Unverified Voracity Has Electrolytes On Its Cereal Comment Count

Brian January 20th, 2015 at 4:55 PM


needs updating: "MILK: never heard of it"

I couldn't find the rocket fuel. Add it to the pile:

"This one time I was a kid, we didn't have any milk for cereal," says Jay Harbaugh, 25. "He put Gatorade in the cereal instead of milk. It was the weirdest thing I ever saw.

"I didn't try it. For good reason. That's not where Gatorade goes."

Later that day he poured a Red Bull on his pizza, with powdered sugar donuts for dessert. IF YOU GET MY DRIFT



DO YOU GET IT? I have to explain everything.

ANYWAY. It's not the worst idea in the world.

409? 45. When you absolutely need something burned to the ground, you could do a lot worse than calling on Keith Olbermann:

It'll never happen, but if Michigan hockey all wore "45" stickers on their helmets the next time they played Penn State I'd be real happy. 45? The number of counts Sandusky was convicted on.

Snipe. Michael Hurley is some dude in Boston who's confused why Michigan fans are high-fiving him online today. You do the Lord's Work, Mr. Hurley:

“There are well-founded whispers in the NFL that the underlings who supply towels in the visiting locker room sometimes run back to the home locker room to share what they heard.”

This is stupid. This is lazy. This is irresponsible “journalism” from Sports Illustrated. This should not be published, period.

“The Patriots supposedly stopped videotaping opponents’ defensive signals when they got caught in 2007, but opponents wonder if they are still stealing them.”

I wonder every single day if I’m going to get hit by a comet and wiped off the face of the earth. It does not mean it’s going to come true. “Reporting” on what opponents wonder is pathetic.

That is an on-point fisk of a pile of not-even-Googled Michael Rosenberg assertions about the Patriots in the wake of slightly-less-inflated-ball-gate. Someone send him an "I Oblierated Michael Rosenberg On The Internet And All I Got Was This Stupid T-Shirt" shirt.

I mean:

“Maybe some of this is overstated.”


A pattern arises.

JOBS (one of which some of you might be qualified for). A number of jobs have been posted on Michigan's site with which they do that federally-mandated thing, and they're interesting in terms of program direction even if you're not trying to fit in one of the gaps—a number of these are probably already decided upon anyway.

One might not be. There's a "recruiting coordinator" spot that is heavy on the twitter/vine/swipe-right-to-commit end of things:


- Create Highlight Tapes that are used on Unofficial and Official Visits
- Create Highlights of Michigan Football that are used for social media
- Create Highlights from Prospects game tape for the coaches to evaluate.
- Handle the logistics for Video Presentation at the Stadium with prospects.
- Create and Coordinate Michigan Vine Video Account

Good to see that they're going to be more out there on the social medias than Hoke was—not that Hoke was particularly hampered by not doing this until his offense died in a hole.

(Note that Chris Singletary's title is "director of player personnel" and that a bunch of these responsibilities are not currently taken care of. Singletary's staying and this spot likely reports to him.)

There's also an "offensive football analyst" spot that sounds a lot like the video coordinator stuff I know they're already doing with extra snitchin':

7) Monitor team curfew during preseason training camp.
8) Lifestyle monitoring of student-athletes. Monitor off-campus student-athlete housing.

And a "player development" spot which also seems like it will report to Singletary and help him do more.

And even though they didn't get Shannon Turley there's no question that's what Harbaugh wants his S&C program to look like. Michigan's posted a "performance manager" post that sounds like it's at the full Turley/Chip Kelly level of sophistication…

1. Clinical application and administration of comprehensive performance analytics and lifetime wellness services for student-athletes as assigned.
2. Collaborate with Student-Athlete Health and Welfare personnel and coaching personnel to assess training loads, neuromuscular fatigue, athlete readiness, and other performance factors.
3. Collaborate with Student-Athlete Health and Welfare personnel and coaching personnel to develop protocols to monitor and enhance rest, recovery, and regeneration, and athlete readiness.

Say goodbye, kids:

- Ability to work long hours, including early mornings, late nights, weekends, holidays, overtime, non-traditional work hours, extended periods of time without days off, travel, and be on-call as a regular part of the position;

They also posted a "performance nutrition" spot two weeks ago. It sounds like they're fleshing out the support staff—IIRC Harbaugh often makes requests for extra resources in these departments.

Midterm CSBs out. The NHL's Central Scouting Bureau provides an official-ish draft ranking around this time of year, and this one features a particularly prominent set of Michigan-affiliated players. (A reminder: the CSB separates Euro and North American skaters, so multiply a player's ranking by about 1.3 to get an approximate draft position.) They are:

  • #6 Zach Werenski, D, already enrolled
  • #14 Kyle Connor, F, Youngstown (USHL)
  • #34 Brendan Warren, F, USA U18 (USHL)
  • #70 Joe Cecconi, D, Muskegon (USHL)
  • #176 Nick Boka, D, USA U18 (USHL)

That's two likely first round picks, a second-rounder, a mid-round guy, and a guy who might go late. Goalie Hayden Lavigne and forward Connor Murphy are the only incoming players not ranked. Murphy was ranked last year whilst tearing up Ontario Junior B, but after a move to the USHL's Chicago Steel sees him with a 10-10-20 line in 33 games he's dropped off the radar—as 5'9" kids who aren't murdering the competition tend to do.

FWIW, if Michigan doesn't add anyone before the summer that might be an indication they expect to return just about everyone they are able to next year. The three incoming F and two outgoing D match Michigan's departures (At F: Hyman, Lynch, Sinelli; on D: Serville, Chiasson) precisely.

Michigan is carrying a longer roster than they usually do, but right now I don't think anyone is going to be in a spot where their NHL team would be encouraging a quick signing. Maybe Larkin, if Larkin wasn't a draftee of the very patient Red Wings. Maybe Werenski if he gets picked by an exceptionally jumpy team.

But it's Michigan hockey so don't believe they're there until three weeks into the season.

UPDATE: I didn't look at recruits scheduled to come in for 2016, so I missed #63 Cooper Marody and #192 Sam Miletic, both USHL forwards.

Jedd Fisch background. He's completely out of nowhere:

While most of the members of Harbaugh's staff have an immediate connection to the head coach, Fisch doesn't.

He met Harbaugh for the first time when he got off the plane in Ann Arbor. However, he does have a long-standing coaching relationship with Vic Fangio, Harbaugh's defensive coordinator for four years with the San Francisco 49ers and one year with Stanford.

Fisch does have a knack for getting good jobs, and Harbaugh's hiring history is impeccable. Hopefully that's a bright young mind in a bad situation kind of thing instead of Kiffin 2.0; I'm guessing it's the former until evidence says otherwise.

While we're on the topic, here's MGoVideo has some Jedd Fisch miked up stuff, including a moment where he yells at Denard. Not, like, Rodriguez-yells. He's much more laid back. So are coked-up hyenas. Why am I talking about this?

Etc.: Soccer alum Justin Meram got a start for Iraq at the Asian Championships. Nine caps and counting. You'll never guess where Pat Forde slots Michigan on his list of winners and losers in the coaching carousel. (If you are deliberately obtuse.)

Hello, MAAR. We're going to be seeing a lot more of you. What OSU did to Oregon, specifically.

It's never the best idea to name your blog after the head coach, but I think The Harblaug will be a good idea longer than Hokeamaniac or the late and unlamented Big & Rich Rod, which I just made up.



January 20th, 2015 at 5:06 PM ^

You left out my favorite bit:


“Belichick skirted the rules in the playoffs. Just last week, he declared certain players ‘ineligible’ and gained a bunch of yards with that formation in a tight win over the Ravens. He confidently said afterward that it was all legal. The NFL concurred.”

Let me rewrite this sentence for you, Mikey baby: Bill Belichick used a legal formation last week, and the NFL confirmed it was legal, yet I’m putting it in this cheating story anyway.


January 21st, 2015 at 7:55 AM ^

Is there no accountability?

I think we all know the answer to this question. Also, since there's probably more Patriot-haters than fans out there, this story probably won't get a lot of negative blowback outside of the New England area.

They'll probably give Rosenburg another award for this flimsy piece of trash.


January 21st, 2015 at 10:49 AM ^

I was always a big fan of Chocolate Milk with cereal. It's good with the ones you'd expect (reese's puffs, cocoa puffs, etc) but it's also delicious with Honey Nut Cheerios and Frosted Flakes. Used to get a few weird looks in Bursley, but hey, it's good.

I am about to turn 28 and still enjoy the cereals listed above, with regular or chocolate milk.


January 20th, 2015 at 5:28 PM ^

I still don't understand why a national outlet that supposedly adheres to the journalistic code of ethics allows Rosenberg to keep his job.  He certainly does seem to enjoy trashing his alma mater, though, whether directly or indirectly.  Using Rosenberg's own standards of "journalism," one could reasonably infer that his piece is an indirect attempt to discredit Tom Brady.  

I am glad Hurley's piece quoted Rosenberg enough that we could all get the gist of what Rosenberg "wrote" wiithout actually having to give him a click.


January 20th, 2015 at 5:41 PM ^

The successful candidate shall:

  • Be able to tell dirty jokes to nuns
  • Be able to recite, from memory and without prompt, at least three consecutive, racially-insensitive remarks
  • Wear t-shirts with the phrase "I Love You Like A Fat Kid Loves Coke" (or similar) prominently displayed


January 20th, 2015 at 5:56 PM ^

Liked the Jedd Fisch miked up clip.  I'm sure there is a lot more to the job than what we saw...but so far I think I could do that.  'Gotta throw that a little deeper...better, but still a bit upright.  Okay, okay, nice one.  I like that one.'  

In fact I often do that from my sofa on football Saturdays.


January 21st, 2015 at 10:28 AM ^

What the HELL is wrong with Penn State?  I like football but even the most hardcore derpy fans don't have the audacity to value it higher than preventing child rape, or so I thought at least.  I don't expect every fan base to go apeshit and get their AD fired when a concussed adult is put back in play or write a thank-you letter when the opposing QB consoles an injured player, but Penn State ventures so radically far from what my mind had considered the limit for sane behavior that I'm struggling to realize just how wrong I was about the utterly despicable and depraved depths of human nature.  I mean, what do I do here?

If ANYONE I know values a game over someone's safety, I cut them off.  I consider this common sense so I would have no clue what to do if I found myself in an entire community that openly condones pedophilia.  Move, I guess.


January 20th, 2015 at 6:24 PM ^

I don't watch Olbermann, so thanks for posting that.  Wow, he didn't pull any punches.  I'm still trying to wrap my head around how anyone, no matter how blinded by loyalty, could think the 409 stickers were appropriate.  

I worked in an organisation whose main leader was found guilty of similar crimes.  After legal proceedings, the organisation was - rightfully I believe - found innocent.  But I felt sick about what happened, still feel sick and am still trying to do what little I can to help with the damage that was caused.  

I guess I figure that's how most of us would respond, so the "409" response is seriously doing my nut in.  I don't get it. 

Everyone Murders

January 20th, 2015 at 6:31 PM ^

The 45 sticker suggestion is brilliant, but agreed it would never happen. 

Here's an idea, though.  I suppose we could get a few willing spectators to hold up "PSU - 45" signs at Yost.  The building management would not even know what it was about until after the fact.  And after the pictures were on the web, all over TV, etc., the story would trickle out.

I'm not saying you crazy kids in Ann Arbor should do this.  I'm just sayin' ... .

[Edit - Bordon Gerenson beat me to the draw, and pointed out PSU's already visited.  Still a good idea; maybe one of our B1G brethern will take up the cause.]


January 20th, 2015 at 9:19 PM ^

While using "45" does speak to the number of counts Sandusky was convicted of, there's very little debate that Sandusky was a monster of a person (astonishingly, even among PSU fans).  As such, I'm not sure it really combats Penn Staters' delusional narrative to throw that number in their face.  Rather than protecting the image of Sandusky, their entire asinine campaign has been focused on restoring the legacy of Joe Paterno whom they view as an innocent victim of Sandusky's "45".

Do you know what number be might be more impactful, though?  3,921. That's the number of days that went by from the date Mike McQueary reported the incident to Joe Paterno in his living room (Feb. 11, 2001) until the date Jerry Sandusky was finally arrested by law enforcement officials (Nov. 5, 2011) without the assistance of Joe Paterno.  3,921 is the number of days that Jerry Sandusky roamed the Penn State campus as a free man, able to continue preying on other children.  3,921 is the number of days that Paterno's willful ignorance (at best) allowed more children to be put in danger instead of demanding that the alleged conduct be investigated by law enforcement.  3,921 is the number of days that the victims of Jerry Sandusky's crimes were forced to remain silent and terrified about the unfathomable abuse that they suffered.

If you want a number that really makes a statement, consider 3,921.


January 21st, 2015 at 8:24 AM ^

They still have road series against MSU, Ohio State, and Minnesota.  While we are normally at odds with our Big 10 brethren, I think we as collective fanbases probably are all having a similar reaction to Penn State's continued lack of contrition.  And it's bears mentioning that the Big 10 Championships are being played at Joe Louis Arena in March, so you could still have a chance to have your voice heard.

Sac Fly

January 20th, 2015 at 7:02 PM ^

I would expect attrion after this year, and that's not so much of a bad thing. Right now, this class doesn't a natural position for any incoming freshman. There's no room to put them.

Warren is a LW, Murphy and Connor are Top-6 centers, Boka and Cecconi are Left D. We graduate Hyman (RW), Sinelli (4th RW), Lynch (4th C), Serville (RD), Chiasson (RD).

Unless they can add Auston Matthews, the 2015 class won't add another player.


January 20th, 2015 at 7:19 PM ^

Fuck Rosenburg.

Fuck Penn State.

And fuck Mike Valenti. This one may seem random, but he was losing his god damn mind about the "gatorade on cereal" thing. He's sick of the Harbaugh puff pieces. I somewhat agree with him. However, I sincerely doubt he would've been half as vehement in his opinion had it been Dantonio these kinds of "stories" were about. And it's, apparently, only now that he takes issue with the Freep. Their Harbaugh coverage the last month and a half is what he takes issue with. Not that it's been a shit paper for almost a decade that went out of its way to trash all over Michigan, while ignoring many of the issues coming out of Spartyland. Did they eviscerate MSU for the football players going around campus beating the shit out of other students? I don't seem to recall such an outcry from that rag over that.

Piston Blue

January 20th, 2015 at 7:59 PM ^

I think there is an argument to be made for Paterno to not be accused of 'covering up' the incident, but I'd like to see them explain how someone can know about a man on his staff molesting a child and do nothing more than notify your superiors. Yes, Joe looked like a great character guy based on everyone's opinion of him, but how can someone do that? These experiences can ruin people's lives, and I don't understand how anyone could ever even want to honor the memory of '409' knowing how 111 of those wins occurred while a convicted child rapist was on staff. End rant.


January 20th, 2015 at 9:00 PM ^

That pic of all the recruits from the weekend makes me super uncomfortable. Why they didn't stand in numerical order, I'll never know. That will probably bother me all evening and the next few days now.


January 20th, 2015 at 9:05 PM ^

I do think as the story has come out, it's become fairly clear the stickers Friday night were NOT a high-level PSU administrative decision --- it was the hockey team that did it on their own.




Whether the PSU AD should have addressed this issue w/ the hockey team behind closed doors vs. broadcasting the issue via social media --- that's another separate issue.


Anyway, take that for what it's worth.  The PSU AD has a very tough job these days, it's a very fragmented and opinionated fanbase (each of those fragments having $$$, the lifeblood of any athletic department).


January 20th, 2015 at 10:47 PM ^

The student book store is shamelessly trying to make a buck off the situation.


Caroline Gummo, marketing director of Family Clothesline at 352 E. College Ave., said her store also plans on releasing new Joe Paterno products on Monday and the store is looking for ideas from the public through Facebook.

We do carry a year-round selection of Joe [Paterno] stuff," she said. "We're also approaching Joe’s death anniversary — I think we're gonna see an increase in that kind of stuff."


It's pathetic that Family Clothesline is going to exploit the anniversary of Paterno's death as an opportunity to sell more merchandise.  


January 20th, 2015 at 11:25 PM ^

Sorry guys i can't resist...  I was going to say first of all how much I used to admire and feel proud that Penn St joined the Big 10 a long while back when I was a student.  Now I just can not stand them at all for well,.... you know everything about THIS.  


But in light of this last comment from the aptly named Family Clothesline trying to profit from this as if this is a good thing?!?

Where is Anonymous when you need them?  Or all the MgoHackers?  Line of Joe Paterno products?  Oh boy I can think of a few I'd love to stick on that website for them.

You can start with something as 'benign' as Joe Paterno line of childrens clothes or even hell Joe Paterno line of children's underwear.  Subtext be damned!  If they can't figure out that that's wildly inappropriate then how about even a hole line of Joe Paterno bondage gear, sex toys, cock rings, they could sell life like dildos of these guys Paterno/Sandusky, anal plugs, nipple rings, these guys could really make a fortune!

Sorry but this is the most incredible thing i read today.... but neg away