Unverified Voracity Found This Watch At A Vintage Store

Submitted by Brian on July 19th, 2012 at 2:10 PM

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Remember the plan. Orson is at SEC media days talking about Gene Chizik's enormous head and how John L Smith should always be employed at a BCS ("contract conference" now, I guess) school, because he absolutely should:

John L. Smith is …  an animated scarecrow loaded with bootleg fireworks tossed into a shed full of flammable talent, even more volatile politics, and, like, a shitload of M-80s and old, sweaty sticks of poorly packaged Chinese dynamite. The glow will be seen for miles when it all goes up, and when we all run to the site we might find the limp figures of decimated opponents, or the scorched foundations of Arkansas football itself. Either way no one in this room wants John L. Smith to go anywhere, ever, especially as long as he's barreling into press conferences like so many bulls through the streets of Pamplona. (He gored Joe Schad on the way out! It was awesome! They're totally bros now!)

The plan: every year one BCS-or-contract-conference school selected at random that has fired its coach will be required to hire JLS on a one-year interim basis. This was a good idea before Orson implicitly promised to follow him around to whatever media day he ends up at, drawing pictures of him as a duck with his hair on fire screaming inanities he actually tells his players.

Goodbye, Braylonfest. User Drill points out another rule change that I'd missed. Along with nerfing most kickoff returns, the safety-conscious/paranoid rules committee may have all but eliminated onside kicks:

After a kickoff hits the ground — specifically on a one-hop onside kick — the receiving team gets an opportunity to fair catch that ball. "A lot of our coaches," Shaw said, "have said that will almost take that one-hop (onside) kick out of the game."

That is insane. Dealing with kickoffs is marginally acceptable as an ineffective fig-leaf designed to show people you are Thinking About The Children, but eliminating onside kicks, which happen maybe once a game, is sacrificing that small element of what if that goes through your head and sometimes comes to spectacular fruition so that a maximum of twelve plays a year are marginally less dangerous.

This is another negative side effect of not paying the players anything: constant rule adjustments for safety in excess of reason to reduce the ammo of dissidents.

Tom Luginbill was into Shane Morris before he got popular. Ace will tackle the recruiting content contained in this tomorrow (probably, anyway), but this space is for ridiculous things and Tom Luginbill's best Hipster Runoff impression counts:

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"Tyrone Swoopes's hot streak was fueled by self-loathing and self-aggrandizement, the equal and opposite manifestations of a whopping ego."

"Amongst the towering riffs that comprise the heart of JT Barrett is a lurking discontent with the state of modern society."

"Shane Morris's lefthandedness is a breath of fresh air at an event dominated by a hegemony of right-handed conformists. Take that, late capitalism!"

BONUS: guess which one of these was lifted directly from the front page of Pitchfork for a prize.

ANSWER: the first, which was teaser text on a review of the Smashing Pumpkins' Pisces Iscariot reissue.

PRIZE: Hey, that's Ian Cohen of Sexy Results!

Do you have weird stuff? Weird old stuff? Inspired by this War Eagle Reader post featuring old media games and other Auburn miscellanea old enough to be cool and a touch insane…

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…instead of deeply embarrassing, I am considering a new sort of mailbag post in which you send me images of stuff you've collected, which I then post on the internet. I should kick things off by finally scanning in the relevant portions of the very old Michigan yearbook I acquired a couple years back.

So, like, if you've got some weird old stuff scan it and send it in. Especially if it's the Ann Arbor version of the 1973 Delta Chi Miss Hot Pants Pageant. Strictly for its historic interest, of course.

Great success. The Classical stops in at Detroit City FC and finds a ludicrous amount of success for a first-year minor league soccer outfit that plays at Cass Tech. Former Wolverine Knox Cameron is a prominent starter and credits the club with reviving his interest in the beautiful game:

Knox Cameron, a former youth national team player and University of Michigan star, described himself as “pretty much over soccer” by the time his MLS career ended in 2006. But his experience with Detroit City FC has rekindled his old feelings for the game. The “big thing,” he said, “is it’s really united the residents. To know that the sport that you love is making an impact…that is really, really gratifying.”

He said that his experience playing with Detroit City FC has been one of the greatest of his career. “This would be right there, just below playing in an Under-20 World Cup or a Major League Soccer game. Just because of what the ownership is trying to accomplish. To be able to bring this level of joy and camaraderie to the citizens of Detroit, that ranks up there.”

Their inaugural season just came to a close at .500 overall.

Whoah. I've been getting questions about the Big Ten's reaction to this whole Paterno thing, questions I have no ability to answer since I'm not privy to the discussions going on and it's not like there's any precedent for this sort of thing. But people are at least talking about the nuclear option:

The Chronicle of Higher Education is reporting Big Ten leaders are weighing a series of proposals in an 18-page plan prompted by the current situation at Penn State. Among the ideas being thrown around include removing the university from the conference($).

The Big Ten handbook requires at least a 60 percent vote from the league's Council of Presidents and Chancellors to expel a member, although a Big Ten spokesperson told the Chronicle that number will rise to 70 percent for 2012-13.

The league is also talking about empowering the commissioner to fire coaches and administrators, which seems beside the point since anything that would trigger this sort of penalty would be a firing offense. On the other hand, as long as anyone who gets fired under this statute has to be replaced by John L Smith I'm on board.

This time, with taste. I hope, then check. The last time we tried this it didn't go so well:

One of the interesting touches to the new concourse will be the lyrics to the fight song "The Victors" etched into the floor and wrapping throughout the concourse. A new brick exterior also blends Crisler with Michigan Stadium, which also had a recent facelift.

"Crisler is probably an 80-percent finished product right now. There's a completely new facade and the outside is all brick and it's beautiful," Beilein said Wednesday in an interview on WDFN. "There's a new entryway to Crisler that's going to knock you out. There's a big block 'M' and the escalators and big glass entry. All of the concourses are wide open with food courts, lighting and windows. It is going to be something really special."

Survey says

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We're good. There are a bunch more exiting pictures of construction at that link.

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CONCREEEEEETE

A loss on youtube. A rarity, but here's the narrow 1988 loss to Miami narrated by Keith Jackson. Like… all of it. No idea why; the other things this guy has thrown up include a 1991 edition of the Ryder Cup and a Borg vs McEnroe match.

Mikulak profile. Sam Mikulak hits AA.com:

"There have been many times in the past where I'd have had my parents make that call for me," Mikulak said. "When I was a kid in California, I'd want to go on a snowboarding trip or something with friends and they'd tell me 'no,' tell me I can't go because the season's coming up and I can't get hurt.

"But now, I kind of tend to make those decisions on my own. I guess I'm kind of maturing."

Correct. Red on Carrick's disappearance:

“I think he talked to Coach Wiseman. I never got a call from him. I just think it’s a huge mistake. The sad thing is, we make a commitment to a kid two years ago and we sit on that scholarship and we honor that commitment and right up until the draft, and then he takes the draft and decides now he’s going to go in a different direction? What kind of integrity is that? That’s just terrible. That’s one of the things that bothers me about college coaching. Some of these families and kids don’t keep their word. I hate to put integrity on the line, but let’s face it. This is a commitment you make and this is your word and what are you doing?”

You can use the excuse that Carrick is 17 or whatever, but his parents aren't. Here's to not improving your 10% shot at the league by playing against younger, poorer competition.

Etc.: Nick Saban says Michigan is terrible and Alabama will beat them by 20 points. Long fluffy hype on Beilein from the News. Indianapolis won't bid on the first round of NCAA title games.

Comments

harmon98

July 19th, 2012 at 2:37 PM ^

Home opener.  My first game as a student. Still painful after all these years.  Jimmy Johnson. Canes being Canes.  Couple of really good teams there: eventual Rose Bowl champs and Orange Bowl champs.

Tha Quiet Storm

July 19th, 2012 at 2:43 PM ^

Exceedingly minor nitpick: that article on DCFC listed their record as 5-5-2, but that is in the W-D-L format (5 wins, 5 draws, 2 losses), therefore they finished above .500.

TrppWlbrnID

July 19th, 2012 at 2:46 PM ^

I hope that fire resistant spray on steel is not DB's preferred ceiling finish material for crisler as well as football's concourses.

looks like crap, not durable, extreme greyness.

Hoek

July 19th, 2012 at 2:50 PM ^

With all the new rule changes, I wonder when they will finally call the spike what it really is Intentional Grounding. That is a lose of down and spot foul.

 

/s

Duval_Blue

July 19th, 2012 at 2:57 PM ^

All I remember was watching the game and Jimmy Johnson interfering with the refs in the fourth quarter. Michigan caught the ball on the sideline and good ol hair mousse went nuts with his arms calling for a bobble. Refs gave it to him.  Then good ol Carlos Huerta hit the game winner. Horrible images for a seven year old.  

wile_e8

July 19th, 2012 at 3:06 PM ^

Another exceedingly minor nitpick: Maybe I haven't read the rule correctly, but as far as I can tell the new onside kick/fair catch wouldn't have stopped Braylonfest. The new rule allows fair catches on the one-bounce, jump ball onside kicks. The onside kick in that game was a two-hopper (not high enough for a fair catch) that the MSU player muffed (even if you call a fair catch, it's a live ball if you drop it).

wolverine1987

July 19th, 2012 at 4:38 PM ^

I'm all for strict enforcement of the rules we have now to protect players, but when you start changing the actual game itself, meaning you take away plays that actually can make an individual game better or more exciting, for the completely unproven, and BTW completely unknown, potential benefit of one less injury, you've gone too far.  Any restriction of onside kicks at all, even a little, just made that one game that could have been a classic... not. And takes away that one last hope from a team behind late in the game. Wrong either way, whether the motivation is pure or not.

AthensOriginal

July 19th, 2012 at 3:52 PM ^

Watching some snippets of that Miami game and noticing the aesthetics of our offense, it really confirms how underrated Mo was as a coach. This is the guy who modernized Michigan football.

He was OC in this game and was on the same page as Bo. When he became head coach two years later, the offensive design looked nothing like this and never would again. It's a shame some people see him as a crony hire because he really did have an extremely sharp football mind.

WolverineHistorian

July 19th, 2012 at 3:59 PM ^

1988 Miami?  Seriously?  That's up there with the hail mary to Colorado and "the Horror." 

I need to get back to uploading.  I can't have games like this taking center stage while waiting for football season to start. 

AthensOriginal

July 19th, 2012 at 4:08 PM ^

I don't mind watching losses. The point in watching an old football game to me is to see old names of lore in action and also observe strategies, attitudes and even the TV production values were like in a different time. Hell, I love that this clip carries commercials along with it.

Anyone who can't watch a game that happened years ago in which they have long known the result because it's too painful probably needs to reassess their priorities in life.

Cromulent

July 19th, 2012 at 4:22 PM ^

Not sure I'd call what Knox had in MLS a "career".

But the metro area's best soccer resumes this weekend in Pontiac as the Michigan Bucks host their PDL conference's playoffs. On tap at 6pm on Saturday the Bucks play Real Colorado, and at 8pm its Thunder Bay vs FC London.

If you enjoyed Le Rouge you'll love the Bucks. If the two met the Bucks would be a sizeable if not prohibitive favorite.

Nothsa

July 19th, 2012 at 9:01 PM ^

It was fun to watch - I stopped when we went up 30-14 in the 4th quarter. No need to relive the rest. The team was sloppy, penalty-riddled, and we left some points off the board in the first half, which I had forgotten. But still fun: M totally outplayed the Canes through the first 50 minutes. Taylor had a fantastic game. I'd forgotten how well Derrick Walker played at TE. Taylor found him repeatedly, often on scrambles under pressure, and the guy had great hands. On defense Mark Messner had a fairly quiet game - it looked like he got dinged up - but on one memorable play he threw down the Miami running back while being blocked. Threw him backwards.