Fake 7-4 Michigan Chat

Submitted by jajaja23 on November 21st, 2010 at 3:59 AM

After starting the season 5-0 before dropping games to MSU, PSU, Iowa and Wisconsin, the Michigan coaching staff remains optimistic heading into Ohio State weekend and preparing for the first bowl game of the Rich Rodriguez era. Despite today's loss, I thought people might feel a little more positive if they saw the positive dialogue going on amongst the coaching staff.

Previous Discoveries: Fake QB Chat, Fake Coach Chat, Fake Secondary Chat, Fake Big Ten Conference Expansion Chat, Fake Remaining Secondary Chat, Fake Post-NCAA Investigation Chat
 



You have entered UM 7-4 Google Wave



 

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "... so I say 'That's probably the greatest thing ever to occur in the history of Dinosaur Planet and all but can I have my sandwich now?"

TGibsSmotherCover: "LMAO. Fred Jackson you are a DELIGHT!"

HaRRd Edge: "Great story Fred. Alright, let's get started on OSU prep."

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Ahem."

HaRRd Edge: "Yes?"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Great story?"

HaRRd Edge: "Yes?"

MeAndHobbes: "Here we go."

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Why isn't it the greatest story?"

TGibsSmotherCover: "Easy FJ. I'm srue RR didn't mean it."

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Because, you know, it's not easy being the eternal optimist. Do you think I enjoy comparing a 5'9" running back to an asteroid set to destroy Earth unless Bruce Willis can rocket himself into space and destroy it while Steven Tyler gyrates? Do you think I enjoy that?"

 HaRRd Edge: "No offense intented Fred, I just-"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Because I do kind of enjoy those metaphors."

MeAndHobbes: "Can we move on?"

TGibsSmotherCover: "Please?"

 HaRRd Edge:  "Agreed. Now we need to know what's necessary to keep the team's focus during a holiday week going into the Shoe. We need to send these seniors off on the right foot. What do you have planned Greg?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "I had the strangest dream..."

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "The slumbering beast awakes with the force of the Krakken..."

 HaRRd Edge:  "What now Greg?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "I dreamed the dream of 113,000 soldiers. I dreamed of defensive tenacity and winning on a defensive stop. I dreamed of a torrential downpour the likes of Moses and the Old Testament and of a field of raptors in winged helmets tearing down upon a foe with an unusually large head and a hammer."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Is he speaking in elevated prose or just being dumb?"

MeAndHobbes: "Vegas would give you 2:1 odds on one of those answers."

 HaRRd Edge:  "That really happened Greg. We won by two against Illinois and won at Purdue."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Could it be? Could the one they call Cameron have actually scored?"

MeAndHobbes: "Rod - I can't do this man."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Ugh."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "My lord! This is what it feels like to be Dorothy and find that Oz was not but a dream."

MeAndHobbes: "Rod seriously. I'm about to red ruby shoe my ass outta here and to a head coaching job..."

 HaRRd Edge:  "Enough Greg. How are you going to stop Pryor?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "I'm in talks with Henson Studios of bringing my furry game puppet Jebediah to life by Thursday's team meeting."

MeAndHobbes: "What is the proper weight of resume paper?"

TGibsSmotherCover: "I CAN HAS CASTEEL?"

 HaRRd Edge:  "Guys, let's focus. We have two more games."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "And then we just auto-complete the recruitment process, spend 40 minutes to three hours trying to keep seniors from going to the NFL, skip pre-season training drills and we're good to go."

MeAndHobbes: "For the last time Greg: coaching is not the same as XBox."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: " I been pulling the Turbo trigger all season."

 HaRRd Edge:  "There seems to be a significant weakness on OSU's slants to the sidelines. Pryor has a habit of overthrowing them so if we cheat the route, there might be some opportunity there for turnovers."

 PinkyandtheBraithwaite: "Got it."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Whoa, who the hell are you?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "So we live a life like a video... When the sun is always out and you never get old..."

 PinkyandtheBraithwaite: "Adam Braithwaite. Safeties coach..."

MeAndHobbes: "Where the hell have you been?"

 PinkyandtheBraithwaite: "..."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Hey Adam, are you the jackhole responsible for all these missed kicks?"

MeAndHobbes: "Here we go..."

 PinkyandtheBraithwaite: "I believe that's yours Tony."

TGibsSmotherCover: "You're shitting me."

 HaRRd Edge:  "Pretty sure that's your unnecessarily long title on your business cards."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Hold on let me grab one."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "My name shall be passed down to generations while debating up in barber shops, young slung, hung here."

CodeRedMountainDews: "If you guys don't need anything..."

MeAndHobbes: "Talk about comin out of the woodwork..."

TGibsSmotherCover: "It's almost as if someone completely forgot to mention  members of the coaching staff in these chats."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Ok so it says Tony Gibson. Assistant Head Coach (hells yeah suckas!) Defensive backs blah blah blah... Special Teams coo-sonofabitch."

HaRRd Edge: "Anyone seen Fred?"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "I'm here."

HaRRd Edge: "Why so quiet?"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: " "

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Foreeeeeever young. I wanna be... Foreva young."

 HaRRd Edge: "Fine. It was the greatest story ever Fred."

ScoobyDooVillain: "Is there any chance I can have a fourth guy down on the line?"

MeAndHobbes: "It's almost like the season's ending so everyone who hasn't been mentioned is coming into the chat to make an unnecessary, innocuous and obvious comment."

TGibsSmotherCover: "That user name doesn't even look like he was trying hard at this point."

UWantFreysWithThat: "Derp."

MeAndHobbes: "Ok what the hell?"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "This is a greater meeting of the minds than the the Manhattan Project if the Manhattan Project was inventing bombs of giant angry robot centaurs sent back in time to prevent socialism."

 HaRRd Edge:  "Thank God for the state of Indiana."

MeAndHobbes: "While they're back in time do you think they could also prevent Greg from bringing furry objects on the sidelines?"

FreeAgentCone:  ""

RodThaSequel: "LOL"

 HaRRd Edge:  "Time for practice."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Has anyone seen my stuffed varmint? I need to go fire up the janitor. Vaccuuming's been a little sloppy lately."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Guys?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Did everyone put me on Ignore again?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "I'mma get your heart racing in my skin tights jeans... Be your teenage dream tonight..."

Comments

BiSB

November 21st, 2010 at 8:44 AM ^

"This is a greater meeting of the minds than the the Manhattan Project if the Manhattan Project was inventing bombs of giant angry robot centaurs sent back in time to prevent socialism."

You are a gifted man to be able to channel Fred Jackson like that. Bravo.

bronxblue

November 21st, 2010 at 10:01 AM ^

"I'mma get your heart racing in my skin tights jeans... Be your teenage dream tonight..."

Great, that image of GERG is now permanently burned into my psyche.  Awesome!

esipp

November 21st, 2010 at 1:03 PM ^

TortoiseAndTheHair: "And then we just auto-complete the recruitment process, spend 40 minutes to three hours trying to keep seniors from going to the NFL, skip pre-season training drills and we're good to go."

Sadly, I can see him saying this.

+1, I needed this.

Zoo Blue

November 21st, 2010 at 1:50 PM ^

TGibsSmotherCover: "Ok so it says Tony Gibson. Assistant Head Coach (hells yeah suckas!) Defensive backs blah blah blah... Special Teams coo-sonofabitch."

 

Yay, he finally realized that the special teams coordinator. Does this mean we'll make one of those field goal thingys.