As I settled in to my Sunday morning routine of smoking a Cuban Cohiba Behike and drinking a coffee liberally flavored with Remy Martin’s Louis VIII’s Black Pearl, I had time to reflect on recent events. My mood is anxious and irritable as I write. Perhaps this is because the platinum bidet in the master suite is on the fritz and I had to use a barely serviceable gold plated bidet in one of my many guest rooms. More likely it is the state of the University of Michigan’s football team and their coaching staff.
Last week, from my swank and remote location and thanks to the interwebs, I was able to review the writing of my home area sports writers. These giants of sports writing, (Carty, Sharp, and others) provided insight into many problems at UoM. After reading these articles, several things were immediately apparent. The first being that the college football season had begun and Michigan had not won all of its games. The second was that Michigan had a new head football coach (why the national news media did not pick up this story is beyond me). The third thing that became clear was that the new coaching staff is not very good.
I have three areas of concern with the new coaching staff. First is the fanaticism of the strength and conditioning staff. They seem even to be regulating what the athletes consume. What gall to deny an offensive lineman a bedtime pizza or two. Have our seventh amendment rights gone by the wayside?!?!
My second concern is the poor recruiting. Michigan used to pwn Little Brother in this area. According to Detroit media, it seems Mark Dantonio has turned the tables on Michigan. In fact, UoM is nowhere to be found in the list of top five football classes for 2009. That will make two years in a row; something Lloyd Carr would never have tolerated.
My final concern came after viewing the Wisconsin game. I have heard reports that “family values” have declined at UoM. This was not evident when viewing the defense. When the offense took the field, it became apparent that these reports are true. The offensive players who were in the past emotionally close enough to hold hands, now position themselves at a greater distance from one another. They even seemed eager, in the first half, to give Wisconsin possession of the football so they could leave the field and get away from one another. The breakdown of “family values” was especially evident in the selfish play of the quarterback. Despite the fact that five good players are competing for playing time at tailback, Mr. Threet selfishly kept the ball for the longest run of the game. If he would have had the decency to hand the ball off, the play would have gone for a touchdown.
Add to these concerns the new coach’s comfort with breaking with tradition and the circumstances surrounding his departure from his previous job and I think it is obvious Michigan football is headed in the wrong direction. I say it is time to fire Mr. Rodriguez and hire a more stable and tradition oriented head coach. Perhaps we could lure Kirk Ferentz away from Iowa as they are having another poor season. Who’s with me?