Unverified Voracity Collects Tattoos

Submitted by Brian on June 11th, 2015 at 12:43 PM

Mark The Nomad still wins by a million. In what is inevitably going to be a successful trolling of Michigan State message boards across the state, MLive asked their readers for pictures of their badass Michigan tattoos. None approach the glory of Mark the Nomad's Harbaugh on Saved by the Bell masterpiece, but there's no shame in coming second in this competition.

This is my favorite:


"I need a wolverine, but I don't want it to be generic."
"I could make him look like he just walked in on his parents having sex."
"Make it so, number one."

-"Jean-Luc Picard's many tattoos: a memoir," by Jonathan Frakes

Second place goes to the guy who went full entrails.


The owner of this tattoo helpfully points out that the heart in the wolverine's hand comes from the pile of rotting gristle that used to be an Ohio State player below. Sports: we are reasonable about it!

A blessed man indeed. Jim Harbaugh has never heard of Paul Finebaum.

A coach approaches, fixes his collar and tells him he was the talk of the Paul Finebaum Show that day. Finebaum, whose show is nationally syndicated and televised on the SEC Network, discussed Harbaugh's appearance in Alabama with his legions of dedicated callers.

Harbaugh looks confused and shakes his head. He doesn't know who Paul Finebaum is.

The coach continues, "He's a radio show host."

Again, nothing from Harbaugh.

"He's a big deal down here in SEC country," another coach chimes in.

For just about anyone else involved with college football I would assume that is a put-on. Harbaugh is constitutionally incapable of being anything other than HIMSELF AT MAXIMUM VOLUME, though.

I assume that Harbaugh's knowledge of things is a sine wave of infinite amplitude. He can tell you the exact order of battles on the Eastern Front of World War II and the order of elimination of every Bachelor contestant in history; he's never heard of popcorn and thinks marsupials are horses. He regularly knits shawls with his teeth; every damned time his wife turns the faucet on he goggles and exclaims "WHAT IN TARNATION IS THAT?" Etc.

Mmm shade. Nick Baumgardner:

INDIANAPOLIS -- Someone forgot to tell Jim Harbaugh he's supposed to hate this stuff.

"The Raiders are still in play" is played out right now but if we keep saying it it'll be funny again in a few years. The Letterman approach.

Baumgardner quotes Harbaugh at his Sincerely Yours In Football best:

"This is the greatest sport ever invented," Harbaugh says. "Nobody will ever play four years of high school football and look back and say 'I wish I hadn't played football.' You ever hear anybody say that?

"It just doesn't get said. Because it doesn't happen. Football is darn good for you. Darn good for you."

SEC honks who are cheesed off about these satellite camps downplay this aspect of Harbaugh's personality, but it seems real to me. Harbaugh is a football evangelist in an era when people are muttering about the long-term future of the game. He's also a guy looking for recruits. It can be both.

Less of a big deal right now. Michigan's summer basketball camp came and went in the middle of this swarm business with hardly a mention. That's partially Harbaugh sucking up the offseason oxygen—something Beilein is probably happy about—and partially the fact that Michigan doesn't seem on the verge of offering blue-chip 2017 guys who are talking like they will commit. Last year Tyus Battle and Derryck Thornton were in attendance—one out of two ain't bad.

This year, 2017 NV SF Greg Floyd, a top 75 guy but not a five-star, was the most notable (uncommitted) name participating. Austin Davis and Jon Teske were there; Cassius Winston was present but sat out with his broken wrist. The rest of the notables are younger kids that may or may not end up on the radar in the next couple years.

Speaking of Winston, his visit for the camp follows one in May. Both Scout and Rivals seem to be incrementally more optimistic with each one. The vibe now is that Michigan probably tentatively leads; before it was that they maybe tentatively lead.

Okay. The basketball rules changes that were proposed have officially been instantiated.

I don't think the clock change will impact Michigan—or anyone—disproportionately. Michigan does get dinged by the larger arc, as they've always been a team that tries to take a charge instead of block a shot. Teske is arriving at the right time, at least.

And thank God for small timeout murders. Put the rest in a sack and throw them in the river, please.

In Texas. A slice of life from the Houston stop:

“OK, you gotta run, speed up, throw a catchable ball,” he said, jogging in a loop and throwing the ball to a camper 10 yards away, always moving. “Throw a catchable ball. That’s not a catchable ball. A catchable ball is right there. Shoulders, one foot in front of the number.


“Not there.


While observing, the former San Francisco 49ers coach offered: “No one likes watching incompletions. They really don’t.”

I imagine a couple of projectors got broken in there.

Another reason we're doing well at Paramus. Blake Costanzo is a former San Francisco 49er who's now an assistant at Paramus Catholic. His take on Harbaugh is a bit different than the few 49ers who have not already retired:

"Awesome," Costanzo said. "You want to play for a guy who's been through it, been to practices, grinded, knows what it's like to be in a locker room. To have a guy that knows what you are going through is huge." …

"Everywhere is Michigan country now. They've been all over the country," Costanzo said. "They are just good people. I know a lot of the coaching staff and they are just good people. I promote good people no matter where they are."

Michigan looks set to rake in a number of New Jersey commits this cycle.

Can't stop, won't stop. Old Dominion announces a 2016 satellite camp stop for the sisterhood of the travelling football. No doubt it will be the first of many.

MLB draft fallout. Baseball saw a number players drafted.  CF Jackson Glines, a senior, went in the 10th round. Junior 2B/closer Jacob Croenenworth went in the 7th; he's a junior but Bakich is not holding out hope he'll return. 3B Travis Maezes went in the 13th; Bakich says they might get him back.

Michigan's recruits went late if they went at all, so they should arrive on campus.

Etc.: Compher as captain profiled. OSU QB run concepts; Durkin pattern-matching against trips.



June 11th, 2015 at 12:57 PM ^

Raise your hand if you saw tattoos in the title and assumed Brian was going to talk about Tressel and the Ohio HOF.

Sadly we will probably never top OSU in the tattoo department.


June 11th, 2015 at 1:02 PM ^

I tried listening to his show a couple times and each time couldn't last more than 5mins.  Is his show nothing but listeners calling in with terrible cell connections and even worse questions/comments?  What's the reason for this show's popularity?


June 11th, 2015 at 1:12 PM ^

The M tattoo slide show lasted forever.  I  think I need a drink.

Honestly, the only tattoos I can abide are military.  Preferably just a modest USN/ USAF or the Marines' Anchor/Eagle thing on the shoulder or forearm.  


June 11th, 2015 at 1:37 PM ^

The sad thing about that MLive piece on the tattoos is that if you read the comments, there seem to even be some Michigan grads belittling the "Wal Mart Wolverines." If you like an endless cascade alternating between "how is this a story?" And "none of these loses even went to Michigan!!!" Then I suggest reading the comments section. 


June 11th, 2015 at 2:14 PM ^

is an activity I strictly avoid.  

I'll say (repeat) this about "Wallmart Wolverines" (whether they're sporting an M tat or not).  If you die a little every time you watch Michigan lose you're a fan and I won't belittle you for it whether you're an alum or not.  There are any number of fans who are alums (several here in Brianworld) who are absolutely insufferable.  I won't judge how much one cares by where (if) they went to college.  That said... unless you have a damned good reason (some are mentioned above and Dale Earnhart's passing is not)... I think tattoos are a pretty bad idea.


June 11th, 2015 at 10:23 PM ^

I have a Michigan tattoo on my left forearm and a Lion tattoo on my right forearm. I spent 20 years in the military and you'd love to have a face to face conversation with someone who wants to call me a "walmart wolverine ". I guess since I didn't play for the Lions I'm also a walmart lion?


June 13th, 2015 at 1:17 PM ^

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