Unverified Voracity Has Words For One Word

Submitted by Brian on August 22nd, 2014 at 12:24 PM

Scrimmage video. Fan-based, so wobbly.

Perverse incentives create perverse results. It is of course completely nuts for Michigan to play Florida in Dallas. The stadium is smaller, the fanbases are far away, and the pageantry of college football is largely replaced with sterile NFL lawyer spaceship accoutrements. But people do it because they get the money.

After Wisconsin scheduled LSU in a goofy neutral-and-neutral situation, Jim Delany issued a memo that the Cedar Times Gazette has unearthed:

Delany’s letter, which was obtained by The Gazette, highlighted the league’s support for neutral sites provided at least half of the series occur within the Big Ten footprint and under the league’s television agreements. Delany wrote an arrangement would be “disapproved” if a Big Ten game was not designated as the home squad in at least half the games or if it was a one-game event that took place outside the league’s television umbrella. …

“We applaud and very much appreciate your efforts in doing so, as this should create value for your teams and fans as well as for our television partners and, therefore, for all Conference members. But please keep in mind the above policies that are important to all of us as we share collectively in the revenue generated by our televised games."

I'm not sure what "disapproved" means here. Could be "we will not let you do this"; could be "we will raise our mighty eyebrow at you but take no other action."

In any case the memo indirectly indicates why neutral site games are popular: the two teams participating can split the TV money between themselves instead of between themselves and Indiana and Purdue and a bunch of other teams that are not in fact playing. When there's a Jerryworld game, ESPN and Jerryworld get the rights and then give home-team-sized slices to both participants. The Big Ten doesn't like that.

The Big Ten can pound sand. Scheduling real games would be so much easier if the teams in them actually saw the benefits without having to leave campus. There is zero reason that a Michigan-Florida home and home should be less lucrative than a neutral site game for the people involved.

Thankfully it sounds like Michigan's trip to Jerryworld in 2017 will be their last, by league decree. It's for the wrong reason, but these days that's all you can hope for.

Hatch things. Good Morning America had him on:

I am going to judge you on your word. Big Ten coaches given one word to describe their teams!

Illinois’ Tim Beckman: Family

"Can you help me find them? I'm not supposed to be out after 7 PM."

Indiana’s Kevin Wilson: Cusp

That's not an adjective. The Hoosiers are not seeming particularly cusp this morn.

Iowa’s Kirk Ferentz: Developmental

Neither is this unless it's followed by "-ly disabled," but I like that Ferentz managed to be even more boring than boring. He's probably in a band called White Toast and that's one of their songs.

Maryland’s Randy Edsall: Hungry

Boring, and not in a fun Ferentz way. Boring in a boring way. Randy Edsall is in a band and their one song is "this is not a band it is just a boring man telling you to eat your vegetables."

Michigan’s Brady Hoke: Together

…now that our first round left tackle is gone

Michigan State’s Mark Dantonio: Committed

…pass interference and still weren't found out

Minnesota’s Jerry Kill: Hungry

This would be boring except for this video of Jerry Kill eating a tiny burrito:


Nebraska’s Bo Pelini: Exciting

Accurate. Nebraska is not great but they are a cat explosion waiting to happen.

Northwestern’s Pat Fitzgerald: Focused

…until the fourth quarter.

Ohio State’s Urban Meyer: Fast

Accurate, in fact tells you something about desired composition of team, relatively un-boring.

Penn State’s James Franklin: Perseverance

Again with the non-adjectives.

Purdue’s Darrell Hazell: Hungry

Would be boring but in this case I think Darrell Hazell may be saying that his players are literally hungry because they can't figure out which hole to put the food in. "NOT THAT ONE," Darrell Hazell screams for the third time today, "THAT ONE ISN'T EVEN A PART OF YOUR BODY."

Rutgers’ Kyle Flood: Hungry

wait why is this guy even listed

Wisconsin’s Gary Andersen: Youthful

Well… yeah. Joe Namath ain't walking through that door.

Meanwhile, Spurrier said "decent" because hail Spurrier. Mark Richt said "wow" for some reason. I ain't saying that Dave Brandon goes around wearing Mark Richt's skin. But I ain't saying otherwise, neither.

Would you say that your decisions are film and evidence-based? Hoke:

"The evidence for making decisions is on the film," Hoke said Saturday night after the team's public scrimmage. "It's evidence-based. Based on film."

No word on the moisture status of his upper lip.

Another "students are gone" article. This one from USA Today is standard-issue. It never ceases to amaze that athletic directors can say this…

"I don't think it's a targeted demographic problem; I think it's more of a (high-definition) TV, living room, leather couch problem and we have to give the people a reason to come to our live product," Washington athletics director Scott Woodward said. "It is something we're going to have to address and deal with."

…and then marvel at the fact that it's tough to sell tickets that have spiraled upward relative to inflation, nearly tripling since 2000. Surely there is an athletic director out there who can figure out why they might be having attendance problems. Take 2, and then take this other 2, and somehow we have to reach 4.

The article has another pile of lukewarm solutions that aren't going to fix much of anything. One thing that could help: stop treating students like enemies. Michigan gets the vapors when a student says the word "sucks" and tries to drown it out; the ushers in the student section are constantly harassing anyone who does anything that looks even slightly like liability. You've got a choice here: loosen things up and accept the fact that you're going to have slightly higher insurance premiums, or continue to turn off your future customers with adversarial relationships between students and your main point of contact with them.

[Via Get The Picture.]

Italy stuff. The entire first game is available on the tubes. UMHoops has highlights of game #3.

Etc.: MSU WR MacGarrett Kings doesn't even get standard-issue one game DUI suspension. Notre Dame previewed by Paul Myerberg. An overview of where the various NCAA lawsuits stand. The Kessler suit is The Big One. I'm in a sidebar of this ESPN story on the state of Michigan. NOPE.

MVictors interviews Dan Dierdorf. Genuinely Sarcastic comes back for a post about Michigan football that naturally includes a section on Stalingrad. Notre Dame scandal is always a good opportunity to rip Notre Dame.



August 22nd, 2014 at 12:33 PM ^

"Everybody has to live within their means, except us, because uhhh....footbawllllll, ya man! We can print money to da moon!"

- NCAA D1 Athletic Directors/NFL Teams

San Diego Mick

August 22nd, 2014 at 6:59 PM ^

although I am a complete mess right now after watching that piece.


Good luck to you Austin, just as a human, it doesn't matter that you're playing for my favorite team, I just want you to have a great college career on the floor and in the class room, I hope you are able to reach whatever your goals are.

I hope you find a wonderful woman and have many kids and live a wonderful and long life so that you can have another family you so richly deserve.

I can't wait for the Epic, Oscar Nominated Movie about his life!


August 22nd, 2014 at 12:50 PM ^

Were the coaches told they needed to use an adjective?  Because you can "describe" something by using a synonymous noun, right?  And isn't developmental an adjective anyway?


August 22nd, 2014 at 1:49 PM ^

Good point.  It sounds like they were instructed to pick a word, not limited to adjectives.  I'd love to hear the coaches describe their teams with an adverb.  Or better yet, let's describe each B1G team with an interjection:



Illinois:  Doh!
Indiana:  Hurry!
Iowa: Goodness gracious!
Maryland:  Shhhh!
Michigan:  Hail!
Michigan State:  NOOOOOOOOOO!
Minnesota:  Bye.
Nebraska:  Meow!
Northwestern:  Hmmm...
Ohio State:  Yuck!
Penn State:  Alas!
Purdue:  Ouch!
Rutgers:  Who?
Wisconsin:  Jump!


August 22nd, 2014 at 1:01 PM ^

Uh, can I get just a little help here?  Wait, I've almost got it . . . crap, no I don't.  I can get to 3 . . . oh, heck, I give up.  Will there be an answer key in the next post?


August 22nd, 2014 at 2:22 PM ^

And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.


August 22nd, 2014 at 1:01 PM ^

for the ban on neutral site games isn't to ensure money stays within the B1G, though it makes a great rationalization, I believe it is to force the SEC to more readily accept real* home and home series with the B1G.   Now that the SEC has made it mandatory that each of their OOC schedules includes a power conference game, and the B1G is officially discouraging neutral site games, look for more home and home series with the SEC.

*Wisconsin has its home and home with LSU, but both games are scheduled at neutral sites, Houston and Green Bay.


August 22nd, 2014 at 2:06 PM ^

theme of the Jerryworld dates. Everything in Texas is bigger by design including the payouts whether they meet local regulation or not. 

In the LSU-Wisconsin neutral site series, at least, the footprint consideration is met by the schools hosting contests in Houston and Green Bay as stipulated by the unearthed Delany directive on OCC games. 

Curiously, it would be interesting to discover if Brandon who like others in the conference played dead to a B1G scheduling algorithum that allowed its in-state rival two successive home dates incluing one in the same year that its on the road against it's other historic rivals, just to welcome the arrival of Maryland and Rutgers into the league without complaint. 

You have to remember that the scheduling issue Michigan is facing is hardly unique. In fact, the league schedule as a whole this year, really sucks compared to previous seasons. 

Perhaps Brandon said screw the league, we can't catch a scheduling break, I'll go for the big show money from Jerry in getting another date against the Gators outside Dallas, which is nowhere near Gainesville or Ann Arbor. Seriously, take the money and run. 

That is what I consider a  big FU to the league Or, maybe, it was just a coincidence. But just like in that movie, Counselor, there are no coincidences. Sure, they've heard of them, but they just don't believe in them. Anyway, that's my take on the whole thing. 

Everyone Murders

August 22nd, 2014 at 1:28 PM ^

How is Dantonio's word not "acurate"?  That's ... unpossible!

Also, the Deadspin article on Notre Dame is for the ages.  Well worth bookmarking for those of us with Notre Dame friends.


August 22nd, 2014 at 2:00 PM ^

The Drew Magary article is gold. To wit:

"Listen, I have heard Joe Theismann speak on national television. You don't have to be a genius to get yourself an ND diploma. It's Purdue with nicer helmets."




August 22nd, 2014 at 2:18 PM ^

those golden domes the night before every game. At least they used to, in the good old days. 

And if Rudy could pass without cheating while sleeping in a maintenance building, what does it say about the four student-athletes under investigation today by the honesty committee?

Maybe they just need some renewed inspirational history lesson instead of a non-suspension suspension. Or maybe they could get Jon Favreau, Rudy's mentor, to help them with their homework.


August 22nd, 2014 at 2:34 PM ^

The one word analysis is too good to stop at just the Big Ten.  Interesting ones from the SEC:

Alabama’s Nick Saban: Untested

as in, untested for mysterious ailments that automatically qualify you for medical hardship scholarships.  Tests to be completed after the season, you will be informed of your status once we know how many five stars are committed.

Vanderbilt’s Derek Mason: Audacious

Just in case everyone in the SEC didn't think they were academic snobs already, he decided to use a word that none of the other fanbases would understand.

LSU’s Les Miles: Unknown

No, for real. He really can't remember who is on the team at the moment.


August 22nd, 2014 at 3:07 PM ^

In that NBC clip, I think one of the anchors (second person from left) said "Go Blue" during the brief post-segment banter.  Don't know who he is, but was cool.