Unverified Voracity Punches Dolphins

Submitted by Brian on September 10th, 2009 at 10:37 AM

Tate! The people have spoken and MGoUnderground has listened. The Tate shirt is available for purchase.

If you're interested in the details, Enjoy Life pretty much liveblogged his shirt purchase and washing. Everything is AWESOME. He cannot BELIEVE what a deal he got. CONSUME.

I really hope this is just random. If this sign is just random, it's funny. If it's an obscure sexual act—and these days punching BLANK almost always is—it's not:


There is, unfortunately, an Urban Dictionary entry for "Dolphin Punch" but there's only one and it seems obscure enough that unless it's this particularly house/frat that initiated the term they're literally talking about punching dolphins, which I approve of as a ridiculous fashion via which to express your disapproval. [Update: the house had a sign featuring a fist punching an incredulous dolphin, so it was literal. Good work, BOX.] Multiple emailers have mentioned that Drew Sharp—freshly returned to the local airwaves hoorah—spent a lot of time on WDFN the other day bemoaning this sign and others along the various frats and apartment buildings en route to the stadium. An emailer:

Drew Sharp was going on about how there were some "reprehensible" signs that he saw on the way to the game regarding Rosenberg.  He said that he talked to unnamed "U-M officials", and was told that the Freep needs to understand that emotions get high when they write on a sensitive subject, and that their inaction was the first time that Sharp was embarrassed by his degree, blah, blah, blah, won't someone think of the children.

…So, I called in.  I asked him and Matt Shepard where the signs were.  Sharp hemmed and hawed, and it turned out that unsurprisingly, they were on private property  (although one of them "might have been on campus").  They hung up on me before I could blast Sharp for what he is, but Jesus.  No wonder the print media is dying- this isn't rocket science.  Hell, even Shepard understood the First Amendment.

How is it that this man has a job that doesn't involve scrubbing something, but nothing too important?

While we're on the subject of, well, you know, Jay Bilas' latest insider piece argues along these lines:

If the allegations concerning Michigan are true, which would assume that the players making the allegations had a full understanding of what constituted countable and non-countable hours and what constituted voluntary and mandatory workouts, then Michigan is guilty of working too hard on football.

Which is nothing anyone hasn't heard—probably dozens of times—in the last two weeks. But Bilas has toned down the Amaker stuff after the Manny Harris elbow overreaction and remains one of the best analysts (alternatives: Vitale) in college basketball. Maybe Michigan fans can take him off the Enemies List?

And hey guess what now it's time to talk about Notre Dame. What the hell is Charlie Weis 1) talking about and 2) attempting to imply by this:

When Weis was looking at Michigan quarterback Tate Forcier, he said he couldn’t keep track of him because he said he bounced to four high schools in four years.

Forcier transferred from his original high school to Scripps Ranch after his freshman year, and then, you know, played at Scripps Ranch the next three years. Our source on this: Tate Forcier and his interview with Tom for Hail To The Victors 2009. Our hobo quarterback needs to grow a beard and get on the tracks, man, before all the other hobos laugh at him when he says he hasn't been to El Paso.

HOBO #1: You've got to go to El Paso.
FORCIER: I keep hearing that but I've never been. I mostly stick around Scripps Ranch High School because I'm the quarterback there.
HOBO #2: LOL wait till I tell Weis the exact opposite of this.
HOBO #1: Word. I remember our days at Our Lady. Remember what it was like to consider the vague possibility of touching a woman, even if she was the metaphorical embodiment of a religion and not actually, you know, a person?
HOBO #2: No.
HOBO #1: No, me neither.
FORCIER: Yeah… how about that. I'm going to take off, I have to go throw some ridiculously accurate passes. [leaves]
HOBO #1: 40 year mistake, that guy.

Hobo #1 revealed! It's Tommy Kilborn, sometime EDSBS guest columnist:

I certainly respect what the Nevada Wolfpack did, but they just couldn’t hope to keep up with the brilliant scheming by Charlie Weis and his offensive staff. The energy in the stadium was unreal! I saw several alums even stand during plays because they were so excited, though they did sit down quickly and courteously when the ushers came along to settle things down. You can’t blame them, ushers: Charlie Weis football in its full glory has that effect on people.

As always, Kilborn is a brilliant non-parody of Notre Dame fans. NDNation is going to look at you very sternly, Orson.

Speakin' of the hobo. Guy seems to have a good grasp of both train routes and defenses:

Mmmm talky QB porn. Also Rotel ad. I don't think I've ever even seen Rotel available in local supermarkets, but buy anyway. HOBO QB DIRECTS  YOU TO.

Etc.: There is now a blog dedicated to Microsoft Paint as it relates to Michigan football. As you might expect, it is spectacular. Future expansion was part of the Michigan Stadium renovation plans. Mustaches for Michigan came off.


STW P. Brabbs

September 10th, 2009 at 10:49 AM ^

That BOX House still exists - it seemed like something that would pass as the founding members graduated. The Dolphin Punching sign leads me to believe that its resilience is a good thing.


September 10th, 2009 at 11:30 AM ^

I can see why he would be uncomfortable with "naming people;" the freep never names their sources when doing a hatchet job.

Seriously, though, Sharp has no problem when his fellow perps at the freep drag RR's name through the mud. Why should he be so sensitive when one of them is named and has to experience consequences from his actions?


September 10th, 2009 at 10:52 AM ^

Personally knowing many guys currently at the Box "house", I can say that:

A. They aren't a frat. They exist to make fun of frats. Football saturdays are generally ridiculous there. There's a guy in a buzz lightyear suit, and another in a banana suit.


B. Being gradumacated and gone, I would assume theory #2 because they're generally ridiculous, and it doesn't really fit the urban dictionary def. of dolphin punching.


September 10th, 2009 at 11:58 AM ^

Does anyone know the origin of the "BOX" has name?

I do believe that their "unofficial" (Like everything at BOX) motto was: "Think inside the BOX" (this was a play on words of the typical saying of think outside the box. Also a box is not a normal box UD.com that)


September 10th, 2009 at 1:14 PM ^

On my way to the spring game, there were two guys on the box porch with a megaphone for each of them. When they saw me, One screamed "Go Blue!". The other replied with "Go Maize!". I Cheered back go blue and the go maize guy started booing me through his megaphone. It was a pretty funny start to the day.


September 10th, 2009 at 11:00 AM ^

You missed the picture of the hand that was actually punching a dolphin on the lower portion of the house. It was of MS Paint quality.

I really did laugh when I saw this last Saturday.


September 10th, 2009 at 11:06 AM ^

What that photo doesn't show is that there is an even more awesome illustration hanging below the text signs of a fist (presumably Rosenberg's) coming into contact with a dolphin's face. Thus, I presume a literal context for the insult.


September 10th, 2009 at 11:21 AM ^

Wait a minute... Sharp attended the University of Michigan?

MSC should issue an immediate statement, with Bill Martin at her side, that "our great institution is embarrassed that we awarded Drew Sharp a degree. We are looking into how such an obvious error happened, but we apologize to our alumni around the world for this mistake. I'm happy to report the Regents are in emergency session at this very moment voting to strip Mr. Sharp of his fraudulently acquired diploma. Let this be a message that will ring out clearly across this state and the world: asshattery will not be rewarded at graduation time at the University of Michigan."


September 10th, 2009 at 11:29 AM ^

Sounds like a brand name for a roach motel. Or a defunct telecommunications company whose former CEO is serving a prison sentence for absconding with pension funds.

But salsa? Not.


September 10th, 2009 at 11:39 AM ^

I don't think I've ever even seen Rotel available in local supermarkets, but buy anyway.

Well, Brian, then I posit that your homemade salsa must suck. Good day to you sir. I SAID GOOD DAY!


September 10th, 2009 at 11:40 AM ^

I actually got a picture of said dolphin punch sign. It was meant literally me thinks.

My favorite part: How incredulous the dolphin looks that he's being punched.


September 10th, 2009 at 11:41 AM ^

Perhaps Weiss couldn't keep track of a wild Hobo who was only like you know 18 when he graduated high school. It's much easier to keep track of 30 year old high school seniors I'm told.