State,
It’s a know-nothing party school.

Bust your guts for Tressel!
Move your butts for Tressel!

Liquidate Ohio State and turn the Buckeyes blue,
They breed a lot of cattle in Columbus,
It looks just like a zoo. Rah! Rah! Rah!

Knock them off their ivory towers,
Send them crawling into the showers,
Down with Ohio State,
It’s a know-nothing party schoooooooooool!

jcgary

November 17th, 2009 at 10:54 AM ^

Two Ohio State football players were hootin' and hollerin' while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months. "Two months?!" exclaimed the bartender. The Buckeye proudly replied, "Yeah, the box said 4 - 6 years!"

jcgary

November 17th, 2009 at 11:00 AM ^

One day in an elementary school in Columbus, Ohio, a teacher asks her class if the Ohio State Buckeyes are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "Michigan Wolverines."

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Michigan fan, my mom is a Michigan fan, I guess that makes me a Michigan fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Buckeye Fan."

Feat of Clay

November 17th, 2009 at 11:43 PM ^

Good sir, your talents are needed on averagecats.com. You and a few other folks posting in this thread.

Q. HOW DOES ONE FIND A TOWN OR LANDMARK ASSOCIATED WITH OHIO STATE (OR, DEPENDING ON YOUR LINEAGE, LOYALTIES, AND HISTORY, THE COMMENSURATE GEOGRAPHIC LANDMARK ASSOCIATED WITH ANN ARBOR)?

A. THE LOCATION IN QUESTION IS ASSOCIATED WITH AN UNPLEASANT ODOR OF AN INTENSITY WHICH WOULD ALLOW A TRAVELER TO FIND IT WITHOUT MAP OR DIRECTIONS OF ANY KIND; RATHER, HE WOULD USE ONLY HIS OLFACTORY SENSES TO GUIDE HIM. FOR A BONUS HUMOROUS ENDING, SAID SOJOURNER MIGHT ALSO BE DESCRIBED TO HAVE 'STEPPED IN IT' UPON ARRIVAL.

NorthSideBlueFan

November 17th, 2009 at 11:07 AM ^

The football team's graduation rate.
The GPA OSU requires for admittance.
The football team's GPA.
The number of productive graduates.
The number of classes the players attended this season.
The only dollar amount the players won't accept.

Choose a favorite and/or add some others!

jcgary

November 17th, 2009 at 11:13 AM ^

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Buckeye joke?"

The guy replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6' tall, 200 lbs. and I am an Ohio State Graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2," 225 lbs. and he is an Ohio State Graduate. The guy right next to him is 6'5", 250 lbs. and he is also an Ohio State Graduate. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times"

NorthSideBlueFan

November 17th, 2009 at 9:23 PM ^

My wife who teaches at an urban elementary school here in Chicago and I sat there stunned at her level of stupidity while watching this live.

Hilarious side notes:
My wife informed me that her students could figure this out AND THEN DID JUST THAT in a subsequent math lesson.

PH was also the biggest BUSH/CHENEY honk in Hollywood during their terms as well.

She clearly has a superb understanding and comprehension of her own limitations.

jcgary

November 17th, 2009 at 12:56 PM ^

One foggy night, a Buckeye fan was heading north from Columbus and a Michigan fan was driving south from Ann Arbor. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Michigan fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Buckeye fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Buckeye fan walks over to the Wolverine fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Wolverine fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Wolverine fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Buckeye, "I think this is another sign--we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Buckeye fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Buckeye fan hands it back to the Wolverine fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Wolverine fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

The Original Seth

November 17th, 2009 at 5:32 PM ^

Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN END-OF-YEAR RANKINGS FOR OHIO STATE AND MICHIGAN?

A: MICHIGAN'S WILL BELY A HIGH LEVEL OF ACADEMIC AND REAL-WORLD SUCCESS WHILE OHIO STATE'S CONFIRM INCARCERATIONS AND BAD DEEDS EXCUSED IN THE INTEREST OF GOOD FOOTBALL PERFORMANCE

Brodie

November 17th, 2009 at 5:33 PM ^

Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE ATHLETIC TEAMS OF OHIO STATE AND THOSE OF MICHIGAN?

A: THE MICHIGAN TEAMS POSSES SUPERIOR ATHLETIC PROWESS

CPS

November 17th, 2009 at 5:41 PM ^

Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN WOLVERINES FOOTBALL PLAYER AND AN OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY BUCKEYES FOOTBALL PLAYER?

A: THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY BUCKEYES FOOTBALL PLAYER WILL ENGAGE IN UNBECOMING, IMMORAL AND ETHICALLY DUBIOUS BEHAVIOR, WHEREAS THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN WOLVERINES FOOTBALL PLAYER IS A STAND-UP YOUNG MAN AND HIGHLY THOUGHT OF MEMBER OF THE COMMUNITY.