Fake Big Ten Conference Alignment Chat

Submitted by jajaja23 on August 26th, 2010 at 3:15 PM

Hey everybody. In light of the recent debate regarding the Big Ten conference alignment and chaos ensuing, I thought people might feel a little more positive if they saw the impotant and unique dialogue going on amongst the Athletic Directors on this monumental decision

Previous Discoveries: Fake QB Chat, Fake Coach Chat, Fake Secondary Chat

You have entered Big Ten Conference Alignment Talk Google Wave

JDandCoke: "I'd like to thank you all for being here. I know emotions are running high regarding what decisions we make here and I just ask that everyone remain calm and collected regardless of the decisions made."

LarryMo&Me: "Glad to be here Jim! Go Nittany Lions!"

OSuper: "I think David and I are in agreement that this needs to be kept a time honored part of our conference and NCAA football."

SwedishChef: "We need to put Purdue in the Conference Game of the Year..."

BarryAndTheHendersons: "Sounds great, as long as Iowa isn't in the conference"

MadnessThisIsBarta: "Your mom's a conference."

IceCreamWithMyPi: "I really do not understand what the big deal is if UM and OSU are in different divisions of the conference. Jeez... any Northwestern Humanities student could prove this"

Jo-ElofKrypton: "I truly don't understand how this complex system known as the internet works. I mean Goodness Gracious - This IM is sponsored by CocaCola. It's the real thing. Coke."

SpartyCuzIGotta: "UM Sux"

SpartyCuzIGotta: "I'm sorry. That was Gary from Bath who's helping me today."

HeartOfGlass: "Anyone have the phone number for Georgia State?"

ADBrandon: "Mark you need to stop having "AD for a Day" contests"

SpartyCuzIGotta: "How else are we going to sell FAU tickets?"

MadnessThisIsBarta: "I have a point of great importance. When are we getting rid of the commies?"

JDandCoke: "The commies?"

Jo-ElofKrypton: "Sweet Mother's Maple Syrup, the internet is amazing! I just sent an "electronic letter." Feel like feeling fit? Living a Healthy Lifestyle? Contact Stephanie Oakes: Fitness and Health Expert."

LarryMo&Me: "Hey why isn't Reagan still president? He's not too old"

MadnessThisIsBarta: "Wisconsin! All red? Shared border with socialist Canada? Need I continue?!"

SwedishChef: "Seriously. Nobody even knows who I am."

BarryAndTheHendersons: "Iowa's only contributions in life are corn and being identifiable to sixth graders because their state's the shape of poo."

OSuper: "I think David and I are in agreement that this needs to be kept a time honored part of our conference and NCAA football."

IceCreamWithMyPi: "You see the sheer odds of a UM/OSU rematch are mathematically clear and astoundingly obvious. Not to mention taking each other out of conference contention would be honorable. Homer once wrote “The difficulty is not so great to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for."

SpartyCuzIGotta: "I love the Simpsons."

Jo-ElofKrypton: "We couldn't get wireless internet up here for years until we agreed to exclusive sponsorship. I'd been downloading our season schedules on dial-up until last week! - This IM is sponsored by Randy's Fishmarket Restaurant. Located in Naples, FL, Randy's Fishmarket Restaurant is a fresh laid back seafood restaurant with the focus on the freshest highest quality seafood from the Gulf. Stop by today."

OrangeYouGlad: "I really don't know what the big stink is. Juice Williams is going to destroy whoever they have to play next year in the championship."

JDandCoke: "I'd like to refocus this conversation to the topic at hand."

MadnessThisIsBarta: "Hey Delaney - if you don't like the convo, you and your french poodle Wisconsin can Geeeeet Out. Amurrica. Love it or leave it."

BarryAndTheHendersons: "Look at my dog LOL"

BarryAndTheHendersons: ""

HeartOfGlass: "BRB Hoosiers is on."

*HeartOfGlass has left the chat*

OrangeYouGlad: "One of my aides just told me Williams isn't eligibile anymore?"

ADBrandon: "We need to retain the unique nature of this time-honored tradition in a way that respects not only the schools involved but the conference."

IceCreamWithMyPi: "Utilizing a very simple formulative theorem that takes into account the multiple variables and unique independent exponential y-identities"

MadnessThisIsBarta: "What do 2008 Wisconsin and the French have in common? They both snatched defeat from the grips of victory. LOLOLOLOLOL"

Jo-ElofKrypton: "No seriously guys have you checked out this Internet? You can watch videos and stuff. I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you about this but there's recruiting sites on here where you can find out about players all over the country! Donna's Family Daycare offers a fun and loving environment for your children. Our daycare currently has children between 18 months and 10 years old and is happy to meet you and your family for consultations on our services."

OSuper: "The complex nature of this conference and the unique way in which UM and OSU have helped each other into the annals of sports history must be retained."

SpartyCuzIGotta: "You said annal."

OrangeYouGlad: "BRB coaching search."

SwedishChef: "There are more pictures of Wilford Brimley and Dave Brandon on Google images than there are of me! DO SOMETHING DELANEY"

ADBrandon: "That's probably because I have amazing hair."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Now wait a damn minute here."

ADBrandon: "Greg please see your way out the e-door."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: " "

*TortoiseAndTheHair has left the chat*

*ReturnOfTheMack has entered the chat*

Jo-ElofKrypton: "So what are we doing guys? The Roller Skating Place in Orillia, Ontario, Canada, is THE place to skate in Canada. Roller Skating since 1980! Call 705-326-1444 for more information on group rates and theme nights!"

*OSuper has left the chat*

ReturnOfTheMack: "Anyone seen Gene Smith?"

JDandCoke: "Gentleman if we can get back to the matter at hand."

*ReturnOfTheMack has left the chat*

IceCreamWithMyPi: "The lamen must merely utilize a bifractal exponent set that uses ñ(x^2) as the imaginary character factor that, when plotted with a t-base"

OrangeYouGlad: "Okay so Lane Kiffen said he'd happily take over our program. He seems to think this is the place he wants to retire as coach... Thoughts?"

*OSuper has entered the chat*

LarryMo&Me: "It is such a beautiful day! "

Jo-ElofKrypton: "HOLY COW. THERE'S LADIES WITH NO CLOTHING ON MY SCREEN! ON THE INTERNET! Snake River Brewing offers the best in-house stout and food in all of Wyoming. Stop in today, just five blocks off W Broadway near S Jackson St. Snake River Brewery and Restaurant."

*Jo-ElofKrypton has left the chat*

*HeartOfGlass has entered the chat*

BarryAndTheHendersons: "Corn Huskers? More like Corn BUSKERS..."

IceCreamWithMyPi: "As an aside, the term busker is a chiefly British slang term for a street musician who panders for money utilizing musical talents. Anyways, where was I?"

*GoldenDomeofHeaven has entered the chat*

GoldenDomeofHeaven: "LOL psyche LOL

*GoldenDomeofHeaven has left the chat*

HeartOfGlass: "Hey, how good is Brother Rice? They're free for Week 2 in 2013."

LarryMo&Me: ""


MadnessThisIsBarta: "Barry? More like Hairy... BALD SLAM!"

JDandCoke: "Alright you two ENOUGH! Go to your separate divisions!"

BarryAndTheHendersons: "Sorry."

MadnessThisIsBarta: "Sorry."

*BarryAndTheHendersons has left the chat*

*MadnessThisIsBarta has left the chat*

OSuper: "Now as I was saying... OSU has a proud tradition of strong performances that will continue regardless of the alignment."

*TimeoutsAreForUrMom has entered the chat*

*OSuper has left the chat*

TimeoutsAreForUrMom: "Anyone seen Smith?"

SwedishChef: "Campus security tased me as I walked into my own office because they didn't know I was the athletic director."

SpartyCuzIGotta: "At least it wasn't pepper gas."

TimeoutsAreForUrMom: "Seriously. Someone said he was in here."

*Jo-ElofKrypton has entered the chat*

OrangeYouGlad: "Why do you keep changing your chat icon Mark?"

*TimeoutsAreForUrMom has left the chat*

SpartyCuzIGotta: "It's called brand identity and tradition. Duh."

ADBrandon: "Mark you've got to be kidding me. Maybe you should just take pictures of your athletes when they come out of the slammer instead of that fancy photography tricks. That'll sell."

LarryMo&Me: "Best Day Ever! "

SwedishChef: "haha"

HeartOfGlass: ""

MadnessThisIsBarta: "Hu-laree-yes"

OrangeYouGlad: "LOL BURN!"

IceCreamWithMyPi: "Tangibly humorous and topically anecdotal. I assuredly laughed aloud when I read that attempt at belittlement."

BarryAndTheHendersons: "ROUGH!"

SpartyCuzIGotta: "Yeah well App State."

Jo-ElofKrypton: "The internet is unseemly. I ripped that router right out of the wall and will be writing a letter to the manufacturer of this god forsake "Internet" and demand they refund all of our money and fix this tarnished product. At least with dial-up these things never happened. BTW, what was this meeting about? Did we decide on Nebraska?"

*OSuper has entered the chat*

OSuper: "Internet's acting up."

SpartyCuzIGotta: "Hey where's the Rose Bowl at this year?"

IceCreamWithMyPi: "Back to my equation: Using the aforementioned principles and accepted terms of analysis creates a Pythagorically proveable set of data that, when deployed with the groundbreaking Italian "Badduccí Formula," which many still debate utilizes a unique, albeit problematic, (.3ó-2) expectation"

*UrbanDevelopment has entered the chat*

UrbanDevelopment: "Where is Gene Smith? I talked to Les and Gene and apparently he took all three of our trophies."

*OSuper has left the chat*

LarryMo&Me: "Former UM AD Bill Muttin says Hi! "

*SwedishChef has entered the chat*

ADBrandon: "Listen it sounds like I'm screwed whatever we do. Some kid on a message board seemed really pissed off and spent an hour writing up an entry about how aful I am. Nowadays that's everything."

*BarryAndTheHendersons has entered the chat*

SwedishChef: ""

HeartOfGlass: "Hey Hofstra football isn't picking up. They're good, right?"

BarryAndTheHendersons: "!"

*UrbanDevelopment has left the chat*

IceCreamWithMyPi: "Notes that such a rematch not only retains a limited and negligible probability but also, when paired with the ratio set paired along the x-axis of national interest/ratings, provides a polynomially diverse result."

JDandCoke: "In English Jim?"

*OSuper has entered the chat*

IceCreamWithMyPi: "An OSU/UM rematch is unlikely but will make for good tv."

OSuper: "Are they gone?"

ADBrandon: "What did I get myself into?"

SpartyCuzIGotta: "That's what she said."

LarryMo&Me: ""



August 26th, 2010 at 3:29 PM ^

"Iowa's only contributions in life are corn and being identifiable to sixth graders because their state's the shape of poo."

I was laughing so hard when I read this. Bravo jajaja23 bravo!

The Simpsons tidbit was hilarious also.


August 26th, 2010 at 4:19 PM ^

These are great. I don't know how much work it would take, but it would be hilarious if you did the next chat as a video. I think all it would really require is some screen recording software and a little editing. See the video below for an example of what I mean.


kevin holt

August 26th, 2010 at 4:28 PM ^

ridiculously awesome. I don't think it would translate to this though, since it's not an actual conversation to be recorded. Or he could do all the voices himself? haha. I think it would be a lot of work too. But that is awesome.

kevin holt

August 26th, 2010 at 4:22 PM ^

This thing should be mandatorily written after anything bad happens to us. It makes me laugh and feel better about panic-worthy situations, when I normally would never be able to look lightly on them. True meaning of comedic relief.

Michigan Shirt

August 26th, 2010 at 4:28 PM ^

Best part was NW AD's response to the Dave Brandon jab at MSU:

"Tangibly humorous and topically anecdotal. I assuredly laughed aloud when I read that attempt at belittlement."

Edit: How do you insert the yellow quote boxes as I would have used one if I knew how.


August 26th, 2010 at 4:29 PM ^

And of course, the glorious hair of GERG. I love these, cause they seemingly start off a little slow, but in actuallity are brilliantly setting up jokes to be revealed later. Bravo sir! Bravo!


August 26th, 2010 at 5:45 PM ^

Awesome work as always, though for this one I needed a legend and to do some google searches to figure out who the people were.  I neg myself for not being updated on the current ADs.  Once I realized Jo-El was Minny and SwedishChef was Purdue I was dying.

Transatlantic Flight

August 26th, 2010 at 7:15 PM ^

The thing is, this just depressed me more. I don't know what it is about this mess, but I keep having visions of hordes of PSU fans gleefully anticipating a chance at having a real rivalry game in the Big Ten at our expense. May this nightmare end.