Unverified Voracity Is Storing A Sandwich In There Comment Count

Brian

Not dog grooming. Good news! It seems like they're shelving "In The Big House" for something else. That would seem to be this from a couple of walk-ons:

According to the facebook, anyway. It's… not dog grooming. Horrible thought: this may have no impact on dog grooming. Let's move on to happier thoughts.

Vintage Fred Jackson. Man I just don't know how does this even:

"He's got Mike Hart kind of feet, but a lot faster than Mike."

That's about Thomas Rawls, and it goes in the Fred Jackson hyperbole hall of fame. Jackson also got this quote off:

"Usually a guy with good vision is a little bit taller," Jackson said. "Thomas is probably, maybe, 5-8. He tells me he's 5-11 and I'm 6-2, I think, and I look down on him and eat soup off his head."

Why are you eating soup off of someone's head, Fred Jackson? Why is there soup there anyway? What kind of soup? Does Thomas Rawls have a circular depression in the top of his head? Doesn't that seem unsafe for a football player? Are you #$*#$ing serious about this Hart thing? Do you remember Mike Hart? Fred Jackson I am confused.

BONUS I JUST DON'T EVEN HOW DOES I DON'T MAN: Rawls has a "bete noire" tattoo for this reason:

He says it's French for "accomplish your hopes and dreams."

I do not think your tattoo means what you think it means.

BONUS BONUS FRED JACKSON JACKSON:

Jackson said Rawls also reminds him of another former Flint star, Mark Ingram, the 2009 Heisman Trophy winner at Alabama. Ingram (5-10, 215 pounds) and Rawls are similar in build.

"They were almost identical high school backs," said Jackson. "Obviously, Mark Ingram had a great (offensive) line at Alabama that helped him along, but Thomas is a lot faster than Mark, (and) has the same type of ability. I'm not trying to compare them in any way but when you watched them in high school, they were very similar running backs."

BONUS BONUS BONUS FRED JACKSON JACKSON JACKSON:

"Norfleet is as quick as any kid at Michigan since I've been here," said Jackson, in his 21st season. "I've not seen a guy that quick…."

But what about senior quarterback Denard Robinson? Is Norfleet faster?

"No, I don't think (anybody) is faster than Denard," Jackson said. "(Norfleet's) got the quickness that will put him in the same positions Denard gets in quicker than Denard will get in them."

Facial hair watch. Ace points out that walk-on and competitor at left guard Joey Burzynski has the makings of something special on his face:

Michigan offensive lineman Joey Burzynski during the 2012 Michigan Football Media Day, Sunday, August 12, in UM's Al Glick Fieldhouse.

With careful grooming and time, this man could be a facial hair All-American. This would give Michigan two, since Elliott Mealer either needs an acoustic guitar or a hammer fashioned by Odin to do justice to his face… thing:

image

STEP YOUR FACE HAIR GAME UP, KYLE KALIS WOOOOO

BONUS: Mustaches for Michigan, where have you gone?

They might do it. Brady Hoke's old defensive coordinator Rocky Long, now the head guy at San Diego State, has heard of Pulaski High School—the Arkansas outfit that never ever punts—and is thinking about doing it:

After reading articles about an idiosyncratic Arkansas high school coach who never punts, always onside kicks, and has tremendous success doing it, Long is toying with the idea for his Aztecs of no punts or field goal attempts once they’ve driven inside an opponent’s 50-yard line.

Conceivably, San Diego State would go for the first down whether it needed a couple of inches or 10 yards.

And yes, Long — who apparently hasn’t yet tried it all in his 40 years of coaching — is serious about this.

“It makes sense,” he said, seeming almost giddy in talking about the possibilities.

“Additional plays would allow you to score a lot more points,” he said. “It also puts a whole lot of pressure on the defense.”

It's not a sure thing yet, but I can't think of any better way to memorialize the WAC. Do it. You'd look so cool.

Oh my gawd. Please CBS, call this show "Boss Hog and the Zooker" and make it a crime procedural:

CBS Sports Network announces Houston Nutt will serve as studio analyst this year. He'll be joined by Ron Zook.

If college football does not take me up on my extremely reasonable plan to have JLS coach a different team on an interim basis every year, he could join up in 2013, and then our piss would indeed be hot.

Are these different? The M-Den says the basketball jerseys are different. I can't really tell:

A0NdwqdCcAAUZ7x[1]

I can still complain about it, right?

Jolly good show, catching me. I am quite elusive, you know. Fitzgerald Toussaint's OWI hearing is four days before the Alabama game. He's probably still getting suspended, but at least he's nicer than the average DUI recipient:

"He was extremely cooperative and gave us no problems at all," Saline Police Department Det. Don Lupi said Monday. "He was even more pleasant than the average drunk-driving arrestee. He was friendly and easy to deal with, unlike a lot of arrest situations."

"I say, you bobbies are really on your game."

Yes, imaginary Fitzgerald Toussaint is British. Because obviously.

The Fort. Man, running through my feeds and seeing open scrimmage reports from Arkansas and Ole Miss and Iowa plus A Lion Eye chastising himself for not checking out who the holders were at Illinois camp is a little depressing. Michigan's attitude towards this stuff is "please die, kthx." At media day it's clear the players were instructed to not answer questions about any freshmen:

I remember asking Jeremy Gallon how the freshmen receivers were coming along and his reaction was one along the lines of almost trying to keep things hush. He paused for a minute and then told me to talk to the coaches about it.

Will Campbell did the same thing on an interview I caught on WTKA.

Opening some stuff up is not just for mid-level programs (and Ole Miss), either: this space has noted some really cool access provided by Ohio State. Even Alabama, led by hater of all media Nick Saban, lets the media in to see some stuff. If Michigan's access is worse that Alabama's it's got to be the worst in the country, right?

I guess I get it since when Rodriguez was around the Free Press used the opportunity to talk to a couple freshmen to get them to issue misleading statements about how much time they were putting in, thus proving all long-held suspicions about the lizardmedia true. It's still frustrating that the hardest-hitting stuff we get is "what is your favorite Olympic event?" Not a 'wow' experience here. Someone put some pasta in a bread bowl or something.

It's on the up and up. The OHL came down harshly on Windsor for paying players under the table, which obviously never happens. My favorite part of all this is remembering the OHL's crocodile tears for their players when the NCAA was revamping their foreign player rules and hockey got an exception to keep CHL players out. They claimed it was just a shame that their entirely amateur league league was banned. Ugh. These guys are worse than the NCAA honchos.

Anyone want to bet a dollar that a pissed off Jack Campbell was a major source here? The WOTS about how these investigations came about fits Campbell's experience:

The league is choosing not to reveal names, though most believe some of the high-profile American players who played in Windsor could be responsible for the information leading to the sanctions. Some of those players were eventually traded, and it’s been suggested the trade could leave them feeling bitter and more prone to talk about their former team during an investigation.

But at least he's in the NHL already.

Etc.: More and more people are like WTF Emmert about this North Carolina thing. More photos from youth day, including a guy wearing an old old Rich Robots shirt. MVictors on achievable Michigan records. The Tigers are having a "Wolverines In The D" event next Friday—22 bucks gets you in, a shirt, and five bucks of it goes to the Pat Maloy Scholarship Fund.

Comments

M Fanfare

August 14th, 2012 at 5:29 PM ^

It does translate directly as "black beast" but "bete noire" is a colloquial phrase. It usually refers to something that is your pet peeve, or something that irritates you.

For example, Ohio is the bete noire of Michigan fans.

jmdblue

August 14th, 2012 at 3:38 PM ^

Norfleet will get there quicker than Denard who can't get there quite as quickly as Denard can.  That's quick!

On the down side, by the time FMFJ retires, poor Mike Hart will be a middling running back with average feet and poor vision (due to height constraints and having broth and cracker crumbs in his eyes).

iawolve

August 14th, 2012 at 4:43 PM ^

Are we sure Fred is not on acid right now? People are moving through space with seeming warp capability and this soup thing just seems like he is tripping balls right now. I would give all the moneys to sit down with a number of beers and just listen to that guy for a few hours. 

MGoCombs

August 14th, 2012 at 5:00 PM ^

I think you are correct. I kind of find it admirable that M-Den would let you know before buying a jersey or shorts that they are going to change them. It seems like that would be bad for current business because those who were going to buy them are just going to wait and now they'll have extra stock, unless they are already discounting them.

GoWings2008

August 14th, 2012 at 4:57 PM ^

...one member of the OHL Windsor Spitfires is a 21 yr old Kenny Ryan, younger brother of former Michigan punter Ross Ryan.  Kenny never played in college.  I always wondered why...now I know.

Bobby Digital

August 14th, 2012 at 5:22 PM ^

Agree or disagree, Chris Kluwe's thoughts on the SDSU story are amazing. Don't know how to blockquote, so...

 

Chris:

I am about to GO NUTS (with bolded underlined italics).

I realize this is a college program we're talking about, but honestly this shit needs to die a painful death and never come back. Every time I see this fucking study cited, and some bleach guzzling mouth breather tries to apply it to the NFL (you goddamned fucktards always do), I want to disembowel a Shetland pony with rusted gardening shears because you completely do not understand how the people in charge of actually PAYING THE GODDAMNED SALARIES THINK, you stupid miserable toad.

"What's that coach? You went for it on 4th down and didn't get it? And then we lost by 3? Have fun NOT WORKING HERE ANYMORE YOU MONGOLOIDIAN CAMELHUMPER." Owners don't like it when you do stuff that can lose you games, and as a matter of fact, we just saw our yearly team meeting slide on WHY YOU DON'T DO THIS BECAUSE IT LOSES YOU GAMES.

These stats are based on all drives from last year, and they stay remarkably consistent from year to year (maybe a percentage point or two variation either way). If the offense starts inside the 10, they have a 20% chance of scoring. If they start between the 10 and the 20, they have a 23% chance of scoring. Between 20 and 30 is a 27% chance, 30-40 is a 38% chance, and 40-50 is a 45% chance. Once you pass the 50 yard line, it's a 51% chance from 50-40, 62% chance from 40-30, 75% chance from 30-20, 82% chance from 20-10, and 95% chance from 10-1.

What do these numbers mean? The only time it makes any remote sense to go for it on 4th down is if you're already inside the opposing team's 30 (which is almost a 75% field goal success rate based on all of last year's attempts), otherwise you're at the very least DOUBLING THE OTHER TEAM'S CHANCE TO SCORE (since if your punter's any good he'll pin them around the 10 on average). Or you do it if you're some masturbatory high school coach who thinks that just because he has all the talented athletes in the district he can do whatever the fuck he wants, which he can because his team's basically playing against ambulatory whelks.

That's not even getting into all the tiny stuff that can affect a single play, like how tired your line might be if it's a long drive and if it's early in the game vs. late in the game, if you're playing at home or away (one is more likely to draw a false start from fan noise than the other), whether or not your center got enough sleep during the week because his wife just had a baby and it's been screaming all night long during the week, etcetera etfuckingcetera.

Do you know who likes keeping their jobs? NFL HEAD COACHES. They love their jobs. They really do. And guess who gets blamed when fourth down conversions don't work? Punte.... NFL HEAD COACHES YOU BARELY FUNCTIONAL PENISCLAM. Owners aren't interested in aggregated statistics across the league. Owners want THEIR team to win, and they want their team to win RIGHT NOW.

Bonus round! Guess how many NFL games are decided by 7 points or less? If you guessed 70%, give yourself a cookie! So given that points are at a premium in the vast majority of games, and that NFL coaches don't work inside the theorycraft dojo, I humbly submit that people STOP MAKING ME ANGRY WITH THIS FOOLISHNESS.

Thank you.

(This post brought to you by I Really Should Be Sleeping Right Now and WALL-O-TEXT)

Lionsfan

August 14th, 2012 at 6:18 PM ^

First, switch to plain text editor, type <blockquote>stuff you want to quote</blockquote>, and you can either switch back to rich editor or post.

Second, of course Chris Kluwe is going to hate this stuff. He's a punter. If some new study came out that it's statistically better to never throw the ball, then QB's would be talking about how stupid that it

snarling wolverine

August 15th, 2012 at 11:28 AM ^

I understand what he's saying, but this point...

 

That's not even getting into all the tiny stuff that can affect a single play, like how tired your line might be if it's a long drive and if it's early in the game vs. late in the game, if you're playing at home or away (one is more likely to draw a false start from fan noise than the other), whether or not your center got enough sleep during the week because his wife just had a baby and it's been screaming all night long during the week, etcetera etfuckingcetera.

...applies to field goal attempts, too. You don't get four tries to kick a field goal. You get one.

WolvinLA2

August 14th, 2012 at 6:06 PM ^

So we're still complaining about Michigan not giving us enough information.  What exactly do we wish we knew?  Specifically, what info do we wish we knew that we're also OK with our opponents knowing?  It's not like I want video out there of us practicing plays we'll be running against Alabama, or of the players and coaches telling us that Ondre Pipkins and Amara Darboh will probably get lots of PT so start gameplanning against them. 

What does OSU and Alabama give the media/public that we don't that's so awesome?  I just don't understand the hate.

Geary_maize

August 14th, 2012 at 6:20 PM ^

Our entire team looks like dudes from the 70's smoking stuff and singing "I'm the walrus" all day long haha. But love the looks and everyone looks pretty happy.

triangle_M

August 14th, 2012 at 7:16 PM ^

Its all over talk radio here in RTP.  They had a producer from WRAL/News & Observer on today and he was basically saying that the NCAA is going to wait until the local news and the university are done doing their investigations before they show back up on campus - kind of like PSU and Freeh.   News today that five members of the 2005 NC basketball team may have been in suspect classes.  Of course there's the Pepper's transcript as well:

The AFAM courses are the ones in question here (esp. Independent Studies).  I know, FERPA, but its everywhere on the interenet - this link is from CBSSports.com

snarling wolverine

August 14th, 2012 at 7:31 PM ^

Why are you eating soup off of someone's head, Fred Jackson? Why is there soup there anyway? What kind of soup?

Since Jackson's thirst can never be quenched by what is in front of him, he must turn to liquid-based foods.