Sponsor note. One of the few benefits of walking to the stadium the last few years was a certain spaciousness to the tailgate proceedings. That just ended.

It's gonna get hairy out there. I foresee SUVs parked on top of each other, four to a stack. The lady on top of the stack has had too many wine coolers and is waving a kebab around threateningly.

Avoid certain doom at the hands of kebab wielders by reserving your spot ahead of time with Park 'n' Party. PnP has organized the parking situation around the stadium so that you can get a season pass at one of the many lots nearby. Eliminate pre-game worries; park next to friends so that when they have too many wine coolers they brandish their kebabs elsewhere.

If you've got an Event with an Expense Account attached to it, you are a lucky dog. Also Park and Party has many suitable places with attached man-caves with TVs and fancy block M brick patios.

There's a button midway down the right sidebar that will take you to their site if and when you need to secure your future attendance against ravenous hordes of people with tiny metal sticks with undercooked mushrooms on them. Or you could click on the links.

Kebabs are terrible. As tailgate food. I'm sure there is a way in which they can be good. They are terribly ill-suited for tailgating. Watch Joe disprove this spectacularly next week.

Your move, Ohio: a continuing series. One of Pluto's moons was lovingly shaped by the solar system as an homage to the great state of Michigan:

Hydra, on the right, is a dead ringer for the lower peninsula. No word yet on which of Pluto's more obscure moons looks like the UP. Probably the one with Houghton on it.

DAY 53. They said they captured it. They lied. Remain stuck in the FXB. Bodies of the innocent piled up outside the door. Smell of putrefaction overwhelming, but intermittent. There it is again. The door is open. Another poor soul attempts to make a break for it. The sounds of his failure are familiar by now, the horror of it distant, the boredom present.

Incredibly, I hear a lecture on aerodynamics going on somewhere above me. If I had the energy I would scream at these people. Scream bloody murder. Scream that the only aerodynamics that remain relevant in our lives are those that will take us from the top of this building to the street below.

Unless, of course, its maw intercepts us.

I do nothing. Above they drone on about lift ratios. Outside, Satan's final victory over Earth.

You may be waiting for your doom in the FXB but at least you didn't do this. A new challenger appears in the Worst AD Ever competition:

In December 2011, Kansas was strongly considering tabbing Auburn offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn to be its next head coach. … Malzahn had never been a college head coach, and neither had [Mark] Mangino before he arrived in Lawrence. Yet Malzahn was the O-coordinator for Auburn as the Tigers stunningly went 14-0 and won the 2011 national title, and Mangino coordinated Oklahoma’s national championship offense shortly before landing the Kansas job.

For Kansas, the Malzahn match made too much sense. But in a defining decision, the Jayhawks changed course in the final moments and opted to go with the biggest name they could get.

That happened to be Charlie Weis.

This year, Kansas has 64 scholarship players and will be paying Weis more than they pay their actual coach. The Weis phenomenon remains one of history's most inexplicably fascinating periods.

Wherever you go. Hey, I've been some of these places.

Even more Endzone Brandon's Lasting Lessons. Bacon did an hour-long interview with Drew and Mike that is fascinating. Drew and Mike did extensive homework and focus in on a lot of the key areas of the book; at times they ask direct questions about things Bacon can't respond to because no one would go on the record. Some things that I think aren't even in the book leak out:

• Brandon would make comments about personnel during his film-watching sessions—possibly even outright suggestions. Even if this the most benign version possible, it's so bad. Imagine your boss sitting down with you and saying "Devin's not doing so well." Now you are in a lovely pickle.
• If I read the thing about how Brandon's entourage would call ahead to hotels to make sure they had someone to open his car door, I must have blanked it out in an effort to defend myself from my brain's reaction to… that. Ditto that Brandon turned down private planes that were too small.
• Bacon thinks that Schlissel may have been inclined to wait until the end of the academic year before deciding what direction to go at AD, until that was suddenly no longer tenable. That would have been bad.

There's more that I can't remember off the top of my head. Eleven Warriors has an excerpt from the wild 42-41 OSU game.

Iowa fans on Rudock. Going to be fascinating to watch what happens at both Michigan and Iowa this year, particularly if Rudock outperforms CJ Beathard. BHGP is in the midst of its season preview content; their roundtable spends a question considering the departed:

Will Iowa fans miss Jake Rudock?

Adam: Not unless Beathard gets injured. Iowa fans saw two full years of Rudock. He’s a known quantity, and it was mostly a substandard quantity. If Rudock outperforms Beathard this year, it’ll likely be more of a referendum on Iowa’s and Michigan’s coaching staffs than on their quarterbacks. …

Patrick: Absolutely, because if there’s two things Iowa fans love, it’s a backup quarterback and the guy they let get away. The narrative changes have already begun, and will only get worse if Rudock is successful at Michigan or Beathard struggles. The vitriol directed at Rudock last season, most of it undeserved, will be completely forgotten the second that Beathard checks down to a two-yard out route or throws a horrible interception to the sideline.

Those are the two extremes of what's about a 50/50 split. If Rudock does seem significantly better, the fallout from Iowa City will be vicious.

The answer is yes. Look, kid, everything in life comes with a cost.

As pediatric cardiologist Dr. Ronald Grifkas howed 10-year-old Ivan Applin the wire-framed device that would be used to fix the holes in his heart, the Toledo fourth grader had just one burning concern.

“He asked if the Michigan doctors were going to make his heart love University of Michigan instead of Ohio State,” his mother Jennifer laughs.

When you grow up you'll be thankful for the switch. You'll put liquids in your cooler and remove them without any unfortunate encrustations upon them. You might have a law degree you're actually able to pay off!

Butch TD, 1979. Via Dr. Sap:

Love how Ufer immediately knows that's a program record.

Also, a 1980 feature on Gary Moeller from Michigan Replay:

Etc.: Surprise! Alabama's Cost of Attendance figure shoots up. Michigan ranks high in the pernicious and generally useless university rankings that have increasingly driven colleges to ridiculous measures in order to rank well, so they've got that going for them.

Spike was the most efficient pick and roll player in the Big Ten last year, albeit on relatively low usage. Via Steve Lorenz, Gus Johnson wanted to name his daughter after Bo. That's a new one.