Know Your Neighbors - Mich Edition

Submitted by Gameboy on November 20th, 2012 at 4:19 PM
Now that the expansion is official, I think it would be nice to educate our new bretherens about our fine institution. What are some GTK facts that can help Maryland and Rutgers fans ease into our conference. Obviously things like #1 in wins in college football and all that are a good start. And they should really learn to hate all that is unholy about Ohio - Man, how awesome would it be to get them to adopt ohio moniker? What else should they know about us?



November 20th, 2012 at 4:24 PM ^

Perhaps that we have the debonair disposition which allows many of us to pull off wearing an ascot.

Also, upon our first football meeting, we will come at them like a spider monkey all jacked up on mountain dew. This action will hardly dishevel our said ascots.


November 20th, 2012 at 8:46 PM ^

understand why he calls it "stupid". 

1) Most buildings on campus have the term O-h-i-o.

2) The band scripts the term O-h-i-o.

3) The crowd always spells O-h-i-o.  Probably because they cannot spell staee correctly.

4) Fans from around the world line up in a rediculous formation and do a Village People rendition of O-h-i-o.

STW P. Brabbs

November 20th, 2012 at 4:40 PM ^

We think of you as the entry point to a media market, at best, or a cash-strapped parasite that doesn't know how to play football very well, at worst!  Like Indiana and Purdue if  we'd never met them and they just showed up at our house drunk and grimy and sat down for dinner!

Nice to meet you!

Zone Left

November 20th, 2012 at 6:50 PM ^

Interesting. I think Maryland at Rutgers are at best cash-strapped parasites and at worst are going to set off a series of dominos that will ultimately have a very negative impact on college football.

Seriously, my hope is for them to play Minnesota level football in a stadium half-full of opposition fans. It's ludicrous to expect them to play championship football or to actually increase viewership / BTN subscribers in the New York or DC or any TV market.


November 20th, 2012 at 4:56 PM ^

There was a Rutgers fan on Reddit already talking about their disdain for Ohio.

"But though the reception has been mostly negative, most B1G fanbases have been generally welcoming... with the exception of one.

Ohio State.

Haven't even been in this conference one minute [officially] and I've come to see why it's so easy to hate them."

I think we are well on our way



November 20th, 2012 at 5:00 PM ^

If they continue to only recruit kids from New Jersey and Maryland then prepare to take Minny and Indy's place in football and as soon as they signed on for basketball they were already below .500 in conference play...

MGJS SuperKick Party

November 20th, 2012 at 5:27 PM ^

Andddd this is what happens when you post before reading the original post completely through. I've been wanting to say it, so I don't regret it.

Us and Nebraska are the coolest. Wisconsin fans are pretty awesome too. Michigan State, Ohio State, and Penn State are some of the most unenjoyable sports fans to be around.

Welcome and enjoy your stay... Btw Maryland, I'm looking at you, get rid of those ugly uniforms.


November 20th, 2012 at 7:01 PM ^

Just dig up some Mitch Albom cliche he writes every time a Michigan team has success.  I know it's hard to believe, but people outside of Michigan actually like that guy.  So a column where there are tons of elipses and references to the following should satisfy those Marylanders and Rutgerites pretty good:   Vernors, pointing at your hand to show people where Ann Arbor is, Sanders, Zingermans, being north of Canada.   


November 20th, 2012 at 5:40 PM ^

The funny/sad thing is last night, I told my family that Rutgers and Maryland were joining the Big Ten.

For the blank looks I got, I might have said The University of Zaphod and Beeblebrox College.

To answer your question, I might introduce the Big Ten:

1) We think the East Coast is flyover country. If we can't get a non-stop to Florida in the Winter, we might fly over you to connect in Philadelphia.

2) We also think all the small little states crammed together are really boroughs of New York. (really - how can you be a state if it takes less time to cross than going from Saginaw to Grand Rapids?) And your whole population fits into Time Square on New Years Eve.

3) We didn't know until this week you had football. All East Coast colleges have hockey,  lacrosse and basketball only. We thought only Harvard and Yale had football.

4) Our helmets have wings and our state is shaped like two mittens. Maryland, your hemlet looks like something from wonderland and your state is shaped like something burned on the bottom of the oven.

5) We eat cheese and bratwurst and deep dish pizzas and other manly food. All you eat are lobsters.

6) Michigan is very close to Ohio. Maryland is very close to Washington DC. The smell must be similar.

7) Rutgers - please - please consider changing your colors. We don't need any more red teams. You can't have blue or yellow either. So maybe tan would work.

8) Our stadium is the Big House. You can choose "add-on garage" or "above ground pool".


I hope this helps.




November 20th, 2012 at 7:02 PM ^

We should also educate them on their competition in the conference in the historical sense so that they know where their future competition has been. For example:

Basketball - Conference and NCAA Champions (NOTE: fixed terrible typo - sincere thanks to Don for the below comment, as that's what I originally wrote)


TEAM Conference Champions - Basketball NCAA Championships
Purdue 22 0
Indiana 20 5
Ohio State 19 1
Illinois 17 0
Wisconsin 17 1
Michigan State 13 2
Michigan 12 1
Iowa 8 0
Minnesota 8 0
Northwestern 2 0
Penn State 0 0
Nebraska 0 0


In football as well (not enough data for the BTCG, of course)...


TEAM Big Ten Championships National Championships (Claimed)
Michigan 42 11
Ohio State 35 7
Minnesota 18 7
Illinois 15 5
Wisconsin 13 0
Iowa 11 1
Purdue 8 0
Northwestern 8 0
Michigan State 7 6
Penn State 3 2
Indiana 2 0
Nebraska 0 5

Welcome to our conference, Maryland and Rutgers.