Why we will win on Saturday

Submitted by Lordfoul on September 24th, 2008 at 9:48 PM

Ok, so I get that we have no right feeling good about this team or our chances of beating a top ranked opponent.  So says the MSM and especially those of the Drew Sharp ilk.  I believe that all of the "negative nancys" out there have it wrong in the case of Wisconsin.  There are several reasons and I intend to set down my toddy and enlighten you all.  My impeccable reasoning and internet access combine to yield the following:

Badgers are fearless creatures!

http://www.archers-friend.com/badgers.html

Yes my friends, at first glance my search seemed to doom our team in its upcoming contest.  The headline seems to give us cause to fear the Badgers we will meet on Saturday.  But further investigation revealed the following:

"Except for the wolverine, badgers are probably the most fearless and aggressive animal in North America for it's size. The varmint is not as elusive as the wolverine."

Obviously this means McGuffie will have a field day, outshining the vaunted Badger runningbacks with his instinctive and unteachable "elusive" nature.  Meanwhile...

Topic: Interspecies Conflict - Subject: Badger vs. Wolverine

http://en.allexperts.com/q/Interspecies-Conflict-3754/2008/1/Badger-vs-Wolverine-1.htm

Yes, Wisky has a bruiser of a back in PJ Hill and they tend to run a "north-south" and "up the gut" sort of rushing attack.  This type of offense seems to be a problem for Michigan defenses to stop these days, but have no fear:

"Actually, Wolverine's have been known to kill Moose, and defeat Wolves in a one on one conflict.
Badger's are very aggressive yes, but they tend to be clumsy."

This means that those pesky nuances of "shedding blocks" and "filling holes" won't matter squat for our linebackers.  The Badger backs will simply fall at Ezeh and Co.'s feet, leaving them free to kill more moose than Sarah Palin.  Further evidence...

"This battle would consist of a blur of fur,claws, and teeth but the Wolverine being more aggressive, and stronger would probably be the one that comes out alive."

Another advantage to us, commonly known as the "Barwis Effect."  Of course if you poll the masses...

Resolved Question

Wolverine vs badger?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080114183909AAiQP5C

The question was raised on Yahoo and it was unanimous.  Wolverine win every time.  Of course you have to question the credentials of the posters here but who can argue with this logic?

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

Wolverine purely based on awesomeness. Aside from that the fact that Parker is wrong and he smells terrible.

Long story short no contest wolverine.

Arrrr!!!!

Source(s):

God.

When Mike Leach channels God as a source and reasons for a Michigan victory based on our "awesomeness" we must expect nothing short of success.  If this hasn't convinced you yet just check out this clip of a Wolverine taking on a Grey Wolf:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xfq_-oVkQcQ

That sums it up, Wolverines Rule!

GO BLUE!!!  Crush those clumsy Badgers!!!

 


 

Comments

2Blue4You

September 24th, 2008 at 10:38 PM ^

Bucky the Badger does seem clumsy. He almost looks as stupid as Brutus the... whatever that big headed thing from Ohio is. Speaking of Ohio, I saw Michigan sweep OSU in women's vball on the big ten network tonight. If you dont' care about Michigan, why did they write a song about it? And sing it over and over while showing they can spell their state's name? It is 4 fucking letters! GO BLUE