If 2011 Michigan football was a Chinese resturant

Submitted by mGrowOld on November 6th, 2011 at 9:22 AM

As I watched yet another very winnable game slip away yesterday I started to think that Michigan football, circa 2011, could be thought of in some ways like a Chinese restaurant.  This particular restaurant struggled recently even though their food was quite good (award winning even), but service was poor and business slipped like never before.   A new owner was found and he decided that to make things better (like the good old days) he'd bring in a new business manager to run the front of the business (Mattision) and a new head chef to run the kitchen (Borges).  

Service improved almost immediately and people noticed.  Customers were seated promptly, orders were taken as they should and the food was delivered hot and on time.  While not perfect things were SO much better people started to remark how much the restaurant reminded them of "back in the day" and everyone was amazed just how fast the new Manager was able to restore this restaurant to their past glory days.

The only problem for this Chinese restaurant is that the new head chef was Italian and had never cooked Chinese a day in his life before.  People asked "are you going to be able to retain the old menu?  Is the restaurant going to stay Chinese or are you going to convert it to Italian? The chef said "don't worry I know what I'm doing.  I can blend the best of both cuisines into one and create even more delicious meals than ever before!"

But instead of food people wanted to eat every day very odd creations got introduced onto the menu.  Inedible specials like General Tsio's Rigatoni or Moo Goo Gai Ravioli or even the infamous Hot and Sour, Egg Drop Wedding Soup.  And every day the chef said "don't worry I got this" as the kitchen creations got weirder and weirder still.  And nobody had any idea what the restaurant was good at or even wanted to serve anymore.




November 6th, 2011 at 12:43 PM ^

Are we seriously questioning Denard, Borges, etc after 9 weeks??? Iowa was a team who is sound at home and crappy on the road ... Sound familiar? All that happened yesterday is a young team in transition who didn't rise about refs, a sluggish half, a riled home crowd, etc to win. I will take 9-3 this year. We could win the next three. We could lose the next three just as easily. We'll probably win two and go 9-3. I'll take it. Just enjoy the ride.

Undefeated dre…

November 6th, 2011 at 9:49 AM ^

Which: Back of restaurant was usually crowded with folks of Asian descent happily chowing down. Every time I got something, it was somewhere between crappy and terrible. So why such loyalty from others? Were there two tiers of service and food quality?

Also, why would Chef Jan stay at China Gate if he was so good? And did he only cook in the restaurant 2 or 3 times a year? Because again, the food was rarely notable.


November 6th, 2011 at 9:53 AM ^

It's also one of those scenario's where your not sure what leave for a tip? The waitress was very nice and likable. She did everything you asked her to do, but the meal looked better than it tasted.


November 6th, 2011 at 11:18 AM ^

Borges to Hoke= Gerg to Rich Rod! So Michigan has some analytical junkies. Can anyone figure this out for Hoke. If he doesn't fire Borges soon his ass will be grass. I was at the Iowa game and had a group of dumb fucks laughing and thanking me for the play calls all game. It is like have Michael Jordan on your basketball team and having me shoot 3 game winners. It is unfuckingacceptable! Borges is a moron, and if Hoke is loyal to him then he will go down. I like Hoke, but we will soon see if he has any brains. He also may want to start working the refs a little bit instead of this we are Michigan and should overcome this bullshit. Fuck! I am still so mad I can't think straight, any I know unfuckingacceptable isn't a word, and yes commas and run on sentences suck. That is a precursor for all of the English inspectors (critics) on here.


November 6th, 2011 at 11:56 AM ^

I think you are forgetting how our offense laid down against all the good teams on our schedule last year or shot itself in the foot with bad turnovers when we were getting yardage.  Needless to say it is looking pretty similar against good teams this year.  


November 6th, 2011 at 2:04 PM ^

Ok how about this then?  I think I counted at least three threads up yesterday in the aftermath of the game openly questioning Borges as the OC.  Why?  Why are we, of all fan bases, surprised when a coordinator is asked to run formations (like the 3-3-5 for example) they are neither familiar with or experienced in?  

Borges is not a spread OC and he's trying his level best to incorporate schemes and formations that he has precious little experience in running.  The results, as we witnessed yesterday, are fairly predictable and not at all pleasing to anyone.

I belive that Borges is far > than Robinson.  But I also believe he is having no less of a struggle trying to adapt his coaching philosophies to the personal he's inhereted and the schemes he's being asked to run.



November 6th, 2011 at 10:41 PM ^

The better analogy would be that the former Chinese restaurant is now an Italian joint with an Italian chef, but the previous owner stocked up on rice, soy sauce, and ginger, so the new owner has the Italian chef making dishes with a large portion of Chinese ingredients.  Oh, and customers keep getting pissed off and wandering into the kitchen telling the chef how to cook and that he's an idiot for not putting bubble tea on the menu.