Unverified Voracity Explores Combovers

Submitted by Brian on November 12th, 2014 at 11:12 AM

Tonight! Or rather this afternoon. Evening? What is 5PM anyway? Ace is stopping by Tisch Hall to talk about his experience as a history major who made his way in the world. He's "ventured into the real world with remarkable success!" in fact.

Free dinner, too. And some other non-Ace persons you've never heard of like… uh… one of the co-founders of Zingerman's. Wow. Should have done history.

Gardner journey'd. It is bleakly appropriate that they took him to his now-closed high school.

The amazing true story of Gene Keady's combover. This is the best work Gregg Doyel has ever done: [UPDATE: now with link even]

"I had extensions," Keady tells me, at which point I put the phone down and started throwing up. OK, not really. But still. Extensions?

"Well sure," he says. "Men were just starting to get extensions, so why not?"

I've never known a man who had hair extensions.

"Now you do," Keady says.

Keady had twice-weekly appointments to keep is his 'do on the cutting edge of late night hair replacement commercials at $300 a pop. He is willing to admit this in a newspaper, so he is a better, more extended man than I.

Also, Keady's shotgun wedding sounds like it claimed all present, including said combover:

"Kelvin Sampson gave the bride away. The best man was Bruce Weber. He was the flower girl, too."

Neither was ever the same.

You can tell it's important because it has a screen-wide picture. Big ol' profile of John Beilein on MLive with most John Beilein thing about a big profile ever:

More than anything, he's one of the best college basketball coaches in America, creating a tug of war between the twilight of his days and the pinnacle of his career.

Here he is.

"So what is the point of all this?" Beilein asks, wondering why anyone would fuss to retrace his steps searching for who he actually is.

"Well, I just don't get it," he says. "I can't imagine why anyone would care."

I don't think we're getting memoir after he's done.

The amazing pfffffffttttt hahahaha. If this was true, Tim Beckman wouldn't have been allowed to coach the Illini at all.

"It took me two weeks to figure out how the door to my office works," continued Beckman. "That's how hard the academics are at Illinois."



a short play in one act

FAN examines DOOR. FAN turns to BECKMAN.

FAN: "This is a normal door."

BECKMAN: "Cleverly disguised as a trick door!"


BECKMAN: "Real tricky doors, too."

FAN: /burns degree

How you dismantle Michigan State. SBN's Ian Boyd takes a look at a clobberin' MSU hasn't experienced since… well, Oregon. But not for a long time before that. OSU used a similar playbook:

They attacked the Spartan outside linebackers for playing the edge against the run:

The announcers highlighted the route combination but ignored the play action component that made the play a one-on-one matchup, where a missed tackle meant total breakdown. With pop and play-action elements attached to basic run plays, the Buckeyes are able to make the passing game simple for Barrett.

The play of his receivers has been huge as well. He never had to make a read on that throw, staring down his intended target. The sam linebacker is sucked in by the run action, leaving the safety and corner to account for the two receivers without help. The slot receiver runs a post route that the safety follows, which leaves the corner on an island playing press coverage against the outside receiver. Michael Thomas beats the corner with the inside move, and that's all she wrote.

The Buckeyes ended up getting the ball again before halftime and once again dialed up play action off zone slice.

This time, Ohio State caught the Spartans in a blown coverage. MSU uncharacteristically mixed a single-deep safety coverage on a non-blitz, and free safety Kurtis Drummond failed to get over the top in time to stop the deep post to the speedy Devin Smith.

The result of all this was Ohio State gaining 89% of available yards. Against Michigan State. Without Braxton Miller, Carlos Hyde, and four of last year's OL.

Some people are so bad at being people. Like Spaghetti O's tweeting about Pearl Harbor, here comes the most generic trophy ever assembled:


There's not actually a gallery. Don't click unless you enjoy useless activities. Wait… you probably do.

Cloak yourselves in that flag, marketing geniuses. Dan Wetzel manages to say the thing about all this military stuff without touching the third rail:

The Freedom Trophy? What is that? Was there ever any doubt in the freedom of Wisconsin or Nebraska? Has anyone tried to invade either place and establish totalitarian rule – we're looking at you Iowa.

Big Ten marketing person No. 1: This is ham-fisted and meaningless. Fans are going to make fun of us.

Big Ten marketing person No. 2: Call it the Freedom Trophy and say it honors veterans. The trophy will consist of two massive football stadiums merged together with an enormous American flag coming out of it. They can't make fun of that.

You don't like freedom? You don't honor veterans? You don't like big stadiums and big flags? You Pac-12 commie.

A lot of the time it feels like Honoring Our Heroes is done to have some of that military mojo rub off on whoever's doing the honoring. It's a way to signify you're a good person in the safest way possible, and is thus the place please-everyone rubes run to when they don't have any ideas. No coincidence that as people started hating on Dave Brandon more and more that the military tributes became a literally every-game occurrence.

Hooray Denard. Denard Robinson is a legit NFL running back after a difficult first year, and he did it in the Denard way:

Early in the offseason, Robinson knocked on the door of head coach Gus Bradley.

"I don't want to go through another season like that one," he told him. "Tell me what I need to do to get on the field."

Bradley laid out a plan for Robinson. The Jaguars believed Robinson, who weighed 194 pounds when he first reported, had the frame to carry considerably more weight. The diet and training program he embraced resulted in him getting up to 215, his current weight.

Next, they wanted to enable him to make his new muscle functional. In the offseason, Richardson worked with Robinson on running violently. Robinson was naturally elusive. Richardson wanted him to be able to combine elusiveness with violence. "We worked on using a stiff arm or shoulder drop in combination with making cuts," Richardson said. "I call it use of weapons."

It helps to be unreasonably humble at all times.

I guess we'll say he's outspoken. The quotable Larry Foote:

Foote said, "They better change up their recruiting. They better get some eyes in there that can find some NFL talent. Michigan better go back to the hood (recruiting). They've got too many trust fund babies and they look like that when they're playing. They've got guys out there – they're just happy. They're happy they're playing at Michigan. But that's not Michigan football; the attitude has to change."

When Stanford, Notre Dame, and even Duke have significantly outperformed Michgian of late I don't buy that argument. It's about what happens after the recruits get to school, not before.

Backlash backlash backlash backlash. It's turtles all the way down in the Penn State case. I remember being uncomfortable at the time with Penn State's punishment, because having the NCAA step in on such a heinous thing was like giving Charles Manson a traffic ticket.

But they did, and then one of the lawsuits still pending against the NCAA showed that officials were uncertain if they had the power to do the thing that they did. A lot of people went LOL NCAA at this, but I'm with John Gasaway:

You’ll also have to forgive me for not being troubled to find that NCAA staffers questioned whether they were doing the right thing. In fact I would feel far better about the process behind the Freeh Report, for example, if emails surfaced wherein investigators were fretting over whether they were really doing justice to Penn State president Graham Spanier. My worry is precisely that there are no such emails because there were no such qualms.

Whether it was a good idea or not, a bluff or not, Penn State signed the consent decree and took its steadily declining lumps. Was it PR to look like the NCAA doesn't accept the idea of harboring a Sandusky? Or was it the NCAA not accepting the idea of a Sandusky? They're the same thing.

Where are they now: Dave Brandon edition. A Domino's in Saginaw saw a tense standoff between a pissed-off customer and the manager devolve into a shouting match featuring these words from the manager:

Apparently a manager at the helm of this Saginaw, Michigan, Domino'scursed out a customer who confronted him over hanging up on her son. The kid reportedly complained after getting a lightly sauced pie instead of one with "white" sauce. Hence this exchange: "Did you come in for your money back? Because I really don't care about your opinion," the manager says.

I appreciate the fact that Brandon was trying to lessen the financial blow of his buyout by getting outside work, but maybe next time get a job that doesn't involve customer service.

Etc.: Saturday doesn't look any prettier in advanced stats. Jack Kennedy talks to the Big House Report about Saturday and Hoke's status. Sounds reasonable. Les Miles on… economics! Fired Domino's manager says some bad stuff at customer including "I really don't care about your opinion."

MVictors on Willie Heston.



November 12th, 2014 at 11:33 AM ^

Hugely overstepped in its reaction to the Sandusky situation. Punishing a large number of clearly innocent and arguably innocent bystanders is just wrong but then again, that's typical NCAA behavior.


November 12th, 2014 at 12:31 PM ^

I'm sorry but that's hilarious.  What's actually "typical NCAA behavior" is blissfully and willingly ignoring the misdeeds of teams obviously cheating their asses off rather than actually DOING somthing to stop it.

I think what was most shocking about the PSU punishments to me was that there were any at all.


November 12th, 2014 at 12:39 PM ^

It's nearly impossible to punish anything or anyone without there being an "innocent bystander" that is someway harmed. Any parent who goes to prison leaves a child behind without a parent.

In the NCAA's case, they slammed PSU for institutionally protecting a known child molester and gave every player the chance to leave for free without penalty. It's not the NCAA's fault few took them up on the offer.


November 12th, 2014 at 1:10 PM ^

Hate to say it, but anybody at PSU could transfer; a number of kids did, without penalty.  Sure, a couple of people got screwed in the process, but that's life.  In the scale of NCAA screw-ups, though, the collateral damage here felt relatively low.

Now, whether or not the NCAA should have done anything to PSU, generally speaking, is another matter.  


November 12th, 2014 at 1:57 PM ^

Every crime that is prosecuted where the criminal has a family involves "punishing innocent bystanders".


When a guy committs a bank robbery and gets tossed in prison for 20 years - his wife and kids are "innocent bystanders" being punished... and that is just too bad.


November 12th, 2014 at 3:08 PM ^

Emmert: eh, whatever.  I'm a PSU alum, the sanctions, yes, they were partially a PR stunt on Emmert's part.  But PSU is better in the long-run (our own "self image") for us having "taken our medicine" and suffered through some penalties.


But Louis Freeh: this man should KNOW BETTER.  


Freeh is getting paid $8.2MM by his client --- the Penn State Board of Trustees --- to provide an independent report to THEM.  Nobody else.  And now it's pretty much undeniable that he was in constant communication and correspondence with the NCAA and Emmert during the 6 months prior to the report's release.


No matter what one thinks about the rest of the Penn State/Sandusky story, that's completely unprofessional behavior by Louis Freeh.  I'm a Consultant, and if I did something like that to my client, I'd be fired.  And possibly sued.  


November 12th, 2014 at 3:47 PM ^

We can't change the past, but I do think if people had vision in July 2012, there was an opportunity for a "compromise" that considered both those viewpoints.  


That compromise: the NCAA taking a "stand back" position for a few weeks immediately following the Freeh Report's release in July 2012.  Basically Emmert telling PSU "we'll give you a few weeks to evaluate the Freeh Report, self-assess and decide what you want to do.  But if you do nothing, then we'll likely step in because there is strong support internally for some sort of penalties."


Perhaps I'm an idealist, but I do think PSU was "self-aware" enough to have self- imposed some sort of penalties.


November 12th, 2014 at 11:58 AM ^

I watched some of the HBO concert for valor last night. I wanted to watch with my 10 year old son since he's learning how to play drums and likes rock n roll music, but George Lopez got on stage and dropped a MF'er and Eminem was f'ing this and f'ing that all night, and Springsteen played Fortunate Son which doesn't really strike me as a song that honors the troops. I was really put off by the whole thing. Nice job, executive producer Tom Hanks. I expected better, but I guess I really shouldn't have. Now get off my lawn...


November 12th, 2014 at 1:12 PM ^

I turned it off after a couple of minutes for the same reason.  I get that commercialization of EVERYTHING exists, but freaking George Lopez being an idiot on stage doesn't seem to be honoring anyone.  Well, except appearance fees.


November 12th, 2014 at 12:05 PM ^

Call me crazy, but I think Minnesota is better than MSU this year.  While each team has only beaten 1 D-I team with a winning record, Minnesota trucked us at home while MSU needed the comfort of their concrete dump to do the same.  I doubt they would've been as successful in A2.  State is very lucky not to have to play them this year and am curious to see how OSU does against an underrated Minn team (I can't believe I typed that).

As for trophies, I'm surprised that 'Merica trophy didn't also have a pink ribbon sticking out of the middle.


November 12th, 2014 at 12:57 PM ^

Crazy like a Fox, Hayden Fox that is. Minnesota is good, don't let that Illinois loss define their season. But they are not as good as MSU. We could have been competitive with Minnesota if Gardner had started and if the defense had played the run like they've done the past couple games. Minnesota's one real good win is their last one, 51-14 over Iowa. How did that happen?


November 12th, 2014 at 1:15 PM ^

1.  Hayden Fox is my CC choice.  Who the fuck else got a national championship for Minnesota State???

2.  If you're being honest with yourself, Minny played tougher D on us than MSU did.  We had plenty of chances against MSU but failed to convert (or lobbed the ball like a shotput into the hands of anyone in green).  I'm an MSU hater, but that isn't clouding my judgment on this one.  State has one win against a winning DI team; so does Minnesota.  I can't explain the Illinois loss, but State just isn't that great this year.  (though they are better than Drew Sharp might think)


November 15th, 2014 at 3:49 PM ^

Well, the score is in and it looks like maybe I'm not so crazy after all.  Minnesota is better than State this year.

OSU scored 18 more points against MSU's vaunted defense and gained ~100 less yards against Minnesota.  One could make an argument that MSU is better than Minn, but it's far from crazy to suggest that Minn is better than MSU (who's only beaten one D1 team with a winning record) this year.


November 12th, 2014 at 12:17 PM ^

His subsequent comments on the Michigan QB situation:

"We ain't got no quarterback and without one we can't compete at this level" 

...while in part true, were uncalled for and unnecessarily degrading to DG.  We all know that he's struggled and looks lost.  No need to shout it from the mountain top and publicly embarrass him. 


November 12th, 2014 at 12:54 PM ^

"No coincidence that as people started hating on Dave Brandon more and more that the military tributes became a literally every-game occurrence."

Patriotism being the last resort of scoundrels, as the saying goes.  Except it's really more like the first, last, middle, before lunch, midday meeting, press conference, ambush interview, spouse-caught-you-cheating and stinkyfart excuse refuge of a scoundrel.

El Jeffe

November 12th, 2014 at 12:54 PM ^

When Brian says

He [Keady] is willing to admit this in a newspaper, so he is a better, more extended man than I.

I say "NSFMF."

Exhibit A: Cook, B.

Exhibit B: Extensions, H.

QED, MFer...

Yard Dog

November 12th, 2014 at 1:00 PM ^

I can see Larry Foote's point, I've had the same thought the last few years.  We recruit kids with 4/5 star talent, but they lack the edge you see other teams (see OSU, MSU, etc.) possess.  I'm not saying they are bad kids, Hoke has just attracted kids with immense talent that lack the killer instinct on the field.  A few off the field incidents might be seen as contradicting this statement.

I guess you could say worse things than "we have nice kids on our team".

To address Brian's point, I do think some of this attitude is present prior to them arriving in Ann Arbor.  Once they arrive, nothing is done to help change that.


November 12th, 2014 at 2:21 PM ^

But ying toughness to being "hood" is ridiculous and dumb. There are tough rich kids and there are soft poor kids. Also, I think of hood as a pretty derogatory term on it's own. To me, and maybe I'm wrong here, hood has more connotations that just being tough.


November 12th, 2014 at 1:22 PM ^

"Meet and talk with former history students who have completed their degrees and ventured into the real world with remarkable success!"

The statement is so astonishing it needs an exclamation point.


November 12th, 2014 at 6:11 PM ^

The panelists are:

1. Ace (Sports Writer), 2. Masters Degree in Museum Studies, 3. Masters Degree in Library Science, 4. Law Degree, 5. Sandwitch Baron (Zingermans Founder, U-M History Grad circa 1982).

With all due respect that doesn't sound like a ringing endorsment for the career prospects of a U-M History major. Not to say you can't be successful, but rather that if you are it won't be on account of your undergraduate education, you'll need to branch out and/or get an advanced degree.

Good luck Ace!


November 12th, 2014 at 1:50 PM ^

and I totally disagree.  His opinions are typical of former players that have an emotional attachment to a popular likeable coach.  No one disputes Hokes appeal to people close to the program however its obvious to anyone looking at this program objectively that Hoke is not going to turn it around.  Recruits are not dropping like flys because of whats being said on any blog!   The national media is saying the same things all wondering when and how long its going to take for Michigan to make a move.  Plus don't you think other teams are going to try to poach kids by mentioning that Hoke is probably going to get fired to kids that have commited to M?  Come on...     Finally, Kennedy mentioned that Hoke continually evolves his coaching strategy implying that he is constantly refining things.  Thats not it at all, Hoke doesn't have a system or offensive identity and it shows in the lack of development of players towards any type of system.  Really it doesn't matter what system you use only that you perform that system well.  We are not seeing that because Hoke has no system other than manball and obviously it doesn't work except marginally against weak opponents.  

Players and those close to the program have to stop supporting Hoke the coach.  He is not getting the job done and its damaging the program.  The longer this drags out the worse its going to be.   I know they cannot fire Hoke until after the last game but then it needs to be done for the good of the program.




November 12th, 2014 at 1:50 PM ^

I'll add that while Larry Foote did good things for hte University and is a proud alum, he has this penchant for "hooding up" everything he says about the current crop of Michigan players in a way that feels, well, inappropriate.  Like, this isn't the first time he's called out Michigan for not recruiting from the "hood" more, which to me sounds both misinformed and a weird semi-racist tone that tends to pop up when people talk about Tiger Woods or Barack Obama not being "black enough" for them.

Michigan recruits kids of all stripes; the fact they aren't having success in the pros isn't because they get "rich" kids.  It's because they apparently have trouble developing them into competent pro-level players.  Unless Larry Foote has something more to say about player development and schematic changes, all of this other crap is unnecessary.

His Dudeness

November 12th, 2014 at 2:01 PM ^

In my mind Tim Beckman was wandering around the athletic offices for two weeks with a cup of coffee just saying hi to anyone who saw him then quickly looking at his feet and scuffling away.

Tim Beckman; the man who is puzzled by doors. 


November 12th, 2014 at 3:01 PM ^

I feel like that Beilein article needs to be pinned.  In an age of of shady recruiting and seemingly entitiled coaches, it's incredible to know where he came from.  I know it's been hammered to death but I could not be happier that we have him as our coach.


November 12th, 2014 at 3:24 PM ^

The linked article is apparently from Bleacher Report.  However, having been linked and hence vetted by Brian, it is permissible to click.  And worth it.  Some things even obsessive readers of Denard Articles Everywhere may not know.