Unverified Voracity Is A Hayseed

Submitted by Brian on March 15th, 2012 at 12:01 PM

Shane, Dennis. Dennis, Shane. Shane Morris isn't just getting to know unsigned recruits. He evidently showed at Detroit King's latest basketball game looking… not from around here:



Slice o' life, that. This was apparently part of a thing where the De La Salle kids showed up looking like farmers and chanted the usual private school things at a public school. This was uncomfortable because in this case they're all black and the other kids are all white. Commence newspaper hand-wringing.

It's been a long time. Wolverine Historian posts video of the last Michigan basketball team to win the Big Ten. There's no three point line.

Also the shorts being worn are hip-huggers. It's been a long time.

Just don't even try. Cleveland alt-weekly explores the fetid underbelly of American sports fandom that is the Bucknut. Spencer Hall is tapped for a take:

It was in January of 2008 that sports blogger Spencer Hall found himself sitting amid a thicket of OSU fans at the BCS National Championship Game in New Orleans, with No. 1 Ohio State squaring off against No. 2 Louisiana State. In the first half, LSU's All-American safety Craig Steltz went down with a shoulder injury. About ten OSU fans surrounding Hall stood up in unison, with their index and middle fingers bent together into a mushed "O" shape.

Hall figured he knew what was up, but he asked what the gesture meant anyway. A nearby fan grabbed his fingers together into the shape.

"Pussy," he said.

The pussies went on to win, 38-24.

"It's really hard to get over the anecdotal evidence," Hall says today. He writes about college football for SB Nation, a gig that lets him see up close each big program's fan base — and the stereotypes rivals throw at one another. He's mocked up a vivid profile of the Buckeye Everyman.

"It's everything negative and easily mockable about the Midwest compressed in a single entity," he deadpans. And it's more than just a vibe. The classic Bucknut has a defining set of traits all his own.

"The stereotype is angry, probably has a goatee, probably watches MMA and wrestling on the side, may live with his mother — may. And also, he's perpetually defensive about Ohio State's struggles.

"They wear jerseys," he adds. "People don't wear the jersey in the SEC. It's not something adults do.

The men who poop in coolers, or tackle handicapped dudes, or make Grant Bowman's mom have a close personal understanding of the men at the Alamo, or… like… are the president and athletic director and local newspaper. Apparently the Dispatch published Kirk Herbstreit's address and a map to his home in 2009. Well done, pretend newspaper.

The article is long and ruthless. Read it.

Denard plans on being a quarterback. Good to know. Borges on how Denard needs to improve:

"We should see it with the timing of his throws and him having a better grasp of route structures, audibles and protection checks," Borges said. "He'll also improve with decision-making, knowing when to throw it away and when not to run. And if he can get better with his footwork issues in the pocket, it should reduce interceptions and increase his completion percentage."

Also the not chucking it to double-covered guys. Also that.

Just like everything else. Shaw Lane Spartans analyzes Rivals rankings and finds that the everyone's-a-winner mentality is beginning to pervade them as well:


The quality of the “average” Big Ten prospect increased from an average of 2.80 in 2002 to 3.04 in 2012. Since NO ONE who gets a scholarship offer and gets signed before the rankings are done gets a zero star ranking, I derived the 30 percent number above as (1.04-.8). Even without that, the increase from 2.8 to 3.04 is still a nine percent increase. Meaning on average according to the star rankings, the average Big Ten player is 9 to 30 percent better than they were in 2002.

The gradual nature of the move suggests it's not a philosophical change, and it certainly doesn't seem like the conference is bringing in more and more high-level recruits relative to the rest of the country. In fact, the entire Big Ten fanbase on Rivals spent last year complaining that no one in the region was ranked because the company wasn't even bothering to employ a Midwest analyst. Only two Big Ten schools cracked the Rivals top 25—the obvious ones—as Penn State saw its class implode. If anything last year was probably the worst year for Big Ten recruiting in the sample; it saw the highest-rated kids.

Rivals four-stars jumped from 244 in 2004 to 320 last year; three stars more than doubled from 660 to 1513. Increasingly Rivals is abdicating on making calls at the lower end of things and just throwing everyone in the same three-star bin.

North Carolina bit. They got a slightly inflated OSU penalty: one year postseason ban, fifteen scholarships over five years. So much for this new era of tough NCAA sanctions. USC's complaints that the NCAA was just "jealous" look less and less ridiculous with every passing case.

Andy Staples lays out the case that for people who don't care about the ethical implications of following the NCAA amateurism guidelines, the cost-benefit analysis is easy:

A program can spit all over the NCAA rule book in an effort to reach or remain at the highest echelon of college football, and as long as that program cooperates with the NCAA during the investigation of its alleged "crimes," the Committee on Infractions will respond with a suite of penalties that contain far more bark than bite. …

For a case that involved academic fraud and players taking money and goodies from agents, North Carolina will lose 15 scholarships over three years and will be banned from postseason play for the 2012 season. Former assistant coach John Blake, who was accused of steering players to agent Gary Wichard in exchange for payment, was given a three-year show-cause order that bans him from recruiting. That essentially renders Blake unemployable at the college level.

Meanwhile, former UNC safety Deunta Williams flat-out accused the SEC of paying people. If he can prove it, someone's getting a one-year bowl ban. This is why people use the #smh hashtag. I understand now.

Carrick: undervalued. 2012 hockey D commit Connor Carrick is not high on draft boards. Scouts still say things like this about him consistently, though:

The scout also mentioned that little heralded and often overlooked defensemen Connor Carrick and Matthew Grzlecyk are deserving of late-round picks.

On Carrick: “He’ll probably be a late pick. He’s thick, he moves the puck well, he has offensive instincts, he can shoot it. He has some holes away from the puck.” The scout also said he thinks another year of development in college (he’s committed to Michigan) could go a long way, but feels Carrick’s the type of guy that can step in and contribute immediately on a college team.

Think a bigger version of Langlais, something the team really needs on the power play. Depending on how NHL signings go he could be a third pairing luxury or a guy Michigan really needs to step up immediately. Michigan could really use a big step forward from Serville over the offseason.

Etc.: Shaw Lane Spartans examines MSU's weird unbalanced thing they tried with minimal success last year. Parts three and four of Phil Birnbaum's analysis of David Berri's work. Conclusion: David Berri does not know what sample size is. Hokefluff from Orlando. Burke is a second-team All American to CBS Sports. The CCHA named him third-team All Crisler Arena. Big Ten matchups today.



March 15th, 2012 at 10:47 PM ^

I don't know where, but it has been said in various places that the girlfriend of a player, or a hot woman, can wear a jersey. Makes sense to me.

Another possible exception is for some parents of players. IIRC, when I was talking to Lamar Woodley's folks at an ND game a few years back, Dad was wearing  his son's jersey.

I really don't care what other people wear. Whatever. However, there's a demographic that it seems somehow, slightly . . . unseemly.

  • White
  • Over 40
  • Slightly Balding (or bald)
  • Overweight

Unfortunately, this group describes me too accurately, except that I still have a decent amount of hair. Part of this is the sense of looking like you need to grow up, or that you're having a mid-life crisis, or that you're in a stage of arrested development. Think of it this way:  how would Hoke, or Borges, or Mattison, look in a jersey? They could do it, but it just wouldn't look as good to me as the polo Michigan shirts or sweatshirts they wear.

Pop culture icons for this are Ted Bundy and Uncle Rico. I really don't pay attention to what people wear (ok . . . if someone has a hot Michigan tube dress on, I notice.) Anyway, to each their own.

And what would I wear? Khaki's or jeans and a Michigan polo or Tee with a Michigan sweatshirt or jacket. No jacket, no tie, no button down, but also, no jersey.


March 15th, 2012 at 2:43 PM ^

I am totally loving these QBs with so much love for Michigan! Think of how great Denard has been for the university! Showing up to basketball games, hockey games, one-on-one interviews, all of the press conferences. He loves the school and his position here.

Now, Shane Morris seems to be doing more recruiting work than paid university employees (not a crack on the recruiting staff, they're doing a bang-up job!). It's clear he is already in love with Michigan, and I hope he sees a great return on his "investment".

Maybe the time are a-changin'. Have any Michigan QBs of old stepped up to such leadership roles? Certainly not before they're even on campus like Morris!! Truly green pastures on the way, friends!

Okay, enough happy pills for one day.

M Fanfare

March 15th, 2012 at 5:14 PM ^

That Duane Risko guy in the Bucknut article has some serious personal issues. He mentions urine two different times and devoted a large section of dialogue to breaking things off in peoples' asses.


March 15th, 2012 at 9:21 PM ^

A bunch of private school white kids chant to (poor?) black people, "Flip our burgers," and the published reports are "newspaper hand-wringing"??? You don't know what you are talking about.

Swayze Howell Sheen

March 15th, 2012 at 10:45 PM ^

thanks to the Wolverine Historian for this great memory.

I can still remember sitting up in the nosebleeds, watching Rellford come roaring down for that opening dunk. Never heard Crisler so loud...




March 16th, 2012 at 4:05 AM ^

The video of Crisler in 1986 shows about 42 shades of Maize on display, none of them what we have now.  

It is a Michigan tradition that each generation have its own unique interpretation of what Maize looks like.