Unverified Voracity Is Immobile

Submitted by Brian on April 11th, 2012 at 5:35 PM

Hello. When awake, I'm lucid, and I've got all these tabs driving me crazy. So here are the tabs.

We've really done it now. Not satisfied with tight shots, the official site's practice video now goes field-level:

For their next trick they'll make a video from a helmet cam pointed inward at Denard's face.

The Old Man speaks. Great find by MVictors to get an audio clip from "A Toast To Yost From Coast To Coast" in which we here the genesis of Ufer's famous "Meeechigan":

Perhaps the best thing about the internet's transformation of fan culture is our ability to connect with the past of the program. Wolverine Historian and Greg have provided a sense of the whole program from its beginnings to the present day. We're extremely fortunate to have those two—I don't think there's anything close in any other fan base.

#JUSTIFYYOUREXISTENCE. An experiment designed to see whether a newspaper would publish any press release issued by the athletic department no matter how minor succeeded today with the news that everyone considers putting a twitter hash tag on the field for the spring game "news."

They're burying the lead, which is that an alien who can only badly mimic the English language has wormed his way into the athletic department:

"This initiative will help our athletic department use technology as a competitive advantage to engage and connect to fans, build brand loyalty, grow the digital audience and monitor and listen to what is being said through the digital engagement cycle," said Jordan Maleh, U-M's director of digital marketing.

Whatever said that is not human. It is probably from Trafalmadore.

I've got a great explanation about why things like this rub me the wrong way bouncing around in my skull but when I try to express it the vitriol overwhelms whatever point I'm trying to make. In itself, putting a hash tag on the field is a non-event. As part of the pattern we've seen since Brandon's hire it's another piece of evidence that what you get when you hire a bunch of MBAs into makework positions is a bunch of makework. There's no such thing as a bad idea as long as it's something that hasn't been done before.

Events other than actual Michigan football games at the stadium increasingly serve as a glimpse into the dystopian future in store for the program once Brandon gradually wears resistance down: presenting sponsors, endless distractions, curly fries on the field. Etc.

Five star flip. Rivals made good on its repeated promises to elevate Glenn Robinson III into five star territory. He's now the #11(!) player in the country. Mitch McGary slid to 30th, which seems fair. Stauskas crept up a little bit as well; he's now #71.

Please be sandbagging. Hoke's not a fan of where both of his lines are. This is not so good:

"On either side, it's not very good right now, I can tell you that," Hoke said Tuesday afternoon on a teleconference with reporters. "I think the kids are working, I think they're coming in here with energy and all those things, but I think the expectation level, how physical we want to be as a football team, I would say we're not where we need to be."

I know Omameh is never going to be the ideal guard for Hoke but he's an established starter with a decent to good track record and the only other spot on the line that's really an issues is the other guard. I get that the DL is going to be a work in progress much of the year, but that OL should be good. If it's not… erk.

At least Hoke's long term vision for the Spring Game is considerably less sour than Carr's was:

"If we had the choice, I think we'd really like to draft and split up the teams and go at it that way, but we really don't have that luxury because of our depth at our offensive line, our defensive line, a little bit at the receiver position, and it just isn't going to work out that way," Hoke said.

"We'll formulate some ways to make this as game-like as possible."

Carr gave off the impression he'd cancel the thing if he could get away with it. Drafting and playing an actual game-game would be far more entertaining than anything Michigan's ever done. Rodriguez wanted to do the same thing but had the same problem with line depth, which of courses invites the question WHY DIDN'T YOU RECRUIT SOME LINEMEN ARGLB.

I also have no idea where those tattoos came from. The Hayes story on Urban Meyer was light on Charles Robinson-esque bombs but heavy on evidence that Meyer's more Les Miles than Brady Hoke. Meyer then helped that along by flat-out lying:

Meyer adamantly denies the reports of course.

“I’ve never heard of Circle of Trust before in my life,” he said.

Internet says I remember all things:

Certainly there will still be opportunities for other players to advance into the "Circle of Trust" as the season unfolds. We all remember — and if we don't we are often reminded by No. 15 — how David Nelson came out of nowhere in the middle of last season to become a go-to-guy in some of Florida's biggest games down the stretch.

But after Saturday, Urban Meyer and Tim Tebow will know who belongs in the Circle of Trust.

"I think so," Meyer said. "I know I trust the Pounceys. I trust Tim. Who else are we going to trust? Who is going to be the fifth or sixth lineman? Who is not going to blow a coverage because we're more multiple back there.

"So, yeah, that's what you're trying to get done."

This worked out so well the last time. Via Brooks. [UPDATE: Nevermind. That's what I get for repeating anything Brooks says.]

Not that this is new. Remember this from Darryl Stonum's recruitment?

"He told me that he talked to Coach Carr and Coach Soup and that they told him that I would be a much better fit in the Florida offense than I would be in the one at Michigan," Stonum recalled.

"I thought, wow, my coaches are selling me out?  I confronted them about it.  I asked Coach Carr and Coach Soup about it, and they said they never talked to that guy and that there was no way they ever said anything like that and that they think I should be a Wolverine.  I believed them.  Right then, I knew just how Florida rolled."

Ohio State may have picked the wrong guy to lead them through probation.

Rock someone else, Amedeo. Michigan canceled Amedeo Della Valle's visit in the aftermath of Burke's return and Albrecht's commitment. Sam Webb mentioned something on the GBW message board about potentially bringing in that grad-year guy, so it's possible they'd like to get that extra bit of guard depth they lack right now without committing to a guy for four years (or, like, two years, I guess). Unless that comes off it looks like your roster right now is what Michigan will go into 2012-13 with.

Michigan technically does not have a spot open in 2013 but that makes some dodgy assumptions. Austin Hatch is likely to reclassify and Michigan is all but guaranteed to lose someone to the NBA draft after the season, possibly multiple someones.

The nice thing is that Michigan doesn't have any truly pressing needs for 2013. They've got a PG, a center, and a high-quality wing committed. They will lose Vogrich and may lose a PG, a high quality wing, and a combo 4 type (if McGary or Robinson is really good right away). They can swing for the fences at any position from the 2 to the 4 and see if anyone bites without being too down on their chances in 2013-14 if they don't connect.

Legacy. Did we know that Drake Johnson's step-dad is Tom Slade?

"It wasn't so much pressure as it was expected because my whole family's gone to Michigan. It runs in my family to go to the university. My mom is the head cheerleading coach (Pam St. John). My dad went there; my grandfather went there. My step-dad played quarterback at Michigan (Tom Slade). . . . Yeah, he's my step-dad and he passed away almost six years ago, coming up. . . . When I was really young, my mom used to be really afraid of me going to games because there was like 110,000 people walking around and she didn't want me to get lost, but then at like age 13 I'd go to maybe four or five games a year."

In that interview at Touch The Banner he claims to run consistent 4.3 40s at 206 pounds and talks about an affinity for wide receiver as well. That'll be a backup plan if Johnson gets squeezed out by Hayes/Smith/Isaac/Shallman.

Etc.: Elsewhere in calling out silly lies, Jalen Rose pwns Skip Bayless. UMHoops on Burke's return. Open letter to the GT athletic department from a designer who knows his stuff. Interesting to think about what a Michigan analogue would look like. This week in the Inevitable NCAA Split On The Horizon. Tim Hardaway Jr. didn't even put his name in for an eval. Blake Countess interview.

Tough stuff on deck for the hockey team: Michigan plays Ferris, Western, Notre Dame, and MSU four times in conference next year. Those are the top two teams in the league, a team that should bounce back big time if they can just find a goalie, and… uh… Michigan State.

What if Will Campbell is really good?

Comments

Steenie

April 11th, 2012 at 5:41 PM ^

"This initiative will help our athletic department use technology as a competitive advantage to engage and eliminate other sentient beings throughout the galaxy and beyond" #goblue

swan flu

April 11th, 2012 at 7:14 PM ^

and here i thought i was the only one.

 

or as Vonnegut said:

"I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone."

His Dudeness

April 11th, 2012 at 6:44 PM ^

"There's no such thing as a bad idea as long as it's something that hasn't been done before."

So true.

Consultants are hired to do/fix something. They literally can't leave well enough alone. It's hilarious and absurd.

Consultant 1: "Man, things actually look pretty good here."

Consultant 2: "WELL WE'VE GOTTA DO SOMETHING!!!"

 

Bando Calrissian

April 11th, 2012 at 7:48 PM ^

A successful reboot of our corporate image and revitalization of our style sheet will truly highlight our core values as an institution.  This can also be accomplished alongside a standardization of our color palette, in order to better maximize the intrinsic value of our traditions as we better engage with our marketing base.

uncleFred

April 11th, 2012 at 9:27 PM ^

You can assume that Hoke spoke the exact truth.  As yet you need not worry. Hoke's expectations are based on where the line's performance needs to be when the season starts.  If he is still saying this the week before the Alabama game, then you have reason to worry.

PurpleStuff

April 11th, 2012 at 7:02 PM ^

The idea of splitting into two teams is always going to be a bit of a pipe dream.  The numbers are always going to be low, especially at depth positions, because the seniors are gone and the freshmen haven't arrived yet.  You're starting off with 60-65 scholarship guys, then you take out all the guys who are hurt or suspended, then you take out all the veterans who are a little dinged that you don't need to put out there for full contact.  Now you are talking 25-30 guys a side at best.  You don't really have any backups for either team and you can't rotate guys in without dipping deep into the walk-on pool (where getting guys a bunch of reps isn't a priority in the limited practice time allowed each spring). 

There's a reason all the fans want it but no team really does it, and if they do it is a total clusterfuck where guys are changing sides/jerseys constantly to keep things balanced and allow the coaches to get guys the actual reps they want.

WolvinLA2

April 11th, 2012 at 7:19 PM ^

I think it's one of those things that you do when you can, and don't when you can't, but you always strive for. 

Some years, we only lose 12-15 seniors instead of 20.  That puts us at 70 guys, plus a handful of EE guys, which we almost always have.  It seems that Hoke, like RR, is emphasizing walk-ons, with 4-5 preferred walk-ons every year (this past year we had Gibbs, Glasgow minor, Lawson, Dever, plus the specialists.  So adding in another 5 solid walk-ons, that puts us around 80 bodies before you factor in injuries.  That could still give us 30-35 guys per team, which doesn't leave a lot of subs, but that's OK because it means lots of reps for everyone who is healthy.  All I'm saying is it could happen.

M-Wolverine

April 11th, 2012 at 8:01 PM ^

Shortly before Lloyd started. Because I don't blame Brian for not remembering it, but there WAS a time when Michigan would play games...even under Lloyd (probably some scholarship carryover). The winners would get steaks and losers would eat hot dogs. Assistant coaches were made head coaches for each side. It wasn't usually a good game because a split O-line has more problems than half a defense, but they were fun.

543Church

April 11th, 2012 at 7:58 PM ^

Is it me or could the cheesy guitar wanking played during the highlight video fit right in on a Skinemax movie like Bikini Car Wash where we are really watching slow motion shots of girls washing cars in bikinis?

.....

..

.

You know, getting all soapy.......

.

..

....spraying each other with the hose.....

 

 

I'll be in my bunk.

 

Le_Blue

April 11th, 2012 at 8:49 PM ^

Im not reading too much into Hoke saying the lines aren't where they need to be.  We all know by now that he has very, very high expectations.  I see this as a motivator for the players, they'll what he said about the line production and they'll put their heads down and work even harder.  Brady Hoke is full of little tricks like that.  With that being said, I can not wait for saturday, I am craving some football.

Bando Calrissian

April 11th, 2012 at 8:51 PM ^

Yeah, that reads to me as little more than a typical Fort Schembechler pile of coachspeak.  Non-specific, gives away nothing, praises nobody, leaves room for improvement, keeps people guessing.  Lloyd 101.  Nothing to see here.  No question, Jim.

Tater

April 11th, 2012 at 9:22 PM ^

Austin Hatch: he should go on scholarship and then immediately get "medicaled." If he ever plays another varsity game, I will start believing in miracles.

Hardaway Jr: he got all of the evaluation he needed from his dad.  His dad would look good in an NBA front office someday.

SFBayAreaBlue

April 11th, 2012 at 9:59 PM ^

I was on the fence about meyer until he went on national TV during our game and said there was no truth to the rumors....blah blah blah.  He said something that might have technically been true, but it was a real Clinton/Lewinski, "how do you define "is"?" moment.  And he had the gall to act indignant when we all now know that he had accepted a deal in principle even if he hadn't put ink to paper.  

The manner that he addressed that question was as close to lying as you can get without 'technically' lying.  Ever since then he's been in my LYING ASSHOLE category.  If he had said something like, "There's been contact made but there has not been a job offered yet..." then I might still have some shred of respect for him.  But in my mind he's the same as petrino, spouts bullshit about god and jesus on one hand, cheats on his wife on the other hand. Lies about job offers, negotiates in bad faith.  I wouldn't trade Hoke for him.

El Jeffe

April 12th, 2012 at 8:19 AM ^

At first, when Brian said

Perhaps the best thing about the internet's transformation of fan culture is our ability to connect with the past of the program. Wolverine Historian and Greg have provided a sense of the whole program from its beginnings to the present day. We're extremely fortunate to have those two—I don't think there's anything close in any other fan base.

I was like, "aw, the painkillers have done softened up my fave internet curmudgeon. How sweet!"

And then, when Brian said

Events other than actual Michigan football games at the stadium increasingly serve as a glimpse into the dystopian future in store for the program once Brandon gradually wears resistance down: presenting sponsors, endless distractions, curly fries on the field. Etc.

I was like, "oh, no they didn't."