Unverified Voracity Ranks Most Buckeye

Submitted by Brian on July 11th, 2013 at 1:16 PM

The most Buckeye. What is the most Ohio State thing? Is it chasing off a touted linebacker recruit with your tilty-head child porn whatnots?

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That's pretty Buckeye. Is it getting caught pleasuring yourself in the library by Carl Monday? Is it punching an opposing player because you're mad?

I think the kid who named his tumor "Michigan" is the most Ohio State thing.

Grant Reed is only 12, but the young Ohio State fan has scored a major victory over “Michigan.”

It’s what he named his brain tumor.

According to a report by NBC affiliate WCMH, Reed was recently released from Nationwide Children’s hospital in Columbus, Ohio, after completing chemotherapy in a two-year fight with the brain tumor. Doctors give him a good prognosis.

Congratulations, kid. You are both alive and the most Buckeye, at least until a guy wearing an Andy Katzenmoyer jersey poops on Desmond Howard live on Gameday, then punches out Herbstreit for being a "fake Buckeye."

MOST BUCKEYE RANKINGS

  1. Naming brain tumor "Michigan"
  2. "Everybody kills"
  3. Committing insurance fraud with the vehicle some booster provided you
  4. Tilty-head child-porn selfie fetish that chases away Alex Anzalone
  5. Library jackin'
  6. Dymonte Thomas is totally gonna flip you guys

McGary smash. GRIII and Mitch McGary are at the LeBron Skills academy with about a zillion other dudes both in college and high school, and it sounds like McGary is following up his breakout tournament with consistent, varied production. Sam Webb($):

Mitch McGary – “The Monster” looks like a million bucks – figuratively and literally.  The sophomore power forward checked in at a toned 6-10.5, 266-lbs. with an 83.5-inch wingspan.  His activity level stayed consistently high at times he seemed to catch his opponents off guard with better than expected lateral agility bounce.  …  While his overall activity level on both ends continued to stand out, his 11-point barrage over a couple of minutes was the true highlight.  The run started off with a pick& roll clinic.  On three occasions McGary lost Wilson after setting a solid screen and diving to the basket for a bucket.  When Wilson finally decided to stay with him, McGary stuck a three.  A couple of possessions later he caught the ball on the right elbow, pivoted to face the rim, then calmly stuck a jumper over Wilson’s outstretched arm.

I be like dang.

BONUS IS MITCH MCGARY STILL MITCH MCGARY CHECK

The only bad mark on McGary’s report card came when he attempted a heat check three toward the end of the game. The big fella dribbled into a jumper a full step beyond the three-point line.  It was an air-ball, but after everything else he did in the game, you’ll give him that one.

Yup. Ride the lion, buddy.

For his part, GRIII wasn't standing out like McGary. Low usage from the guy in a camp setting is no surprise since he's so deferential; hopefully in a more regimented team setting he can step up.

The least committed. Rivals article on ever-accelerating pace of non-binding verbal commitments "raises issues," but is mostly notable for the best redefinition of commitment ever. Shea Patterson is a 2016 dual threat QB who just moved to Louisiana, and he is in some sort of relationship with Arizona:

"Right now I am committed to Arizona, and if I don't hear anything from any other school for the next three years I will be happy to go to Arizona, but since we moved things have been different," he said.

Shea Patterson's commitment status is "it's complicated." Tulane, get that letter in the mail and he's yours.

FWIW, decommitments are not actually a problem worth solving. Delaying Signing Day until after coach firing season prevents a lot of guys from being locked into LOIs they don't want to honor, and gives everyone time to find the best place for them to be. Moving up those timelines does nothing but create worse matches between players and programs.

If you do want to help this non-problem be less of an issue to raise, two things: allow earlier official visits, so that more kids can get the lay of the land earlier, and create a non-binding pre-LOI that prevents other coaches from contacting anyone who signs up for it but can be withdrawn at any time by the player.

The dynamic pricing thing. A long time coming and I don't really have an issue with it since it allows Michigan to recoup some money that was otherwise being left on the table without increasing season ticket or student prices. I mean:

“They (the consumers) are going to pay more anyways,” Lawrence said. “It’s just a question of who’s making the money? Is it the school or is it the broker?”

As far as ways to increase revenue go, this one is much better than annoying me with max volume exhortations to rent Michigan Stadium for a wedding. Also, it increases the feasibility of interesting nonconference home and homes because the more attractive the opponent the more ticket revenue acquired.

This, on the other hand…

On Monday, Purdue University announced that it too would use dynamic pricing for football season.

…will result in Purdue tickets being exchanged for pogs.

Etc.: Devin Funchess is on the Mackey watch list. Also on the Mackey watch list: you. I only talk about coaches who coach for Michigan but Rich Rodriguez in a nutshell: "Well, I hear a lot of times people say 'Oh, we gotta have a guy that's a game manager,' and I don't know what that is."

NCAA promises not to send its goons after a current player who joins the O'Bannon lawsuit, because its goons all left to work at Auburn anyway. Both of these teams should be named "Northwestern." Michigan picks up a 2015 forward commit, seems like a second or third liner. Excellent take on the O'Bannon case. Hanging with Trey Burke at the draft. Say bye to Nebraska.

Comments

Prince Lover

July 11th, 2013 at 3:47 PM ^

I thought it was a great way for a 12 yr old kid to deal with such a horrible disease no matter who he is a fan of or who he despises. If it was your 12 yr old and he said he wanted to name his tumor Bucky or Sparty, I would like to be there when you told him no, thats not what a michigan fan does.

Wolverine 73

July 11th, 2013 at 4:06 PM ^

Fans who make it a point to come looking for you to gloat after the fact when they beat Michigan, but who never even mention the game when they are in the same room with you if the Bucks should happen to lose.

CarrIsMyHomeboy

July 11th, 2013 at 4:32 PM ^

Inevitably, I'll get negged for this, but I didn't like the drive-by sneer at the child who has, for the moment, defeated brain cancer. I know that child would never interpret being called "the most buckeye" as a putdown, but the fact that this post effectively ranked him alongside cooler poopers makes this site, today, in this instant, look too dang petty for my taste.

ChiBlueBoy

July 11th, 2013 at 4:51 PM ^

I think you have an overdeveloped sense of inevitability, given the pos's you've received.

Yes, I've been negged before when I've posted something that questioned a post by Brian, but I think the site also has some folks with a balanced view and a fair number of non-sycophants. That said, I don't think it was intended to be a "drive-by sneer," even if that's how it sounded in some ears. In my ear, it sounded like an accidental sneer.

Gitback

July 11th, 2013 at 5:20 PM ^

but I'm sort of with Brian.  As soon as I saw the whole "kid names his cancer 'Michigan' and then beats it" headline I said "Good for him for beating cancer!"  ...and also thought "wow, what a totally Buckeye thing to do."  Sorry. To me, the statement is more about the parents than the kid.

My school, my alma mater, a place I hold near and dear to my heart, a place that has devoted significant resources into becoming a world renowned children's hospital and cancer research center does not deserve to be the metaphorical stand-in for a child's horrible, life threatening disease.  I wish the kid well, but that's, I don't know, gratuitous and kind of shitty.  I mean, the kid has cancer, I get it, but why do you have to shit on my school about it.  How does that make things better?  

I for one, as a parent, would feel like a total douche walking around telling people that my kid has cancer and has decided to name it "Sparty."  I would inherently know that my MSU aquaintances would immediately think "Jesus, sorry about your kid, but, seriously, fuck you.  My school is not your kid's cancer and I don't appreciate the connotation."  I wouldn't do that to others or encourage it out of my child.  A Buckeye, apparently, would... hence it's a total Buckeye thing to do.  

If it were my child I would suggest we call the cancer "Loki" or "Bane" or any other truly "bad guy" out there that they might want to defeat.  If "Michigan" is the worst thing this kid can think of, making it his proxy for "brain cancer" then, again, we are dealing with a Buckeye mentality and this is a total Buckeye thing to do.  

HollywoodHokeHogan

July 11th, 2013 at 5:38 PM ^

having cancer, your response would be "seriously, fuck you."  Is that supposed to be a joke?

 If not, then there is something deeply wrong with you.  You are so attached to your school that a slight joke used by a kid facing terminal illness would cause you to curse at his parents.    I mean, are you so deeply insecure that a slight (if you could even call it that) as small as this enrages you?  Grow the fuck up.  If my kid, God forbid, ever had cancer he could name it nearly any goddamn thing he wants.  It's his life that's in danger and if naming the cancer "Dad's Fat Ugly Ass" helps him with then I'm okay with it.  I don't think I'd be real worried about looking like a douche in front of my Sparty friends. 

Gitback

July 11th, 2013 at 9:24 PM ^

Jesus, you think I'd actually SAY that to a kid with cancer?! what the fuck's wrong with YOU? Expressing my view that I think this is kind of shitty, on this blog, does not equate to walking up to a family dealing with cancer and telling them off. You need to turn it down from 11 there guy.

I said it was something that I thought, not something I'd say. I'd SAY "so sorry to hear that. If there's anything I can do..." And I would mean it, but a part of me would also not appreciate equating my school with this child's disease. I wouldn't say that to a family battling cancer, but I'd certainly THINK it as a secondary issue. Just being honest. But for purposes of having an open discussion about it on this blog, and for purposes of being HONEST about how that whole thing struck me; sorry but it struck me as kind of a Buckeye thing to do. It's the kind of thing that wouldn't even occur to me to suggest, and if it did come up I would suggest we pick something else to call the cancer because naming it after a rival school is just kind of Buckeye-ish.

I never said anything about being "enraged" by it, I never said he doesn't have "the right" to do it and I never, NEVER suggested that if, given the opportunity I would walk up to this kid or his parents and say any of this. I'm just merely expressing that I, like Brian, also found this a totally "Buckeye thing to do."

You're goddamn right he can name his cancer any goddamn thing he wants, but I'm goddamn well within my rights to think TO MYSELF that its kind of shitty and, when it comes up on the blog, express my view without YOU giving me life advice and making judgements about my character.

HollywoodHokeHogan

July 11th, 2013 at 10:10 PM ^

I should have said "reaction" and not "response."  "Response" does sound like you would actually say it.  I should have questioned whether your reaction would be to  THINK,  "Jesus, sorry about your kid, but, seriously, fuck you."  Because from your first post you seem to think that's a reasonable and likely response. 

That aside, the rest of my post is right on.  I think something is wrong with anyone who would be THINKING "fuck you" (as a secondary issue, whatever the hell that means) in response to someone telling you that about his or her kid.  

Also, if you are thinking "seriously, fuck you," then it seems appropriate to describe you as "enraged."  If that adjective is too strong, feel free to substitute "pretty pissed," "quite angry," awfully upset", etc.  It really does not change anything.  Further, that your honestly reporting your reaction does not mean it's an appropriate reaction. 

Finally, you don't have any "right" to "express your view without ME giving me life advice and making judgements about my character."    You've got some sort of limited to right to comment, I suppose in virtue of having an account, but mod's willing I can respond to it with a judgment about your character.  

 

 

Gitback

July 11th, 2013 at 9:38 PM ^

This kid can do whatever he wants, no one is forbidding it and its not like I'm going to walk up to him and tell him his tactic for dealing with cancer offends me. I'm expressing my opinion to a bunch of Michigan bloggers here, I'm not ripping the kid on a billboard in his hometown. It is possible to fully support this child and still privately be of the opinion that equating his cancer with Michigan is kind of Buckeye-ish.

well.....

July 11th, 2013 at 8:42 PM ^

my $0.02 in, as a michigan alum - i worked for five years with children in health care (congenital heart disease, not cancer) and my reaction to the story when i first heard it was, "what a great idea". you need something, ANYTHING, to motivate and lighten a long, hard, dark, scary, depressing road that no one can prepare you for or tell you how it ends. if that family has had anything near a typical chronic illness experience, they have had a completely disrupted life, in the midst of which they had to try to figure out how to help their 12 year old little boy get through the hospitalizations, painful procedures, mutlple strangers doing all sorts of test and exams, not being "normal".... i get where you're coming from, but i really think that when you're in that situation or you are around it, you understand that anything that can add laughter or give you a way to speak to a child about death and illness is a good thing. because for that family it isn't just, 'har har, we beat michigan'. it's what you use when he is tired and doesn't feel good and doesn't want one more poke to get an IV - developmentally, i think "we gotta do this to beat michigan" is better motivation than "we gotta do this to beat the cancer". and i'm glad he beat my school. 

Bodogblog

July 11th, 2013 at 5:53 PM ^

Isn't Brian complimenting the kid for being the most Buckeye? In the sense that the way he did it embodies the positive qualities of how they revere the rivalry?

I saw the list as one positive/complimenting item, five hilariously negative/denigrating items.  If you're forced to say something nice about Nickelback, you've got to wash that shit down with invective.

Blue Durham

July 11th, 2013 at 6:05 PM ^

If you consider the list of 6 that Brian put up, as well as his hypothetical that would top the list:

You are both alive and the most Buckeye, at least until a guy wearing an Andy Katzenmoyer jersey poops on Desmond Howard live on Gameday, then punches out Herbstreit for being a "fake Buckeye."

I would say no, it is not a compliment.

MaizeAndBlueWahoo

July 11th, 2013 at 6:11 PM ^

Not really.  If you say something nice about anything and then qualify it with five shitty things, you aren't really saying anything nice.  If "being Buckeye" is bad and involves pooping in coolers and being disgustingly creepy toward recruits, being even more so is not a good thing either.

Brian showed his ass on this one.  Big time.  No getting around it.  It was meant as a joke and it sucked, a lot.

M-Wolverine

July 11th, 2013 at 6:04 PM ^

Then I started reading it. Holy fuck I know you don't read the boards but after a nice long post on this with almost universal approval to not only compare it to some really disgusting Buckeye things, but to rate it HIGHER than that, and I have to wonder if someone is off his meds; or on them. I mean it's poor taste, but not in any way amusing either. If someone had posted the original thread as "ha ha stupid buckeyes" it'd be at a minimum of -40 now, and a mod might have taken it down. I mean this is crossing the line from snark to a lack of humanity. It might be more embarrassing than the Lloyd Carr rant you apologized for, because big shoulders public figure vs. just a kid. I would only imagine if some rival site was making fun of a kid with cancer you'd be raking them over the coals for it.

But at least all the replies weren't about the Rich Rod link. #Progress

M-Wolverine

July 11th, 2013 at 11:39 PM ^

I don't want to get into killing him for some old thing he apologized for.

The brief- there was a front pager in the spring of '10 (I believe) just eviscerating Carr for some rumor during the Rich Rod era. The next day (or a couple later) he had a pretty sincere mea culpa. It's the only thing I remember raising to the level of apologizing for it, so that's my watermark.

This isn't offensive enough for a huge apology. It's just embarrassing.

GoBlueInNYC

July 12th, 2013 at 7:02 AM ^

Oh, my fault! I totally misunderstood you. I thought you meant that Carr had some public rant, and that Brian bent over backwards trying to be a Carr apologist. Which struck me as really strange, given Carr's general refusal to say much of anything publicly unless he absolutely has to.

Ok, nevermind. Brian ranting about Carr during the RR era makes way more sense (and is much less interesting than a possible embarassing rant by Carr).

JohnnyV123

July 11th, 2013 at 6:05 PM ^

Didn't read any of the other comments so sorry if this was already mentioned....but can we please stop putting pictures of that Charles Waugh (I think that was his name) guy on the front page??

Philip A. Duey

July 11th, 2013 at 6:39 PM ^

You do not, I repeat, DO NOT, juxtapose a 12-year old kid fighting brain cancer with convicted sex offenders. It is the context of seeing "Kid with Brain Cancer" in the same list as some of the most dubious personalities in society, regardless of whether or not they are associated with our rivals to the south.

Sopwith

July 11th, 2013 at 8:17 PM ^

this story:  http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/ncaaf-dr-saturday/man-claimed-years-ohio-state-american-tight-end-191626603.html

Anyway, #1 is a highly Buckeye thing to do.  And sometimes being a little too clever, sassy or cutting edge for your own good can be... wait for it... a very Michigan thing to do.  

 

This weirdly reminds me of the Moops and Moors.

Edit:  After reading through the comments, jeebus peoples, it's the internets.  I thought Brian maybe was being a little edgy with it, but if calling your tumor "Michigan" is a totally acceptable poke at your rival (and it 100% is in this case), then it's only being a good rival to poke a little fun back at it.  It's like people got under a sensitivity heat lamp and fell asleep or somethin.'   I know this from 2 years as a volunteer at Boston Children's Hospital:  what do little sick kids hate more than anything else?  Being treated like a little sick kid.

acnumber1

July 11th, 2013 at 10:10 PM ^

Brian,

Seriously? On the same list?  Even in the effort of juxtaposition I would have hoped for a congratulatory message rather than a sardonic/ironic/witty (not sure of your intent) post that no 12 year old would be able to sort out...poor taste.

mgobleu

July 11th, 2013 at 11:01 PM ^

In my opinion, "being Buckeye" as a Michigan man will obviously hold negative connotations, thus the idiots, felons and perverts on the list. But a worldly view of "Buckeyeism" is the perpetuation of the uber-fandom where they inject the love of their team and the bitter hatred of their rival into every part of their lives, which this kid certainly embodies. For me, even at first blush, I got what Brian was getting at. Admittedly, I've been reading his writing since we were all bitching about haloscan, so maybe I'm a bit quicker to give him a pass than others might be. That's because even though I've never met him, I know him well enough to understand his intentions.

I think there's a bigger problem here though. The fact is, (and I hope I don't get too political, but...) holy hell do we all need a vacation from the thought police. Not just on this blog and these boards, but in the news, the media and in the politics of life in general. If you think Brian's post was off-color and inappropriate, I'm sorry that he disappointed you, but you and I both know that it was not his intent to compare this kid to a public masturbator. Frankly, if you think he's the type of person who's even capable of equating a prepubescent cancer survivor to a child porn connoseur, why honestly are you patronizing his website in the first place? Its painfully obvious to me when people feign indignation to try and display their hypersensitivity to any speech or thought that they've deemed unacceptable when it comes to anything, be it racism, homosexuality, cancer patients or any of the 'chic' causes du jour. Here's a tip: you'll know true racism, bigotry and intolerance when it slaps you in the face. Someone's flippant speech is not necessarily symptomatic of hate or evil in their heart; in fact, most often the offensive thought doesn't even exist in the person who speaks something offensive, but does in the person who hears it and cries foul. Maybe I'm naive, but I honestly believe that most people are good and decent, even if (when) they say stupid things on occaision. Paula Deen is a pariah today because she admitted to using an offensive word 50 years ago, yet I have no doubt that she is no racist and would do anything in her power to help and love someone in need, regardless of their ethnicity. Let's all chill the F out  and not turn stupid ass words or a poor attempt at a joke into something it's not, fergodsakes.

Rant over. I need a beer.

Prince Lover

July 12th, 2013 at 1:50 AM ^

"you'll know true racism, bigotry and intolerance when it slaps you in the face." And there is no bigger slap in the face of intolerance than strangers criticizing a 12 yr and his parents naming his tumor Michigan. Please please please go back and reread well....'s post. If you still don't get it then I truly hope cancer never affects your family.

griff32

July 12th, 2013 at 10:09 AM ^

Intolerance is a matter of opinion. In this case I don't think the Intent is Intolerance, so therefore I would put this in the category poor judgement and bad execution. 

Screaming Intolerance, or discrimination at everything you personally are offended by makes it your opinion, not fact.

 

By the way, yes the list is in very poor taste.

Randy Marsh

July 12th, 2013 at 12:01 AM ^

I'm usually in the "stop being so sensitive" crowd, but numbers 2-6 are stupid dickheads being stupid. Number one is not and shouldn't be listed with said dickheads.