October 22nd, 2009 at 7:57 AM ^

this isn't a new thing BronBron was his adviser before the Purdue game.

I guess this is another sign that James is not going to NYC. I mean, he'd be in the top 10 of celebs, not king, like in Cleveland (whose #2 is Pryor?).


October 22nd, 2009 at 10:16 AM ^

Good guy to be mentoring someone about the spotlight. I imagine his advise went something like this.......

"Don't worry about playing bad TP. All you have to do when you throw a pick or have a bad game is have coach confiscate all the tapes and it will be like it never happened at all!"

Swayze Howell Sheen

October 22nd, 2009 at 8:36 AM ^

Hey TP,

Lebron here. Got some advice for you, maybe
it'll help you get things together. Of course,
I wouldn't really know, because man, I have
never played as shitty as you did these past
few games. That last drive against USC? Wow,
which way did you think your team was going? :)
I won't even mention Purdue. Purdue, hmm, sounds
like something you step in. And you sure stepped
in it.

So here's my advice. Despite what everybody else does ...
- Don't murder people
- Don't steal from me, or from yourself
- Don't kill people
Especially number 2. Steal from me and I will
f*** you up.

Definitely: don't have regret about not
going to Michigan, where a coach could
have utilized your skills about 1000x better
than your current one. Better: don't even play
against Michigan; you're 1-0, why not keep it

Don't throw the ball again, ever. Ever!
Just run the damn thing. On a passing play,
frustrate your coaches by simply calling an
audible to a QB keeper. They'll only complain
if you don't score a lot of touchdowns, like
you did in high school. Note: you must learn how to
audible. Second note: you must learn how to run
in college.

Speaking of which, don't think about high school.
Remember last year, when you said it was all like
high school? That was because there was a lot of
talent around you. Now, it's on your shoulders.
And, unlike high school, you kind of stink at QB.
So try to forget all that, and stop sucking.

Don't talk back to Tressel. In fact, don't talk
to Tressel. He is OLD, and wears some kind of
sweater without arms. Does he have unusually warm
arms? I hope so, because he needs to give you a hug.
But don't talk to him; he'll probably mumble about
the "I-formation" or some such stone-age bullshit,
and where will that get you?

Also, be careful talking near Tressel. For example,
here is an innocent conversation you might be having:
"Does anyone have a knife to *spread* this butter
on my toast?" Or: "What is the point *spread* on that game?"
Or maybe: "Now that I suck, chicks sure won't *spread*
their legs for me anymore." Why not say these things near Tressel? Because he'll think he's going deaf, or losing his ability to understand english. Why is that? Because he sure
can't understand when anyone says the word "spread". And
we don't want Coach to think he's going nuts.

Also, one final tip: don't worry about the ears. You'll
grow out of it, probably. Unfortunately, though, your head
isn't getting any bigger these days, which just accentuates
your ears even further.



October 22nd, 2009 at 12:42 PM ^

Lebron should be able to give him some good advice regarding adversity and people treating him like something less than a god. And, you know, being in college.