Meta: Chicagoans—if we did a Q&A-type event downtown the night before NW'ern would you come? Jared of SPW offered to host it as part of his killer Northwestern package; trying to gauge interest.
As per tradition, bye week Saturday is Wife Day, when sports fans stop to appreciate those who married us—only to discover they had also married this thing that makes us sometimes psychotic, often inconsolable, and constantly spending vast sums for tickets and road trips and apparel. Oh, you are perfectly right to bitch about somebody who plans their wedding on any October Saturday (I hope your every anniversary falls on top of a rivalry game, a hated hockey opponent, the opening throws of basketball season, and the World Series). But let's recognize—male and female (17% of our readership)—that this does make us a particularly needy breed of spouse.
Weeklies: Gifs and F+-ing. Best and Worst made a comic book reference I actually got, and points out the defense was actually doing a good job until the point in the 2nd quarter when they got Roberson'd. He rightly calls out the staff for still making major offensive line changes this late in the season, though I think we're happy they made them. Inside the Box score also brought up the O-line carousel:
* Midway through the first quarter, Joey Burzynski got hurt. So let's review our situation at Left Guard this year. Glasgow started the season there, only to move to center in an attempt to shore up the middle. Chris Bryant was the next man in. He's either injured or not as effective as the staff would like, so he was replaced by Burzynski. When he got hurt, Kyle Bosch entered the lineup. Yep, our 4th string left guard.
Turns out the offensive line should have been playing Indiana all along.
…and a chicken coop parade for ND, and CMU as the crying Indian in that don't-litter commercial from the '80s, and Akron/UConn as Indiana Jones obstacles. These are going to be weekly he says.
More F/+ please! Here is dnak439 with an updated chart of Big Ten teams by Fremeau's F/+: offense (y-axis) and defense (x-axis).
Hooray for being in the good quadrant; hard to believe MSU's offense is as good (bad?) as Penn State's. Iowa's tracking higher than Northwestern since AIRBHG whiffed on Weisman and nailed the Wildcats' entire backfield. Dnack also made a thing that tracks your rooting interest to get Michigan the Bo Division crown.
[Jump for new and improved Stauskas, GRIII levitates, hand checking enforcement effect on Big Ten teams, the Seeya! chant]
Reshp1 wrote a redemptive picture pages to show some things the offense did well, though it's best you read this while keeping in mind where Indiana falls on the above chart in defense. The first is a nice adjustment by Burzynski that is irrelevant now because of his injury.
Etc. Ron Utah had some 1st down stats before the Indiana game that said Michigan's overplaying its run tendencies. YoungGeezy wants Gallon listed among all-time great Michigan WRs. Stopthewnba shows a list of teams who were beaten by teams Missouri beat. Turnover analysis. Hockey Corsi Charts. LSA's Big Ten stats thing.
Best of the Board
Hang a year of American meat on the boy from the place with fat free bacon and whaddaya got?
The first 8 lbs went into his shoulders and upper arms. The next 8 were all pecs.
TALKED TO THE HAND
Coach Brown posted an update after speaking with Da'Shawn's coach and:
All I can say is that the kid did all of his research and is basically trying to see where he fits best and where he wants to live now. He enjoyed Ann Arbor. He just wants to compare it to the other two places before his decision.
Hand's visit to Alabama is this weekend.
GLENN ROBINSON LITERALLY LEAPT OFF THE CHART
Warning: excessive use of fairy dust may detach your shadow.
Right before we went in for what may be my only radio appearance ever (I forgot what I do for a living) the assistant coaches were in the studio with Sam Webb and dropping basket-bombs. Like Caris Levert could be lottery pick-level already. Like GRIII's vertical is higher than Michigan's vertical measuring device can measure.
There's a whole thread if you wanna get stoked for the season. Which you should because the things that you want to hear (Stauskas has grown up and can play defense, LeVert's ball skills are point guard-worthy, and Walton is basically ready), are all the things you are hearing.
NCAA TO ENFORCE…HAND CHECKS? Riiiiiiiiight.
Riiiiiiiight. Effect of actual hand check enforcement—if it actually happened—on each Big Ten team according to me:
Wisconsin: 100% screwed. Like shut down the program screwed. If fouls are called fouls and basketballs are inflated like basketballs and no-look threes from halfcourt aren't high-percentage shots…
Ohio State: 74% screwed. Aaron Craft is TOTALLY screwed, team still really good on defense with that reach and everything.
Purdue: 65% screwed. Painter's team would be 2nd on this list if they weren't already headed for a crappy rebuilding season.
Illinois: 64% screwed and rising. It's year three of a transition to Matta-ball.
Michigan State: 34% screwed. Mostly because I believe Izzo just uses it because he has to—like how the damn Avalanche used to have no compunction about the neutral zone trap paired with wanton holding, but when that went away it was still Sakic and Forsberg and Foote and Roy and faceoff guy Yelle and argh I still hate those guys (and still remember their lines). But hey, one more thing Appling can screw up repeatedly to drive Spartan fans batso. More batso.
Northwestern: 20% screwed. Just Sobocop.
Penn State: 18% screwed. PSU actually gets called for these already; the one game a season they don't is now off the table.
Unaffected: Michigan (never any penalties against us anyway), Nebraska (nothing really matters, anyone can see), Iowa (WHEEEEEEE!!!!! we don't have time to check WHEEEEEE!!!!), Minnesota (new coach, new style anyway). Indiana (like any enforcement shift can change what happens in Assembly Hall).
The day Aaron Craft fouls out in the 1st half and Wisconsin is losing to everyone but Nebraska on a Penn State-ian wave of whistles I'll believe it's going to happen.
A MILLION STUPID PINPRICKS
So this exists:
Question: what happens to the first team that reports 500 secondary violations in a year? Answer: nothing so yes it's okay for Ohio State to make this poster and send it to the kid. The thing about most NCAA secondary violations: they're only there so that Michigan and three other schools with any actual compliance going on will be disadvantaged versus all the schools that know they can break them.
FWIW I believe OSU's cover is they produced this but sent it to the kid directly; he's the one who tweeted it.
Silly attempt by Wisconsin's suits to make the students act all family-friendly-environment leads to a thread discussing the pro's and con's of the hockey chant. As I've said before on the subject, if a kid's first time hearing "Fuck" is right after Tate Forcier's 4th interception in a winnable game versus Ohio State, well, that kid has learned the exact perfect context for using that word. Later in life he will get mad at another dude who is using the word as if he just discovered it because that is a word reserved for truly special moments.
I hate "You Suck." We're singing "Temptation" here—that is a far better song for the moment than repeating two words like a 4th grader. If we're going to add words they ought to be situationally relevant, for example:
You, came in my zone
You should have known
That was Temptation.
You tried, to convert third and long (9/8/7/6/5/4/3/2/short)
Now your drive's gone.*
You! Were Temptaaaaaaa-tion'ed!
* Third and ____ 9: Now your ball's mine. 8: Our D was too great. 7: It didn't happen. 6: You met some bricks. 5: So much for your drive. 4: But we closed the door. 3: You couldn't budge me: 2. Guess that sucks for you. Short: WAAAAAAAALLLL!!!
SHORT ANSWERS TO BOARD THREAD TITLES
Will refs fairly call MSU penalties? No.
Borges' State gameplan: Indiana or new? New. Not the PSU one.
Should Mattison get a pass for DEBACLE? Yes.
When do they announce gametimes? Usually 10 days out, sometimes six, since getting the right games on the right channels at the right time is way more important to these guys than your pathetic attempts to plan your gameday.
MEDIA DAY PHOTOS:
Fuller via Media Day. See the set.
ETC. Baseball has its best recruiting class since right before the national title run. A high school kid submitted his paper on the history of the Game. Adding questions for pressers is a great idea, but know we only get to ask one or two a week.
Your Moment of Zen: