Upton Sinclair Blushing, While David and Goliath Embark On Journey of Self Discovery

Submitted by jhackney on August 27th, 2012 at 12:43 AM

Some say the blobs on the beach of Mobile can be chalked up to the tar balls BP donated. In reality, it was the stain and sludge finally surfacing and left behind when Nick Saban crawled upon the shores of Alabama.  The man has an automatic “Montgomery Burns” edition of automatic doors and a whole other string of players on medical redshirts. There is no doubt that after this essence of evil was suppressed by a lackluster program on the banks of the Cedar, his bad voodoo has been in full force. He has humiliated and tortured other teams in his conquest of the NCAA.



The man has a disgraceful persona so heavy that even he cannot celebrate his biggest wins. He retires to his lair and begins the planning of world domination after every game in the belly of a Greyhound bus. Michigan is coming from a complete different 270 degree position where they have not had the luxury of enjoying the knee knocking fear displayed on their opponent's face, but instead this once great program that suffered a great civil war and limped along in life. Then a man of mutant stature Hoke emerged from the killing fields of many MGoBlogger meltdowns, détente treaties, radioactive topics that were not safe to traverse in conversation, and a hungry loyal following. Jimmy Carter got booted for a said malaise in the country, as did another southern gentleman by the name of Rich Rodriguez for a football program in the same state.

What followed was thought to be as possible as Luxembourg touting a basketball team in the Olympics to defeat the U.S. Dream Team II. Regardless of the impossible odds of an 11 win season and a Sugar Bowl victory, Michigan did it. The offense had more control of the offense as to sustain lasting drives and the defense look as if they did cage fighting over the previous summer with Liam Neeson to toughen their resolve and TUFFness. As the season progressed, the team, the team, the team began to congeal into a deadly opportunistic football team. GoBo finally shaped the offense around Nard Dog’s strengths along with taking some pressure off him with a respectable running game. The juggernaut in a pumpkin carriage capitulated with a defensive victory over a team that would have taken Michigan behind the woodshed in years prior. The sugar poured, and the people roared.


My only logical and reasonable reasoning comes from last year’s Penn State and Alabama game. Alabama wasn’t coming off a National Championship, but heading into one.  Given that Penn State was a heavy underdog in the souls of the Nittany Lion hearts same time last year, some of the more “hope for the best, prepare for the worst” crowd in Ann Arbor can relate to the angst and guttural fear of being more meat in the Saban grinder. Although Alabama controlled most of the game, the beating wasn’t as severe as once thought. Penn State suffered through the pain of dying a thousand paper cuts. Michigan’s offense is arguably much more dynamic and able to strike than the Penn State team of a year ago. There are some questions of holes being filled on the O-line and receiving corps. There is also a numbing knowledge of an almost certainly suspended Toussaint that could put the responsibility of winning the game on the lone shoulders of D-Nard. This could lead to the irisless peepers of the Crimson Tide defense on the same person.  On defense, the anticipation of how well the D-Line will do without Mike Martin anchoring the buffet busters of 2011 is at its peak. There are glimmering prospects with Will Campbell taking advantage of a Groupon coupon to the Barwis Boot Camp training. The senior is a story in the making of a senior that finally gets what his place is in the team and becomes a one man tsunami on the defensive line. Craig Roh may also get to show that he saved the best for last.



With all the potential outcomes, I think it will boil down to a Michigan team with some questions on replacing key players and possibly being in a unfortunate position of actually having to deal with the new feeling of having a high bar that came unexpectedly last season. Can Michigan focus on having a whole new year ahead of them with the loss of an “us vs. the world” mentality they used as tacklin fuel last year? Can the holes be filled with the unknown and compete at an equal or even better level? These things will be made perfectly clear September 1st, 2012. I do think it is entirely possible for Michigan to catch a rusty and hungover Alabama team with stellar performances by their own offense and defense and pull a wet dream of an upset. But this is Alabama. Premier, Nikolas Saban at the helm. The man has created a machine that even would make Neo pee a little. It is for this reason of shadowy practices and ESS EEE SEE culture of moral fortitude in following every loophole that allows me to believe that a valiant attempt will come up short to the meat processing plant built in the West Nile infested swamp of Tuscaloosa, Alabama.  It will however, be the very circumstance in where being wrong is much better than being right.







August 27th, 2012 at 5:28 AM ^

Hiroshima seems to have recovered, sorry you still haven't. Negged for the use of a RR tag in August 2012. What does RR have to do with Saban being a cheater or whether you think Alabama is beatable?

Sextus Empiricus

August 27th, 2012 at 10:14 AM ^

No pictures from Hiroshima please...Football is fun.  Hiroshima was not fun.  Hiroshima has not recovered... it has endured.  Let's not contrast pictures... it won't be and isn't pretty.

This critique is more directed to the OP. I see the style but the points are as over the top as the analogies.


August 28th, 2012 at 11:55 PM ^

Have you ever been to Hiroshima? I have and the only people at the memorial were American tourists. It's like it never happened. If you don't believe me, ask any Japanese person who was born in the last 70 years. The war is about as relevant to their identity as the French and Indian War is to the average American.

Sextus Empiricus

August 30th, 2012 at 1:47 AM ^

Yes I have been to Hiroshima.  I lived in Japan for 3 years.  Yes it is a site for American tourism - for a damn good reason.  Agree with your take on Japanese identity? - no I do not. 

The Japanese are odd.  They bought our scrap and shot it down our throats.  They fanatically fought for their Emperor in WWII without overt provocation from the US.  They castrated our dead in dehumanizing fashion.  They turned around and  worshiped McArthur after the war ended.  They assimilated Kaizen from William Edwards Deming.  They love Jazz.  They emulate western aesthetics but are serious xenophobes.

To say that Hiroshima and Nagasaki do not mean much to them now is weak IMO but not without superficial basis in the putty that is Japanese culture and ipseity.  People suffered there and endured.  How they express it now is not for a gaigene to comprehend.  My father didn't talk about fighting in Okinawa that much but I think he told me more than his Japanese brethren shared with their sons.

To use the material glitz of the recovered Hiroshima skyline juxtposed to the cratered desolation that preceded it to analogize a post RR UM Football world is FUBAR.  Making this comparison is misguided.

The French and Indian War brought us Ohio BTW with the creation of military roads that greatly increased the settlement of future Div I talent.  It also brought us Cajun and Zydeco music, culture and most importantly food.  Louisiana does produce more NFL talent than any other state per capita... I'm just saying.




August 27th, 2012 at 5:42 AM ^

Your style reminds me of Hunter S. Thompson. I always enjoy your perspective. I agree that we are already victorious. We have won the culture war, with luck that will translate to a win on the battlefield. 


August 27th, 2012 at 9:22 AM ^

go to the Rose Bowl. I am hoping they dedicated their summer to beating Bama, and going to the Rose Bowl, and now that comes to fruition.

I will say, even under Rich, these guys did well out of the box in game 1. So I am hopeful all this locking down the fort really pays off on Saturday night.

Go Blue!


August 27th, 2012 at 10:14 AM ^

Sentence is the history of mankind:

"Then a man of mutant stature Hoke emerged from the killing fields of many MGoBlogger meltdowns, détente treaties, radioactive topics that were not safe to traverse in conversation, and a hungry loyal following."

My meltdowns caused me to never last beyond halftime in the Big House during the three-year tenure or terror of RR.

Blog on Hackney while in semi-control of chemical inputage.