Unverified Voracity Judges 70s Mustaches Comment Count

Brian November 14th, 2013 at 11:31 AM

Here's something to read as you wait for Hand to make you self high-five or send you further into your depressive tailspin.

STEP AWAY FROM THE GROBAN. Okay yeah don't ever talk to a Michigan player about anything but this is a flashback I do not need right now.

Brady Hoke: Fans who want to bash players via social media 'need to get a life'

At least this time there won't be a moronic media backlash against an obviously correct and appropriate sentiment about douchers on the internet who take their frustration out on players. So at least we've got that going for us. Someone make sure that Mike Rosenberg has still been run out of town on a rail. (He what? He got a job where? As a janitor? Oh. Well, the world is a terrible place.)

The Daily has compiled Ace Williams and other 16 year olds having hissy fits at Gardner on Twitter. While it's getting tiresome every time someone points out that racists, idiots, and the 16-year-old-pretending-to-be-Oxford-attending-face-gel-model Ace Williams have access to the internet, yes, all of these people should be shot into the sun. But I think a lot of people should be shot into the sun. I don't think we should put me in charge of the Which People Go On The Rocket Into The Sun committee.

TOP FIVE PEOPLE GOING IN THE ROCKET INTO THE SUN

  1. Sepp Blatter
  2. Fred Durst
  3. Jonathan Franzen
  4. Whoever popularized quinoa
  5. Bill Hancock

Q: Where is Al Borges in that line?

Aw man he doesn't deserve to be burned into a crisp. Don't ask me about this in the immediate aftermath of a muffed punt.

Last. Michigan is now dead last in tackles for loss allowed.

image

This is amazing. For once, your perception that thing X about your team being the greatest or the worst is accurate. Savor this moment. (Forget about all of this immediately using whatever techniques or substances required to do so.)

Stop thinking about that think about this.

Bovember21[1]

if they called it "Bovember" I would be required to do it by law

Steve Sapardanis rates Michigan mustaches of the 1970s. Why didn't I do this instead of the UFR? Because I am dumb. I am beyond dumb.  Anyway, here's Sap's greatest mustache of all time:

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That's Jon Giesler (1975-78), who is obviously an offensive lineman.

Booing. Michigan Stadium booed during the Nebraska game. I disapprove of this at all times, but at least this time it was blazingly obvious that the fans were booing two runs into the line for nothing that everyone in the stadium knew were coming and would not work. That is coach-directed, and of a different tenor than the stadium-wide hissy fit early in the Rodriguez era. But hey give the media a chance to write a story about it and they will, asking everybody about it about six times. Even, uh…

Obviously, everyone is entitled to their opinion,” [Desmond] Morgan said. “It’s a little bit disappointing, I would say. The guys in this building are the guys in this building. We’re together. We’re not too concerned about the outside influences, whether the fans are up or down.”

…the defense! File under trying too hard.

Resume thinking about misery. So… yeah. "Line Yardage" is a metric that chops out everything over ten yards and relatively discounts yards from 5-10 in an effort to see which offensive lines are doing the best at getting yards under the assumption that most of the stuff after about five yards is not on them.

You're probably thinking that Michigan isn't doing too well in this stat. You are correct.

Worst single-game Line Yardage average in 2013:
1. Michigan (vs. Michigan State): -0.53
2. Oregon State (vs. SDSU): 0.11
3. Michigan (vs. Nebraska): 0.47
4. Miami (vs. Va. Tech): 0.57
5. North Texas (vs. Georgia): 0.58

Georgia State got a better push against Alabama than Michigan got against Nebraska.

That seems un-good. That's appalling, is what that is. Against Nebraska of all teams Michigan checks in with the third worst line yards number of the season, right on the heels of… ahem…

*losing an average of a half yard on actual run plays against MSU once you cut things off at ten yards*

UNGOOD

SUBOPTIMAL

SMELLS LIKE A PANICKED POSSUM

OH IT IS REALLY JUST FOUL

How it's going. The first data on college basketball's fouling crackdown is in. Drumroll…

So scoring is up, but it doesn’t appear there’s much contribution from a change in the way game is played. It’s almost all due simply to more fouls being called in lieu of turnovers forced. Whatever adjustments teams make to avoid committing fouls have yet to take place.

It's ugly out there right now. Hopefully we'll see adjustments and fewer fouls, except in Wisconsin's case, where I hope every single Badger fouls out in the first seven minutes. If you're a Michigan fan or just a fan of basketball that doesn't look like two pigs fighting over an onion, quotes like these are infinitely delicious:

Colorado State coach Larry Eustachy was quoted as pointing out that if someone pays to see Celine Dion in Vegas, she doesn’t foul out at intermission. In an article about the new defensive rules, USA Today quoted coaches, most notably West Virginia’s Bob Huggins, in various states of dismay regarding the changes that make the use of hand-checks, arm-bars and defensive jabs illegal. In a preseason press conference last week, Xavier coach Chris Mack said, “I think they stink.”

And closer to home:

"You're not going to believe what happened," Izzo said on his radio show Wednesday. "I got home last night, and I walked in the house, and my wife was sleeping, so I gave her a kiss on the forehead. A referee blew his whistle and gave me a technical."

A BWAHAHAHAHAHA was heard emanating from the MGoUndergroundLair.

Come on, baby needs a  new All-American center's back. The latest on McGary's back, which needs to come back if Michigan is going to go back to the promised land. Back.

“For the first time now he’s done some workouts,” Beilein said. “He’s had more repetitions in practice over the last 10 days. He’s had repetitions and he looks very good and we’re going to continue increasing his repetitions.”

McGary’s on-court workouts are still limited to non-contact, individual work, according to Beilein.

Previously, McGary was essentially limited to shooting drills.

That's… that is still rather alarming. It sounds like there's little chance he comes back full strength for a while yet.

Line revamp #2. Hockey! Hockey. Michigan's putting the lines in a blender again with a bye week to work on business. The new configuration, according to the Daily:

  1. Di Guiseppe – Copp – Motte
  2. Guptill – Compher – DeBlois
  3. Nieves -  Lynch - Moffatt
  4. Selman – Hyman – Allen

#3 is a guess; the article doesn't really mention it. It would be odd to see Lynch center those guys but Michigan has too many scoring wings to put them all on lines with scoring centers. Hypothetically, anyway. Hypothetically, they have scoring wingers. To date they've been sort of scoring.

So far it seems like they just are who they are and will remain so no matter how many lines are thrown in the Cuisinart.

In other news: Racine is ready to come back but Berenson won't name a starter until the weekend and Mike Chiasson will continue playing in place of injured Kevin Lohan.

Old Yost, man. Follow up to that mailbag question about why Yost isn't what Yost was: here's a clip from a 1999 playoff series against Bowling Green that Michigan Hockey Net unearthed.

Bob Gassoff couldn't play hockey worth a damn but he was kind of like a living program-wide hype man. Flip ahead to 4:30 and just see how many people there used to be in the student section. This was before the overhang and before the most recent seat-stripping renovation; in the same space there are probably twice as many people. What did you do, Bill Martin? Why did you kill that so you could put in some seats for boring people who barely show up?

Etc.: If you haven't noticed I've given up on Ace Williams radio silence since yobs like Bill Simonson are citing him as a credible source, this blowing up my inbox and making various players on Michigan having to tell everyone they know they're not transferring. New policy: repeated statements about his lack of credibility.

Daily on Jon Falk. Daily on the long history the NTDP freshmen have with each other. Is Darryl Funk a witch? Here is a Grape Nuts commercial featuring Biggie Munn. Borussia Dortmund is the best, man. John Kryk on the 1973 vote to send OSU to the Rose Bowl.

QUINOA IS TERRIBLE.

Comments

PurpleStuff

November 14th, 2013 at 12:27 PM ^

He probably doesn't understand the painful struggle to gentrify the mean streets of suburban Minneapolis against the tyrannical forces of other white people who don't ride their vintage bicycles to Williams Sonoma.  I bet Brian didn't even cry at the end when that doofus sat around looking at birds.

Seriously, if I could throw Franzen into that big bag of ICBM's from Superman IV I would do it in a second.

reshp1

November 14th, 2013 at 11:40 AM ^

I think the Bolivians would agree with you on shooting the guy who popularized Quinoa into the sun

 

Now demand for quinoa (pronounced KEE-no-ah) is soaring in rich countries, as American and European consumers discover the “lost crop” of the Incas. The surge has helped raise farmers’ incomes here in one of the hemisphere’s poorest countries. But there has been a notable trade-off: Fewer Bolivians can now afford it, hastening their embrace of cheaper, processed foods and raising fears of malnutrition in a country that has long struggled with it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/20/world/americas/20bolivia.html?_r=0

howmuch

November 14th, 2013 at 11:48 AM ^

My sister in law visited a few months ago and bought some Quinoa and left half the bag behind when she went home.  I figured I would try it and followed the recipe on the bag.  Downright terrible.  I'm thinking about leaving her off my Christmas list this year.

Bando Calrissian

November 14th, 2013 at 11:52 AM ^

99% sure I was at that BGSU game in '99. Memories of when the last words to The Victors were not "Go Blue," the students stretched from ice to wall and end to end, and Yost wasn't a garish assortment of minor league-esque crap and garish renovations...

UMaD

November 14th, 2013 at 12:01 PM ^

People around the tunnel at the half overheard Lewan getting into a screaming match with a couple meathead dips yelling at him.  "Shut the F*&k Up!" he yelled, obviously ticked that his own fans were so unsupportive.  It was deplorable all around.

thisiscmd

November 14th, 2013 at 12:04 PM ^

Quinoa almost has no taste and we cook with it all the time. I hear this a lot though so I'm not sure what other people are doing to their quinoa. Or maybe our vegan/vegetarian taste buds are all out of whack...

ChasingRabbits

November 14th, 2013 at 12:06 PM ^

I have absolutely nothing of value to add other than the fact that Homer J Simpson one upped Charlton Heston when he reprised that scene in an episode of The Simpsons.  I'd embed if I was smart enough.   

jblaze

November 14th, 2013 at 12:34 PM ^

and wanted to see the asshat who insulted Gardner. The 1st tweet I see is from a guy named "Brandon Justice" and after clicking onto his twitter page, I'm 100% sure the kid never went to Michigan!

The 2nd guy (I think) is an MSU fan (has a MSU sweatshirt on).

That made me feel a bit better. 

bronxblue

November 14th, 2013 at 12:54 PM ^

I may be an incredibly white dude, but I kind of like quinoa.  It goes with everything, has some protein, and makes me feel superior to everyone else who gets by on cheap, dirty rice.  Bow down before your superior, non-Whole Foods shoppers!

Also, I am obviously out of the loop because I have absolutely no idea who Ace Williams is and why people like Bill Simmons (noted college football fan) are linking to him.  Any insights?

GoBlueInNYC

November 14th, 2013 at 1:18 PM ^

Ace Williams is the guy who runs Chatsports and is apparently a Detroit-area HS kid. Chatsports drives traffic by making up rumors, mostly, if not entirely, about Michigan's football team. Things like the recent claims that a lot of the young players, particularly former blue chip recruits, are transferring after this season. See also, allegations that Michigan players were stoned for the App State game.

Basically, an obnoxious kid who makes up (sometimes pretty heinous) stories about Michigan football, but somehow hasn't been totally ignored by the greater media.

Yinka Double Dare

November 14th, 2013 at 2:47 PM ^

And known in Chicago for having been a dipshit whose mouth wrote a check his ass couldn't cash when he was at a bar near US Cellular Field and got his ass beat.  And tried to claim it was some gangbangers or something just randomly attacking him rather than what actually happened. 

Monocle Smile

November 14th, 2013 at 1:38 PM ^

I've made it to 25 in excellent shape, and a big part of my motivation to stay healthy is so I never have to eat shit like quinoa as part of some stupid diet. I don't want eating to become something I don't look forward to, and there are healthy ways of doing this.

I'm sorry to all you vegetarian and vegan types who take delight in consuming quinoa, but I can't stand the stuff.

mgoblue99

November 14th, 2013 at 3:14 PM ^

Great footage of Yost in the glory days (which I generally define as 1996-2003).  You can attribute the decline in intensity all you want to renovations and reconfiguration, but it's not just that.  Yost is no longer a place where students come first and foremost to watch hockey.  Now it's dancing and nonsense and costumes.  There was some of that back then, but hockey was center stage.  Not anymore.

Wolverine In Exile

November 14th, 2013 at 6:07 PM ^

Was a student from 96-2002 and yeah starting about 2001 students started getting tix to be part of the experience vs being hockey fans first and foremost. The organic energy of making that midget shit goalie from western actually cry on ice, ortelling the ref he was wrong on the icing call because he had expanding ass pants didn't need a facebook page or organized group to make it happen. It just did because there were smart hockey fans there. I read an interesting piece the other day about how social media and the internet have decreased barriers but reduced the development of local communities since everyone's "so connected". I wonder if that's the case for hockey fandom at yost too. Pre-facebook, yost fans were a cult that you had to be initiated in via fire tinged battles against ron mason's skating goon circus. Now you just have to "like" something and dance so you get on youtube. Now get off my lawn.

Btw- bob gassoff is old yost fans bill brasky. "I once saw bob gassoff take his skate off during a game and disembowel a st cloud st mascot on the ice. True story."