Dr. Rodbaugh, Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Pimp

Submitted by Undefeated dre… on November 23rd, 2010 at 9:13 PM

“I find that I don't care about Ohio State at all.” (Brian Cook, 11/23/2010)

Has it come to this? That during this week, the week of Thanksgiving and our unity against the common foe of That Team Down South, our esteemed leader can’t bring himself to care about Ohio State?

Cannibalism may be fun for the short term, but in isolation it’s not a viable long-term survival strategy. To repeat the already-repeated obvious – everyone wants Michigan football to be good on the field, good in the classroom, and good in society. That’s the end, upon which we all agree (though likely with different views on the appropriate mix of those three factors). What we can’t agree on is the most effective means to that end.

All this shouting has become tiresome, and it seems like the site has become a perverse echo chamber. Rodriguez has improved in wins every year… he lacks ‘quality’ wins. The offense has improved… the defense has worsened. The cupboard was bare…the pantry was emptied. Inexperience has been exploited and will improve…experienced bad players are still bad players. The coaches demand the most out of the players… the coaches can’t get the most out of the players. It’s GERG’s fault… it’s the guy who hired GERG’s fault. New blood was needed…the old way worked.

One thing we can learn from economics – when there’s only one dimension to consider, there’s generally an optimal position to maximize total happiness (or utility, or whatever). Imagine a single ice cream stand on a beach full of sunbathers – the optimal location of the ice cream stand is the one that minimizes the total distance that the sunbathers have to walk. But when we start adding multiple dimensions – younger customers are willing to walk further, the demand varies by the weather, some customers will walk further for certain flavors but not for others, there’s an Italian ice stand as well, customers have different amounts they can pay, some ingredients are more costly than others, and you have to pay rent for the beach space, etc. – there no longer is a clear optimum. Furthermore, there’s no mathematical solution – you can only simulate and try to find optima.

We’re at the point where there’s no math, no hard and fast truth, that clearly states the right course of action for the program. We are all finding our local optima and arguing from that point. Sure, some points aren’t actually optimal, but there’s so many of points of discussion that it becomes impossible to determine the truth. (Note: Brian, a comp sci guy, would argue that with enough data processing power the truth can be discerned from all but the most random of data points – but we’re not supercomputers).

What’s the way out of this mess? The Founding Fathers had it figured out – representation. We are, collectively, the muddled masses with a multitude of conflicting, confusing opinions. And so we need a representative to sort it all out. In this case our representative wasn’t elected; he was chosen, but he’s ours nevertheless. And while David Brandon may have some flaws, it’s hard to argue that there’s anyone in the world better suited to be Michigan’s Athletic Director. And it’s his call. Will he make the ‘right’ decision? I don’t know. I do know he’ll make the best decision he can, and he’s the best person to make that decision, and what more can you ask for?

So that’s how I’ve learned to stop worrying and love the pimp (hand). I hope that MGoBlog can remain the blog for many Michigan fans, one that educates, informs, considers, and most importantly has fun in the process. Fight amongst yourselves if you must, but remember that we ALL agree on the end, and it’s OK to disagree on the means. Remember that all but the lamest of arguments have some good points to consider. And remember that if your side ‘loses’, suck it up and move on. Besides, we always have women’s softball. Or is there a firecarolhutchins.com site?



November 23rd, 2010 at 9:56 PM ^

But I will watch every second with hope and belief that the darkness will finally fade and all will be right again. After all, we still lead the rivalry (that's not a rivalry by 14 games)....


November 23rd, 2010 at 9:58 PM ^

Let's care about this damn game, let's win this damn game, and let's let Brandon do this job. There is very little new data to bring to this discussion. But there's plenty of hate to be spewed to Ohio.

Spoof Football

November 23rd, 2010 at 10:57 PM ^

Making this board harder and harder to read is no one can just write...a fucking heartfelt, honest diary.

We get all these stupid charts, and all this mellodramatic bullshit replete with some sort of pseudo-intellectual ramble trying to be Dennis Miller and Hunter S Thompson's love child when it grows up.

Man, Brian isn't anybody's "leader"--he writes. His opinions. They are funny, and he gives us great lines (that get beaten to death and get guys plenty of sissy points), like the afforementioned "pimp hand" or "deathbacker" or "head assplode" They're great, and the writing is great and funny--but when did that cause most everyone here to stop thinking and just basically type: "What He said"?

All that aside, this board has whimped out. It's become a place of Groupthink, and let me be the first to say that the demise of Rich Rodriguez is the only thing that will save this board.

Demons need to be exorcised. Souls, wretched in their carbon-copying of Brian and each other, miserable in their anxiety ridden, self convincing that Rodriguez will keep his job because "a guy who I know who hates Michigan is scared of Rich Rod" or "Dave Brandon is a CEO and as such, he will not fire Rich Rod knowing that the maximum return of the allocated sunk cost of the data process with a small sample size that spurs a congruent method of cost productive annotated BARF I WENT TO MICHIGAN AND ALL MY ANCESTORS DID SMELL MY CREDIBILITY!"--WE ALL need to be freed from the Evil that Rodriguez has Wrought.

And he can take The Barwis with him. Yes. I said it. The maniacal man-love for this alleged S&C "pioneer" is another thing that has polluted our fan base for far too long now.

The program is sick. Overmatched. An emaciated, emasculated shadow of itself with no swagger. We are relegated to using terms like "grit" or "determined" or "nice personality" to describe it. We pine for the daily post from the guy who met Dave Brandon while taking a dump at the Cracker Barrell in Nacogdotches, Texas and "DB" told him, "Rodriguez will be here until 2176. Book it."

It's time. Ohio State will put the nail, the final nail into the coffin. Come Monday, we will ALL be free. We will ALL be able to breathe again.

And THEN we can begin healing (by doing what MEN do: Beer, smokes, and whores), and the college football world can REALLY begin fearing what Michigan might do.



November 23rd, 2010 at 11:35 PM ^

If you want a heartfelt honest diary then write one, it's your opportunity to be the change you want to see in the blog. (Ghandi said it, so this is just more group think unfortunately...).  Where I lost you, and the reason I assume you're getting negged is when you fell into the anti-group think bullshit.  The dissenting opinion is just as wraught with one lined unoriginal bullshit, to which the OP commented quite nicely.  Rich Rod needs another year, Rich Rod is the cause of all problems etc.  To me, what your post comes down to is "we need originality, so here's some of the same shit we've heard over and over again."  Does anyone have the answer or some brilliant new take on the fact that will make everyone sit in awe? No, probably not, but i certainly appreciate the attempts.  The data has been combed over in every way imaginable and the end of the season is coming despite everyone's best effort to hold on just one more week.  We get extra football this year, unlike the last two, and that is reason enough to be thankful this week.  For me, the OP said it best...I won't worry about the bullshit and just enjoy Michigan football.  Let the bullshit fall to those who must deal with it, as for me I'm going to ride the A-bomb that is the defense all the way to a flash of brilliance, whether it be an epic collapse or glorious victory. 

This post sponsored by Ministries of Peace, Truth, Plenty and Love. Fuck Eurasia, don't forget your towel.


November 24th, 2010 at 12:45 AM ^

I wish I had enough points to neg you.  I will support Rich Rod until he is no longer our coach.  I am a fourth generation wolverine.  I have watched Michigan my whole life and want nothing more than to see them win every single game.  But to think that Michigan would be better off firing our coach and starting over is insane.  I know we have not been successful these past couple  years, but have faith!!  This team shows more promise then any that I can remember.  Never have I seen a team fighting more for The Team, The Team, Team!  These kids are playing their hearts out and to insult them like this shows you are not a true Michigan Man.  I believe in this team, and hope more than anything that Rich Rod is given at least another year to further the development of this team. Go Blue! Beat the buckeyes!!!


November 24th, 2010 at 12:45 AM ^

I wish I had enough points to neg you.  I will support Rich Rod until he is no longer our coach.  I am a fourth generation wolverine.  I have watched Michigan my whole life and want nothing more than to see them win every single game.  But to think that Michigan would be better off firing our coach and starting over is insane.  I know we have not been successful these past couple  years, but have faith!!  This team shows more promise then any that I can remember.  Never have I seen a team fighting more for The Team, The Team, Team!  These kids are playing their hearts out and to insult them like this shows you are not a true Michigan Man.  I believe in this team, and hope more than anything that Rich Rod is given at least another year to further the development of this team. Go Blue! Beat the buckeyes!!!

My name ... is Tim

November 24th, 2010 at 9:40 AM ^

Look, I'm not going to argue for or against RichRod being fired in this response, but to say that "firing this coach and starting over would be insane!!!" is infinitely more insane than saying we need a change at head coach. You can certainly make an argument for why RichRod should stay, but there's certainly an equally compelling argument for just the opposite. Insane would be an OSU fan after the Wisconsin loss saying, "TRESSEL SUCKS! FIRE HIM! WTF? ANOTHER ONE LOSS SEASON?!"

Your post is exactly what this guy was griping about, and rightfully so. I happen to fall into the "I think making a change - a proper, reasoned change - if we can land a well-tested top caliber power conference-proven coach, is a good idea." However, I'm not shouting at people who support RichRod with things like "Keeping a guy who has a sub .500 Big Ten record in 3 years is insane!"

The arguments have been well laid out, there's a decent case for both sides, and no one will really know what's best for the program until RichRod stays - and either fails or succeeds - or is fired - and his successor either fails or succeeds. Stop denigrating other people's opinions, particularly ones that aren't inflammatory and knee-jerk.


November 24th, 2010 at 10:25 AM ^

As much as I respect both sides of the arguement about keeping or firing RR I agree that if you are going to make a change it has to be as you stated we need to land a battle tested and top caliber coach.

As great of a job I think JH has done at Stanford, I see three more years of re-re-building a program, where Denard looks like Vince Young in Tennesse, and in which time people will be screaming about how "we are michigan" and RR has screwed our image so bad that even a "Michigan Man" can't fix us.

I hope DB does all he can to make sure this program CONTINUES it's improvement into the bowl game and into next season. 


November 24th, 2010 at 9:24 AM ^

have presented facts and figures which basically point to doomsday scenarios

if we don't fire him we will be bad forever, if we do fire him we will be re-building forever

I would have thought the principle of mutually assured destruction would prevent us from going nuclear

but it does seem as if Rich Rod's Job Status is Balthorium G

"we'll meet again, don't know where don't know when, but I know we'll meet again some sunny day"


November 24th, 2010 at 8:43 AM ^

Fuck!!! Been a long time reader of this blog! But enough is enough! Your post has finally made me make a account so I can voice my frustration with so called "fans" like you!

If you can honestly not see how this team has progressed since 2008, you sir are blind and all you remind me of is the old school, wine sipping, cheese nibbler, stuck up "we are MI and we should always win!"

RR was handed a pile of shit in 2008, it did not take a football genius to see this! 2009 was not much better but at least in 2009 you could start to see what his vision was. Now it is 2010 and we are in the top 15 of offensive stats in the nation, with a offensive team that will be coming back for 2 more years!

The defense has been bad for years, not just the RR era. Do we need a new DC, probably. I honestly do not think much more could be done with this year’s D regardless who the DC is, no talent from the Carr recruiting era, combined with attrition, injuries, and youth is nothing more than a recipe for disaster, that no DC in the nation would want on their plate!

But the thing that makes me sick, is your tone. You sound like so many other people I know and blame RR for all this and your only reason is "we are MI". It's that stuck up we are better than any school higher then mighty attitude why MI fans are considered some of the worst, because of the arrogance that  pores from them, makes me want to puke!

Fuck, I am the minority routing for this team and RR within my circle of people, who are all MI fans, but the difference is I see through the "we are MI" bullshit!

2008, 3-9

2009, 5-7

2010, ?-? with a bowl

If you can't see improvement, then you are a wine sipping, cheese nibbler "we are MI" fans, and as far as I am concerned your no fan to me!

Spoof Football

November 24th, 2010 at 9:03 PM ^

Is not, and never has been, "We are Michigan! We should even win the Stanley Cup!"

I've been following coolege football longer than most here have been alive. I've seen EVERY major program fall into the terlet. And we are the last one, I guess.

But you know what? Not one, NOT ONE program that was taken into the terlet was brought out of it by the guy who took the program there, except for Penn State and Joe Paterno.

And why? Because all those other programs realized one thing: We're in the terlet because of THIS GUY!! Fire him!

I guess the revolving door on the office of the Defensive Coordinator doesn't bother you. Yes, defense has been a problem--but not NEARLY and nowhere NEAR this bad under anybody in over 398 years of Michigan football. NOT EVER. And, RR has managed this feat TWICE!

Everyone blamed Lloyd Carr for how bad our defense was--as in, he handicapped his DC's with a conservative attitude and anemic offense. An offense not devoid of talent, just devoid of imagination and allowing the talent to be deployed to its fullest. No one ever uttered the words, "This is the worst UM defense in the history of UM defense" when Lloyd was there.

The sad thing is, everyone wants to point to Appy State and Oregon as the crux of their arguments. Of course, the fact that Lloyd lost a total of FORTY games in THIRTEEN years is, I guess, further evidence that he really sucked big blue donkey wongs. But I digress.

And never mind the fact that over the course of his coaching career, RR is, for all the "magic" he seems to possess to his supporters, pretty pedestrian, winning at about a 65% clip. Three real good years at WVU, two bowl wins, and he is The One? Sorry, but I didn't buy it then and don't buy it now. And his record proves me out.

I'm not hanging on some esoteric thread with my arguments about whether he should be here. I've got visible proof, even despite the alleged "improvement"--which defies logic in the face of his record against Wisconsin, Iowa, MSU, PSU, Purdue, Illinois, and Ohio State. Which, by the way, is a stellar 3-16. THREE AND SIXTEEN. Oh yeah, he has Indiana's number, I'll give you that. And Notre Dame's. Wow.

As for 2008--go back there, transport yourself back in time, and tell me what you thought, and where you thought, Michigan football would be in 2010 when RR was hired. Tell me, in all honesty, if anything but 20/20 hindsight says you thought UM would be hanging at 7-4 by a thread and even contemplating handing this guy his walking papers.

Ultimate Quizmaster

November 23rd, 2010 at 11:16 PM ^

Spoof you once again prove your stupidity. But let's play your scenerio: Monday DB cans our coach, so who's gonna come? Are we going to do a month long coaching search and end up with some nobody only to get bombed in the bowl game? I'm not the biggest RR fan, but what else are we going to do.


November 23rd, 2010 at 11:21 PM ^

I like how you use the term "swagger" to describe what the team needs and in the next sentence deride those who use grit, determined, etc. (Not that I'm on either side.)

P.S. No need to fear science, but if you do, you don't have to read it. You could probably get admitted to the BBWAA.


November 23rd, 2010 at 11:35 PM ^

gets derailed by a troll.

This guy runs a wheel route and a bunch of you get suckered every time.  I would think you'd have figured out how to defend it by now.


November 24th, 2010 at 2:28 AM ^

Uh, speak for yourself there, pal.

In all seriousness, I agree with your sentiments. I'm tired of this division between the Michigan fan-base. Yesterday a friend (and fellow alumnus) said "DickRod," and I responded, "Oh, god, you're one of those?" I don't like that. I want to hate Ohio State, not feel tired of fellow Michigan Wolverines.

Of course, that existed under Lloyd, too. The Internet's popularization has been a cruel beast to our solidarity.


November 24th, 2010 at 9:10 AM ^

I am looking forward to DB's decision (regardless of what it is) just so this incessant prognostication will stop.

Of course, then we'll have to hear the insufferable voices from either the empire or the rebels complaining about that decision.


Here's hoping for a good game on Saturday.  Go Blue.

Steve '03


November 24th, 2010 at 10:22 AM ^

Wait...there's a game on Saturday?  of which the outcome hasn't been decided yet?  Right on! 

 Brandon said something the other day about how it's great that the fanbase is so passionate, but that they only have 5% of the access and information that he does.  We really have no choice but to trust that he will make the right decision.  Here's hoping that events ultimately prove him right either way, because that means that in the future we will be back to talking about hating OSU instead of creating endless threads arguing about whether the coach should be fired or not.  

I, for one, look forward to that day.  Go Blue!