Who Sent Pryor The Email?

Submitted by Brian on May 7th, 2009 at 2:10 PM

note: all email addresses below are intended to be fake, but I didn't test them or anything. suggest you don't use them.

Extremely sane and not at all prone to crying on the bench after tragic loss Buckeye quarterback Terrelle Pryor told extremely impartial and totally tough-as-nails interviewer Kirk Herbstreit something obviously true yesterday:

Pryor: "I really want to be like a great quarterback. People tell me I can't throw and this and that, and I'm not that good and I'm overrated and all that."

Herbstreit: "Who?"

Pryor: "A bunch of people. Michigan players e-mail me and stuff."

Herbstreit: "Come on, are you serious?"

Pryor: "Yeah man."

Video if you want it. This is obviously true. But who is the culprit? MGoBlog's three primary suspects:

Zoltan Mesko

Motive: Michigan's lone player in the business school is marketing a TOTALLY LEGITIMATE scheme which isn't even a scheme at all, really, but just a sure 100% foolproof ways to make the moneys.

Example email

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected][email protected]

Subject: "[email protected]@k! 1mpr0ve yr threwing motion no foolsies"

Dear Friend,

I am Mr. Boltan Tesko, Accounts Manager, of Abbey National PLC Bromley Rd Branch. I have an important business proposition for you.

On December 12th, 2008, a contractor with the National Fotoball Legue, United States, Bill Parcells, made a limited time (Fixed) offer for twelve calendar months, valued at US$ 17,350,000.00 (Seventeen Million Three Hundred Hundred and fifty Thousand Dollars only) in contracts for any quarteback to throw

Upon maturity,I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, that there is no throw. TO throw we teach you throw for sum of US$ 3,500,000.00 which is leave you profit of US$14,000,000.00.

There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and with my position as the Manager with my bank will guarantees the successful execution of this transaction.

Awaiting your urgent reply.

Thanks and regards.

Boltan Tesko

Odds: 50/1

 

Steven Threet

Motive: Exploring a transfer.

Example Email

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: So I hear you can't throw.

Body: Here's the deal: as soon as I completed my paperwork to transfer to Arizona State, Dennis Erickson drove into a volcano.

erickson-volcano

They've replaced him with Tom Osborne and moved me to fullback. I hear you can't throw and have emotional problems. Is this true? If so, do you want to be roommates?

PS: Please don't say yes and then throw Tressel into the sun.

Odds: 10/1.

 

David Cone

david-cone Motive: Is from alien planet and must drop mad science on fools every 30 minutes or he loses his super powers.

Example Email

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: prepare to get dropped

yo yo yo yo, check it:

pryor you ain't nothing

you at a place where there's no one to compete
i shake steve brown like he was concrete
bauserman, boeckman, guiton who dat
you get hurt they put in the wildcat

me? stuck behind sheridan, yeah, you lucky
otherwise mich gets rid of the monkey

white like mcguffie but with mad skillz
one more concussion i give him frog pills
my head's fine, clear like cristal
five yard ropes when i get the ball

THAT'S FEBREZE PEOPLE

Odds: 1/1.

Comments

jamiemac

May 7th, 2009 at 2:20 PM ^

Put me down for a Benny on Mesko. After the Derby, I'm sure another 50/1 shot will come in.

I feel like you're speaking to me with the gambling theme.

I have a good feeling Zoltan will win.

Let it Ride!

Wazoo

May 7th, 2009 at 2:52 PM ^

Of course some of the e-mail addresses are fake, OSU students don't use the .edu domain name. It's for educational institutions only.

Evil Empire

May 7th, 2009 at 2:59 PM ^

Halol. I haven't watched the video of him rapping, because I love the concept so much that the reality can't live up to it. Your rhyme sheet rox.

S FL Wolverine

May 7th, 2009 at 3:35 PM ^

I'm so tired of the "me against the world" shtick that athletes use. Even when they are defending champions, and EVERYONE expects them to do it, you get the boilerplate "a lot of people didn't think we could do this". I'm sure if the Wings win the cup again or James wins an NBA title we'll be served up another dose of this tripe. Is it really that hard to motivate yourself without anger, without "proving all the doubters wrong"? I mean, seriously, Terrelle Pryor is playing the "people say I am overrated" stuff? Sure there are U-M fans who think so (many on this blog), but U-M players? Isn't that instant BB material? C'mon. Why can't he just be good because he wants to make his parents proud or because he's just driven to be the best. Why is it always based on stickin' it to someone else?

The FannMan

May 7th, 2009 at 5:11 PM ^

Didn't Brian put someone's e-mail on this cite just yesterday? And now, today, Pryor is whinning about getting negative e-mails?

Could it be????

Pryor is McFarlin!!! That explains everything.

dundee

May 7th, 2009 at 5:26 PM ^

not really sure why it's even an issue. of course he's not that great of a passer and he's definetely overrated. as for the UM players e-mailing him c'mon he's just playin just like he was when he was actually thinking of coming to the Uofm. he got tossed out of spring practice for trash talking and 15yd penalty in the jersey game for trash talking nothing that comes out of this punks mouth is worth responding to.

bluesouth

May 7th, 2009 at 8:12 PM ^

It's been a tough day at work today. I get home wolf down dinner and settle into a few minutes of MGoblog and in a few minutes I'm LOL so frickin hard I got tears. Thanks Brian this [email protected] made my day. I'm hooked I really don't care what you do to the site, just don't stop writing.

Jomafalo

May 7th, 2009 at 9:27 PM ^

I think it is actually OSU fans posing as UM players just to get Pryor fired up or maybe Justin Boren, who likely has inside knowledge of UM players e-mail accounts, looking for motivational fuel for his new teammates. Maybe it was Herbie himself, trying to give himself an interesting story line and then playing dumb; "What are you serious?", "who is sending you e-mails?" "Really, UM players... wow the nerve of those people up north, can't wait till WE kick their a**es again!"

Texas Buckeye

May 11th, 2009 at 10:05 PM ^

A person going by the moniker "Fat Bastard" noted that this post is "Awesomely Hilarious."

I'll grant you I chuckled... but then I shifted back in my chair, kicked my feet back a bit, reached for my mouse and visited the Columbus Dispatch. I then navigated to OSU Sports > Football and saw something that is truly "Awesomely Hilarious."

1,997 days.

That's how long the sweater vest has owned the once mighty Wolverines. And, dear friends, I don't see this trend stopping anytime soon.

wlvrine

May 11th, 2009 at 11:12 PM ^

Ooh kaa

I'm surprised you can see at all due to:

A. Bathtub gin

B. Auto erotication

C. Running with scissors

D. If you cover your eyes with buckeye stickers you get a free can of Copenhaghen from 7-11

E. You lack foresight

F. Your eyes are crossed

G. Your chemical toilet exploded

H. The first time you fired your Red Ryder B.B. gun you thought it was a fluke

I. You kept reaching for the Corona during an eclipse

j. Inbreeding (sorry, I know it's and old joke)