Fake Remaining Secondary Chat

Submitted by jajaja23 on September 8th, 2010 at 2:39 PM

In light of the recent injury to Woolfolk and the transfers, I thought people might feel a little more positive if they saw the positive dialogue going on amongst the remaining Secondary

Previous Discoveries: Fake QB Chat, Fake Coach Chat, Fake Secondary Chat, Fake Big Ten Conference Expansion Chat
 



You have entered UM Remaining Secondary Talk Google Wave



TGibsSmotherCover: "Alright guys. With the recent departure of Vlad the DepthChartImpaler,  I think it's important we get as much fire and passion into this defense as possible heading into Notre Dame."

HaRRd Edge: "That's right. It's a new beginning. Dave Brandon even bought me a new laptop for beating UConn! While I may have accidentally issued release papers to the wrong player due to this new computer..."

 TGibsSmotherCover: "Wait what?"

 HaRRd Edge: "Long story short I got papers ready for Tate when Melanie Collins' tweeted about him. Thought it was a done deal! That shit's real life!"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Happens all the time."

 TGibsSmotherCover: "No... No it doesn't. So wait, you just issued papers to #5 and didn't check to see which one it went to."

 HaRRd Edge: "There's no right button on my mouse! The damn thing has no Start Menu. What the hell does "return" mean? It was an honest mistake!"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "One time I accidentally kicked the entire special teams off the field because I thought Zoltan was a German slur."

 TGibsSmotherCover: "Unbelievable. Somebody invite the players so we can get going with this."

*CullenYourOffense has entered the chat*
*FlashGordon has entered the chat*
*TheJollyRogers has entered the chat*
*JTFlow has entered the chat*
*T8Gr8 has entered the chat*
 
 TheJollyRogers: "Ready to go coach! Whatever you need."

CullenYourOffense: "Let me know what I need to do and I'll blow it up."

  T8Gr8: "Ok will someone explain to me why I'm here?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "We'll tell you what you need to know! Start doing reps!"

  T8Gr8: "But I just got a Killtacular!"

 HaRRd Edge: "Move it!

*T8Gr8 has left the chat*

TGibsSmotherCover: "What the hell was Tate doing in here?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Jesus Gibs... First you complain about one little mixup and now you're complaining about us adding a player to your roster. HOLD THE ROPE MAN!"

HaRRd Edge: "Well the thing is... remember the #5 issue?"

 TGibsSmotherCover: "You're shitting me."

 HaRRd Edge: "Well I was trying to move Vlad off the roster and moved Forcier on. And since he got the roster auto-notification, we kinda have to play him or else he'll think he can do whatever he wants."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "ALL IN! GO BLUE!"

TGibsSmotherCover: "What's wrong with you Greg?"

CullenYourOffense: "Okay well I don't really know what's going on here but don't worry - we're here to win!"

FlashGordon: "Cullen speaks the truth. Anyways, I've got a question."

 

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Don't be embarrassed. I get it all the time - rinse, lather, repeat... then, I add a little bit of lime and a sprinkle of honey... that's what gives it the bounce"

 FlashGordon: "Ummm.... well actually I was going to ask if we should report vandalism to DPS or through Ann Arbor police. Somebody put bubble wrap all over my place."

JTFlow: "Same thing happened to me. And my tires got slashed."

 CullenYourOffense: "Same."

 TheJollyRogers: "Wait I thought it was just hazing on the starting roster..."

 TGibsSmotherCover: "No need to call. That's called preparation."

 FlashGordon: "Wait what?"

 TGibsSmotherCover: "Can't have any more injuries now can we?"

 

 CullenYourOffense: "Wait did you beat the hell out of my best friend from high school too?"

 TGibsSmotherCover: "He looked like a roughhouser - can't have him trying to Punk you and tear your MCL."

 TheJollyRogers: "Did you empty my pantry and refrigerator?"

 TGibsSmotherCover: "People develop the strangest food allergies suddenly"

 FlashGordon: "Did you call my girlfriend and break up with her posing as me?"

 TGibsSmotherCover: "Jesus people have you SEEN Fatal Attraction. God."

 JTFlow: "I can't believe I'm asking this because I thought it was a prank but now... did you legally change my name to Wolverine VidalSassoon McSchembechler?"

 

 TGibsSmotherCover: "No..."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "That was me. Try to transfer now! BOOM RETURNINGSTARTER'D"

 HaRRd Edge: "I like the initiative Greg."

*Kovacula has entered the chat*

 Kovacula: "Hey sorry I'm late... had to go to the Fish Bowl to get online. I think I got a computer virus."

 

*T8Gr8 has entered the chat*

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY GOD WHY?!"

  T8Gr8: "Guys? 4srs? Cornerback?"

HaRRd Edge: "Greg settle down. I believe he means his PC is failing to function at its "potential." LOL Mac4Lyfe"

 

 TheJollyRogers: "This shit is ridiculous."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "HE WAS SO YOUNG! BUT THE ROBOTS GOT TO HIM BEFORE WE COULD PROTECT HIM? WHY GOD!? WHY NOT TAKE ME INSTEAD?!"

 

 Kovacula: "Coach Robinson, I'm fine."

 

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "SHUT UP COMPUTER ROBOT FROM THE FUTURE PRETENDING TO BE JORDAN KOVACS! WHY DID YOU DESTROY HIM? WAS IT FOR HIS CLOSE-CUT HAIR!? WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?"!

 FlashGordon: "Anyone know what Arkansas' secondary looks like?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "IS IT BECAUSE OF MY BEAUTIFUL SILKY GREY HAIR!? IS THAT WHY YOU ALLOWED THE ROBOTIC OVERLORDS TO TAKE DEAR KOVACS FROM US?! Well then SO BE IT! I will make it so that his life is celebrated"

*TortoiseAndTheHair has left the chat*

HaRRd Edge: "Whatever, he's in charge of linebackers anyways. Hey has anyone checked out how amazing iTunes is? I was using WinAmp b4. LOL. noobs"

TGibsSmotherCover: "Pardon me but what in the hell is going on?"

  CullenYourOffense:  "Hell if I know friend-beater."

 Kovacula: "So is this basically what's been going on the whole time?"

 JTFlow: "Same as last week."

 FlashGordon: "And the week before."

 

  T8Gr8: "Ok jokes over. It's not funny. My dad just put up a picture of me being scored on by a wide receiver drawn in MSPaint on qbforce.com"

TGibsSmotherCover: "LOL"

 

 HaRRd Edge: "Pwn3d"

 TheJollyRogers: "I think I just saw Coach Robinson running through the parking lot with a can of gasoline."

 HaRRd Edge: "It happens. He'll get tired out and take a nap."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Remember when he had a meltdown at Chuck E Cheese because that 4 yr old tussled his hair in the ball pit?"

 HaRRd Edge: "LOL"

 TGibsSmotherCover: "He got kicked out by the 14 yr old waiter. Classic."

 HaRRd Edge: "Best non-bowl postseason ever."

 JTFlow: "So coach what will we be shifting in the defensive set to make up for the lack of depth? Or just going with what works?"

 TGibsSmotherCover: "Or remember that time he ate too much cotton candy at the state fair and went on a sugar rush? We had to get a fire truck to bring him down from the roof of the House of Mirrors"

 Kovacula: "I think we'll just have to ride it out and hope maybe a walk-on comes in and makes an impact like in previous years. Cough cough."

 HaRRd Edge: "That was Shafer."

 TGibsSmotherCover: "Oh yeah."
 

*TortoiseAndTheHair has entered the chat*

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Everyone remain calm. I have purged the threat of further injury to our secondary by killing the robot invasion that took dear Jordan Kovacs from us."

 Kovacula: "I'm right here."

 HaRRd Edge: "How'd you do that Greg?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "I began by executing the beast in his residence. I stabbed it and smashed it repeatedly with a baseball bat until it lay decimated on the floor. To think it arrogantly sat atop his counter, filled still with young Kovac's plasma, the air reeking of the sweet strawberry smell of blood."

 Kovacula: "You broke my $500 blender?!"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Silence robotic demon!"

 TheJollyRogers: "Does anyone hear sirens?"
 
 FlashGordon: "Sound close to campus..."

  CullenYourOffense:  "I smell smoke."

 HaRRd Edge: "Greg....?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "And like the brave Viking warriors who preceded him, I lit young Kovacs' residence aflame... thereby purging any remnants of the robotic virus invasion that claimed his life and SALUTING THAT YOUNG SIR FOR ALL HE WAS TO OUR TEAM, OUR COMMUNITY, OUR WORLD!"

 Kovacula: "WHAT THE HELL?!"

*Kovacula has left the chat*

 HaRRd Edge: "Greg not again..."
 
 TGibsSmotherCover: "Classic Greg."
 

Comments

jajaja23

September 8th, 2010 at 3:22 PM ^

Will definitely admit that I've seen one of those before (steroid one) and was not trying to push this as a novel idea the universe had failed to see, though I'm also not a reader of that site so it wasn't a direct nab. I was getting more at the idea of plagiarism = stealing content/unique concepts. The idea of faking conversations between people I think is rife for any sort of exploration and has gone on since AOL Chat rooms became popular. For WLA'ers to come on and allege that which they admittedly do was what confused me.

In other news, Beat Notre Dame.

Wolverine0056

September 8th, 2010 at 3:53 PM ^

 

"SHUT UP COMPUTER ROBOT FROM THE FUTURE PRETENDING TO BE JORDAN KOVACS! WHY DID YOU DESTROY HIM? WAS IT FOR HIS CLOSE-CUT HAIR!? WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?"!

Hahahaha, my favorite part. Although, just about anything GERG says in these fake chats is hilarious. Bravo once again.

 

Hail-Storm

September 8th, 2010 at 4:07 PM ^

Usually they build up the funny, but you nailed it at the beginning with the messing up the transfer papers after the rumor of Tate leaving. I love this idea, and now I will not accept any other reason for why Vlad was released. Thankyou Jaja.

 

And I am suprised that people who seem to have been on here all summer (quite a bit) are calling this unoriginal since Brian did something similar the last couple days.  I actually was thinking that Brian was trying to copy some of the funny that jaja has been pumping out for a couple weeks now. Don't let them get you down, keep these up, I need them to take me away from most of the other posts.

TheOracle6

September 8th, 2010 at 5:10 PM ^

If I could get one of these diary's each week it would make the week a lot better.  Thanks for dropping humor on a day where Angry Michigan Secondary Hating God has made another appearance.

Captain

September 8th, 2010 at 5:12 PM ^

[I]t arrogantly sat atop his counter, filled still with young Kovac's plasma, the air reeking of the sweet strawberry smell of blood.

You broke my $500 blender?!

Win.

 

csam1490

September 9th, 2010 at 3:38 AM ^

For some reason, all the Rodriguez lines ring the truest. I don't know why - I'm pretty sure none of this makes any actual sense. It's kind of like how the Onion has just made Joe Biden a womanizing boozehound by fiat. Once you get locked into such an extreme hilarity trip, push it as far as you can.