Unverified Voracity Searches For Snakehole

Submitted by Brian on September 26th, 2017 at 3:29 PM

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Mark Emmert (left) and FBI investigator Burt Macklin

CHEESE IT! THE FEDS! The FBI probably has better things to do than this, but they're doing this anyway:

The worst-kept secret in college basketball is how coaches, sneaker executives, sports agents, travel-team coaches and financial advisers, often through under-the-table payments, steer top high school talent first to NCAA programs and later to apparel brands and professional representation once they enter the NBA.

Tuesday, the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York blew this shadowy world open in ways that have never before been seen, indicting 10 men, including active assistant basketball coaches at Arizona, Auburn, Oklahoma State and USC, plus an executive for adidas, in a widespread case that is sure to rock college basketball to its core.

While only four schools are currently involved, the complaints will provide a treasure map for NCAA investigators as it tells stories of endless payouts and kickbacks in the recruitment of numerous top prospects over the past three years.

Apparently this is illegal because of... bribery and stuff? Because NCAA coaches get federal funding and therefore... unlicensed amphibious rodent... city limits? I don't know.

What I suspect is that everyone named in this investigation is going to flip immediately, because their careers are done either way and ain't nobody going to jail for Rick Pitino. This will spread, and the allegations are seismic for at least one school:

The NCAA has said it will never use the death penalty again, Pat Forde says do it anyway. We're about to find out how far they're willing to go in 2017. This brazenness will not stand:

Unless it does. But probably not!

Don't expect anything immediate, as the FBI has not interacted with the NCAA yet. The wheels of (sort of) justice grind slowly.

Is this actually good if you want players paid? In the short term, no. But the more naked the system is, the more clear it is that shoe companies run five-star basketball recruiting, the less tenable the NCAA's position is. Maybe this won't force the schools to offer their own money, but surely at some point the fact that a large majority of the top players are bought has to open the doors to above-the-table third party payments.

"But then boosters and shoe companies will own college basketball," hypothetical argument guy says before realizing that is the status quo.

It was not a dream. PFF All Big Ten teams from last week feature one John O'Korn:

So it wasn't just you. People not desperately invested in the hope John O'Korn provided during the last three quarters of that game also thought he was pretty dang good. Though not as good as Saquon Barkley, which got dang son.

Bush, Hurst, Winovich, and Hill all made the defensive team, FWIW.

Poor Damn DJ Durkin. Maryland QB Kasim Hill is out for the season, following on the heels of Piggy Pigrome getting knocked out in the Texas game. Caleb Henderson is still out with some sort of foot thing, so fourth-stringer Max Bortenschlager played most of the game against UCF, which was a terrible defeat. Incredibly, this is not the first time Durkin has had to turn to a fourth-stringer who sounds like a shot you'd order at Rick's*. Bortenschlager started the Nebraska game last year, a 28-7 loss.

Things were even worse in 2012—when Maryland lost five QBs, one to transfer and four to injury, eventually moving a freshmnan LB to the spot—and 2015, when four different guys played, one of whom subsequently became a linebacker.

This one sucks more than those because Durkin had just racked up a statement win at Texas and the Terrapins looked like they were on their way to... 8-4? Now they're going to be scratching out bowl eligibility. But at least they've got this going for them:

I say that in all sincerity.

*[I imagine? I never went, and when I tell people this 50% of them say I am very smart and 50% say I am very dumb. Anyway, a MAX BORTENSCHLAGER is 1/3rd Everclear, 1/3 Goldschlager, and 1/3 BORT, which is... Swedish port? Yeah.

I think I just invented the world's worst drink.]

Taking those bullets for us. Michigan had three head-to-head recruiting battles with Texas for 2016 kids that they lost: Jordan Elliott, Jean Delance, and Chris Daniels. With Daniels's just-announced departure, all three of those guys have left Austin in just over a year. Michigan filled in the DT slot with Mike Dwumfour, who's emerging into a rotation piece on a top-five defense in year two.

They filled the OT slot with... nobody. This was the class that saw Swenson forcibly decommitted and Devery Hamilton flip; Michigan added Stephen Spanellis, a guard, late.

Harbaugh joins the cause. Harbaugh on punting:

Speaking Tuesday on "Attack Each Day: The Harbaugh's Podcast," the Michigan football coach suggested the NCAA implement a rule similar to the NFL when it comes to punt returns.

"There's only two eligible players that are allowed to leave in the pro game before the ball is punted," Harbaugh said."In college, anybody can leave before the ball is punted. It's a player-safety (issue), to have 10 players converging on a punt returner. A defenseless player is not what we want in our game."

That change has long been advocated here, not for player safety issues but boring thing issues. NFL rules would create more returns and fewer fair catches.

Graham Glasgow, still Graham Glasgow. Ain't no party like a Glasgow party because everyone's standing next to the wall nursing a drink and making ham-fisted attempts at a flicker of human interaction before retreating into a shell of fear and self-loathing WOOOO:

The receivers have sworn to get him involved next time, but Glasgow knows deep in his heart that is a lie and no one will ask him to prom ever.

Baumgardner on Bush. He does many things:

When watching defenders, it's important not to get completely caught up in box score stats. A great example of this came three years ago, when Ohio State defensive end Joey Bosa finished his final college season with modest sack totals, but constantly graded out as one of the most impact-making defenders in the country due to his presence on the field and what he was able to force.

Impact plays. For a player like Bush, this can mean many things. A sack, a pass break-up, a forced fumble, an interception, a quarterback pressure, an effort play that results in a zero rush or tackle for loss. Against Purdue on Saturday, I counted 13 impact plays for Michigan's inside linebacker.

Thirteen.

I'd like to see a few more stats get standardized, like QB hits and hurries, to better quantify those results.

Etc.: Many UF felonies. Bright side: nobody will say "oh, Michigan beat Florida without all those players." OSU depth DT Malik Barrow tears ACL. Iowa wavin' at stuff. Five stages of Purdue loss. Grant Newsome got some unspecified good news from his doctor; hopefully he remains on path for a recovery. Trashin' on the NFL, sure I'll link that. Twice, even. Jim and Don, a love story. Wisconsin fans stunned at how nice BYU fans are.

Comments

Yeoman

September 26th, 2017 at 9:11 PM ^

"The investigation is ongoing and we are conducting interviews as I speak."

"If you have been involved in these activities, we suggest you call us. I think it's better than us calling you."

One of the people arrested used to run leagues for Nike before moving to Adidas. You think he won't roll over on his former employer?

wolverine1987

September 27th, 2017 at 9:07 AM ^

of the FBI and the feds time. There are plenty of other things, things in the news every day, (no politics) that they could be chasing down. Not this. 

I'm concerned about real crimes, crimes that hurt people or hurt the country. Giving dudes lots of money to endorse Adidas or go to a certain college hurts no one anywhere. There are no victims there. We don't need givernment involvement in this.

gremlin3

September 26th, 2017 at 3:46 PM ^

Then, at the bottom of that link, I found another link that had this spoof in an article titled "Harbaugh Displeased with Lack of Live Dairy Cow in Visiting Locker Room:"

 

I FIND IT EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTING AND DISRESPECTFUL THAT PURDUE FAILED TO PROVIDE A LIVE DAIRY COW IN OUR LOCKER ROOM ON SATURDAY SO THAT WE CAN HAVE FRESH WHOLE MILK. IT SEEMS TO BE A CONSCIOUS EFFORT OF GAMESMANSHIP TO NOT PROVIDE SUCH A BASIC NEED, JUST SO THEY CAN GET AN ADVANTAGE OVER THE OPPONENT.

ALL THAT WAS PROVIDED WERE TWO GALLONS OF CANDY-ASS SKIM MILK. SOME OF OUR PLAYERS HAD TO SIT ON OUR BUSES WITH BUILT IN WHOLE MILK DISPENSERS IN ORDER TO REFRESH. IT’S BECOME APPARENT AFTER GOING AROUND TO ALL THE VISITING SCHOOLS IN THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS THAT THIS IS A CONSCIOUS EFFORT OF GAMESMANSHIP. IT IS UNSPORTSMANLIKE WHEN YOU HAVE LOCKER ROOMS THAT DO NOT SERVE WHOLE MILK, LET ALONE 2%. PEOPLE ARE WALKING BY AND WATCHING YOU SIP ON SKIM MILK. IT’S EMBARRASSING.

IT MAY BE LEAGUE-WIDE, BUT I AM SPECIFICALLY CALLING OUT PURDUE BECAUSE THEY MADE ME MAD. IT NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED BY THE LEAGUE, NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED BY THE COMMISSIONER AND WE’RE GOING TO LEAD THE WAY. WE’RE GOING TO LOOK AT WHAT WE HAVE, BUT THERE NEEDS TO BE A WAY FOR A PLAYER TO GET WHOLE MILK IN THE STADIUM. THERE HAS TO BE A MINIMUM STANDARD OF CARE FOR THE PLAYERS.

EGD

September 26th, 2017 at 4:50 PM ^

Purdue fans have no idea.

When Michigan lost to Northwestern in 1996, I drank an entire bottle of Old Crow and then started really drinking.  My friends and I sat around in the dining room of my frat house taking turns pissing into a soup pot.

When Michigan lost to MSU in 1993, the friends I went to the game with and I tore our tickets into little pieces, chewed them, and swallowed.  We at the fucking tickets, man.

When Michigan lost to Northwestern in 2000, a gorgeous Northwestern co-ed came up to me on my way out of the stadium and said something like "Go Wildcats!"  My voice was insanely hoarse from 3+ hours of screaming so I summoned my best serial killer voice and replied "I can smell your c***."  

When Michigan lost to Illinois in 1999...

Whatever.  There is no point reliving this shit.  But some Purdue guy is going to act like their bullshit program losing a game is a big deal?  Right.

WFNY_DP

September 27th, 2017 at 10:01 AM ^

Ugh, Prarie Fire. 

I turned 21 on a Sunday, so like good citizens my fraternity brothers picked me up (literally, physically) and carried me to a bar at 11:59 Saturday night. They then told me that, as a member of the fraternity, it was a rite of passage to take a specific shot on your 21st birthday.

I took the shot.

Nothing at first.

Then, a complete, burning, implosion in the back of my mouth.

I chased it with a whole 12-ounce Miller Lite glass, and then ran to the bathroom expecting to throw up. Thankfully (maybe, maybe not) I kept it down.

I come out, they're all laughing maniacally. I ask them what *that* was, and they told me a Prairie Fire.

F that drink.

WolvinLA2

September 26th, 2017 at 3:50 PM ^

If we're saying "sounds like a shot from (blank)" I'd say Charley's is a better pick. They have the menu of crazy shots (that made me puke in the GTC bathroom on my 21st birthday).

Never going to Ricks is dumb. It's not the greatest place ever but it's college.

From a Country…

September 26th, 2017 at 4:16 PM ^

The first two times I went to Rick's I thought it was the most disgusting off-putting awful place I have ever been to. I still think that but I also love it. 

I don't know. My friends and I just went there to dance and look silly. And Rick's was perfect because everyone there looks a lot worse than silly. We kept to ourselves, didn't hit on anyone, didn't start fights, and just danced and then went to NYPD. I will always remember that fondly.

In conclusion, I love Rick's. Whether that makes me one of the many douchebags, I don't know. Survey says probably. 

WolvinLA2

September 26th, 2017 at 4:23 PM ^

See - I agree with this take. Just because douchebags go there and have fun doesn't mean non-douchebags can't have fun there too. I have a super dive bar by my house and it's mostly filled with the trashiest people in town but I think the place is a blast. You don't have to hang out with all the other people at every bar you go to.

Now, if you just don't like loud music and dancing, then I get it. But not going to a bar because some of the people who go there aren't people you hang out with is silly.

oriental andrew

September 26th, 2017 at 6:03 PM ^

Was Mitch's the one above the bike shop, across from VC, and kitty corner from Touchdown at the corner of South U and Forest? 

Bouncer there wouldn't let my friend in b/c he thought his REAL Colorado license was fake... :rolleyes:

We used to go to Nectarine on... Thursday night, I think? Whichever night it was, originally gay night, but all the Asians also went there, so it pretty much became gaysian night. 

Steves_Wolverines

September 26th, 2017 at 3:53 PM ^

I just want to say the wife and I finished binge watching Parks n Rec on Netflix yesterday, and I wanted to give a +1 to the author of this article for using a Parks n Rec image. Very funny show, and it had a pretty good series finale, which is hard to say for most tv shows. 

bronxblue

September 26th, 2017 at 4:01 PM ^

I really don't understand PFF's grading anymore; I looked up Speight's performance against UCF last year (where he completed 68% of his passes for 312 yards and 4 TDs without a pick) and it earned a 66.4 grade.  O'Korn played great, but was he nearly 20 "PFF Bucks" or whatever better?  No idea, but this feels rather arbitrary.  Barkley being a 97 makes sense, but anyone with two functioning eyeballs would say "guy who breaks offensive record played well".

I hope the FBI just crushes a team for fraud.  Sure it's a waste of taxpayer money, but if it means for once the NCAA is forced to recognize that the shitty fiefdom they are running is immensely corrupt and the rest of the world thinks it's a joke, then good.  Also, I personally like to see Pitino get raked over the coals because I remember people being vocally unhappy with Michigan getting Amaker instead of him years ago, and I never thought he'd work at Michigan and thought we dodged a bullet.  Had I know about message boards where basketball was talked about, I'd have posted the same.

I was amazed looking at the box score for both teams and I didn't see a QB Hit recorded for Purdue or Michigan.  I get that hits are like assists in basketball at times (highly subjective), but nobody watched that game and thought the only time a QB was hit was on a sack.

SituationSoap

September 26th, 2017 at 4:31 PM ^

Maybe it's just me, but I don't find the FBI arresting people for transferring large sums of money tax-free then immediately turning around and scamming American taxpayers out of Pell Grant money which the student very obviously does not need (because they just got 100K tax-free) to be a waste of taxpayer money.

bronxblue

September 26th, 2017 at 5:45 PM ^

I'm more arguing that on the grand scheme of things, this isn't that much money, and it is just money.  I'd much rather the government spend my tax dollars on punishing schools for allowing cultures of sexual assaults (like we saw at Baylor and PSU) to go by with (relatively) limited punishment.  I'd trade shoe companies giving people money they shouldn't in exchange for bombing your Baylor's and PSU's into the stone age.  My hope is that I won't have to choose in the future.