Lending Insight on UofM

Submitted by 1464 on August 20th, 2010 at 4:55 PM

Hey guys, a couple of points I think that need cleared up for everyone here.  I understand there is a lot of tension, some namecalling, a few bad words, and an otter or two hanging around these boards.  I'd like to set the record straight about Michigan Football, and hopefully clear some things up.

Wingless Helmets

Some of you may have heard that some of our players have been practicing without wings on their helmets.  For you that don't know, it seems to be an indication of a lack of commitment.  Allow me to speculate that this may not be a positive for players involved, and can, in fact, be seen as a detriment.  It is okay though, as many informed sources have edified us to the fact that these players are all third string/borderline practice squad guys.  I'm sure they'll all be either kicked off the team before the scrimmage, or they'll transfer unceremoniously.

Edit: I am told one of the diseased players may have obtained wings.  No doubt the cheater used Red Bull, or some other PED.

Rich Rods Future

There has been a lot of speculation about what Coach Rod should do to keep his job.  Now, as an 8th grade quarterback, I have a little insight into the game of football.  There are nuances that some of you 'outsiders' may not understand, but try to bare with me.  It is suggested that if he wins a lot of games, he will probably keep his position.  The reasoning behind this is that people like you more when you win.  Like I said, this is fairly technical stuff, so stop me if I start to lose you.

My take on this is that if he wins the next two BCS titles, Brandon is unlikely to fire him, eat all the food in his kitchen, and then take his wife.  Also, fans may warm up to him if this happens, but that remains a little fuzzy.

Our Secondary

There have been a couple of events over the past few weeks that have affected our secondary.  They are bad, and everyone should panic.  Our freshmen will get a chance to play, though.  When freshmen play in games, they develop experience, so look for some experienced freshmen.  Also, T-Fork will be an even more passionate leader on the sidelines, inspiring everybody to play hard.   He's such a competitor.

Justin Turner transferred from us to a football team that may have reintroduced seperate but equal drinking fountains, and is run by the local chapter leader of the KKK.  That speaks volumes, right?  Maybe we should all cast angry glares upon RR, as he clearly cannot coddle talent.  The only plus is that if Turner is half as fat and slow as reported, we still may have time to catch him with his release papers in the parking lot before he makes it to his car.

The only positive in this situation is that athletes of all types; from the intramural water polo league to the club bowling team will have their shot at a backup CB position.  Most of the softball girls are bigger and meaner than RR recruits, anyway.  I'd be pulling for a male gymnast from the title winning team, except that none of them eclipse 5 feet tall.  It'd only be fair if they were able to use one of those batons with glittery streamers.

 

So there you go.  All caught up on this weeks activities.

Comments

M16

August 20th, 2010 at 5:32 PM ^

Keep in mind that if Rich Rod makes it through next year, which I expect him to, he will have a core of young CB's that have a bunch of experience from this year AND Troy Woolfolk back AND the next recruiting class.  So next year the secondary could be a real strength (just gotta hold things together in 2010).

M16

August 20th, 2010 at 5:33 PM ^

Keep in mind that if Rich Rod makes it through next year, which I expect him to, he will have a core of young CB's that have a bunch of experience from this year AND Troy Woolfolk back AND the next recruiting class.  So next year the secondary could be a real strength (just gotta hold things together in 2010).