The big reach strategy, become the Vest and lose for a while

Submitted by iawolve on November 19th, 2009 at 12:07 PM

I think I need less coffee and to stop obsessing over this game. As many of you have, I have reached the conclusion that the chance of winning is slim by looking at the performance of our last four games. Our defense brings a nerf ball to a gun fight in the second half, the offense gets adjusted to and stalls out. Doing what we have been doing has not worked, here is the alternative.

Step 1: Abandon our Offense as we know it
Go into a running the ball conservative shell, bleed the clock, do not hurry up. Hell, bring Lloyd on the sideline next to RR for tips. There will be nothing to adjust to and our fans will probably be booing. Try to keep the score close, but ideally be losing by a touchdown at halftime. The Vest is happy with close games and typically responds in kind by constricting the offense to not make mistakes, he didn’t even try to win in regulation against Iowa with 2:30 on the clock for fear of having to pass. So, we appease the Vest. This also assumes we continue with a solid defensive first half.

Step 2: Make the third quarter the fastest on record
Don’t call a time out, don’t pass, I would be happy with a punting clinic from both while we limit our chances to score, but also limit their chances to score as well. It goes against the idea on actually wanting more touches to decrease effects from a bad play or turnover, but damn, the numbers do not lie about getting crushed in the second half. At this point, the Vest should be thinking happy thoughts about eating oatmeal and warm buttery toast as a child at the kitchen table as points are not scored.

Step 3: Tell Smithers to unleash the hounds in the fourth quarter
Ideally we are still within a score, so pull out every exotic play we can think of. Usher Lloyd back up to the press box and bring Beilein down to teach gunslinging. At his point, warm buttery toast leaves the Vest’s head as the horror of Pryor throwing the ball enters. The fourth quarter becomes a shoot out and we roll the dice against TP. The OSU offense is like an old heavyweight fighter that sort of leans on you until you wear out at the end of the game, at this point, make them punch to see if they accidentally open up.

Of course, this is far from perfect and near retarded. It also probably requires Murdoch to land the helicopter on the pressbox while B.A. shoots a few thousand rounds at the field unbelievably not hitting anybody while Hannibal and Face drive off with Herron and Saine in the van, thereby decimating the OSU backfield, but like I said, nothing else has been working lately. I have a hard time expecting a different result otherwise.

Comments

formerlyanonymous

November 19th, 2009 at 12:09 PM ^

I think I need less coffee and to stop obsessing over this game.

Yes.

Of course, this is far from perfect and near retarded. It also probably requires Murdoch to land the helicopter on the pressbox while B.A. shoots a few thousand rounds at the field unbelievably not hitting anybody while Hannibal and Face drive off with Herron and Saine in the van, thereby decimating the OSU backfield, but like I said, nothing else has been working lately.

Yes.

Entertaining none the less.

maizenbluenc

November 19th, 2009 at 12:39 PM ^

Actually, I like this strategy -- kind of ala USC in the Jan 07 Rose Bowl, slog it out on the ground in 1H, then open up a whole new game plan in 2H. The problem is Minor is either out or far from 100%. Grady??

DesHow21

November 19th, 2009 at 1:04 PM ^

After him, I have no problems with Grady. Not sure if a barely healthy Brown will make an impact against the bucknuts. Shaw, well hans't done anything to merit a "OMG how could he be overlooked!" reaction. Shaw could be a Heisman candidate next year or a 3rd string backup and neither would surprise me.

The FannMan

November 19th, 2009 at 1:23 PM ^

I have this mental image of the A-Team van being dropped from a helicopter over the press box and landing unharmed (of course) on the field. B.A. rolls out and plays linebaker while the van proceeds to the OSU bench. Hannibal gets out and punches Tressel in the face while smoking a cigar. Face disappears down the tunnel with the OSU cheerleaders.

In reality, of course, our defense will have the major mistakes which even Tressel's offense wont miss. These big plays require us to score points.

Between praying our defense holds up or trusting our offense to score against OSU's defense, I guess I trust our offense more. Or maybe the A-Team thing.

Glutton

November 19th, 2009 at 1:24 PM ^

I have a vision- Two back set, Tate pitches to Denard who runs naked bootleg right, passing back across the field to open Vincent Smith. Good blocking, 25+ yard gain.