pic.twitter.com/LDWJLaxGkH

— Abraham May (@Smoothitron) September 3, 2016

The Question:

Best Twitter follows by category (points for obscurity)

The Responses:

1. BEST HIGH SCHOOL KID RIPPING OFF EVERYONE'S STUFF WITHOUT ATTRIBUTION WHO GETS MAD AT YOU IN YOUR DMs

Seth: Sure wake the Bobby demon.

Ace: When I call people out for this they make fake accounts to talk to other high schoolers.

Brian: I think it was the Isaac Nauta is going to Michigan kid who deleted his account immediately afterwards. But this isn't really in the spirit of this post, which is supposed to expose people to the wonders of twitter, not the downsides.

Ace: It is wonderful when those kids get mad and block you. Like… don’t you need the info?

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2. MOST CRIMINALLY UNDER-FOLLOWED MICHIGAN FAN

Ace: Even at 11K followers, the correct answer is Jane Coaston (@cjane87). As long as you can handle some politics, she’s funny, insightful, and has great interactions with the rest of Michigan twitter.

Seth: Just don't ever try your music takes with her because you are wrong and will feel bad (you are and you should).

Ace: Oh, right: she has good music taste.

Seth: Highly recommend her Led Zep playlist. Huge chunks of HTTV written with that on.

BiSB: Okay, Jane is in the New York Times. She's officially off the "under the radar" list

[Hit THE JUMP and see how many follows you add today, plus a Star Wars digression]

Brian: 11k is a healthy number indicative of a real twitter personality. 425 is fewer than some eggs in my mentions and that is the @internetraj count right now. I'm telling the other seven billion people they're missing out.

Hey @TonyGerdeman I went to your angelfire 5th grade HTML project lookin ass website just to taste those geocities ass tears pic.twitter.com/ytLBtJgeSI

— raj (@internetraj) April 28, 2017

Ace: I was way late to this party and feel bad about it.

Brian:

Nike SPARQ score is just a series of 56k modem noises https://t.co/xyhIXlIRBq

— raj (@internetraj) April 25, 2017

There's gotta be someone more obscure than Jane you have. Like, if you refer to "Jane" apropros of nothing I know who you are talking about. She's basically Brazilian.

Ace: Noah Neidlinger (@candor_for_sale) did the Wilton Speight jumpman photoshop and has fewer than 300. He’s a quality follow in general.

Brian: Yes, @candor_for_sale, thank you.

Ace: Same goes for @CT_in_TC, who has good hoops insight. Also, we can’t overlook @smoothitron.

pic.twitter.com/BccR4isNCC

— Abraham May (@Smoothitron) April 30, 2017

Brian: Smoothitron is part of the collective. I'm not shouting out @AceAnbender here

Ace: He’s barely above 300!

Brian: That is a fair point. Also @benmathislilley has almost 4k followers but I frequently am sad that he has good tweets with little interaction.

Ace: Yeah, his tweet-to-favorite (me fav-ing, to be clear) ratio is excellent.

Seth: @DrSap4UM is late to Twitter so he's critically underfollowed (~200) despite being one of the most important M content producers out there.

Alex: I'm late to the party but @guestavoo is an excellent M hoops follow at <300. Follows recruiting really closely, has a good eye for scouting players and understanding things on a macro level. Early scouting on Jaaron Simmons:

@guestavoo Simmons - great use of head/fake shots, arsenal of floaters, shoots of the bounce, the worst 3pt shooter and the best PnR handler

— guestavo (@guestavoo) April 14, 2017

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3. MOST RUTHLESS TROLL

Brian: This category can only have two answers.

Ace: This is a very difficult choice.

David: @sbell021 is my winner.

Brian: I am going with @itsantwright, who just spent a day interacting with people who thought he was Lavar Ball. And has repeatedly gotten blocks from people who started out trolling him.

Brian: Ant Wright is a cathartic godsend. If he didn't exist I'd have to shoot back at MSU eggs ten times more frequently. Also one of our first interactions with him was trolling him about his lack of athleticism and he instantly responded with vines of him dunking as a seventh grader. Who has those just laying around? Ant Wright.

Ace: I’ll go Wright for volume, Bell for quality. I really enjoy Ant’s trolling but sometimes it’ll fill up your whole timeline. Scott’s a little more measured. Both are really dang good at digging up old stuff that instantly ends an argument. Ant even destroys his old teammates.

@DavidMerritt15 man what were you thinking here pic.twitter.com/tKgnuBQtr3

— LaVar Ball (@ItsAntWright) April 24, 2017

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4. BEST RIVALRY FOLLOW

Alex : @McMathketball is a great analytics guy and covers MSU basketball very well. Definitely a worthy follow.

Seth: @ChrisVannini. Imagine a Spartan you respect so much that if he thinks your take is wrong your first thought is there's probably something wrong with your take.

Ace: As long as we include the caveat that he has the worst ranking of Star Wars movies known to man, agreed.

Brian: V VI IV III II I VII?

(Stop blowing up Death Stars, I beg you. It's over! DEATH STARS ARE OVER)

Ace:

My Official Star Wars rankings, which you will *hate.*

Sith, Rogue, Jedi, Empire, Phantom, TFA, New Hope, Clones.

— Chris Vannini (@ChrisVannini) December 17, 2016

Brian: That's not as bad as it could be.

Ace: Theoretically, sure.

Seth: There is an entire generation of young people who don't see the problem with Jar Jar.

Ace: I take offense to that statement.

Brian: How about the problem with a child actor who can't act at the same time Hayl Jolely Osmond is in the Sixth Sense. This is a digression.

Seth: The next movie is going to be a remake of Empire and I am already over it.

Ace: Getting back on track, there’s good reason we feature Ross Fulton (@RossRFulton) in HTTV. Great general X and O’s insight with a focus on the Buckeyes.

BiSB: For MSU Hockey (a thing which, yes, still exists), I suggest @JDGonger517.

Adam: I second that.

Brian: Yes, Gonger and I have been mutually complaining about the state of both hockey programs for years.

Adam: For Xs and Os, @ZachSDunn recently started writing for Eleven Warriors and does good work. It looks like he's been tasked with covering OSU's opposition; he recently posted interesting looks at Iowa's offense and Michigan's defense.

Brian: Maybe their flagship account can check with him before it fires of Peppers hot takes.

Seth: My favorite OSU writer is Ramzy Nasrallah (@ramzy), the founder of Eleven Warriors. But his twitter game is very dad. He split accounts to personal and Buckeyes, which means his bourbon takes are now out of my feed unless I want his global marketing and brand strategy takes.

Ace: I miss the bourbon takes.

Seth: Ramzy's Buckeye takes are occasionally no-fun variety too:

Bo, Hoke, two Heisman winners, dozens of football legends, Trey Burke & a B1G title. The Worst State Ever is Michigan's breast of choice.

— Ramzy Nasrallah (@ramzy) March 4, 2012

Yes you are the Worst State Ever and we shouldn't have to explain that when your refugees come here to declare a 10-year war on your garbage-shaped political entity. You’re my age Ramzy, stop being so dad.

Also I should have mentioned Spartan Dan (@dbaker3448), though like Jane this one comes with a politics warning.

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5. BEST RANDOM BIG TEN FOLLOW

David: @gopherstate actually talked to me about Corsi in the press box, so I have to at least mention him.

David: This might be more opponent than rivalry, but I started following @rodger_sherman when he was at Sippin' on Purple.  Since then, I just stayed with him. I agree on Ross Fulton. Also @adam_Jacobi.

Seth: I have unfollowed-followed Jacobi like 11 times. I have to follow him, but I have a corgi and pun limit that I feel is well within reasonable for humans.

David: I have no such pun limit

Brian: Doors go up, doors go down, that's what garage doors doooooooo.

Also in Iowa fans, if you want to know what Michigan twitter would have looked like during the late Carr years Patrick Vint (@PV_GIA) is for you.

Alex: @bkbtNUmbers (Northwestern) and @totally_t_bomb (Wisconsin) are both quite insightful CBB analytics guys who know the B1G. @BenG412 is a Northwestern fan who writes about mid-majors for SB Nation and he's decidedly in the Crimson Quarry axis of good tweets and opinions. Yes, last year's main twitter discovery for me was Northwestern basketball twitter.

Ace: It’s like a more analytical Iowa football twitter.

Alex: I was happy for Northwestern despite Chris Collins and their insufferable MSM alumni because of how strong NU Hoops Twitter is.

The Crimson Quarry—@kylerrobbins @VT_Ben @KickSewly etc—might be the best SB Nation community in the Big Ten. And they love Indiana football, which: aww, bless your hearts.

Ace: As long as you can deal with some serious Michigan takes, yeah.

Brian: Isn't one of them super mad at us? Or all of them?

Ace: Think it’s more like all of them. They insist that Tegray Scales was better than Jabrill Peppers.

BisB: The 2015 Michigan/IU game broke Robbins' soul a bit

Alex: Again: bless their hearts.

Brian: You'd think Indiana folks would be aware that tackles are not a good indicator of proficiency. Since they always have a guy with 180 tackles.

BiSB: Usually a corner

Alex: Robbins's meltdown after that L in 2015 was delightful.

Ace: Scales is legitimately good, but he wasn’t postseason-award-level good.

Brian: I respect anyone who can melt down about Indiana football.

Seth: Michigan has done so many heartbreaking things to IU it's hard to get mad when they hate. The intentional fumble—Anthony Carter's touchdown. Martavious Odoms deep. Jeremy Gallon uncovered all day. Chesson outta nowhere. That time Lynch punted. Dorsey’s drop. Breaston’s zigzag return. Desmond’s zigzag returns. Warren’s “interception”. Kam Chatman…

BiSB: Did anyone mention BYCTOM?

Brian: Oh my god

Ace: We still owe IU hoops quite a lot in the existential pain category. And yes, let’s talk about BYCTOM.

Brian: BYCTOM is written by a genius and I love it and it is just like blogs used to be back in 2006 and it breaks my heart.

Seth: BYCTOM is the residual radiation from a time when Northwestern cared so much they literally burned down their stadium after losing to Michigan.

Ace: Also: follows zero people on twitter. Can’t respect that enough.

BiSB: That should be the real advice: follow no one.

Ace: I barely had to scroll to find a tweet that made me laugh out loud.

this goofy ape stunt really undermines the stolid dignity we've all come to expect from the national football league draft

— BYCTOM (@BYCTOM) April 29, 2017

Alex: imo BYCTOM is the most singular B1G fan on twitter. Must-follow.

Ace: Crazy that PSU twitter hasn’t made this list at all.

Just shocking.

Seth: ...

PSU lost the top of their blogging community when That happened. A few of those I worked with for the WE ARE books lost interest in blogging when they realized they couldn’t agree with the bulk of their readers on the only thing to talk about, which also was the most depressing thing to talk about.

Brian: Speaking of guys who can melt down over things difficult to melt down over, I would like to shout out a couple of Illinois people. @IlliniToffee:

how NFL GMs see themselves vs how everyone else sees them pic.twitter.com/VZgpiSMN1Z

— PreaknessTakes (@IlliniToffee) April 28, 2017

And @ALionEye, who isn't really a funny twitter person but is the world's most dedicated Illinois fan.

Ace: I have no idea how ALionEye can write those 80,000-word previews every year without literally dying.

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6. WORST HATEFOLLOW

Ace: Gerd.

David: Tuddies.

Ace: I respect the trolling, but I also seethe with hate.

Brian: I had to unfollow all those guys because of their insistence on talking like damaged babies.

Ace: I still have a couple stray PSU accounts I haven’t unfollowed but I think they’re all muted at this point.

BiSB: Pretty much the entire @TheOnlyColors crew

Ace: They turned over so much that I woke up one day and realized I just didn’t follow anyone who still wrote for them. I’m fine with that. The main account very much suffices for hate-follow purposes.

Brian: My best hatefollow is @SaintJoe409, which is self explanatory.

Ace: Oh, right: @RutgersAl.

Alex: Yeah Rutger Sal might be my favorite.

Ace: Though I derive a disturbing amount of joy from his tweets.

Brian: 32% chance he's a brilliant troll

Ace: He once called me fat, which was the funniest damn thing anyone’s said to me.

Brian: See?

Ace: Yeah, I’m not disputing your hypothesis here.

Adam: I've gotten close to unfollowing Roar Lions Roar so many times but I miss Parks and Rec and have an unhealthy curiosity for what Haverfordian thing the people who came up with tuddies will slap on a graphic next.

Brian:

BiSB: http://tomhaverfoods.com/

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7. ACCOUNT YOU WANTED TO MENTION BUT HAVEN'T YET

BiSB: I typically don't endorse parody accounts, but... Don Brown's Moustache (@Don_Moustache) is a must-follow.

Seth: I have a handful of X's and O's follows: @geoffschwartz, @The_Coach_A, @LinemanLunch, @winwiththepass, @JamesALight, and @stevesharik

Ace: @all22chalktalk is a good follow in that category, too.

Seth: Thanks I didn’t have that one. I shouldn’t have to mention @smartfootball on this list but he’s still the best.

Brian: For longstanding commitment to ten-year-old viral content, @AKHockeyBear is king.

David: @alexjkirby was great during the Super Bowl.

Seth: IF YOU LIKE LUKEWARM TAKES BY TINY CASS CORNERS ON RANDOM TOPICS IN ALL CAPS YOU MUST FOLLOW DELONTE HOLLOWELL @KING4COBRA

Adam: @bcfremeau and @SBN_BillC are great if you're into advanced stats

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8. WORST MGO-TWITTER FOLLOW

Brian: It's me

BiSB: /raises hand sheepishly

Ace: BiSB is confusing worst with best, which is apparently common in response to Brian’s questions.

Seth: Brian it’s either you or the automated content feed, which is basically the same thing minus the yelling of incoherent things during games.

BiSB: I would like to shout out the MGoPhotog crew, and suggest that you all follow them or they will document your worst moments of fandom reaction in stunning detail

Ace: Yeah, do not cross the photogs.

Seth: FYI @EUpchurchPhoto, @FullOfTwitt, @BlueBarronPhoto, @marcgregor and @dailypsherm

I follow @the_mathlete but he's tweeted exactly once since the bowl game. I don't know if getting statistically dominated while almost winning that messed him up or what.

Mathlete: uhh, don't know I got brought into this, but I'm currently serving a one year twitter ban from Delaney for inflated spreadsheets

Alex: I'm definitely the worst because I tweet about politics. Definitely don't follow @bauncechill. He's so bad at following the one rule of twitter: never tweet.