Martha Stewart officially destroys tailgating

Submitted by Blazefire on October 26th, 2012 at 12:34 PM

[ED:BISB - Changed title to avoid gender war, which the women would win because they have better attention spans and the ability to turn any argument into a slightly different argument that they can win]

Edit: I suppose I should clarify, becuase we have some excellent women on this board. Women that read Martha Stewart Magazine and save Good Housekeeping's for years so that they don't forget that "cute christmas wrap idea" have officially ruined tailgating. The rest of you may go about your business.

Link taken from EDSBS. http://westport.patch.com/blog_posts/the-backyard-family-tailgater-throw-a-true-southern-tailgater-for-the-whole-family

No, dammit. No, no, no, no, no. A tailgate is not a time to go all Martha Stewart. It is not a time to plan a fall afternoon of "activities". There are three activities at a tailgate. Eat, Drink and watch/listen to football while waiting for the game to start.

DAMMIT, Women! This is why we can't have nice things!

This, this is what you are envisioning.

This is not a tailgate. It is a fall dinner party. Schedule it for any day but Saturday, and we men will happily attend, make polite chatter, and then recuse ourselves to the basement/den to wath baseball or preseason NBA games while you do your prattling.

This...

Beer, chips, meat, chairs and football. LEAVE IT THE HELL ALONE, DAMN YOU!

Sincerely,

Guy who had his last football Saturday ruined by a group of women who complained he wasn't "participating". I had my beer and my eyes on the TV. That is how you participate in a damned tailgate! Not by doing the friggin christmas name-draw!

</ huffiness>

Comments

CreepAlert

October 27th, 2012 at 2:56 AM ^

This thread has spawned my creation, thanks!

From now on, my creator will deploy this account to track posts and/or comments that make statements which are distasteful and/or alienate members of the MGoCommunity on the basis of race, sex, gender, orientation, nationality, veteran status and disability. Offending posts will be noted, suggestions to improve discourse will be offered, and points will be tallied by username in two categories: the Creeper Cone of Shame and the Upstanding Citizen's Cup. The Cone will be bestowed biannually to the poster with the most offenses, and the Cup will be given to the user with most positive contributions to making all feel welcome. 

 

CorkyCole

October 26th, 2012 at 3:30 PM ^

Worst joke ever.

Edit: Apparently I needed to be a bit more clear. In context, the above statement was quite comical. It's just that "coal" jokes are all too prevalent in my life. If you are confused, please refer to my username. If confusion STILL arises, Cole... coal... ha.... Why am I posting this? I do not know. Joke = funny. Moving along.

Mabel Pines

October 26th, 2012 at 12:42 PM ^

tailgating is a whole different game down south.  

Second, as a woman, I am offended.

Third, I think with much work, we could find you a nice woman, Blazefire.  Don't give up hope.

Also, as an English major, I commend your use of "prattling".   Good one.   

 

edit:   I see you have a wife.  We can set up a support group for her.  at a tailgate.  with fine china. 

Blazefire

October 26th, 2012 at 12:44 PM ^

"Second, as a woman, I am offended."

But as a Michigan fan, you whole heartedly agree with meand will adopt the spirit of the season? Or... no?

Just to note, I am married to an awesome woman. Article made me laugh at how on point it was to my life, though.

Mabel Pines

October 26th, 2012 at 12:53 PM ^

a fancy tailgate with "activities" would creep me out.  But I do enjoy a large supply of different appetizers (may or may not be from PInterest), a main dish (can be hot dogs) and some great desserts.  No activities or fine China!  And no warm beer!  cold beer, whiskey sours, and maybe Bloody Mary's for a noon game.  I pass on the Wine for a tailgate.  Sangria is OK.

loosekanen

October 26th, 2012 at 1:05 PM ^

The bloody mary is the most criminally overlooked beverage in existence. Most people seem to love them, yet they rarely order them. Whenever I'm in Vegas I'm usually ordering them and I couldn't count the number of people near me who always say, "Wow, that sounds really good. I'll have one too!" It's a unisex drink too which improves its utility at a party.

+1 to you for realizing its usefulness at a tailgate.

leftrare

October 26th, 2012 at 5:46 PM ^

And i have a bloody mary recipe that I thought I'd share, passed down from my late stepfather, a UM B-School grad.  This is a relatively mild spice load so you may add more to suit your taste, but follow the basic ingredients.

1 half-gallon  jug of Clamato Juice

1 teaspoon tabasco

2 teaspoons lemon juice

3 teaspoons worcester

2 teaspoons horseradish (not the creamy kind)

After you mix the jug, you can pour some off and replace with vodka, so it's all ready to go.

Serve over ice of course, and top it off with a splash of beer.  it adds a nice bit of effervescence and cuts the viscousness of the tomato juice.

Jon06

October 26th, 2012 at 8:42 PM ^

I mean, are you married? It turns out that, by the time somebody likes you enough to marry you, she will put up with being told to go to hell during football games every once in a while. I was a little surprised, too, but it works. Just don't let anybody put anything about paying attention to anyone during fall Saturdays into your vows and you're good.

willywill9

October 26th, 2012 at 12:50 PM ^

In what sense is tailgaiting a whole different bowl of boiled peanuts?

Haha, my GF is from Georgia, and I've been to many a southern tailgate.  Food is awesome, but I'm curious what you're pointing to specifically.  

I will say this, girls in the south can actually sit and watch a football game (thank God, my gf is so understanding of my CFB addiction.)