Life Without Fireworks, and also something else

Submitted by Jon06 on July 20th, 2014 at 2:35 PM

In the wake of the regents' vote against fireworks, our AD will take a different idea from minor league baseball. Inspired by Andy Milovich, General Manager of the Single A Myrtle Beach Pelicans, Donald R. Shepherd Director of Athletics Dave Brandon will sing the National Anthem before the Maryland game from the AD's box while undergoing a prostate exam, presented by Panda Express or Quiznos or one of those other restaurants that sometimes makes you have an unpleasant poop.

In news I didn't just make up, Magnus is doing a countdown to the season by ranking players in order of perceived importance to the team (understood in terms of how bad it would be if the player were lost to injury) at Touch the Banner. Apparently it's an annual tradition over there, but I'd never seen it before.


Mr. Yost

July 20th, 2014 at 2:42 PM ^

I can't wait for the season to can tell it's late July. And it's worse now because there's not NCAA Football 16 to distract people until the Countdown to Kickoff videos come out.

One more month.


July 20th, 2014 at 3:26 PM ^

It's tough being a public figure sometimes. You have to endure all kinds of stupidity from bored people and procrastinators. I replied to you in the thread from the other day, btw, if you want to take a look at my recent posts.

I thought about titling the thread "My Most Downvoted Thread Ever" but I figured it'd get there soon enough without my encouragement.


July 20th, 2014 at 4:20 PM ^

The long offseason just shows how many ass bags are in this blog. You people need major therapy as every little thing Michigan does or tries to do that is different from the 1886 guidelines throws you all into a tizzy. Fireworks are awesome and should be at every event. Anything that brings attention to the program is good.

Sorry to be the bad news guy, but Michigan isn't special anymore. We are a mid pack fucking program now. Dave Brandon's job is to bring in dollars and he does that win a fucking mediocre product.

In conclusion he is smarter then you who would rather the program make less money while maintaining what you call tradition.

Adapt or fucking die geezers. The reality is Michigan was dying because it tried to keep you old farts happy. Move over dead beats the new blood is coming along and we enjoy Jerseys and Fireworks and excitement.


July 20th, 2014 at 4:59 PM ^

Most people that read or contribute to this blog want two things in this order. 1. Win. 2. Maintain Traditional Integrity. What makes us different, is that we believe it's not too much to ask for both of those things.

You resemble a bag of dicks.*

*not name-calling, simple observation


July 20th, 2014 at 6:25 PM ^

Michigan has plenty of traditions. The masses just feel everyone needs maintained. Like I said you adapt and live. If you want today's youth to be interested y have to do things to stand out in a world where every program out there is adapting and changing.

Really this blog is full of dicks and people who need to seek help. I once thought it was a great place to discuss Michigan, but then the psychos flexed their no change muscle or the state of Ohio as a whole is crap. See the sad thing about the last statement is thousand of Michigan fans live in Ohio and you keep calling them shit. This site has started a slow death late last year and the quality posters have gone away.

Much like so many message boards the crazy psycho posters have ran everyone off.


July 20th, 2014 at 6:13 PM ^

I love my tailgate,tailgat. However, when the tailgate is the highlight of ggame day the AD and coach need to themselves. 12 And oooooooooooooooooo or bust!

steve sharik

July 20th, 2014 at 6:56 PM ^

that will trigger multiple banhammers. And no, I'm not including the OP.

True, thus post added little value, but name calling and/or insulting responses (on any side of the argument) call out for expulsion.


July 20th, 2014 at 7:26 PM ^

It was an obvious typo so why not let it slide? I've pulled some real mistakes here like forgetting to delete a complete sentence like, "the reason it worked so good is becaus it worked so good." I obviously got caught between two trains of thought and hit save prior to proof reading.  I enjoyed the laugh like most of the other posters here.  

Now where I thouht it was important, I would try to help out. I always tried to get Helmholdt at Rivals to change ect to etc., but he never did and was actually hired by one of the local rags. Guess they figured they could use his football knowledge - he was right just as often as the rest of us - and have those that get paid for it clean it up.     


July 20th, 2014 at 8:02 PM ^

I've done a lot more obnoxious things than this without getting banned, and AFAICT nobody is saying anything that's actually offensive. There was one thread on the board from today when I posted this. There are now a total of three, including it. No harm in giving the people something to hate.

Downvoting me 4 times in this thread seems like enough, though, so I'm not going to post many more comments. Some collected responses here: 

Magnus: I'm sorry you had to upvote this, but I'm impressed that you actually did it. Also I'm obviously Section1's alter ego, but we're different people anyway. It's like in the movie Twins. (I'm Arnold's character.)

GoBlueInNYC: That is basically the reaction I was going for. I feel like you've truly understood me.

Don: You've met me! But yes, I am very talented for a dog.

JDVan: There have been many satirical threads that weren't funny, but I can at least say that out of all the satirical threads that weren't funny, this one is not my least favorite.

MaizeMN: No pain. In virtue of some psychological defect, I did this for fun.

ducksterstepnoutsociety: I'm actually expecting a bill.


July 20th, 2014 at 8:10 PM ^

"It's not like I would be getting it at home plate," Milovich said. "I'll likely do it from our radio booth and the fans will see me from the shoulder up."

Oh, if only Bob Uecker were available for a little color commentary on this particular occasion, it might even go viral despite being an uncomfortable watch.