Ugly Game of the Week - Bowl Preview Special

Submitted by stubob on December 7th, 2010 at 2:44 PM

I sadly put the column back on the shelf for another season, but first look forward to the upcoming bowl season with the usual eye towards the lopsided, shorthanded, or just plain visually offensive. But first:

Last Week
Nothing exciting happened in the Big East, which actually shouldn't be that noteworthy given the rest of the season. So instead, we'll review the Arizona/Arizona State debacle. In the first half, nothing happened. Well, lots happened, just very little of it was good. Two field goals, maybe seven first downs, and 14 punts worth of "action." In the second half, Arizona managed a 14-6 lead but gave up two FGs in a long day of FGs and ASU's lone TD to fall behind 14-20. Arizona scored a late TD, but had the extra point blocked to tie at 20-20 and go into overtime. Both teams traded FGs in the first OT, and ASU scored first in the second OT. Arizona scored a TD as well, but had their second extra point blocked, giving the win to Arizona State.

Bowl Preview

The "Racial Integration is a State Right" Bowl, aka the BBVA Compass Bowl, brings us Pitt versus Kentucky. Kentucky has beaten everyone they should have beaten, and lost to everyone they should have lost to. Wins: Louisville, Western Kentucky, Akron, Charleston Southern, and Vandy. Losses: Florida, Mississippi, Auburn, Georgia, MissState, Tennessee to finish 6-6. They do have the win against South Carolina but managed only one more conference win. Pitt, was two Big East-shenanigans games away from a BCS bowl, even though they lost to both of the teams that they would have moved a head of. The best thing I can say about Pitt is that they're not better than UConn or West Virginia.

The New Mexico Bowl is the "Someone gets to be over .500" Bowl for the second year running, pitting BYU against UTEP in the Alphabet Soup game of the week. UTEP limped in with a 3-5 record in Conference USA. They ended their season with a loss to Tulsa and also have a loss to Tulane on their record. BYU has first week win against Washington and a season-ending close loss to Utah to bookend their season.

I propose some sort of playoff between the winners of the Meineke Car Care Bowl, the MAACO Las Vegas Bowl, and the Autozone Liberty Bowl to play for some sort of "Symbol of the American Economy - Rusted-out Car On Blocks" Trophy. Oh right, I forgot, there already is one:

The "Great Game - 20 Years Ago" Bowl is a toss-up between Florida v Penn State and Notre Dame v Miami. Florida and Penn State are both "offensively challenged," Penn State and walk-on QBs moreso. Miami has been bi-polar all season, so it's anybody's guess as to which team will show up: the one that beat Maryland and Pitt, or the one that lost to USF and Virginia.

The "Perseverance in the Face of Insurmountable Odds aka The Bunny in a Chipper-Shredder" award is between Michigan State against Alabama, or UConn against Oklahoma. Both of these games look like the results of picking sides for a game at recess: both teams are left standing in their Horace Grant glasses, knee socks and bony white elbows. "I had UConn last time!" And yeah, I don't care that State is ranked higher. Alabama is the 5th ranked scoring defense. It's going to look like this:

So goodnight until next season, and now maybe I'll get a chance to work on the OSU UFR.

Comments

Hemlock Philosopher

December 8th, 2010 at 10:57 AM ^

I always enjoy the humor of this diary, Stubob, and trying to come up with a little funny of my own.

The good thing about UAB is that their football team is so bad that we don't have to see their MOBA jerseys in the bowls.  But that makes the Hello Kitty Kitsch Bowl so much harder to pick.  This season BYU - UTEP picks up the slack.  No one outside of Oregon has the knack to turn something classic into kitsch quite like BYU (and Nike wearing teams).

Irony can also play into the definition of an ugly game.  How ironic is it that poultry Louisville and Southern Miss are playing in the beef bowl?  Perhaps this is why the birds are angry on my iPhone.  Shouldn't they be in the Chick fil-a corporate monstrosity bowl.  More fitting teams would have been Texas and Buffalo... Oh wait, they're not eligible for anything outside of the toilet bowl.

One may ask why the DVDA (HT: EDSBS) Compass Bowl is on January 8th (if they cared).  Answer:  They lost direction and ended up in Briminham on January 8th when they were supposed to be in Gary IN on December 18th.  The Inane Bowl: Who cares versus Who Cares, when ever and where ever.  I had to throw $50 on Pitt -2.5 just to spark interest.