Unverified Voracity STOP IT JUST NO Comment Count

Brian September 22nd, 2015 at 11:54 AM

Jay Paterno and saying things: a terrible combination. On this day we remember the Salem Witch Trials on twitter.

This is the reason the reaction gif was invented. There is no combination of words that can adequately express the feeling reading this tweet produced in me. The Germans probably have a word for a paralyzing combination of horror and laughter induced by a stunningly wrong decision or statement.

/scans German dictionary

Huh. "Klinsmann."

So this tweet filled me with klinsmann.

BONUS: hoo boy if you like terrible things, the tweet thread is your jam.

I am filled with klinsmann by this tweet as well. The Colts are in play!

This offseason is going to be awesome as every NFL reporter insists Jim Harbaugh is a candidate for every open job in the league. Harbaugh for the Colts. Harbaugh for the Lions. Harbaugh for league president. Harbaugh for assistant Ravens janitor.

Harbaugh might leave someday, but only after he's done something that allows him to do so saying he's done his job. And after his experience with San Francisco's little Napoleon my bet is he picks the place where he's the most important crazy person around.

Just Dayton and Michigan. Kyle Flood might coach most of college basketball.

@zachauguste @jetpeezy @ajturner11 @spidadmitchell @epaschall4 @bouncye_24 One more for y'all. Tag ya friends

A video posted by Aubrey Dawkins (@siraubreydawkins) on

The Harbump. Via Brendan Quinn:

According to the most up-to-date numbers provided to MLive by Dunn, Michigan's overall season ticket sales have risen from 79,014 in 2014 to 89,614 in 2015, a difference of 10,600 seats.

A big chunk of that comes from 7k extra students, which is pretty amazing. That section is 60% larger than it was a year ago. I wonder what it would have looked like without the drastic changes wrought by the Glorious Revolution. Hint: bad.

There was a chunk of complaining about student attendance against UNLV, but to me it looked pretty full after kickoff. Students tend to cram down; you didn't see the empty pockets in other sections solely because other folks spread out when given the room to do so.

A problem that 'Bama wants to address. It's no surprise that Alabama fans are peeved about ineligible men downfield in the aftermath of the Ole Miss game. I share that peevishness. Despite the fact that illegal men downfield is a "point of emphasis" this year, the biggest game of the early season sees a flagrant example of it go uncalled.

You get three yards in college but just one in the NFL, and you'll never guess the one weird trick RBR would like to impose on college football:

Personally, I think this rule change should be revisited. College offenses already have more latitude than their NFL counterparts on passes thrown behind the line of scrimmage - in college, linemen may drift as far as they like on the snap in these situations, while in the NFL they must stay within their one-yard window until the pass is released - so the only real effect of the rule change would be to require the pass to be delivered in the backfield. This makes sense, as the linebackers are given a fighting chance to rally to the football after it is caught and prevent a big gain. Assuming that such a rule change is a non-starter, and that better enforcement is the goal, the best solution would be to somehow incorporate instant replay.

I would like to see what the game looks like with an effectively implemented three-yard rule first. But since that seems impossible it might be better to do away with the rule altogether and just call offensive pass interference on any lineman who hits or impedes anyone other than a defensive lineman on a pass play beyond the line of scrimmage. That might be more enforceable—and the penalty would be much stiffer.

(A side note: do not title your post that is intended to be serious "A Modest Proposal.")

He was tranquilized shortly thereafter. Nik Stauskas wandered onto a local news set.

A Canadian one, I'm guessing.

Ibi Watson video. He can dunk.

Rutgers. I hate it when stupid things happen during the season because I can't write one act plays about them. The Kyle Flood thing is magnificently stupid. I'd rather look at football, but barely. If this happened in the offseason… well it probably still would have gotten drowned out by all the Harbaugh stuff, but I would have gotten around to it quicker.

Anyway. EDSBS surveys the wreckage and pulls out the nine dumbest things about the grade pressure scandal:

1. Kyle Flood Wants You To Know He's Breaking The Rules On Purpose

When Kyle Flood first reached out to this unnamed professor, he did so from his personal email account. It was entirely possible that he did so on accident, perhaps sending the email from his phone without realizing which account it was coming from. Of course, it was also possible he did so to purposefully avoid New Jersey's Open Public Records Act.

Great news! Now we don't have to wonder which one it was. This is one of the dumbest things I've ever seen committed to a permanent electronic record. It's like leaving a knife in your carry on bag at the airport with a note that says "LOL I KNOW THIS ISN'T COOL BUT WHATEVER."

That is not even the worst one.

On the bright side, Flood is much better at hiding his inner Tim Beckman than Tim Beckman. You would never know Flood is barely capable of dressing himself based on his press conferences.

Are Rutgers blogs considering who their new coach should be yet?


Oh, well done. On The Banks is the most competent thing about Rutgers athletics by some distance.

This is blunt. Utah basketball coach Larry Krystkowiak gave some sort of lecture recently; in it he broke the omerta surrounding basketball recruiting:

"Did you know," Larry Krystkowiak asked in his Montana drawl, leaning over his lectern, "that there's a lot of cheating in college basketball?"

His earnest delivery prompted some chuckles among the audience of roughly 40 people. But Utah's men's basketball coach wasn't going to leave it hanging without telling a story. He asked two compliance officials if he could venture on.

The tale: He was once recruiting a top-level player, and the player (or his representatives) called Krystkowiak in the middle of the night. They told Krystkowiak the recruit's transcript would cost the Utes $50,000, and "it'll probably cost you $50,000 more to sign him."

Follow the recruits and you'll find the money. Again, all Michigan fans should be in favor of the NCAA paying players outright. Michigan has piles of money. They do not use it in this way.

BYU's walking wounded. BYU NT Travis Tuiloma is a big deal for the Cougars, and he went down in the same game Taysom Hill did. At the time he was expected to be out 4-6 weeks, but Bronco Mendenhall is making noises like he may be available this weekend:

Nose tackle Travis Tuiloma (knee) is also questionable for the Michigan game, a development that didn't seem likely when doctors said he'd be out 4-6 weeks after the Nebraska game.

"This will be a great week [for Tuiloma to come back] because we will see power [runs] about 5,000 times," Mendenhall said, having previously noted that the Wolverines under new coach Jim Harbaugh look like Stanford when Harbaugh was there.

That would be literally and metaphorically huge for BYU. Tuiloma is going to be in the NFL next year and they run a 3-4; he's the centerpiece of their D.

Etc.: Bo's steakhouse was a thing. Ian Bunting profiled. Falk on Harbaugh. We'll have an excerpt of his new book during the bye week, BTW. Jon Baxter with the fire tweet. Harbaugh wants to meet the pope. Leonard Fournette is living Bowser. Film Focus. Guards doing better.


Year of Revenge II

September 23rd, 2015 at 11:39 AM ^

I read it at one point, but Freeh was a pretty sharp customer, and he did not get to be the top cop for a bunch of politicians for nothing.  He knows how to play the game.

I wouldn't call the report garbage, but I always looked at it as an opportunity for PSU and the powers that be there to make themselves look the best way they can for liablity and public relations purposes.  Freeh knew that, and so the report amounts to damage control for PSU, not a search for the truth of what happened.  

I was a criminal trial lawyer, Freeh is a behind-licking cop IMO, so I have no use for him, but I do have a lot of respect for his abiility and professionalism.  Not suprised he was chosen to write the wash job that is the Freeh report.


September 22nd, 2015 at 12:13 PM ^

Was enjoying the column on EDSBS about Fournette until I read that the DB he trucked on the way to the end zone was Countess. Then I had a sad. Always liked that dude. Shame that's how it all ended. #RIPCountess


Harbaugh to Team X this offseason will be the new Gruden to Team X. I don't gusta that one bit.


September 22nd, 2015 at 12:15 PM ^

Do they really think Harbaugh, after having such a bad ending experience with the bumbling son of a former owner, would almost immediately go work for another bumbling (and drug-addled) son of a former owner?

Jim Irsay does (did?) have the smarts to generally hire really good football men (e.g., Polian; Dungy) and the good fortune to fall into Manning and Luck, but with their current GM apparently about to win a power play on Pagano, the only way I see Jim leaving U of M is if Irsay says, "Here Jim -- you can be coach; pick the GM; have $8 mil/year; and I will give you controlling ownership interest in the Colts and I'll step to the back."

Since that has a 0% chance of happening, it's pathetic it's being discussed. I know PFT, etc need page-clicks, but please.


September 22nd, 2015 at 12:18 PM ^

Every time I think Penn State can't somehow make this worse they find a new way. Can't wait to hear someone talking about how the kids were selfish government plants  that wanted to be molested all to spoil PSU football

Hardware Sushi

September 22nd, 2015 at 12:20 PM ^

The On The Banks comment section was pure gold, Jerry.

While most understand Chip Kelly to Rutgers was pretty tongue in cheek, several of the commenters didn't like him because "he doesn't fit Rutger's style of football". HA. No words for that.

I also enjoyed the conversation about how the Rutgers coaching candidates look like the hodgepodge of Republican presidential candidates, and they want Trump for AD so they can get "MAKE RUTGERS GREAT AGAIN" hats. I would buy 5.


September 22nd, 2015 at 12:22 PM ^

Penn State fans continue to amaze me. I responded to a tweet a month or so ago about Joe Paterno's legacy. I simply said that his only legacy should be of the blind eye he turned when all those innocent children were being destroyed and he did nothing. I was viciously attacked by PSU fans. Hell, one tried arguing that Sandusky was investigated and cleared in '97 and I was the worst person on earth to say such things...plus he hash tagged me with the hashtag "#Fact" so I couldn't even respond, since that is the hashtag that ends all hashtags - #Fact

Anyway, the PSU apologists are horrible people and the fact JoePa's statue is back up proves to me that our society doesn't really deal with sexual abuse on a morally correct level. The "talk about once and move on" bit is old and we need to make it a bigger deal. The victims and the future generations deserve that from us.


September 22nd, 2015 at 1:12 PM ^

Ehhh.... I'm no fan of Penn State fans, who have clearly not covered themselves in glory here, but to say that Sandusky is the ONLY relevant part of JoePa's legacy is a bit much. You can acknowledge that he enabled or at least failed to prevent something truly horrifying without erasing the rest of his life from history. Frankly painting him as a 1D monster makes it more likely bad things will continue to happen ("well, that's a bit suspicious, but I know he's not a monster like JoePa...") - it's important to recognize that otherwise good people are capable of enabling awful things.

There are such things as shades of gray (at least 50, or so I've heard)

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September 22nd, 2015 at 2:29 PM ^

Well, I'm really not. But I generally assume most people to be doing their best to be decent, until proven otherwise. There are many, many former players and others who assert that JoePa was an excellent mentor and very positive influence on their life. What seems more likely - that all those people are lying / under some sort of JoePa hex, or that he was an otherwise decent coach and leader with a fatal blindspot? Shades of gray, man. I think we all overestimate how easy it would be to believe that our trusted friend and colleague did something as horrible as what Jerry Sandusky did and send them to prison. Psychology is weird and rarely pretty. There but for the grace etc etc.

(and before I get piled on: yes, I think JoePa did a very bad thing and deserved the consequences he received - though I think it much more likely it was a sin of cowardice rather than one of malice. I don't think they ought to have a statue of him up. I believe JayPa is an ass with an entitlement complex and blind spot even bigger than his dad's)


September 22nd, 2015 at 12:29 PM ^

I used to really like Penn State.  Even after Sandusky and Paterno stuff came to light.  But the PSU community as a whole's inability to admit that Paterno did anything wrong, and the continued effort to paint Paterno as some noble martyr has just really pissed me off.  I hate Ohio State, but my dislike of PSU is almost more, but for very different reasons.


September 22nd, 2015 at 4:39 PM ^

I used to respect the hell out of Joe Paterno and Penn State. Not anymore. Joe can rot in hell. And I hope Penn State is forevermore in the basement of the the Big Ten conference. I would love for them to be removed from the league, forced to go independent, and given zero special accommodation (a la Notre Dame) with regards to status, and then replaced by literally any other school in the country. Seriously.


September 22nd, 2015 at 12:34 PM ^

That Jon Falk article is pure gold and everyone should read it:


So I go down and stand there with him and I said, “Jimmy, you know what? This Warren Pierce comes on and talked about how big you are around here, and I told him, 'There's no coach, there's no player bigger than Michigan Football!'”

Jimmy looked at me and said, “Jon, don't they understand?! It's a privilege, it's an honor to coach for Michigan!” He said, “They don't understand. People don't understand. It's not that. We're trying to do everything we can to bring Michigan back. That's what we're here for.”


September 22nd, 2015 at 12:37 PM ^

If players could be paid directly, we'd have a bidding war for the best ones. Could you imagine a college student getting paid $1M/year to play basketball for UM? That goes against the UM ethos - that the students, players, coaches, and faculty love UM and what it stands for. If cheating is really a problem, then maybe the NCAA/B1G/Power-5 should put more effort into catching it. I'm all in for a fair & livable student wage, though


September 22nd, 2015 at 1:54 PM ^

I'd be okay with them getting paid like how other students get paid, which is hourly at $8-10/hr when working for the university. That rate is true even for engineering students who are working for the university but could instead go on internship and make a lot more money.

If they could go pro and make more money, then let them go pro. Forcing them to go to college and make litlte money... that's not right. College should be a choice

Coaching salaries should probably be considered a separate issue


September 22nd, 2015 at 12:40 PM ^

I can't imagine there were too many recruits Utah was in on that could ask for $50K.  Might be a fun exercise to figure out who said player is.  

I think it's naive to think paying players would solve anything.  No school would pay a kid $50K a year.  And even if they did, the underworld would put more money on top of that.  I've never been a supporter of giving kids more than the monthly stipend they already receive.  Classes are free and they're not kicked out of the dorms after freshman year.  And most kids do fine without a car on campus.  Some things are necessities and some are luxuries.  They bring in millions for the school but so do all the kids and parents that are paying tuition.

Reduce practice time, give them an extra year to complete their degree and free health care for five years after graduation.  Those feel like fair benefits that all NCAA schools could live with.


September 22nd, 2015 at 1:45 PM ^

I would do for the athletes the same as anyone else featured in an advertisement.  If those people are getting paid, the athletes should get paid also, even if they have already graduated.  The only way they should not be paid is if they signed a waiver saying their likeness can be used for free.

For video games, I'd just go with generic players to get past that hurdle.  If someone wants to upload customized teams to their EA Locker for free, go ahead.


September 22nd, 2015 at 12:56 PM ^

So...how is Kyle Flood not fired right now?  Or better yet, yesterday.  If I even gave the slightest shit about the football team he coaches for, I would be irate about this.


September 22nd, 2015 at 1:22 PM ^



NBA player in a T-shirt + Weather forecast in Celcius + Ticker announcing some sort of fire arms giveaway = Canadian Local News FTW!


September 22nd, 2015 at 1:27 PM ^

You might find these German words useful, Brian. 

German men the caliber of Jürgen Klinsmann undoubtedly have thought or used them from time to time:

Fremdschämen (n.): the almost-horror you feel when you notice that somebody is oblivious to how embarrassing they truly are

The only thing worse than being in an embarrassing situation is watching someone enter an embarrassing situation and being powerless to stop it. Grandparents and sitcom characters are usually the worst offenders of obliviousness and the most likely to evoke Fremdschämen, or the cathartic sense of pain you feel witnessing another person make a fool of themselves.

Backpfeifengesicht (n.): a face that cries out for a fist in it

Rather than try to explain what backpfeifengesicht means,one can instead provide a list of people that might possess a face that’s just asking to be punched:

  • Teenagers who complain about “terrible” Christmas gifts they got, like cars.
  • Men like David Brandon and Steve Patterson
  • People who refuse to blow their nose and instead loudly sniff back their snot for all to  hear.