Dumb and dumberer: Borges vs. Field Marshal Haig

Submitted by dragonchild on October 13th, 2013 at 4:29 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UZLpvzEyWE

NOTE:  A large part of this is motivated out of frustration, but there's a teachable moment here -- Borges called almost as many tailback runs for <3 yards (16)  as the number of inane moves (18) used in the punchline of a comedy sketch.  If there's a productive purpose, it's to call to attention just how stubborn the playcalling was last night.  I mean, how bad does this have to get before laymen are allowed to question his judgement?

The comedy transcript is for "Black Adder IV, Episode 1:  Captain Cook"
The even funnier bits are taken from ESPN's play-by-play from yesterday's game.

Melchett:       Field Marshal Haig has formulated a brilliant new tactical plan to ensure final victory in the field.

(lemme guess. . .)

2nd and 1 at MICH 29    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for no gain to the Mich 29
3rd and 1 at MICH 29    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for no gain to the Mich 29
2nd and 1 at MICH 48    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for no gain to the Mich 33

Blackadder:     Now, would this brilliant plan involve us climbing out of our trenches and walking slowly towards the enemy sir?
Darling:        How can you possibly know that Blackadder? It's classified information.

(gee, lemme think. . .)

2nd and Goal at PSU 5    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for a loss of 2 yards to the PnSt 7
1st and 10 at PSU 16    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for no gain to the PnSt 16
2nd and 10 at MICH 46    Derrick Green rush for a loss of 2 yards to the Mich 44

Blackadder:     It's the same plan that we used last time, and the seventeen times before that.

(indeed.)

1st and 10 at PSU 41    Derrick Green rush for no gain to the PnSt 41
2nd and 10 at PSU 41    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for 3 yards to the PnSt 38

Melchett:       Exactly! And that is what so brilliant about it! We will catch the watchful Hun totally off guard!  Doing precisely what we have done eighteen times before is exactly the last thing they'll expect us to do this time!  There is however one small problem.

("execution"?)

1st and 10 at PSU 28    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for 1 yard to the PnSt 27
2nd and 9 at PSU 27    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for no gain to the PnSt 27
3rd and 14 at PSU 32    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for a loss of 3 yards to the PnSt 35

Blackadder:     That everyone always gets slaughtered the first ten seconds.

("you gotta give credit to the other team")

1st and 10 at PSU 25    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for 1 yard to the PnSt 24
2nd and 9 at PSU 24    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for 1 yard to the PnSt 23

Melchett:       That's right! And Field Marshal Haig is worried that this may be depressing the men a tadge. So, he's looking to find a way to cheer them up.

(except, you know, doing what works.)

1st and 10 at PSU 25    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for 3 yards to the PnSt 22
1st and 10 at PSU 25    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for no gain to the PnSt 25
3rd and 1 at PSU 16    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for no gain to the PnSt 16

Blackadder:     Well, his resignation and suicide would seem the obvious solution.

(I wouldn't go as far as suicide, but point taken.  But then again, what would we know about field strategy?  Field Marshal Haig FTW!)

Comments

Magnum P.I.

October 13th, 2013 at 5:24 PM ^

About right.

Prideful stubbornness is becoming worse than RR 2008. 

I understand that you want to be a power running team, Al and Brady. But you're not. The sooner you accept that, the sooner our players can feel good about themselves again. How many more psychologies need to be permanently damaged before we stop beating our heads against the wall. 

hennesbe

October 13th, 2013 at 6:49 PM ^

Gardner didn't have near the problem running the ball that Toussaint did.

have to have some wheels these days if you are going to run the ball. 

Mich doesn't have any and the O-Line is pretty inexperenced.

Soulfire21

October 13th, 2013 at 6:51 PM ^

Abandon the power run game; use veers and zone read.  Or at least start passing on 1st down to open some lanes for Fitz and Green, because the OL has not been able to do that whatsoever.

M-Dog

October 14th, 2013 at 4:22 PM ^

Re: the video . . . it would be funny if it weren't true.  We are coming up on the 100th anniversary of the Battle of the Somme.  20,000 killed in the first 15 minutes because a high-up General thought he had a brilliant plan and would not hear otherwise.  Half a million killed after that when he kept rolling out the same plan.  It was just a matter of execution, don't you know.

At least when we fail for the 27th straight time, only our pride dies.