Completely OT: Your thoughts on Father teaches Daughter Facebook Lesson?

Submitted by StephenRKass on February 21st, 2012 at 1:57 PM

So, here's something completely off topic. My header and this sentence are to warn you:  if you want to read about Michigan or Sports, this thread is definitely not for you. Please go back to the board to look for the latest on Akron State or new 4 star recruit hello posts.

However, this post kind of meets OT criteria:

  • It isn't politics.
  • It isn't religion.
  • It isn't bewbz or Kate Upton GIFs.
  • It is definitely in the public forum.
  • We're in the middle of the Off Season, when Off Topic threads aren't verboten.

I'm curious the opinions of the mgoreadership on the Viral youtube Facebook Parenting: For the Troubled Teen. It has already topped 30,000,000 hits, so it has hit a chord somewhere.

If I was more computer savvy, I could do one of those fancy polls. But I'm not that savvy. I'd love to hear your take on this. If you haven't heard about it, or have been living under a rock, or are too lazy to click on the thread, here's the skinny. A dad in North Carolina takes to youtube to refute a Facebook post from his daughter about how mean her parents are. He finishes the video by taking a 45 and putting 9 hollow tip slugs through her laptop.

According to the Chicago Tribune, there is a cultural divide between those who think the dad is a kook, and those who think he is a refreshing throwback.

I think that's too simplistic. But as I was thinking of the freethinkers at UofM, I couldn't help wonder where they would fall.

To make this easy, I'd ask just one simple identifier:  are you under or over the age of 21?

Comments

Blue4U

February 21st, 2012 at 2:04 PM ^

I saw this a couple of weeks ago...My sister sent this to me on FB because my 12 year old daughter is having trouble accepting responsibility and being responsible.  I showed this to my daughter as a forewaring........Hopefully it works.

BlueGoM

February 21st, 2012 at 2:05 PM ^

I'm over 21.

1) Firearms are for self defense and hunting, little else.

2)  The guy is a nutjob. 

3) If you have to start shooting things in order to get your kid's attention, you've already lost him/her.

MGoSoftball

February 22nd, 2012 at 7:10 AM ^

is that his pattern is too wide because he did not use both hands.  I would have preferred to see him throw the laptop up in the air and shoot it with a 12 guage with Double-Ought Buckshot.  THEN use the .45.

That is a very nice gun by the way.  It is smooth as silk.  I prefer the Sig Saurer .40 cal though.  It does not jump as much as the .45 ACP.

PurpleStuff

February 21st, 2012 at 2:15 PM ^

This is dead on.  You get kids to behave by setting a positive example, not acting like a child yourself.  The dad has established a situation where father/daughter are enemy combatants in some eternal struggle for discipline and polite behavior.  I doubt that will yield positive results (and clearly it hasn't in the past if he felt the need to resort to blowing her computer's brains out).

It isn't a coincidence that the lady screaming at her kids at the store always has the worst behaved kids. 

On the flip side, the daughter seems like a snotty brat as well.  There really are no winners here, but I think the bulk of the blame has to fall on the grown up who had the power to create/influence the situation from the start.

I'm 30.

Noahdb

February 21st, 2012 at 2:08 PM ^

I'm almost 40. I don't have kids. I don't want kids (mostly because this is what kids turn into). HOWEVER...it has been my experience that every child on the planet goes through a phase where they think they are the victims of the most oppresive regime since Pol Pot. A child nailing him or herself to a cross and crying, "Poor me" is hardly a man-bites-dog story.

When your child does this, it's important that YOU remain the adult. You do what I say because I say so. When the kid throws a tantrum, it doesn't change the fact that "you do what I say so because I said so. If you fail to do this, there will be consequences." Taking a gun and shooting your kids laptop just makes you an over-reacting douche. You're turning into the stereotype that your child has accused you of being. 

Again...this is why I don't have kids. This is why I have a two-year-old flat-coated retriever named, "Bo." Isn't he a handsome devil? 

Lookit the good boy!

tasnyder01

February 22nd, 2012 at 1:02 AM ^

I'm not a father.  I don't pretend to know what one does.  I know that you're only hypothesizing, but let's not bust someone's balls when we've never been in their shoes.

Just because I like beating dead horses, I'll add this:  I love my dad even though he's done some messed up things.  He loves me (I'm still not sure why) even though I've messed up (like, a lot).  You choose to love someone, regardless of their actions.  This guy clearly (and I'm judging him as a human, not a father) doesn't love without reserve.  Call me a hippy (I'm...nvm, no politics) but I really believe that.

sheepdog

February 21st, 2012 at 2:09 PM ^

There are more effective ways to reach your kids.

With that said, I think it's pretty stupid and embarrassing for him to do that.  Next, he put it online.  He sounds about as mature as she is.

MaizeAndBlueWahoo

February 21st, 2012 at 2:07 PM ^

Can't say that I see where anyone got hurt here, except an innocent laptop that never did nobody no harm.  But it's his laptop, after all.  Not hers.  Kids these days, etc. etc.  She got the message.  Yes, I'm over 21.

It's probably the gun thing that gets people wailing and gnashing their teeth here.  If he'd simply put the laptop in the trash it would've been the same thing and people wouldn't be going "OMG OMG so terrible!!!"  I consider those people a bunch of nancies who never had any punishment from their parents except to be asked nicely to stop their misbehavior.  They're probably also horrified that the NCAA was so mean to Ohio State.

HollywoodHokeHogan

February 21st, 2012 at 3:34 PM ^

it's probably the gun that gets people upset and without the gun people would not be upset, to the conclusion that "those people" are a bunch of nancies who were never punished?  First off, which people are you talking about?  The people who were not offended or the people who don't like the gun?   If it's the first, then what the fuck are you talking about.  If it's the second, how the hell does not liking guns relate at all to the severity of punishment one received in their upbringing? 

 

Oh wait, I get it now.  You're just an idiot.

wolfman81

February 21st, 2012 at 5:17 PM ^

I'm over 21 (and also a father, though my son is only 2).  I get what the father in the video is trying to do.  He's trying to teach respect to his daughter.  And if her actions warrant her loss of privilages, then that's fine.  We even have a "toy jail" for my son.  (When he throws toys, the TOYS go to jail.)  The idea that actions have consequences is one that I'm sure nobody disagrees with.  However, I'm not sure what the value is in posting this all over the youtubes.  Since she no longer has computer privilages in her home, is she going to see this?  And if she did, how does it teach her to respect her elders?  To me, this seems childish and disrespectful on his part, and because of this I think that his intended lesson is lost.

Noahdb

February 21st, 2012 at 2:11 PM ^

It's probably the gun thing that gets people wailing and gnashing their teeth here.

Perhaps...but you had to admit, taking to the internet to rally support to your cause when YOU ARE THE PARENT is pretty weak. 

MaizeAndBlueWahoo

February 21st, 2012 at 2:28 PM ^

I don't see it as "rallying support to his cause."  She embarrassed him in public, on the Internet.  I get the "you are the parent / mature adult / grown-up" thing, and the idea that you shouldn't have to go that far to control your kids if you're really a good parent etc. etc.  But unfortunately, kids get half their parenting from society.  And this isn't the 1950s where if you were misbehaving, society in the form of your neighbors on the block informed your parents of your misdeeds.  We have an Internet society that encourages rebellion, lets you put your every grievance out for public consumption, and schools that are essentially toothless to control their students.  Parents have to put their kids out in society and hope for the best.  They rarely get the best; friends, peers, and the Internet tend to encourage whiny misbehavior.  So this, to me, is clever use of that society to turn the tables.

PurpleStuff

February 21st, 2012 at 2:37 PM ^

I get where you are coming from, but I think the key point is that he did it because "she embarassed him."  This wasn't about improving her behavior or raising a better daughter.  It was about him feeling weak/humiliated and attempting to turn the tables on her to regain the upper hand and put her in her place. 

I imagine this power struggle dynamic has existed all along (more interested in controlling kids than in raising them) and that this caused all the initial strife as well.  If you've done your job as a parent your kid won't be on Facebook trashing you for the fact that she has to do some chores around the house.  Busting a few caps in her electronics to make up for more than a decade of sub-par parenting isn't the answer to anybody's problems.

MaizeAndBlueWahoo

February 21st, 2012 at 2:56 PM ^

I think that "if you've done your job as a parent" is too easy to say.  We have no idea about their past, and I somehow doubt this guy has been either neglectful or too light on the discipline.  After all, he mentions her having been grounded before, having the laptop taken away before, etc., and what good did any of it do?  And what is the magic bullet (so to speak) that should have been used when she was five so that she wasn't such a bitch when she was 15?  I don't like instantly casting judgment that he must be a lousy father because he let it get to this point.  Who is anybody to say?

I don't think this is about feeling weak or humiliated.  Betrayed, perhaps.  But again: parents are only in contact with their kids for so many hours a day.  The rest of it is taken up with peers who probably did think her Facebook post was cute and rebellious and wonderful.  She took her silly little grievances to the internet, so her father decided to play the game on her terms.  Is it that crazy to think that that would get through to her a lot better than the old speeches about walking uphill both ways to school?

PurpleStuff

February 21st, 2012 at 3:57 PM ^

Bringing down the hammer when a kid screws up isn't a complete parenting plan.  I doubt this guy lets her get away with too much, but their situation is still a complete mess. 

The best behaved, well adjusted, successful kids I've come across didn't get that way because they had the baddest parents on the block.  They got that way because they respected their parents and had internalized their values.  I don't know that there is a magic bullet that makes that happen, but I think it comes from honesty, communication, consistency, and fairness combined with a strict sense that certain lines cannot be crossed without negative consequences.  Just cracking skulls isn't enough and if it is the only round in your chamber, so to speak, you are going to get a situation like this where parent/child are in a state of constant combat.

I'm more than happy to judge a guy on these grounds who, when his solution of harsh punishment doesn't work, resorts to blowing up his daughter's stuff on the internet.  Going nuclear in a case where judicious use of the carrot and the stick could have prevented the problem before it ever existed is I think a sign that the guy has screwed up as a parent.  If the lesson he is trying to teach is, "Don't make an ass of yourself or your family on the internet where everyone can see it forever!" then he has really done a shitty job of making his point.

Yost Ghost

February 21st, 2012 at 5:37 PM ^

I don't know if you have kids, but I do so I'd like to wade in here. You mention that bringing the hammer (not that I agree with that father's interpretation of it) isn't a complete parenting plan. While I agree that the hammer shouldn't be the only "tool" in your belt it should be there. I'm assuming that your point is that constant reliance on it isn't an effective plan, I agree. A multi-tooled approach works best. However I think that one of the problems we have as a society is that too many parents aren't willing to take the hammer off the belt and use it. I would much prefer to use a combination of lower level positive and negative motivations first. Having said that sometimes the hammer needs to come out. If you don't use it you can create a whole other set of issues. I have no idea what the dynamics are in this house but whatever they are you can't say that using the hammer on a 15 year old means you've lost her already. 15 year olds are still trying to push boundaries and learn where the fringes of accetable behavior are in society. I agree that your window of influence at that age is closing quickly, most likely you've got one more year or two.

If I can fault the guy on anything I would guess it's not being as involved with her choice of associations. Associations are one of the most critical aspects of becoming an adult. Peer groups are so impoprtant at that age. Those you choose to spend your time with are going to have major influence in your world views and self perceptions. That influence Includes what home life expectations are reasonable, how to dress, how to talk and even how to view your parents. I suspect his daughter has close friends that talk about their parents in a negative way and feel that they're owed everything. That leads to entitlement mentalities and victim thinking. Nothing good comes from those.

RickH

February 21st, 2012 at 3:59 PM ^

That's complete bullshit.  Yeah, there are a lot of 'bad' kids that are products of bad parenting, but there's also a ton of kids who are bad despite parenting.  Parenting is not the only thing that produces a person's personality, behavior, etc.  Some kids are just plain difficult while others have other problems like depression or ADHD.  Other people and kids influence those children as well, not to mention media sources that can promote the wrong message. No parent can protect their child from all outside influences and trying to do so would just be seen as over-protective and wrong (which I'd agree with).

My parents were great but I had huge depression problems that made me think I was some victim and caused me to be rebellious.  They could've taken away everything I had but that wouldn't change the fact that I wasn't going to subject to their 'rule'.  There is very little that they could have done that would have changed my mindset.  Parenting has a huge role on a person, but it isn't even the majority influence on a person.  As someone who studies psychology, I see it all too often how people think that bad parenting must be the reason for a bad child, when there's a lot of cases where the child was just difficult and influenced by outside sources.

StephenRKass

February 21st, 2012 at 4:14 PM ^

I think about the parenting thing a lot. Because we adopted twins, who came from, shall we say, a challenged beginning, we often ponder the relationship of internal and external influence, of nature and nurture. That is to say, some people are genetically wired a certain way, and what happens externally has a limited impact. It is a scary thing to consider that no matter what we do as parents, we can only do so much, and perhaps our children are going to go down a certain path because of a genetic predisposition. Who knows.

All I can say is that I admire your willingness to share on your own personal experience of rebelliousness, regardless of parenting. I've seen different studies that come up with different conclusions. We can simply agree that the dad who shot his daughter's laptop was NOT using good parenting skills.

PurpleStuff

February 21st, 2012 at 4:52 PM ^

No kid can buy a TV or a computer or a radio or a smart phone or anything else that can allow the media to influence him.  A responsible parent can/should know who their kid is hanging out with and the parents of that kid as well, one of whom should be supervising/monitoring most activities until the kid is well on his way to maturity.  A kid is also entirely dependent on his parents for the necessities of life until long after his personality has developed.  If a parent isn't the biggest influence on his kid's life (but has somehow been supplanted by the other kids he sees at recess), then he has fucked up as a parent and passed the buck to others (TV, teachers, peers, etc.).

Being a bad parent isn't the same as being a bad person.  It is an extremely difficult job and most people are completely unprepared to take it on.  There are also wildly varying degrees of success/failure (and if you are studying psychology, I'm guessing your "rebelliousness" wasn't all that damaging).  That doesn't mean that parents don't have full control of the situation should they choose to exercise it from an early age.  Most are just too lazy or disinterested to exercise that control, or simply don't know how to do it.

EDIT: By the way, this is coming from someone who was a terribly behaved teenager who drove his parents crazy with my refusal to do school work and love of sweet, sweet hooch.

Mitch Cumstein

February 21st, 2012 at 2:11 PM ^

I think the whole putting bullets in the laptop thing is wasteful and just overly grandeous.  Its like he did that more for his own enjoyment than teaching his daughter a lesson.

That being said, I do think the whole posting a video on her page that refutes her note and basically embarrasses her in the same forum she used to disrespect her family is pretty good.  Subtract the laptop destruction and I think its a pretty good punishment/lesson.

My name ... is Tim

February 21st, 2012 at 2:13 PM ^

Look, I get the "KIDS THESE DAYS! RABBLE RABBLE!" sentiment behind supporting the father in question. Should a daughter post complaints about her family, specifically her parents on facebook? No. First, as a facebook user, there's nothing worse than that person who just uses facebook to talk about how crappy their life is. We get it, parents are like, so totally unfair. Most people have experienced that feeling, and no one cares. Secondly, I personally would never denigrate any family member or close friend of mine publicly like that. Maybe that's just me. So do I understand the people who take a negative attitude towards the daughter? Yes.

However, I think both parties end up looking stupid. First of all, the whole "Parents are so unfair!" thing is a complaint that's been around forever. Maybe kids didn't put their parents on blast on the internet before recently, but that's only because they couldn't before. Kids would just tell everyone at school (or wherever) how (perceivably) crappy their parents were as opposed to write in online. I think a lot of the support for the Dad is fueled by some cross-generational contempt that to me is unwarranted and silly. More importantly though, as a mature adult, the father completely misses the boat by attempting to teach his daughter a lesson by pulling the exact same stunt on her, except with the delightful addition of violent gunfire imagery. Grow up. Pulling your daugher aside and scolding her is perfectly fine, but starting an internet flame war with your child sets a terrible example and just makes you look like a short-tempered buffoon.

a2_electricboogaloo

February 21st, 2012 at 2:13 PM ^

And I personally think the dad shooting the laptop was a just—albeit overdramatic (maybe thats where the daughter gets it from)—punishment.  She did not pay for the laptop, so it's not like he was destroying something she bought with her own money.  I think the kicker is that she has been grounded for a couple months for something like this in the past, so she you think she would have learned the first time.

a2_electricboogaloo

February 21st, 2012 at 2:40 PM ^

I thought about it a little more, and the more I think about it, the more I have a problem with it.  I still the believe the punishment is acceptable, it might be a little extreme, but it is what it is.  However, the medium through which the punishment took place is stupid.

To think hypothetically, lets say you are the dad.  You just read your daughter complain about you in a very elaborate and public facebook post which listed all the things she's felt you've done wrong parenting her and how she is taken for granted.  You disagree with these and you're infuriated.  This is completely legitimate.  However, how do you rebute to her complaints.  You choose to make a youtube video, where you list all the things wrong that she has done wrong and how you are taken for granted.  It almost seems hypocritical.  He's responding with a public complaint with a public complaint of his own (followed by shooting her computer).

 I think, as a parent, there are much better ways to deal with this.  I still think he has legitimate points.  Had he simply reprimanded her/grounded her/shot her computer, in a less public way then I think he would be right.  However, to do so publicly is him more or less doing the same thing that his daughter did.

I think that the video has gotten such a positive response, particularly from parents, is because it's a fantasy that so many parents have wanted to do, but it remains a fantasy because it's something they should not do.

m goblue

February 21st, 2012 at 2:14 PM ^

Assuming what the dad says is true about the daughter being lazy then I'd say its fair to say both the dad and daughter are in the wrong.

The daughter for being lazy and the dad for overreacting and going about things the wrong way.  Being strict is one thing but this type of public humiliation is over the top.

JHendo

February 21st, 2012 at 2:14 PM ^

Sure...I'll humor you.  I thought it was completely over the line.  Every kid trashes their parents until they're old enough to understand how stupid that is, and that's never going to stop until the end of time.  Heck, I'd put my money down that he did it when he was a teen, just of course not in the way kids today do.  But now, he's made his daughter a target of ridicule of millions online as well as the hundreds she's encounters in person.

However, at the end of the day, he admitted, in his own words, "the punishment didn't fit the crime."  At least he recognizes that.  This ended up being nothing more than a fantasy many parents want to play out, but probably shouldn't ever actually do.  I wish I could say this video will serve as a warning to kids to be careful what they say online, but pretty much it is nothing more than a sneezing panda-esque viral video...except it's at the expense of his daughter.  As someone who is not yet a parent, yet 10 years past my idiot high schooler days, I again decree this as over the line, but good for a laugh.

Hardware Sushi

February 21st, 2012 at 2:26 PM ^

Everyone in this looks dumb.

Immature kid for posting that about her parents in public. The stuff she complains about isn't really that bad anyway. She's upset she had to get her Dad a coffee and clean the house?

Stupid dad for shooting a laptop...I won't even get too far into this one but Jesus give it to charity or something. You can shoot beer bottles, cans, etc. I think this goes double when you spend half of the video talking about how much time you spent fixing it. At this point, he not only 'taught her a lesson' but wasted his own time.

I guess it comes down to this: If a Dad thinks shooting a computer is the best way to reach his kid, I suppose I can see why a teenager may not communicate well with her parents.

EDIT: Also, she didn't do anything as bad as this

switch26

February 21st, 2012 at 2:21 PM ^

Facebook started when i was a junior in college.. back then only kid's who were in college were allowed to be on it.

 

I wish it didn't get so big, because that is the way it should of stayed..

 

I could give a shit about the video, because there are 1000's of these kind of videos online discussing parents and facebook monitoring etc..

 

Either way, the fact that this guy has so many views for this video mean's he is now making money off it..   So props to him

BOX House

February 21st, 2012 at 5:22 PM ^

I'm really glad that I didn't have Facebook when I was in high school. I would never have posted anything to this extreme, but I'm sure I would have posted a bunch of dumbass stuff. And I see it everyday from my littler cousins who are on Facebook - posting stuff they shouldn't be posting online. And I read all the time about another Facebook bullying incident around America. It's just not a positive outlet for anyone under the college level (although I know plenty of people over the age of 21 who post stuff just as idiotic as 15 year olds do).