Fit Me For My Ass-Hat

Submitted by Shalom Lansky on September 29th, 2008 at 2:29 PM

I wear a 7.5 if we're talking baseball caps, I'm not sure what I
wear in ass-hat, maybe somewhere between J. Lo and Niecy Nash.  I
will hold myself out there for the slings and arrows of my fellow
Michigan fans, yes I booed. 

 I'd flown in from New
Orleans to go to the game with my Dad, I'd had a particularly stressful
week at work and my threshold for atrocity was low.  I kept
telling mysef they're just college kids, they're trying hard, they
aren't doing this purposefully  to torture you, be nice, don't
boo, don't boo, don't boo.  I held it together for awhile. 

Greg Matthews fumble, "damn, that sucks".

Morgan Trent fumble, "that is ridiculous, how  does this keep happening?" 

Steven Threet interception #1, "ouch,"

by this time my resolution not to boo was disappearing into a rage far
from maize, then Steven Threet threw what looked to be a dead cat into
the air with seconds remaining in the first half, picked off, then it
that I was on my feet ranting and raving hurling expletives (that the
nine year old next to me will probably repeat gleefully
ad-nauesum  all week) insulting a 19 year old who undoubtedly felt
much worse about his on-field performance than I did (and probably
handed his dissapointment much better).

 In case anyone
beleives in Karma, here is some validation . . . My Dad (an older
gentleman) had not been feeling well all day and at halftime asked if
we could leave, since I drove him to the game, I had no choice and
walked out with my head-held low; yes, I left at half-time and missed
Michigan's greatest home comeback.

I was wrong, please take me back dear Wolverines, oh and to the 9 year-olds parents, I apologize. 



September 29th, 2008 at 2:32 PM ^

I find the "urge to boo" sort of like the "urge to stab myself in the face." I can't even fathom booing M, let alone having to suppress the urge to do so. Didn't even have the urge at The Horror.


September 29th, 2008 at 2:41 PM ^

I can't bring myself to boo, either. And I just don't leave games early (with a couple of very rare exceptions).

I have to admit, though, that half-time was a pretty low-point in my M watching career. Not only did I have some thoughts about leaving, I also actually thought, "I might not come down for another game. It is ridiculous to drive two hours to see this garbage." I didn't say anything out loud, except for the one time during the cowbell chant that I replaced "Go Blue!" with "Don't Fumble."

Going to ND, watching all those turnovers and getting drenched followed by the first half on Saturday, really, really tested my faith...

So, let he who is without sin, cast the first stone. As far as I'm concerned you've done your pennance and are absolved.

matty blue

September 29th, 2008 at 2:55 PM ^

after you booed and "hurled expletives" in front of a nine-year-old?

um, no. it's people like you that can make for a lousy experience in the greatest stadium on earth. good riddance.


September 29th, 2008 at 3:01 PM ^

Hold on - the play that pushed you over the edge was a hail mary prayer deep pass, hit as he was thrown, and you are pissed it got picked off? That was the least damaging of them all. We probably weren't going to score anyway and it didn't lead to them scoring. People used to get pissed when Lloyd took a knee before halftime. Now you are pissed that we heaved it downfield and Wisco got a meaningless pick? Shame on you, sir.


September 29th, 2008 at 3:43 PM ^

Speaking for myself, it wasn't the interception per se that pissed me off (my reaction to the interception was "well of course this happened"), but the Wisky linebacker almost running it back for a fucking touchdown.  "Jesus Christ, tackle him WTF are you doing?!?!?!?"  Something like that was running through my head.

No, I wasn't at the game, and no I don't believe in booing college kids.  But the fact that some of the guys seemed to be loafing while trying to make that tackle made my blood boil a little bit.


September 29th, 2008 at 3:04 PM ^

Valenti rant. "I did my part, I got a bunch of old asses out of there seats to cheer...I didn't dad...he only gets to one game a's at least the 3rd time he's had to see this shit..."


September 29th, 2008 at 6:48 PM ^

"You're atrocious! Take your wristbands and stick em!" 

The Valenti rant is absolutely one of the most classic moments in sports radio. 

When the MSU-ND implosion went down I was working as a transcriber for a university department, and in between shifts I actually transcribed the entire 15-minute portion of the rant that was featured on House Rock Built.

I reread it from time to time and it's still good for a laugh.


September 29th, 2008 at 3:05 PM ^

Definitely one-size fits all.

To the OP- look, I hear you were frustrated. Long travel, crappy first half, etc., etc.

But as a student there for 7 years, as someone who has been lucky enough to attend over 60 home games, AND who now-- due to a busy job and living 5 hours away-- is limited to only one game a year, at most, I'm still pretty effing pissed about the display by our fans.

A fan base that is derisively been called the "Quiet House" by haters, decides to break from that "quiet" tradition... with booing of a freshmen-laden team struggling through a difficult transition? I mean, sure. Frustrating game.

But next time the urge to boo hits, a.) Students, go back to checking your iPhones and downloading Duffy singles and b.) alums/fans, act like the adults you presumably are.

Alas, OP, I'd be more inclined to throw out the "no prob, at least you take responsibility for your actions" if 1.) this is the internet, and that sort of customary posting crap is meaningless (along with the other tried and true, "classy post!", "Way to take your medicine!", and "At least you owned up to it" sort of faux-reality message board posting intended to provide catharsis or provide positive character assessments over people we're never going to meet), and 2.) You were swearing in front of kids... about college kids.


September 29th, 2008 at 3:12 PM ^

How much more dirty-word aware you become when you're attending with little ones. Given how putrid we were in the 1st 1/2, I was pleasantly surprised by the good-naturedness of everyone around us. The kids seemed to ignore or not hear most of it, and focused more on how much they wanted maize and blue afro wigs.

oriental andrew

September 29th, 2008 at 4:23 PM ^

One of cheering our team going into and coming out of the half, regardless of the score. Granted, it might be more subdued at times than at others, but it would be a great show of support for our team. Now excuse me while I go back to playing with unicorns and rainbows and drinking water that tastes like love.

Seriously, though, the booing and cursing thing is not only lame, but without class.  OP, glad you realized the error of your actions, but hope that it's a permanent change rather than a moment-by-moment reaction. 


September 29th, 2008 at 4:39 PM ^

Booing: always inappropriate.

Swearing: (almost) anything goes when you're in the student section. The student section is not a family atomosphere. It's a collection of alcohol fueled 17-25 year-olds. If a parent takes a kid into the student section, they know what they are getting into. There's even special tickets. I don't approve of a constant stream of explicatives aimed toward opposing fans or chanting The Most Creative Cheer Ever. Other than that, say whatever you'd like as long as you're being loud.

Undefeated dre…

September 29th, 2008 at 4:53 PM ^

I'm completely with OK with (when used sparingly, without cursing) booing. I'm not OK with "You suck" or swearing. I'm especially not OK with a "You suck Threet" or a "Get rid of Stevie" kind of rant. Those are out of place in all sports, especially college ones. These are kids, yes, but they are also on their way to being men. And a lusty chorus of boos says a lot more than a few half-hearted claps. I don't think booing should be a habit, or used often, but when a team plays like garbage (and they played like garbage), go ahead and boo. Let 'em know you care. Would I have booed them if they played like crap in the second half? No. Then it's just piling on. For me, my boo was "Come on, you can do better, and you know it." As I said in another post, I would never boo a particular college player, and never boo a particular play. But when a team puts up the performance that Michigan did in the first half, why not boo? I'd rather leave the field knowing that the fans cared.


September 29th, 2008 at 5:17 PM ^

For me, my boo was "Come on, you can do better, and you know it."

I guess the coaches don't have to use any motivational tactics, because the wonders of booing will solve all the players' 1st half problems with execution.  Listen to me, asshat- it is the coaches' jobs to yell at the players, not yours.  Your job as a fan is to encourage the players, or STFU.  And NO, booing does NOT count as "encouraging" the players.

If you can't handle that, then you're not doing your job as a fan.

STW P. Brabbs

September 29th, 2008 at 6:11 PM ^

Why is everyone so concerned about swearing, anyway? Just tell your kids they're bad words and not to repeat them, if you want - the kids are going to hear obscenities at some point anyway. Even if someone keeps calling John Ferrara a Cleveland Steamer, just don't tell your wee ones what that means. I fail to see how lustily/angrily booing college kids is easier to explain to the kids or more moral than saying fucockshit at the general bloody-mindedness of the universe.


September 29th, 2008 at 7:32 PM ^

who think the customary usage of "booooooh" means, "Come on, gents! Buck up! I know you can do better!"

Sure, maybe some claim that it "motivates" them (although the, "the crowd's boos only motivated me" line is almost exclusively used after a win, in hindsight, and colored by the euphoria of said win), but I'd venture to suggest the vast (like, 99.9%) majority of college athletes don't appreciate it or take it as free motivational advice from some Psych PHDs in the crowd.