Unverified Voracity Says Seeya

Submitted by Brian on July 6th, 2010 at 1:21 PM

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FINAL VICTORY

Bwahahaha. Total victory complete. Corey Tropp's last act as a college hockey player was to step on a puck and watch from the box as Michigan's hockey team ended Michigan State's season and permanently established ownership of Munn. He's signed with Buffalo, completing the storyline written by Steve Kampfer's neck, Steve Kampfer's dad, and Steve Kampfer's emphatic "THAT IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT."

Other than another three wins at the end of the season, that could have gone no better. As a bonus, State has now lost Jeff Petry, Andrew Rowe, and Tropp early. That's three of their top four scorers. With only one player of note graduating (Nick Sucharski), a Michigan State fronted by senior versions of the above three guys could have been dangerous. Without them, the conversion into Northern Michigan is essentially complete. It'll be interesting to see how that goes; Comely did win a title there.

Karma gets full marks here. I am going to drop an actual bill in the bucket of next Mott panhandler to accost me OH GOD THERE'S ONE INSIDE THE HOU—

Meandering sentence in which your dad tells you what character is. I had one more thing I wanted to get around to when the university announced its self-imposed sanctions for the stretching stuff, the impermissible offseason workouts, and the QC staffers overstepping the NCAA's limits on their activities. It was something about how the newspaper meme about the day of Great Shame to the university was ridiculous given the picture painted by the documents. Don't take my word for it:

Football sanctions bring Michigan down to the level of other programs

It was painful and sad and historic, and depending on your point of view, maybe a bit appropriate, too.

A bowl ban and scholarship reduction are unnecessary now because the University of Michigan took something from its own football program today that it spent the last few decades espousing: It stripped away its own boast that it never committed major rules violations.

At the very least, Michigan's limited admission of NCAA violations is historic. This university has long held itself above all others for running a clean program, at least in football.

Even Wojo can't resist dipping into the Lady Macbeth pool:

There's no denying the everlasting mark on Michigan's program.

Out, damn blue dot. And that's without even touching the Free Press reaction.

Today Georgia's getting some degree of that heat after athletic director Damon Evans was stopped for DUI, pulled the Steve-Buscemi-in-Fargo ("I'd like to take care of this right here… in Brainerd"), and was discovered to have both a comely 28-year-old lass in the passenger seat and what were presumably her panties in his lap. If Gary Moeller's restaurant blow-up was Little Boy, Evans' was the 50s-era H-bomb they blew up on whichever Pacific Island had gotten uppity at the latest UN meeting.

In the aftermath, the usual. From a Dennis Dodd column that loathsomely invokes the DUI-related death of the Georgia governor's intern:

It is not the state university of Georgia’s best day, but don’t cry for the Bulldogs. Your pity and prayers are better directed to the Griner and Scott families. The only damage done, in this case, was to the school’s reputation.

Get the Picture's response to that:

The school’s reputation?   Damn, why not blame the school for the George Zinkhan murders?  After all, he was an employee at the time the crime was committed.  That crime didn’t involve hypothetical deaths, either.

I don’t think it’s any secret that I’m not the biggest fan of Michael Adams.  But it’s hard to fault him or the University for how he handled the situation after Evans’ arrest became public news.  Would it reflect badly on the school if Evans remained employed by it?  Sure.  But that’s not how things played out.

Institutions are comprised of people that take actions, at which point the institution judges whether those actions are compatible with the values of the institution. Surprise: Damon Evans is so beyond fired.

I didn't get around to the column it because I'd said it plenty, especially in comparison to the Free Press's strategy of obfuscation, and it seemed redundant. I did gather up the above links to the running around and screaming, though, and found the apropos Big Lebowksi quote:

                                     LEBOWSKI
                         What. . . What makes a 
                         man, Mr. Lebowski?

                                     DUDE
                         Dude.

                                     LEBOWSKI
                         Huh?

                                     DUDE
                         I don't know, sir.

                                     LEBOWSKI
                         Is it. . . is it, being prepared to 
                         do the right thing?  Whatever the 
                         price?  Isn't that what makes a man?

                                     DUDE
                         Sure.  That and a pair of testicles.

This is getting long enough that I might as well have split it off so to summarize as briefly as possible: if the university has shown a character flaw in the interminable period of the Jihad it has been that of McLovin. Incompetence in a minor offense leads to flop sweat, proving that the entity in question doesn't have the stomach for hardened criminal activity.

Michigan's prompt, un-redacted release was a step that no major school had undertaken. Maybe the school's transparency was a defensive move against the inevitable FOIA, but that would have come after everything wrapped up and no one cared anymore because the announced penalties were essentially nonexistent. If other universities are any guide, could have come swathed in black ink worthy of Newspaper Blackout Poems. I'm a little pissed that I can make a reasonable comparison between McLovin and something I would like to be good at doing things, but that's what David Brandon is for.

In related extremely necessary expenditures. Michigan's bill for the investigation is hefty and growing:

According to invoices from the law firm Lightfoot, Franklin and White released this week as part of an open-records request, Michigan has paid $446,951 in legal fees and other expenses since contracting attorney Gene Marsh and others to handle its internal investigation last September.

That's for expenses through April. The university's bill is going to easily crack a half-million dollars and might end up close to a full million by the end of everything. Birkett compares that bill with some other recent investigations and finds that Michigan is on the high end of the range. UConn's paid out almost 700k, Indiana about 500k, FSU 300k, Alabama 200k. Is that a reasonable expense to get Marsh, a former head of the Committee on Infractions, so you can go in front of the committee as seriously as possible? Given the surplus the department runs, probably. Kowtow and get it over with. The committee does not like non-serious people.

Individual ticket extravaganza. With Penn State, Notre Dame, and Ohio State on the road Michigan is facing down its semi-annual lack of sex appeal on the home portion of the schedule, no offense to Iowa or Wisconsin. As a result, ticket sales are actually open to the public for the first time in a long while, though you've got to suck it up and get packages if you're going to get the good games because actual games against real opponents have to subsidize the purchase price of a I-AA.

This does not mean the season ticket waiting list has evaporated, by the way. Michigan will be done with the luxury boxes this year but the renovations to the bowl will take place next offseason. Seats and aisles are getting widened, and since moving anyone anywhere has the potential to result in mass panic the AD is holding vacated seats this season to help ease the transition. "Hot seat" prognosticators can look elsewhere for their evidence. Suggestion: 8-16.

Etc.: MI OL Jake Fisher will be dropping a decision($) soon, possibly today. Watch for the "Hello" post. A 1997 championship ring has found its way to eBay. In a move that gets a .5 Tropp, Tennessee pirates USC DE Malik Jackson away.

Comments

Noahdb

July 6th, 2010 at 2:01 PM ^

The Georgia AD situation is hilarious in the way that a plane landing on a train and flying off a bridge and burning down a village and then getting wiped out in a flood is hilarious.

The cop pulls the guy over. He's drunk and he's got a crazy white girl in the car with him. I'm picturing a typical drunk Georgia coed (just because it's fun...not because it's accurate) in the movie playing in my head. The cop smells the vodka oozing out of the Georgia AD and knows what the score is. The AD is trying to summon every last bit of sobriety in a hail mary-effort to just try and get home.

Then the cop says, "Hey....why, uh...why are there panties between your legs?"

‘She took them off and I held them because I was just trying to get her home.' "

Bahahahahahahaha!

Dude...look, I know you got fired. I know you're probably going to get divorced and your career is s***. But someday, you're going to have a HELL of a great story to tell. All great comedy comes from pain and suffering. You're going to be able to take this sucker on the road.

Bryan

July 6th, 2010 at 2:41 PM ^

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that whenever you lose your job and/or marriage because of something like this it will never be viewed as a hell of great story, at least by him. 

Noahdb

July 6th, 2010 at 3:04 PM ^

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that whenever you lose your job and/or marriage because of something like this it will never be viewed as a hell of great story, at least by him.

No, no, no. That is the very foundation  of a great story.

jamiemac

July 6th, 2010 at 2:08 PM ^

Isnt calling this a Jihad pretty much on par with the hyperbolic language coming from those columnists linked? I mean, come on, its neither a dark, dark day for the school, nor a Jihad. Yet, it doesnt stop MSM writers or bloggers from using that language.

wile_e8

July 6th, 2010 at 3:10 PM ^

Isn't calling it a jihad meant to parody the hyperbolic language coming from those columnists linked?  Or, at least, parody the attacks on Rodriguez by West Virginia fans (Jihad the First) and the Free Press (Jihad the Second)?  Only one side sincerely believes the hyperbole.

saveferris

July 6th, 2010 at 2:29 PM ^

A legal bill that will come close to totalling out at a cool million to address an avoidable paperwork snafu and Brad Labadie and Scott Draper still have jobs within the compliance department?  That's just unbelievable.

sheepman

July 6th, 2010 at 2:59 PM ^

Thanks for this...

"MI OL Jake Fisher will be dropping a decision($) soon, possibly today. Watch for the "Hello" post"

 

Now I am damned to checking the site every five minutes or so waiting for it (not that I wouldn't anyway, but now I am looking for something specific and disappointed when I don't see it).

Compliance Guy

July 6th, 2010 at 8:09 PM ^

That's nothing to compared to the $900,000 that Binghamton spent on the audit of its basketball program. That doesn't even include a potential major infractions case and the clean-up. And lord only knows what USC spent over those four years.

mike miller

July 8th, 2010 at 6:33 AM ^

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