Obama names Brian Kelly New Secretary of State

Submitted by michman79 on November 10th, 2009 at 9:46 PM

Bleacherreport is reporting that Barack Obama has named Cincinatti Head Coach Brian Kelly his new Secretary of State. When asked for comment, Obama stated the following:

"When I learned that Notre Dame was interested in Mr.Kelly, I knew I had to act quick and beat them to the punch. The way he was able to dominate Div 2 football, the MAC, and now the Big East...it is clear that Mr.Kelly is one of the smartest five men on the planet and should be feared by all. Having Mr.Kelly as a member of my cabinet, we will begin using his tactics to rule the universe."-Obama

Kelly has taken his Cincinatti squad to an unprecedented 9-0 record and #4 ranking in the AP poll. It is clear that, despite his defense giving up huge points to UCONN, his offense is the savior of not only Cincinatti football, but of all mankind. Obama's move is the smart and pertinent move at this point. It is not even a possibility that he is just this year's new, hot young Urban Meyer-esque coach. Not even a possibility. No way at all. He is the best of all time and the only problem this writer has with his joining Obama's cabinet is that we won't get to see him lead the Domer's to 17 straight National Titles.

-Johnny Domer-Bleacherreport

Comments

formerlyanonymous

November 10th, 2009 at 10:01 PM ^

I have to spell check every time I type it. No sugarcoat.

EDIT: I understand why some people phonetically put in the double t, but my problem is which set of n's to double. For some reason, when I was a kid, I thought it was spelled "Cinncy". No idea why, but that's adversely affected how I try to spell Cincinnati. I'll just talk about the Reds or the Bengals, avoiding any semblance of geographical origins.

Wide Open

November 10th, 2009 at 11:14 PM ^

Everybody knows Tim Tebow is our next Secretary of State.

Cuba will start a democracy and Jihadists will stop suicide bombings after spending 15 minutes with him.