Ute fans are insufferable

Submitted by hmmmmm on August 26th, 2008 at 2:30 PM

Intro: I normally rant about skiing, and realised after writing this that it has no place on my own site, so I've posted it here. Hopefully someone enjoys it.


Monday morning, I arrived at my office, as tired and bored as ever, and
began my week of pretending to work while whittling away minutes on the
internet. This routine normally sustains me through lunch time, when a
trip home with food provides a much needed break and I return
refreshed; ready to waste another 4 hours doing nothing on the
internet. Yet this Monday, as I flipped through the articles on my
news feed I was tossed into a real fright, not by tales of an avalanche
on Mt Blanc du Tacul
, but by the equally frightening prospect that
Michigan plays Utah on Saturday (this Saturday!?!?!) which has taken me
completely by surprise.

parents made sure that Michigan football is an integral part of my
being. For me, a brief story of how I became attached is pointless,
since I was a Michigan fan before I was able to even choose to be one
myself, I'm simply incapable of remembering a time when I felt
differently, lucky enough to haven season ticket holders for parents I
can't even remember my first game. I'm a Michigan fan because I always
have been. Part of that existence is every summer for as long as I
can remember, urged on by the hope of a glorious season, I've counted
down the days to the first game of the season, longing for the days
when saturdays would seem less pointless. Which, is why I'm so shocked
I allowed this game of such deep personal significance to sneak up on
I have a
degree from the University of Utah, which, like the title to my
$500 Subaru, certifies my ability to wade through a bureaucratic
nightmare. The five years I spent in Utah were like an afternoon wasted
at the DMV, a state of perpetual limbo where you're badgered by the
announced passing of numbers and your only option is to wait it out or
flee, so you can wait in the same line, again, on a different day. I
chose to get out of line and go skiing nearly ever day. Which
collectively are the still the best choices I've ever made.
So in no way
should I be surprised by the nearness of Saturday's game. Both habit
and circumstances should have had me ticking down the remaining days
since new years. Of all games, this is the last one that should be
sneaking up on me. But, after last year's Oregon game I retreated into
the world of european sports, mostly soccer. I'd been leaning that way
for years, and despite a history of absurd sporting optimism, that
double blow to open last season made me feel we were entering a long
dark chapter I didn't want to read. I found things familiar (that
gripping fear of impeding doom is as present in soccer as any other
sport) but much less personal (Michigan was never playing), everything
had a fresh novelty appeal (relegation) , and I learned things could
always have been worse, I could have been raised a Tottenham fan.
Still, addicted as always, I tuned in each Saturday for the Michigan
game, but retreated to my new sporting universe following each game.
kept up on the latest Michigan news, (usually through this site) but I
am now completely adrift of the American sports calender. I'm no
longer capable of forming opinions on baseball and basketball. ESPN,
once rivaling NPR as the background music of my house,
has disappeared from my TV. I've been extremely excited for
the beginning of the Rodriguez era, but it's always seemed as distant
in time as Michigan does physically, from my frosted home here in
Alaska. But no more, startled by, and admittedly ashamed of my near
neglect of the opening of football season I thought it necessary both
to get myself ready, and to pay for being ill-prepared I figured I'd
pen this little piece (that seems to have grown unmanageable) about why
Utah isn't just your generic opening opponent, but a team of the worst
kind, who should be despised as hated as more traditional rivals like
Notre Dame and Ohio State.
is a good place to start. Utah doesn't have any. Talk of the pre
Urban Meyer era is greeted about as kindly as questions regarding
the existence of certain gold plates. They'll tell you their
collective history, of both losing and being lost, doesn't matter, what
matters is that once you see the inside of Temple Square or Rice-Eccles
Stadium you'll see the truth. Unfortunately for them, the truth turns
out to be a seagull statue and a bunch of unenthusiastic plastic fans.
Oh, and a Boot, given to the winner of the BYU game each year.
applying for school I thought on two tracks, Alta and skiing. I didn't
even recognize that Utah had a football team. They hadn't played
Michigan, or any team we had played, or played in any game that had
affected Michigan in any way, or done anything of note for as long as I
could remember, and so to my mind they simply didn't exist. The Ute
football team never crossed my mind. I didn't even register
their existence until orientation, when, during the customary tour of
campus I remarked how the stadium seemed large for a small team, and a
snobby sorority girl with that your an idiot look that must a
qualification for membership sniped back, "small team, didn't you know,
we were like third in the Mountain West last year."
the time, I found her quip absolutely hysterical, and my attempts to suppress laughter for the duration of the tour made it,
as an exercise to learn my way around, completely worthless. It served
me well later on though when I attended my first game later that year.
It was mid season, and Utah was playing San Diego State. I hadn't
planned on going to the game, but when two friends stormed my room and
claimed they were going, I figured I might as well follow along, the
games were after all free. We wandered into the stadium, it was a
third full. Some people were wearing red, and there was a football
game going on, but no one really seemed to care. I hadn't been in my
seat for more then 10 minutes, before witnessing 4 interceptions. All
of them similar to Mallet's punt throw against Wisconsin. But despite
the ineptitude served up on the field, no one really seemed to care,
and everything progressed in the same cheery manner as before. The
events on the field were of no consequence to anyone. The game was
nothing more then a pageant to help pass the time before Sunday. I
valued my football Saturdays too much to waste on the Utes and left the
game midway through the second quarter to catch the Michigan - Purdue
kickoff, a game whose result people had an interest in. Which is
entirely the problem with Ute fans. They don't really care, any result
can be shrugged off. Gone is any semblance of drama, as the results
don't matter. The events aren't accompanied by any nervousness in the
stands, and the slow build up of tension between plays is completely
foreign to a Utah game. All that matters is that the team shows up
too provide the fans a few hours of pleasant distraction.
in Utah seem happy enough
, but it's likely just the anti-depressants.
Deep down their all afflicted by the same issue, fear
of irrelevancy. They don't believe Utah is given the credit it
deserves, and feel snubbed. There is this odd belief, that despite
Salt Lake City's smog, the lack of booze, or the fact the the entire
Wasatch front is a numbing expanse of strip malls resembling a southern
California closed on Sundays and without an ocean, Utah really is the
greatest. The state harbors a deep bitter resentment, which manifests
itself into a strange belief that they're only an Olympics, a few
Thursday night shuffle passes or an unbeaten season, away from
acceptance. But when that all passes, and your still without any
recognition, or victories against solid opponents, you continue to
acting like a fool in search of attention.
They behave
like your neighbor from childhood, who devoid of any talent, jumps
around waving his hands, only to get picked last, again and again, for
every game and every sport before eventually growing up to
be delusional, bitter, and a cop. They share the myopia and disconnect
of the missionaries at your door who grow confused when you laugh, as
you urge them back out the door they may mumble how you just don't get
it, or you simply haven't seen it yet, but the problem is that you do,
you have and that no matter how it may have came to pass you're really
not interested.
only two games in my first two years at the school I began attending
more games in my third year, when, with Urban Meyer coaching the team,
in a desperate bid for attention, they began playing every Thursday and
Friday nights. Not being a member of the MUSS (mormon/mighty Utah
student section) me and my drunken friends were forced to wander the
stadium nomadicaly from game to game. Drinking Pina Colladas with the
Cal fans being a particularly memorable game. Sitting in a family
section getting lectured for my language as I squirmed and yelled in
anger, wondering how Michigan could have lost to the horrible Oregon
team I was watching Utah dismantle is another particular fond memory.
The hype that grew through that first year and into the second season
of Urban revitalization was absurd. People were so defensive over the
teams questionable schedule that they began to feel like victims.
People didn't want to schedule them, because of the altitude. They
wanted to join the Pac-10, but they weren't wanted. It wasn't their
fault the Mountain West was so bad. All true, but stomping around in a
pout like a neglected skank was poor form. Instead of enjoying their
fluke season Ute fans spent the fall feeling slighted, and forgotten by
the second week of January. But fear not, Alex Smiths high draft
status and Meyer's success at Florida has since proven they were the
rightful MNC champs in 2004, despite not defeating a single decent team.

I've seen the Ute fans treat a modest victory against a .500 Pac Ten
team in some mid December bowl game as a title winning performance. In
2002 the Utah student paper treated scoring a touchdown against
Michigan as an amazing achievement. So have no doubt the Utes will
enter Saturday's game in a similar mood to Appalachian State last year,
pegging all their hopes on this singular chance to make an impression
on the national stage. But Appalachian State had 1-AA Championships to
occupy itself, Utah has none of that. The Michigan game will be the
sole game of interest they play in this year, before returning to the
usual Mountain West dross of TCU and UNLV. And Ute fans, with their
deep rooted sense of neglect, will treat a victory against a rebuilding
Michigan as the great conquest of a super power by the plucky
underdogs, and will forever use it as evidence of their team being
better then they're given credit for.

So please Michigan, put the Utes back in their place Saturday and allow
me to hope for a successful season for at least the first few weeks.
I'll understand if it all goes pear shaped later on, growing pains are
inevitable this season, but giving the Utes the taste of glory they
crave would be a horrible blow to us all.



August 26th, 2008 at 4:17 PM ^

I live in Utah , and I hate University of Utah and their fans!!! They are the biggest bandwagon fans ever. All they ever talk about is Urban Meyer and 2004. They are cocky and believe they are entitled to respect. They have no football tradition! Yet they talk as if they deserve to be in the Pac 10 because they had one good year. I would love to see us shut up these stupid fans and their cocky players. I will never ever ever hear the end of it if Utah beats Michigan.

Blue Durham

August 26th, 2008 at 9:33 PM ^

Its a good one, but my personal favorite is the "all schools not named Michigan suck" meme.  Seems to be an ongoing topic here.

Perhaps someone can enlighten me as to where and how in the world did the baseless "Michigan Arrogance" (or as old MSU coach put it "the arrogant asses in Ann Arbor") ever come to be?


August 27th, 2008 at 12:19 AM ^

I agree, every fanbase has a right to cheer for their team.  Everyone drinks their own Kool-Aid no matter what color, maize and blue included.  I just have no respect for Utah...now they are a rival for me because I graduated from BYU.  As much as I hate Ohio State and their fans, I can respect them and their program (for the most part), which is more than I can say about Utah...I'm sure a lot of it has to do with me still being in Utah.


August 27th, 2008 at 10:40 AM ^

Have you seen the family guy episode where brian tells stewie "yeah? well you know what stewie? If you don't like it, go on the internet and complain" ? Because (and no the irony is not lost on me) I think you're exactly the type he was referring to...


August 27th, 2008 at 10:46 AM ^

tigersjunkie said it best...it's because they live in utah...how would you like to live in columbus or something? I'm sure you would find the Buckeyes pretty fucking annoying. Don't the ND fans down there in Chicago bug the shit outta you? I'm not saying theres no bias -- of course there's bias...but THIS IS A MICHIGAN BLOG, it's gonna happen


August 26th, 2008 at 9:51 PM ^

tl;dr: utah sucks, you aren't allowed to enjoy your football team unless they have been basically awesome for 100 years, fandom needs to be validated by success, you are lame if you don't cheer for one of the 20 established power programs

Champ Summers

August 27th, 2008 at 9:23 AM ^

From the Utah contingent is not their insistence that they have a football team that could win this game... but rather the seemingly complete void of any kind of discussion beyond that hope. The reasoning that I've seen thus far out of Utah fans are the following: 2002 was a close game and that team was less talented... and that has bearing on this year's contest how exactly??? That and the always classic use of the transitive property: this Utah team is better than App State. I won't begin to launch into my tirade against that blatant crime against reason and logic, but suffice to say that there's been enough noise from that side to merit some annoyance from us Maize and Blue folk.

chitownblue (not verified)

August 27th, 2008 at 11:38 AM ^

I work with ND fans, MSU fans, plenty of Illinois fans, and a bunch of Wisconsin fans. And you know what? For the most part, they are all perfectly fine people.

rainy day

August 27th, 2008 at 2:06 PM ^

which has nothing to do what so ever with the point at hand. Hmmmm never claimed all other fans were lame, and not once did he praise Michigan fans in anyway.

Travelling to Utah for work I can see where it comes from. Utah is a very sterile place. The university is a very quite place, where most students commute. The fans reflect this.

That said he wandeed a bit, and didn't really describe the faceless identity of Ute fans, and instead spends most his time making digs at mormonism. Where the BYU fans have a clear identity, forged from the unique experience of their school, Utah fans are broken into various groups, the "we aren't mormon" contingent, or the "SLC Pride!!!!" faction.

Good mention of the seagull statue though, how the sky rat could be a state bird is a joke.

chitownblue (not verified)

August 27th, 2008 at 2:06 PM ^

rainy day, the comment is more directed at the fact that virtually everytime we play anyone, someone starts talking about how horrible their fans are.

rainy day

August 27th, 2008 at 2:47 PM ^

I find it funny that the post was called out as typical of Michigan's arrogance, by posters posing with this faux stoicism of, "as Michigan fans we should be above belittling the opponents fans," which is the definition of arrogance.  A little hostility between fan bases keeps helps create some atmosphere, I don't see what the problem is.

Blue Durham

August 27th, 2008 at 4:11 PM ^

"posters posing with this faux stoicism of, "as Michigan fans we should be above belittling the opponents fans," which is the definition of arrogance"  

No, its not the definition of arrogance, its just not being obnoxious.  And when not done with good-natured humor, its quite tedious.  I don't see the need to belittle opponents fans as others seem to, and all too often it is done seriously and an air of superiority. 

"A little hostility between fan bases keeps helps create some atmosphere, I don't see what the problem is"  

Yeah, look how good that works in European football/no thanks.

chitownblue (not verified)

August 27th, 2008 at 2:55 PM ^

Strawman alert - no one actually said what you're attributing to us. I never said "we should be above" shit. Nor did anyone else.


August 27th, 2008 at 3:55 PM ^

I agree with rain man above, bashing the other teams ______ is part of what makes the competition so much fun. Every program that's not totally lame like Duke or something talks smack about their opponents. Like there hasn't been plenty of smack about WFV on this blog over the last few months. I'm sure our opponents say similar things about us, bashing our state, calling us nerds (MSU) or whatever generalization they want. It makes it interesting, it's funny, and unless it's completely tasteless, should continue.