Oh Great and Mighty Pimp Hand, lift up these wretched masses

Submitted by iawolve on January 8th, 2011 at 6:33 PM


 And Saint Brandon raised the Pimp Hand up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy Pimp Hand that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu…er, wait a second, I guess we needed the Hand Grenade in this instance instead of just the Hand.


While I have gone on record in more than a few threads defending the Great and Mighty Pimp Hand (GMPH), rationalizing that there must be a grand plan in place behind its mysterious doings, my faith is unfortunately wavering. My bad on this one, I own it. Maybe the GMPH actually had Harbaugh locked up and was victim to the most vicious head fake in the history of sports. Unfortunately GMPH, those instances are then typically captured on posters for all to stare at the poor bastard on the receiving end of the aforementioned fake. That is where you are right now.

Unfortunately, while I can very easily see how JH > RR, I struggle to see how (RR+DC+$) < BH or LM when it is this late in the year. Maybe I am just not good at math anymore or maybe the GMPH simply gambles like a mofo, I am not sure which. However, from the outside, this just looks like we jumped out of the airplane without a parachute, giving a big thumbs up and smile on the way down as we winnow down a surprisingly (I mean really surprising) short list of available candidates. Maybe Hoke is a great coach, but as EDSBS stated “then that replacement is Brady Hoke, Blink, Blink, Blink”. This does not sound like the results of anything with “Great and Mighty” in its name.

Well Pimp Hand, you have so far proved me wrong in regards to our coaching search/evaluation. I sincerely hope your luck returns and you prove me wrong again about where we really are in this search process. I would gladly admit my bad many times over in this instance. We need something to finally break our way so get your mojo back dammit.



January 8th, 2011 at 6:43 PM ^

So far 2010 version of coaching search is going exactly like the one in 2007 with not being able to sign the "golden boy" and various high profile names dropping like flies.

So, if this is just like 2007, who is the 2010 version of RichRod? Who is the most high profile coach with some axe to grind against his own AD/President?

West Texas Blue

January 8th, 2011 at 6:43 PM ^

I'm tired of this pimp hand bullshit.  Dave Brandon has shown himself to not be a good AD.  Good CEO - yes.  AD - terrible.  This coaching search has turned into a clusterfuck.   DB puts all his eggs into the Harbaugh basket and Jimmy spurned us and now it's Jan 8th with less than 30 days away from NLOI and we have no coach and we are fucked. 


January 8th, 2011 at 8:55 PM ^

Well, his handling of the situation with the NCAA was nearly perfect. I think we'd look a lot worse if Bill Martin oversaw the entire thing.

Just because you don't have the stomach to wait this situation out, it doesn't mean Brandon is currently screwing the pooch.


January 8th, 2011 at 9:21 PM ^

Brandon wasn't the only person handling the NCAA violations, so let's not pile on credit when there were clearly many other university officials handling it as well (e.g., MSC, who has more experience dealing with these issues).  The only person getting pimped right now is Brandon because he thinks anyone and everyone has the desire and wants to come to Michigan to coach, when in fact that is not the case.  Fact is, he doesn't have the pick of the litter any more.


January 8th, 2011 at 6:53 PM ^

@iawolve: Your dissection of DB's decision-making vis-a-vis his experience in LBO situations was, IMO, a great assessment.


IIRC, in that synopsis (sorry, I didn't have the time to refer back to it), you mentioned announcing a crucial decision at the right time.  Given Brandon's goals as they relate to the athletic program, what are your thoughts about him having a lock on a coach when he made his comments about Harbaugh going to the NFL, et al. at the presser?  Was that all window-dressing to hold off criticism while scrambling to come up with Plans D, E and F?  Or was it posturing, knowing that having five days to ink a deal and bring in the hire to the UM-KU basketball game would be about the right-est of times to make an announcement?


Maybe you don't have an opinion either way, but knowing Brandon's work with Domino's, his work with the Regents, and his work under Bo, I refuse to believe that he was caught with his pants down on this one.


Guess we'll all know once we see the new hire...


January 8th, 2011 at 7:04 PM ^

Even if Brandon has something up his sleeve (please, God) I doubt he wanted to announce before all the Harbaugh stuff blew over.  Too many people wanted JH for us to go in another direction until he was officially off the board.  Hopefully now we'll get some news in the next day or two.

I look forward to seeing Jon Gruden putting on a nunchuck and bo staff display during the halftime show at Crisler tomorrow.


January 8th, 2011 at 7:12 PM ^

we only have a few days to wait to either confirm he screwed the pooch, or that he pulled a rabbit out of his ass.    Since there is essentially a complete info lock-down (other than twitter of course), we know nothing at this point.  We will very shortly, one way or the other.


January 8th, 2011 at 7:15 PM ^

I simply have no idea at this point. The most worrisome was this demeanor at the presser. He was not himself and I doubt it was due to having to fire someone, he would have had to do that too many times already in his career. My guess is that he was caught a little flat footed by a guy that "he knows and has talked to many times" who may/may not made some statements that Brandon took for a stronger commitment than what it was.


January 8th, 2011 at 7:04 PM ^

I'll wait to see who is hired and how the team progresses over the next few years. People seem to only be thinking of recruiting when talking about this change. While recruiting is important, this class was never meant to be a huge one. A good hire in the next couple of days should easily fill out the twenty or so total spots in the next month. We may not get the players we wanted but that's a fairly useless gauge of recruit's success. I'm glad Brandon has patience and clear headedness and that he didn't just hand the job to Brady Hoke or Miles (I wouldn't mind Miles, but he isn't a very creative hire).


January 8th, 2011 at 7:05 PM ^

Unfortunately, while I can very easily see how JH > RR, I struggle to see how (RR+DC+$) < BH or LM when it is this late in the year.

RR could not be retained after the bowl game.  His base of support was gone.  Now, you can argue that Brandon should have been better prepared for that contingency; right now that may turn out to be a problem. 


January 8th, 2011 at 7:07 PM ^

His pimp hand is attached to a limp wrist at this point. He needs to come up big and fast. No matter how it shakes out I am of the opinion he has already fucked this up. Right now is huge for recruiting the life blood of any program and we don't even have a coaching staff out there rounding up a class. His delay is a failure.


January 8th, 2011 at 7:25 PM ^

The bowl game didn't help RR's case but he had to know he was going to fire him prior to this. One game doesn't do you in. I would liked for him to had a coach in waiting to make the transition a little more smoothe and keep recruits from straying.


January 8th, 2011 at 7:14 PM ^

Now that it is clearly a rebuilding process, and has hopefully started up from the bottom, this is a great situation for a new coach to step into.

Remember that we didn't know how bad the decay had been until after RR took over.  Then we started to see how much work was needed to build this back up.

RR came in with an expectation of 10 wins a year...  and empty cupboards to a large extent.

NOLA Wolverine

January 8th, 2011 at 7:22 PM ^

It's hilarious that this board makes fun of how much Fred Jackson hypes up players while stuff like "THE PIMP HAND" and "THE BARWIS EFFECT" are still alive and thriving here.


January 8th, 2011 at 7:25 PM ^

Rumors of Brandon's pimp hand have been greatly exaggerated...  I am holding out hope for this search, but since he's been here it's been corporate slash and burn and monetization: downsize some AD positions, fire highest paid executive, open up Big House for corporate events and weddings. 


January 8th, 2011 at 8:10 PM ^

Even if he has totally screwed the coaching search (and I think he has unless he gets LM/JG), he has to get some "Pimp Hand" credit for how watertight the AD has been.  There have been no leaks whatsoever.  It's simultaneously infuriating and impressive.