The Unanimous Declaration of the mgoblog Community

Submitted by mfan_in_ohio on March 29th, 2010 at 12:47 AM
When in the course of sporting events it becomes necessary for fans to dissolve the bands which have connected them with another, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Michigan men are created superior, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Wins.  When a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. Such has been the patient sufferance of these MgoBloggers; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present Angry Michigan BLANK Hating God is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the destruction of our MgoSouls. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, most notably those involving blowing of whistles at appropriate times.

He has provided Michigan opponents with miraculous successes, while allowing Michigan to fall just short of such successes.

For imposing Losses on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Competent Referee:

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

We, therefore, the MgoCommunity, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good Fans of Michigan, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Fans are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Angry Michigan BLANK Hating God, and that all political connection between them and the Angry Michigan BLANK Hating God, is and ought to be totally dissolved.



March 29th, 2010 at 12:50 AM ^

Sign your name so he can see it without his spectacles. Remember, he's freaking huge. Fortunately for you, I have a comically huge pen you can use... now where did I put it?


March 29th, 2010 at 12:57 AM ^

I pledge allegiance
to the blog
of the united tubes of the internets
And to the responses, which make us laugh
One fanbase, under Rod, divisible
with misery and dong punch for all


March 29th, 2010 at 1:09 AM ^

I've got to uprate this for the speed of the re-write.

Slightly melodramatic (from the guy who said after the goal there is no God, truth, justice, or the American way), so I'm not sure what else so say but...


The Bugle

March 29th, 2010 at 1:56 AM ^

This is awesome. I thought we were breaking free from the Mgo community at first. And I was like, shitm Brian is going to be pissed. But, I was happy to see that it was not independence from Brian, but from the evil god who has plagued us for too long.

I have no qualms with giving a huge FUCK YOU to you AMBHG. If I could I would sign my name with a flourish that made John Hancock stop and say, "Damn, kid has balls"


Resolution #1:

Banish all Michigan-hating gods.

Import metric ass-tons of 100% Pure Colombian Awesome.


March 29th, 2010 at 11:05 AM ^

Awwww, you ended before getting into the laundry list of King George complaints.

I always imagined Jefferson, Adams and Franklin sitting around in a Philadelphia meeting house on a particularly hot June day, in the Committee Meeting of Committee Meetings, just naming off things George could be accused of...

Jefferson: C'mon guys, this is not that hard. What else can we blame King George for?

Adams: Um, we could mention that he made Canada.

Franklin: Very good, John. Canada indeed sucks. We could totally blame him for Canada.

Adams: Yeah. Fuck Canada.

Jefferson: How about "For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies"

Adams: You forgot the bad beer.

Franklin: Most certainly. Add "...and their beer sucks."

Jefferson: "...and their beer sucks." -- You know New York is just gonna axe that part, though.


March 29th, 2010 at 11:59 AM ^

God, in his infinite wisdom, gave those so-called referees free will to become referees and demonstrate the ability to screw up massively and so demonstrate to the world that referees are flawed creatures with an infinite ability to err massively.

So, quit complaining about God and start focusing on the men who wear stripped shirts who prove the fallibility of man!


March 29th, 2010 at 1:09 PM ^

The pattern is obvious. This was not the first time that this mistake cost the hockey team, not just in this game, but over the course of the season. They were part of an overall plan to bring Michigan fans to the point of celebration and yet lead them inevitably to despair.

We need to overthrow Angry Michigan BLANK Hating God and reach out to the Surprisingly Benevolent Michigan BLANK Tolerating God as we did in 1995, the year after the Kordell Stewart Hail Mary. That year started with Mercury Hayes against Virginia and ended with a Frozen Four Championship.


March 29th, 2010 at 3:51 PM ^

are obviously still endowing their faithful with brilliance, wit and the ability to use these victories to conquer all else that is thrown our way by any lesser, pettier dieties who have failed us.


April 22nd, 2010 at 8:58 PM ^

I'm looking forward to the Constitutional Convention.

wait, Articles of Confederation first? I don't remember. I think Yost was still coaching back then.