2017 UM Football Events, and Parallel Universe Results

Submitted by Unfiltered Manball on August 26th, 2017 at 2:05 PM

Late last night- after an epic duel of survival with a 30-pack of Hamm's- I entered a semi-conscious state and foreseen all that would occur this season, as well as our parallel universe.  The actions and outcomes in our universe effect our parallel existence. Many of you know of this unseen reality, and many comments, posts and fashion threads indicate many of our community currently live in this alternate dimension.

If you have also seen into the future and the consequences they will bring to the parallel universe (PU)- by all means- share with all of  us please!

What was foreseen last night:

UM: Fall camp concludes with no injuries.

PU result:  20 Notre Dame players sidelined for their opener due to severe purple face rash and head lice.

UM: Defeats Florida by 21 points.  The Michigan Marching Band plays the "Jaws" theme song after every failed Florida 3rd down conversion.

PU result: State of Florida marine biologists unable to explain enormous gathering of "noticeably agitated "sharks near Jim McElwain's coastal beach house.

UM: Michigan struggles to beat Air Force again, leading many angry fans to question "Why did we play this team again?"

PU result: Lurid details and internet photos surface of Dave Brandon in compromising positions with a giant macaroni noodle

UM: Shuts out Michigan State, 35-0.

PU result: Mike D'antonini fired.  Hollwood has-been and MSU alumni Robert Urich named coach.

UM: During the 4th quarter of a 66-0 schellacking of Rutgers, Jim Harbaugh goes ballistic on the officating crew for poorly spotting the ball on a 4th and 1 play.

PU result: Rutgers coach Chris Ash makes direct eye contact with a sideline offical and is immediately taken to mid-field and beheaded.

UM: To the delight of a packed Big House and fans everywhere, Michigan defeats Ohio State, 34-20.

PU result: Columbus is safe and peaceful.  The state becomes a beacon of higher learning.  Deodorant and toothpaste sales soar.

Thank you.


Moms- feel free to move to diary if needed





August 26th, 2017 at 2:17 PM ^

I like what your booze-fueled premonition showed you. And as we all know about booze-fueled premonitions, they come true most of the time!!


August 26th, 2017 at 3:56 PM ^

Have you never seen a Florida football game on TV? UF's marching band traditionally plays the Jaws theme as a stand tune throughout the game. They've been doing it for decades.

The song is supposed to represent a Gator sneaking up and attacking. But people outside of Gainsville have been pointing out for years that the song is from Jaws...gator does not equal shark. However, the band continues to play it.

Only now does that song take on extra meaning. You're going to hear that song next weekend but it won't be played by the Michigan Marching Band. And that's hilarious.


August 26th, 2017 at 4:23 PM ^

In the 90's when the media was having thousands of orgasms over Steve Spurrier and Florida football, Gameday once did a whole feature on the Gator chomp...because it was apparently so cool that it deserved it's own segment.  They had football players teaching it and the song was playing in the background.  Even as a teenager at the time, I was like, "But...that song is about a shark."