Prepare to eat these words

Submitted by SFBayAreaBlue on August 14th, 2008 at 11:43 AM

I'm so sick of hearing the same tired and flawed arguments over and over again. I'm sick of educating trolls one point at a time. Instead I'm just going to throw out everything here and post links to this diary post.

I guarantee we will not go 3-9 this year like ND last year.

I guarantee we will not go 3-8 like WVU did in RR's first year (2001).

And anyone who wants to put their wallet where their brain farts are can send me email at [email protected] I'll wager 100,000 KRW against your measly 1,000 USD. Any takers?

We will win 4 games or more this year, and here's why:

  • Miami, Toledo, Northwestern, Minnesota
  • Charlie Weis forgot to teach fundamentals, RR has repeatedly stressed fundamentals
  • Head Coaching Experience. When RR was hired by WVU he had never been a head coach of a division one program before.
  • Recruiting. Even in the transition year we pulled in a higher ranked class than nearly all of our opponents.
  • Defense. ND had none.
  • 5 of the first 6 games are at home, including a bye week, the second road game isn't until October 18
  • Your head coach sucks (unless you are a bucknut). The big ten has a terrible lineup of coaches. There's the cryptkeeper and his son, the retiring walrus, the guy that got ran out of florida, the guy who was hired as emotional salve when the real coach died, the guy who went 1-11 last year, the guy with his foot firmly embedded in his own mouth (i'm looking at you dantonio), the guy who has had 40% of his team transfer or get suspended, the guy who thinks this is still the 1980's, and whoever the hell runs indiana these days.
  • Our backup running backs are better than your nickle backs. Learn the names now so you won't have to ask 'who the heck just ran over our db?' later. Brandon Minor, Carlos Brown, Sam McGuffie, Michael Shaw. We will 'long handoff' and 'bubble screen' you to death.
  • Coaching Family. This isn't Nick $aban leaving MSU for LSU and NOT A SINGLE
    COACH FOLLOWING HIM. RR brought everyone with him. Only two coaches
    didn't come, and they were replaced by Fred Jackson and Scott Shafer.
  • Scott Shafer got freaking STANFORD's defense to hold USC to 23 points in his first freaking year there.
  • Fred Jackson has put more running backs into the NFL than your last three coaches combined. (Tyrone Wheatly, Thishmanga Biakabutuka, Chris Howard, Anthony Thomas, BJ Askew, Chris Perry, Mike Hart)
  • Mike Barwis. Not only did RR bring the coaches, he brought the training staff too. He didn't have Mike Barwis in 2001. But we've got Mike Barwis now. Mike Barwis thinks you're too fat. Mike Barwis will make you stronger. That's just what Mike Barwis does. Mike Barwis. (and for those who don't know, Mike Barwis likes to use full names, and likes to talk in the third person, Mike Barwis.)
  • In the spread, quick passes means the line doesn't have to block for very long.
  • In the spread, short passes means the QB doesn't need a rifle for an arm
  • Wildcat formation MOFO. We've got lots of small, fast guys that you can't tackle. And we like to put them all over the place. We've got a package of screens, draws, options, sweeps, flares, and reverses that will make your defensive ends go home crying like little girls who just had their sandwiches eaten.
  • With middling recruits RR beat the SEC champ, the ACC runner up, and the Big12 champ in successive bowls.
  • Snake oil Bee-otch! At WVU RR had to beg and plead for kids to come to the backwater mountains. The Old Michigan regime would recruit by flashing the block M and saying 'hey, get a load of us.' Now we've got a recruiter who can close. ABC. Always be closing. Have some coffee RR.
  • Mike Barwis has made Terrance Taylor and Brandon Graham hungry. They want to eat your puppies. And we told them your QB is hiding the puppies.
  • Speed kills. Morgan Trent is faster than Percy Harvin. Brandon Harrison is faster than Morgan Trent.
  • AND FINALLY; Our position coaches' wives are hot. This probably doesn't mean much to you, but 'gladiator make good kill, go home, bang wife. ARRRRRRRRRR!!!!'

Comments

TMos53

August 14th, 2008 at 12:08 PM ^

agree completely. It frustrates me to no end how people say Michigan is going 4-8 because they have no QB or experience on the O-Line. Coach Rodriguez has stated many times that Sheridan is improving daily, while Threet has his good days and bad days. You were totally right about the O-Line, in our spread the O-Line doesn't have to block for a long time they just have to say on the opposing D-Line, LBs or blitzing DBs for at most 3 seconds. Anyway, I think Brian said on a post yesterday that the O-Line was looking rough, as expected. Well, of course they're not going to look awesome they are trying to block our D-Line. Also, no one seems to accept the fact that, while our O may be going through a transition, putting a team against our defense is like diving into a wood chipper. I would really be surprised if our D isn't like '06.

caup

August 14th, 2008 at 12:20 PM ^

If you want to be bold, make the wager that Michigan does NOT have a losing season this year. You're getting all fired up about a wager that Michgan wins at least FOUR games this year? Gee, go out on a limb whydontcha! Even friggin SI predicts Michihgan wins 5 games for chrissakes, which would still be something that hasn't happened in 41 years.

I think the worst that Michigan will do this season is 6-6 and a win in the Motor City Bowl. Make that your "hulksmashImyelling!loudvoices!" bet.

1M1Ucla

August 14th, 2008 at 12:36 PM ^

I agree completely, especially re qb requirements. My guess is 9-3, with the bowl game a wait-and-see pick. Defense flies around and breaks stuff ('97, '06 style -- w/o the '06 fade); special teams score points (ref Woodson, Howard), get takeaways and secure field position; offense holds the ball with effective running/serviceable short passing game/once-in-a-while long ball (see Rick Leach era); competition mostly bites. This actually may out-Lloyd Lloyd's approach!

SFBayAreaBlue

August 14th, 2008 at 12:41 PM ^

e I've already gone on record as saying 8-4 is our most likely with 6-6 to 10-2 as worst case/best case. This is just ammunition to throw at stupid trolls. (sssshhh, but if you check the amounts the wager isn't really serious either, i'm hoping trolls can't do math, and can't read the comments, but can do paypal)

goody

August 14th, 2008 at 12:53 PM ^

**Mike Barwis has made Terrance Taylor and Brandon Graham hungry. They want to eat your puppies. And we told them your QB is hiding the puppies. **

 Brian needs to start a quote page with this being numero uno!

DoctorWorm

August 14th, 2008 at 2:04 PM ^

Has anyone actually predicted a Notre Dame-esque collapse? From everything I've seen, people expect 7-5 as a worst-case scenario. The MSU fans I know aren't even imagining Michigan as a pushover. So where is all this underdog talk coming from?

dex

August 14th, 2008 at 2:08 PM ^

Shhhh man, it's not often the average Michigan fan gets to see their usual persecution complex and paranoia come true, let them enjoy this ridiculous "us against the world" meme.

 

I keep having visions of Carlos Brown screaming "we shocked the world!!!" after they beat Utah or something.  

Ace

August 15th, 2008 at 1:43 PM ^

We're still trying to play the underdog role. This will ruin everything!

Tremendous post, however. The 30th can't come soon enough.

SFBayAreaBlue

August 16th, 2008 at 12:41 AM ^

who has to actually put their name next to a prediction is making more realistic forecasts. But this post was more to refute the drive by forum trolls that say things like 'lol, enjoy your 3-9 season scUM, i'm going to go tip over a cow now brah' for example.

MichFan1997

July 4th, 2009 at 5:55 PM ^

it's nice knowing you as I doubt you'll be on this board a week from now.

2. At least post theteam you root for, lest what you say has no impact on anybody. And if it's MSU, then it still has no impact because I have a hard time caring what a team thinks when it is 2-7 vs Michigan this decade.

SFBayAreaBlue

July 7th, 2009 at 1:46 PM ^

well, I guess we know what to do with this prediction. But here's my caveats. O-line injuries. Worse than expected, so I predicted 4-8. But we still lost one more. How did that happen? 100 yard INT for a TD and a two missed field goals from in close. And then the defense gave up in the second half of the season. that was disappointing to see.

West Texas Blue

July 7th, 2009 at 5:30 PM ^

One can never escape their past when it comes to the internet. I love the statement "Snake oil Bee-otch!" Hahaha I couldn't quit laughing at that one. This sounds like my 12 year old cousin. I think BlueSeoul should prolly stay away from the tables in Vegas.