Obscure NCAA rules broken by Terrelle Pryor

Submitted by Newk on June 11th, 2011 at 6:53 PM

Wow – it just keeps getting worse for TP and Ohio State. Rumors have surfaced concerning further infractions. To be fair, however, these rules are buried deep in the books. No word yet on possible penalties.

 

  • Drove a Nissan 350z with dealer plates at 90 miles per hour through a “Do Not Violate The Integrity Of NCAA Amateurism Rules” zone.
     
  • Petted at least 30 puppies and 40 kittens in a scheme to exchange frowns for smiles.
     
  • When holding for field goal attempts in practice, always pulled the ball away from the back-up kicker at the last second, even after promising that he'd finally let the poor kid kick it.
     
  • Wore unsanctioned throwback jersey to Jim Delany's Halloween party.
     
  • Killed Michigan fans’ hopes and dreams just to watch them die.
     
  • Since enrolling at OSU, signed three birthday cards for his grandmother, Mrs. Janice Wilson ... Did I mention that the cards were made of marijuana?
     
  • Received six wheels of gouda as an improper benefit for beating Bret Bielema in a cheese-eating contest.
     
  • Had the word “okay” tattooed under the “Do Not Write Beneath This Line” notice on his left bicep.
     
  • Exceeded permissible contact hours with Kirk Herbstreit (if you catch my drift).

 

Comments

justingoblue

June 11th, 2011 at 7:14 PM ^

In other news, I just trounced 'Bama in the BCS Championship in my second dynasty, and twenty minutes after the game is over, there are still flashes going off in the stands. The players can't even still be on the field, right? Tha fuck are they taking pictures of?

Just thought I'd add something thoughtful and relevant to this "diary".

jameeltv

June 11th, 2011 at 7:07 PM ^

You forgot the "mispronounced the name of tsiO on national signing day" penalty, which is considered worthy of the death penalty in Columbusted.