This Week in the Twitterverse takes a look at the social media happenings of the previous week, or whatever else I feel like talking about. Mostly I make fun of people who are better at things than I am. No purchase necessary, void where prohibited. Consult your doctor if this column lasts more than four hours. If you come across anything you think should be in next week's column, send it to @Bry_Mac.
As of today, I have been married to my lovely wife, Mrs. BiSB (also known as WiSB or J_Mac, but not really), for exactly four years. In that spirit, I thought I would share some of the lessons I have learned in those years, in hopes that my wisdom may save you from some of my missteps.
Your stupidity is noticed, stupid.
When you screw up (and you WILL screw up), you may not always get called on it. You ignored a request to
refrain from peeing in the sink put some pants on, dammit, we have company do the dishes, or you come home from your "quick drink after work" at 2:00 a.m. with a concussion, wearing a loin cloth and reeking of ouzo, and your significant other lets it slide. "I'm a wizard," you think to yourself. "I should rob banks. Or the Louvre." You see, you confused a patient and tolerant person with someone who didn't mind. Turns out, humans tend to notice and respond to stimuli. You are unknowingly making withdrawals from the First National Bank of Spousal Patience, and you never know when your balance will hit zero and crap will hit the fan. To wit:
As we have discussed many times, people send stupid tweets to recruits all the time. The recruits usually don't respond, so the morons tweeting them probably assume either (a) no one notices or cares, or (b) they need to up their trolling game to break through the noise. Turns out, they are just making their respective schools look bad. Shai Mckenzie had a since-deleted back-and-forth with one such Pitt fan, and as a result he’s not feeling the love. I don’t know if he decided to cancel the visit (it was scheduled for today), but needless to say that if you were the fan who cost your team a 4-star running back, your day will not be good.
Sometimes a little space is a good thing
If you've been in a relationship for a long time, you probably enjoy spending time together. Regardless, a little "me time" is a healthy thing for both of you. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and you don't need to share your every thought and every waking moment with your paramour. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Omnipresence makes you this dude:
Kentucky has jumped to the front of the Inappropriate Twitter Stalkers parade, and this guy is out front waving a Big Blue baton. As you can probably guess, those are all recruits (including Jamarco Jones, who is most decidedly not considering Kentucky anymore). It isn't even that he contacts recruits. It's how OFTEN he's contacting recruits. And what he's saying to them. And how it seems to be the SOLE REASON he has a Twitter account. And... Jeebus, read that feed. He’s mentioned TJ Harrell nearly 50 times in the last two weeks alone. So, based on quantity, quality, use of exclamation points, and overall lack of self-awareness, I declare you, John Turner, to be the TWITTER CREEPER OF THE YEAR OF THE WEEK. This is only the second time I have given this award, so cherish it, BBN hero.
[After the jump, your friends may be on your side, but that doesn't mean they're "helping"]
We men get ourselves in enough trouble, so the last thing we need is a group of instigators around us encouraging us to make things worse. Often this will take the form of “you should rekindle that fight you just had, because YOU were right,” or “you should do that thing she asked you not to do, because you’re a free man and this is America.”
Likewise, you may say to yourself, “I know it’s wrong to tweet kids because BiSB told me so,” and you’ll look to you your team’s coaches for confirmation. But instead some coach is all “that’s cool, rules are for suckers because ESS EEE SEE WOOOOOO” (relevant bit at 2:45):
You can't imagine when you're recruiting a kid out of high school and his twitter account jumps a thousand people in two hours because the fans found out who he was. It is overwhelming to me and it really brings a new excitement that I didn't know we had to myself because I know what it's doing for recruiting. We can only do so much. When they feel the Big Blue Nation out there doing that... I can't tell you how many letters I write, how many phone calls I make, or how hard I work, the fans can pour so much into it that we can't do. It's awesome to see.
~ Tommy Mainord; WR coach, Kentucky
Twitter heroes like TCOTYOTW Award-winner John Turner may well be a permanent fixture on the ‘crootin landscape for the forseeable future, but I think we all assumed that most coaches viewed these guys as an annoyance at best and a dangerous hindrance at worst. And even if coaches thought this kind of crap was helpful, they would keep it to themselves and allow the thing to unfold while they feigned a shred of dignity. But no, this is an actual coach at a BCS school who is actively encouraging fans to break NCAA rules in a creep-tastic manner. And he’s doing so IN A UNIVERSITY-PRODUCED VIDEO. Go home, Kentucky. You’re drunk. And no drunk tweeting when you get home. YFMBOYSBTDMTH.
On the other hand, Kentucky did invent the idea of using "hashtags", so I guess they can get... no. They get nothing. They lose. Good day sir.
Keep everything in perspective
It’s easy in a relationship to lose sight of the big picture. You lose the forest through the trees, and sometimes you have to take a step back and look at what really matters.
As an analogy, imagine someone was accused of a vicious premeditated murder. Now, most people would focus on the human tragedy this represents. But other people (mostly those who have completely lost any sense of a social compass) might focus on how that event might affect that person’s sponsors:
Process that for a second. Hernandez was charged with murder today, and PUMA HAD NO COMMENT.* One guy is dead. Another has thrown his life away. An 8-month-old child will probably grow up without a father present. And you’re going with the impact on... Puma. Interesting tack.
I think George Diaz of the Orlando Sentinel said it well when he predicted:
The tragedy of Odin's death and the impact on his family will become a secondary story for talking heads in our celebrity-obsessed culture
And sure enough, Mr. Diaz was soon proven correct by… George Diaz of the Orlando Sentinel:
As folks like to say, when one door closes, another opens up.
In this case, it’s the clink of the cellblock closing in on Aaron Hernandez, and the heavens parting for Tim Tebow.
Those quotes are from the same article. I can’t make my brain close that gap. Then again, at least Diaz seems to understand the implications of murder charges, unlike some people:
I’m going to go out on a limb, Donovan, and predict that yes, there is a pretty good chance that if convicted, this could really take a bite out of Hernandez’s most productive NFL years (those being “the years where he is alive”).
*NOTE: if the “no comment” doesn’t come from a shoe company, but rather from an actual puma, then that would be noteworthy. It would also be smart, because if you are a carnivorous jungle cat, you’re probably going to want to invoke your Fifth Amendment rights, because you WILL be a suspect.
One of these people is attractive. One writes a stupid column.
[BONUS: marriage advice for women
Don’t marry this guy.
Obvious advice is obvious.]