Unverified Voracity Makes A Birdman Comment Count

Brian October 19th, 2009 at 3:04 PM

Throw it down, Jimmy Chitwood. Zach Novak's house-destroying, contest-obliterating slam dunk from Michigan Madness, via UMHoops:

Darius Morris had already picked up a 40 of 40 on his second dunk, which you can also see at Dylan's site, but the Novak dunk ended with various members of the women's team—who were the judges—attempting to give him all of their score placards. So he got like 160 points. Nice points, Novak.

I had to duck out before the scrimmages, so I don't have much else to add about the event. It was worth having and I hope Michigan continues it, though next time maybe the introductions can go much, much quicker?

SIDE NOTE: Hey, remember this from the Iowa recap?

This disaster was played incessantly over the PA, and we, not being 14-year-old-girls, didn't know what it was. Friend of Blog joked that it was probably a Jonas Brothers song, and we laughed, and then we thought to ourselves IS that a Jonas Brothers song? It turns out no, but it's by the Black Eyed Peas, which is 95% as emasculating. Hell, this imeem playlist by one Shelby Veppert, who—no foolies—is a 19-year old from Columbus who lists Nickelback(!!!) as one of her favorite bands, has the song sandwiched between two Jonas Brothers songs. If Michigan Stadium ever has anything that can be considered a sort of theme song I'm going to buy out Ann Arbor Torch & Pitchfork, and if it's ever something as terrifyingly fey as that thing, I'll storm the castle myself.

Guess what fey, awful disaster of a song was used for the pre-festivities hype video? I've got my torch. Who's coming with me as we storm the guy in the Michigan marketing department who picks the music, find out he's Seth Green's character from Ten Things I Hate About You  Can't Hardly Wait, and mail him to a former Soviet republic? Anybody?

TWIS addendum. Aaaaargh. I thought I had plenty of Ohio State material ("It's not easy being an Ohio State fan. No wonder we're a drunken army of idiots.") for This Week In Schadenfreude, and I did, but if I had checked BHGP before I threw it to my editor I would have included this guy four or five times:

Seriously. Seriously: watch this bucktard. Seriously. He challenges Pryor to a fight. Call Pryor whatever you want—Darko in cleats, arm punter, murder condoner, guy with emotional problems—but there is no way he can't beat the holy hell out of a skinny white dude with a soul patch. And that's not even considering Eleven Warriors' withering Purdue recap:

I mentioned it last week and feel compelled to bring it up again: Could it be that Pryor simply doesn’t have the necessary mental skills to play QB at the major college level? All we hear is how hard he works in the film room blah blah blah but the end result thus far is a QB just as inconsistent in all phases of the game as last year.

The new wrinkle this week to the TP-Trainwreck was of course the ridiculous comments he made about the offense being ready to explode. Uh, I suppose he meant implode. Here’s a sampling of his mind-numbing handiwork yesterday. It’s like deja vu all over again. And I’m supposed to be happy he’s here for another 2.5 years?

Holy crap, man. I've been bringing up Ohio State's gaping backup QB hole for a year and a half now, but the hope I held out for an OSU implosion at the position always assumed the disaster would befall OSU in the event of an injury to DiC. This sort of meltdown was a distant possibility harbored in the deepest hearts of Michigan fans, prevented from surfacing because merely speaking the hope would result in Pryor going all Troy Smith on Michigan.

…Which is still a possibility. At this point in Smith's sophomore year he was running for more yards than he passed for and looking a lot like Denard Robinson does right now minus the world-class speed. I'm not ready to bury Pryor yet.

Inside-outside. I already pulled out Chris Brown's explanation of the differences between the inside and outside zone plays last week, but he's expanded his thinking into a full post on his home site that's worth checking out if you're into that sort of thing. I'll try to use that information going forward, though the way Brown describes it the differences are so subtle it might be hard to determine what's what.

One coaching point people have offered up this year during my attempts to discern one play from the other: the thing you want to look at is the alignment of the QB relative to the RB. If they're about even, that's going to be a stretch play. If the QB is a yard or so in front of the tailback, that's usually because the RB's angle is going to be more upfield because the play is an inside zone or other quick-hitting run that aims to punish the opponent for overpursuing on the stretch. It's sort of like a mini version of the pistol, if that makes sense.

Big Ten Hockey wha? Via Michigan Hockey Net and Yost Built, here's the first step towards a potentially shocking college hockey realignment:

A series of high-level discussions took place this summer about the creation of a new men's hockey league featuring the five Big Ten Conference members that sponsor the sport.

But despite support for the endeavor from multiple schools, including the University of Wisconsin, the concept failed to extend beyond the exploratory stage.

Minnesota was against it, Ohio State and Wisconsin for, it and Michigan and Michigan State "brought open minds" to the summer talks, whatever that means.

There are some obvious problems with a Big Ten Hockey conference. With only five teams sponsoring the sport, a BTHC would fall one short of the minimum necessary to garner an NCAA auto-bid (not that the schools in the conference would need one), and one short of conference requirements to sponsor a sport. Unless the prospect of a Big Ten conference would spur Penn State or Illinois to go varsity, it's a non-starter. And as discussed here whenever the topic comes up, Minnesota is the beating heart of the WCHA and is loathe to give up longtime rivalries against a zillion instate schools and, most importantly, North Dakota.

On the other hand, a Big Ten conference would break the current logjam that sees college hockey virtually unable to expand because each conference is full. The remainder of the WCHA would be a highly viable conference, with UND, CC, and Denver all national powers and teams like UMD, SCSU, and even Minnesota-Mankato tourney contenders on a regular basis. Add in UNO with Dean Blais and that's still a strong conference. A CCHA without Michigan and Michigan State would be considerably more rickety, but the recent emergence of Miami and Notre Dame as powers gives the league something to stand on, and a small Big Ten conference would provide a ton of nonconference opportunities for the departed programs to throw around to local schools.

If a Big Ten hockey conference is not in the cards, another crazy move might be:

Multiple college hockey sources said UW officials responded to the slowing of the talks by making it known they would consider moving to the CCHA.



Oh no, Corso!

Frazier acknowledged that UW would be a "jewel'' for the CCHA, but he denied such rhetoric, saying, "We're loyal to the WCHA."

…Asked about the notion, Alvarez said men's coach Mike Eaves wasn't interested in changing leagues. "If Mike's not interested, I'm not interested,'' Alvarez said. "I'd be interested in other things. As I've said before, regionalizing hockey makes sense.''

My head is spinning here.

Etc.: Meta: Seth Godin on "notice me," which is a lot of what the web emphasizes but fails to have a purpose in and of itself. CONER. (Yes, I'm charting him. Call off the hounds.)

Wait. Wait:

“I was trying to get in at wideout, too, to be honest, but it didn’t work,” Cone said. “I took a couple (reps in practice) a couple weeks ago just because I’m tall, but they gotta get some more confidence in me first.”

Okay. Carry on with your life.



October 19th, 2009 at 6:42 PM ^

I respect you but I am going to rip you a new asshole every week..."

This guy is hilarious. I like how he includes the pictures of himself with hot chicks to show how fucking WICKED he is!!!! YEAH TRADE SHOW BABES, MO FUGGER!!!! This guy needs to get out in the public some more. I'm sure O$U fans would like that. 'BARRASSING!



October 19th, 2009 at 7:45 PM ^

I was pro-life before I saw that vid. Thanks Brian. Is anyone else praying to God that we beat OSU just to watch Buck Nation implode? Maybe the "Redneck Rocker" is OSU's AD?


October 19th, 2009 at 7:47 PM ^

The Redneck Rocker is an idiot, but I hope he gets a following down in Columbus. I would be great if he were able to create an environment of dissension. We can all see that he is a moron, but I think he would be pretty much in the middle of the Bell Curve in Columbus. Also, his subject matter is compelling enough that I can see his fellow, Michigan-hating, Columbus rednecks resonating with his message.

It's not like he is preaching to a congregation of Einsteins.


October 19th, 2009 at 7:53 PM ^


Very interesting point on Pryor's possible inability to handle the mental aspect of being a QB at the College level. While certainly very athletic, he may lack the mental makeup to play the QB position. Only time will tell but you would think he would be farther along in his development at this point in time. Actually, he may be better suited for a different position in College such as WR.


October 19th, 2009 at 8:48 PM ^

He complained about Tressel f**king up "HIS" program. HAHA!! I'd like to see your degree from THE ohio state university. WORST STATE EVER!!


October 19th, 2009 at 11:31 PM ^

Michigan will beat OSU this year. Dr. Jesse Lee PhD. I feel you. Bucktard will bust a gasket. I'll pay to see that. That scarlet and gray imbecile couldn't chew gum and breathe at the same time more or less fight Pryor. Terrelle may not be that good of a QB I bet he would not let ol' Toothless whip him.

Truly there are so many reasons why I'm a Wolverine fan. Bucktard is the reason why I can never route for the Buckeyes. Someone on this blog once said "If OSU were to play the Nazis, he'd route for the Nazis". I think I must agree with him.

An amoeba is smarter than Bucktard. So is a 5th Grader. In fact a 5th Grader would be a genius in comparison. I hope there are no Michigan fans that are bucktarded.

Brian you need to imbue "Bucktard" and "Bucktarded" as official terms to slight OSU on this blog. Oh, you must say "eh" before or after the term. For example "Don't be a Bucktard Eh!" or "Eh, stop being Bucktarded". You try it. Let it roll out of your mouth.


October 19th, 2009 at 11:33 PM ^

I hate to be the one that gives our opponent a competitive edge, but perhaps Mr. Pryor should watch the following tutorial from the one-and-only Kige Ramsey of YouTube Sports Demonstrations:

FWIW, The Redneck Rocker = an unpleasant and shockingly less informed Kige Ramsey

Feat of Clay

October 20th, 2009 at 1:43 AM ^

Bucktard Soulpatch was a treat. Nice opening stills of him, very impressive. I notice the hot women he's seen posing with are all of the variety whose very job descriptions require them to be nice to any potential consumer of branded alcohol who begs for a photo. My cousin with Down Syndrome could get a photo with the Jagermeister girls--but even he has the sense not to boast about it by making it into his own highlight reel.


October 20th, 2009 at 12:12 PM ^

Likely something manufactured in Arkon, OH, next to a tire factory and bottled in convienent shatter-proof plastic to a volume of 750mL then labelled appropriately with the words "premium" and "authentic" to go along with a hunting scene -- as if the connoisseur would actually go hunting after polishing off one of these. Not that I am against low grade alcohol consumption by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just against making a video rant of my drunken self, threatening someone stronger and faster than myself TWICE, after its consumption.


October 21st, 2009 at 12:29 PM ^

I still don't get how you hadn't heard this song before the Iowa game. I don't listen to the radio really (music), am 26, don't have any kids, and practically know all the lyrics to the song.