Ace Williams is in high school

Submitted by Brian on November 9th, 2013 at 1:09 AM

I really wish I didn't have to reiterate this, but since I've gotten a half-dozen emails about this transfer bullshit let me restate a few things:

1. ACE WILLIAMS IS IN HIGH SCHOOL. He signed up with an account here that I googled and traced back to a metro Detroit high school. He is 16. The last time this came up, he was 14. You'll note that his twitter bio pictures are re-appropriate male models.

In any case, the amount of insider information he has is zero. 

2. EVERYTHING HE STATES IS BASED ON EXTANT INTERNET RUMORS. I follow all this stuff very closely and his pattern is apparent: people start buzzing about random internet user X--previously mostly message boards, these days twitter--and this particular rumor was sourced from some dudes twitter account. 

3. HE IS NOT VERY HINGED EVEN FOR A 16 YEAR OLD. This is an email he sent the last time this came up and I exposed him.

Ace Williams <[email protected]>
9/22/11

 
to me

Fuck you asshole. I will kick your fucking ass. You and your retarded fats aunts that go to Michigan games in sect 4.

 

(I don't sit in 4.) The last time this happened, "Ace WIlliams" created a fake twitter feed for our Ace in which he tweeted at kids trashing Michigan because he was mad at being outed. 

4. "ACE WILLIAMS" needs help. If you suspect that you know this child, please get him the psychological help he needs.

5. He is not a source of information. This goes without saying, right? The reason all references to him get deleted is because you might as well be posting about the predictive capabilities of your farts. 

Comments

maizedandconfused

November 9th, 2013 at 9:00 AM ^

Biggest issue growing up is predicting your own farts... Some rules...

1. After a long night and a few cups of coffee never trust one.

2. If farting in an elevator make sure you are alone or with more than 1 other person.

3. It's possible to fart for longer than 15 seconds... Plan accordingly.

4. Crop dusting is acceptable

mGrowOld

November 9th, 2013 at 6:03 AM ^

My fat ass brother and me will be sitting in section 4 today along with the wife. He's got a beard so I'm pretty sure Ace won't mistake him for your aunt but what about my wife jill? You don't suppose Ace will think she's your aunt and will try and kick her ass do you?
I'm telling you right now-first high school kid who gets near us IS GOING DOWN!

B-Nut-GoBlue

November 9th, 2013 at 4:09 AM ^

This is fu**ing hilarious.

Also, I can see a scenario playing out where a/the mod(s) wakes up in a few hours and gets on here to start the morning "look over", sees his thread and says to himself "Oh jesus, now what, nothing like nerfing threads about forbidden douche bags first thing in the morning on Gameday.." and then realizing what this actually is, and "ohhh, well I'll be damned".

UMgradMSUdad

November 9th, 2013 at 4:12 AM ^

There's a perfect negative coorelation between my farting and having sex with my wife.  I'd say that's pretty damn predictive. Should I go ahead and start a thread about it? 

UMgradMSUdad

November 9th, 2013 at 4:12 AM ^

There's a perfect negative coorelation between my farting and having sex with my wife.  I'd say that's pretty damn predictive. Should I go ahead and start a thread about it? 

MGoShoe

November 9th, 2013 at 6:48 AM ^

...embarrassment of an internet loser be someone like DameFan? I'd take a completely unhinged homer who makes himself look like an idiot every week over a destructive, sociopathic child like Ace "McFarlin?" Williams

LSAClassOf2000

November 9th, 2013 at 6:56 AM ^

I suppose then that this is not the best time to share the Normalized Fart Chart, which I have graphed by meal and use to predict which foods I might want to avoid in a social setting. Needless to say, if I eat at Buffalo Wild Wings (for example), the model I have created says, "Just go home...just go". 

In any case, I was in a conversation about his "sources" on Twitter, and it struck me that Ace Williams must get his stuff from someone like this (thanks to the person that actually went to the trouble and made it):

bokee88

November 9th, 2013 at 7:04 AM ^

This is a kid. He clearly has caused some trouble on the board but let's not push him over the edge. He really does have some issues. When Brian suggested Ace needs psychological help, I agree. This kid probably does need some medical attention. Unfortunately he probably will never get it.

Bombadil

November 9th, 2013 at 7:57 AM ^

Wow, this is crazy. All because of a hack blogger there's a ton of SEC schools wondering if they'll be able to poach "highly recruited" Michigan player X...

Can a high schooler be sued for defamation?