Mark Emmert announces ten more McGary-like suspensions

Submitted by Erik_in_Dayton on April 28th, 2014 at 11:54 AM

NCAA president Mark Emmert announced today that, in keeping with the sense of  justice and propriety of the McGary ruling, ten more NCAA D-1 basketball players have been suspended.  The players, their schools, and the lengths and reasons for the suspensions are listed below:

Montrezl Harrell – Louisville -Suspended one year for violating the Vagrancy Act of 1824.

Dyshawn Pierre – Dayton - Suspended for life for speaking ill of the Queen on St. George's Day. 

Naadir Tharpe – Kansas - Suspended for half of the '14-'15 season for failing to break his quota of rocks on multiple days.

 Cameron Ridley – Texas - Suspended two years for sassing a constable. 

 Monte Morris – Iowa State - Suspended one year for asking for a second bowl of gruel. 

 Aaron White – Iowa - Flogged for failing to address a lady as "ma'am" or "m'lady." 

 Jabril Trawick – Georgetown - Suspended three years for heresy (suggesting that the earth revolves around the sun). 

 Dez Wells - Maryland - Suspended two years for gandering at Johanna, the ward of Judge Turpin.

 Mike Tobey – UVA - Suspended for life for questioning the morality and long-term viability of Britain's occupation of India.

[redacted] - Kentucky - Suspended one game for taking $200,000 in benefits from a booster, multiple homicides, and desecration of a corpse. 

Comments

MaizeAndBlueWahoo

April 28th, 2014 at 12:04 PM ^

I call BS on the NCAA.  The punishment for asking for more gruel is sale into indentured servitude to an undertaker.  Morris got off light.  Obviously the NCAA trying to protect its marquee programs.

LSAClassOf2000

April 28th, 2014 at 1:02 PM ^

My question would be this - did they not only suspend him but then ask for payment because the first bowl was over the allotted amount of gruel in the scholarship paperwork? Does Iowa State report a secondary violation because the gruel was not made available to the student population? Also, what is the NCAA feeling about serving more tripe after workouts?

Waters Demos

April 28th, 2014 at 12:41 PM ^

To be fair Mr. Tobey should be drawn and quartered.  And Ridley should have bamboo shoots jammed under his nails.  The others are only slightly out of keeping with proportion/propinquity.  

gwkrlghl

April 28th, 2014 at 12:42 PM ^

The earth goes around the sun? Alright jackass. Then why does it feel like I'm not moving everyday and the sun circles the sky?

Yeah, didn't think you could answer that. Enjoy your well-deserved suspension heretic

vertiGoBlue

April 28th, 2014 at 2:04 PM ^

Kain Colter, Northwestern University: sentenced to death by stoning. Employees? Balderdash, these things are property.

 

Leo Gerard, United Steelworkers Union President: for aiding in the efforts to steal property from its rightful owner, he is henceforth banned from attending any & all NCAA sporting events.

 

Donald Sterling, Owner Los Angeles Clippers: Lifetime Achievement Award and Honorary NCAA Advisory Membership.

JayMo4

April 28th, 2014 at 3:29 PM ^

The thing is, if we allow a student athlete more than one serving of gruel we blur the lines between amateur and professional, thereby destroying the purity and sanctity of college athletics.

I mean what's next, football games on Thursday nights?

umumum

April 28th, 2014 at 4:12 PM ^

meant to upvote and clicked downvote by mistake--though I was at least able to still upvote. [pounding head repeatedly on table]   I won't sleep well tonight.