Unverified Voracity Chews Crystal Meth Comment Count

Brian August 5th, 2010 at 1:55 PM

Get ur Falk on. We are under the 30 day mark, so it's time for you to get POINTED AT


Jack back; he will attack; you don't want that. Michigan's annual alumni hockey games are tomorrow, starting at 6:30 with the old folks with the kids going about an hour after that. Admission is, as always, free. Head out. Jack Johnson makes and appearance, and so does Mike Cammalleri. Is this a thaw between Cammalleri and Red? Not if Cammo suits up for the over 35 game and puts him through the boards, but otherwise… survey says yes.

Win. Also lecture. A marching band insider posts that the first halftime show of the season will be La Traviata, furthering Michigan's effort to bring opera back from the grave. Or not really:

You guys are going to absolutely love the first show.  Your voices were heard, and the Blues Brothers will be the first show this upcoming 2010 season.  Rejoice?  I think so.

Yes. Electronic disco, defeated forever. We may commence feeling simultaneously vindicated and heelish for last year's extended whine-fest about the band, which I participated in extensively.

Lecture time: sweet hot Moses in a pickle jar, our MMB insider put an "OT" on the message board thread. Let me be explicit: anything about any Big Ten team or future opponent is on topic. This includes Michigan, which is sort of the subject of this blog. Anything tangentially related to a tangent of Michigan athletics, or the university itself, is on topic. This mincing fear of getting negged for on-topic posts will not stand.

Testing the 95% theory. West Virginia has been hit with an NCAA notice of allegations for doing what seems like the same stuff Michigan was:

…yesterday afternoon, West Virginia University received a Notice of Allegations from the NCAA, which we are providing to the public. The allegations focus primarily on the activities and roles of graduate assistants, student managers and other non-coaching staff in the football program -- from 2005 to 2009.

They haven't posted the notice yet, so the exact details aren't known but seems likely WVU was doing the same sort of 35 in a 30 Michigan was during the last two years of Rodriguez's tenure and the first two of Bill Stewart's. This will endear Rodriguez even further to his home state, no doubt. Whether the NCAA would actually do something that impacts Michigan because of it is unknown. It would be unprecedented, but the NCAA seems to be gearing up for a period of breaking precedent.

Now entering the DSM: quarterback derangement syndrome. I've been increasingly irritated at Black Shoe Diaries (the guy who posts as BSD, not the whole blog) for his insistence that having a redshirt freshman who couldn't hit Charlie Weis—miss you, big guy xoxo—in three tries neck-and-neck with a walk-on is a JUST FINE quarterback situation THANK YOU, but this has gone from standard-issue fan denial to plain old insanity right here:

At what point is Terrelle Pryor going to live up to his hype and actually, like, win something on the field? And no, beating Oregon in the Rose Bowl does not count.

Meanwhile, BSD is busy saying Kevin Newsome could totally work out:

Newsome showed in his limited playing time last year that he can be explosive in the running game. At the risk of drawing some other very poor comparisons, I see the Penn State offense looking a lot like the 2007 Illinois offense. A proven NFL-caliber running back (Mendenhall) and a young quarterback that can run like a race horse and also throw like one (Juice Williams). Putting aside comparisons to Bad Juice later in his career, the 2007 Illinois offense led the Big Ten in rushing and finished last in passing, yet they upset Ohio State and went to the Rose Bowl (where they got clobbered by USC, but that's beside the point).

Meanwhile, Michigan fans pointing out that even the house outlets like Penn State's scout site were politely saying Kevin Newsome is terrible is "bitterness" at the kid's decommit.

If Juice Williams 2007 (but definitely not 2006, 2008, or 2009) is your best-case scenario, run. Where? Doesn't matter. Just run. And then keep running. The evidence that Newsome can be "explosive in the running game" consists of 7 carries for 49 yards against Eastern Illinois and 3.5 YPC in 13 carries against Akron, Syracuse, Temple, Illinois, Indiana, and Michigan State. At least Denard scored a touchdown against Iowa and did slightly better than 5 of 12 for 50  yards and three sacks taken in Michigan's spring game.

But no, seriously, guys, Matt McGloin reminds me of Matt LoVecchio that one time he threw a touchdown. If he just throws a touchdown every time he passes, like Matt LoVecchio did that one time, Penn State's offense will score lots of touchdowns. No, I'm not chewing glass I think is crystal meth because I've been eating crystal meth for the last six hours. I'm chewing MORE AWESOME CRYSTAL METH.

Fiutakin' it. A few years ago when the blog was more of a helpless voice in the wilderness it was a lot fiskier, and one of the things I did one year was comb the CFN Michigan preview for the dozens of errors it would contain in an effort to show the world how little value there was in their content. That's pointless now, but damned if reader Matt Nolan didn't go to the trouble and come up with some doozies. For instance:

December 30, 2010 San Diego, CA
Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl 7:00 pm ESPN
Big Ten No. 5 vs. Pac 10 No. 3
Way Too Early Projection: Michigan vs. Oregon
WHY? How much would the bowl love to get Michigan? It would be a homecoming for Wolverine QB Tate Forcier (who's from the area), while Oregon could finish anywhere in the top three.

The Holiday Bowl might be delighted to get Michigan but they'd definitely be confused since it matches the Pac-10 against the Big 12 and hasn't had a Big 10 team since 1994.

Meanwhile, the Michigan preview itself spells Jordan Kovacs's last name "Kovacks" and "Kouvacs," and lists sophomore [sic] Obi Ezeh as one of Michigan's ten best players at the same time they decry his "shockingly disappointing" 2009, which was not shocking at all. At least they didn't talk up the prospects of hot freshman Tom Harmon after his tragic death from old age.

Etc.: Someone gave Mark Shapiro a job in TV again. The NFL Network is about to suck. Bonus Derek-Dooley-is-Lane-Kiffin ammo: a fight which saw a cop end up in the hospital after getting gang-beaten result in one dismissal and zero else. New M blog alert: Maize Wings. Eleven Warriors wonders what to do with The Game and settles on the same-division, last-game format. I'm with them.



August 5th, 2010 at 2:24 PM ^

For purely selfish reasons, I would love for Michigan to play in the Holiday Bowl.  It's probably my only shot at seeing them play this year.   I don't care about the conference affiliations.

Shalom Lansky

August 5th, 2010 at 2:26 PM ^

I don't see how comparing Newsome's throwing ability to that of a horse is complimentary.  Sure, those Budweiser Clydesdales can play football but I doubt your standard race horse can grip, let alone throw a football.

Edit: Upon further review maybe that comparison wasn't meant to be positive.

Michigan Arrogance

August 5th, 2010 at 2:28 PM ^

1) Penn St fans should ONLY be engaged in real life. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, engage in conversation with a Penn St fan on the internet, email, or anyother other web or computer based tool. They are fucking delusional.

2) read #1 again.

Michigan Arrogance

August 5th, 2010 at 2:30 PM ^

so i'm confused about the helmets, they show the sticker template put on the helmets and the painting them....


but that's NOT what they do for the UM official helmets, it's really that guy who does it by hand? i'm surprised he can be so consistent helmet to helmet w/o a template.


August 5th, 2010 at 4:20 PM ^

...what today's Countdown to Kickoff video feature shows.  Michigan specific decals (the various HS team decals are all slightly different - and presumably Delaware) at Riddell and hand taped helmets at Schutt by Russ, the Michigan helment dude.  His (self-reported) daily helmet taping/painting rate is 70 which is damn impressive.

[Edit: the Riddell "decal" is not a decal, it's really just paint masking.]


August 5th, 2010 at 2:42 PM ^

How they start off yellow? If you ever wondered what a Maize helmet would look like...

Anyone else getting a Samurai Jack vibe off his hockey comment..

Or is it just me?

I'd wait for a couple of shows before you declare disco dead at the Big House. La Traviata may be next.

Was using the Weiss hugs and kisses just pandering to your audience's love of it, Brian? :-)

And I'd love to take a trip to the Holiday Bowl...I wish it was part of the Big Ten line up, but, well...oops?


August 5th, 2010 at 3:31 PM ^

They don't necessarily start off yellow (or maize).  Both Schutt and Riddell use plastic pellets to mold the helmet shell.  Those pellets come in a variety of colors (a golden yellow being one of them).  The helmet is molded in a color that's as close to the "base" paint color as can be (in this instance, the "base" paint color would be maize).  The helmet shell is then painted in the "base" color (again, maize) and then masked to be painted in other color(s).

So, in UM's case, the helmet shell is molded in that golden yellow (and, if you happen to catch a view of the inside of one of UM's helmets, on the sidelines, you'll see this).  It's then painted in the "base" maize and then masked and painted blue.  When the masking is removed, the maize is revealed.

It's interesting that Riddell choses to use a unique UM 'wing' sticker while Schutt does them free hand.


August 5th, 2010 at 2:43 PM ^

Wow, there are a lot of familiar names in that BSD comment thread. Way to represent!!

Also: take the Under on all Kevin Newsome stats for the Alabama game. Wont. Be. Pretty.


August 5th, 2010 at 2:46 PM ^

but he had a mean 104-mph split finger that he could put in there with pinpoint accuracy, and if he was a bit wild the batter was dead anyhow.


August 5th, 2010 at 2:51 PM ^

I wish you could all get to spend a day with Jon Falk. 

You know how spending 10 minutes with Tim Tebow will change your life?  Well, 10 minutes with Big Jonnie will do the same, only in a more sinister manner.  Nobody lvoes the word "fucker" more than him.

"IT'S BLACK BAG DAY you dumb fuckers!"


"Jonnie, I need a new pair of turf shoes"

"Too bad, you stupid fucker."


I remember my first day of camp and I asked him for a cup.  That was my first encounter with Jon Falk, and it was not good.

"HEY, THIS FRESHMAN FUCKER JUST ASKED FOR A CUP!!!!!  Get the fuck out of here you ignorant fucker."


August 5th, 2010 at 3:50 PM ^

Kid comes in without a jacket on one of those blustery winter days, and his response to the being told by the kid he doesn't have a jacket (hinting at trying to get another) -

"Perpare to be cold, my friend".

If other people are the heart and soul, Falk's department is the legs that makes Michigan Football go; and I think John is the funny bone.


August 5th, 2010 at 3:20 PM ^

Thanks for the Marching Band shout out. Appreciate that you are excited for the first show. It was spossed to be Lady Gaga, but I guess was changed later. Maybe that will make its way in later in the season. Thanks again


August 5th, 2010 at 3:52 PM ^

But Kevin Newsome may be bitter towards Michigan. In an interview a month ago he was asked some questions and I thought the answers were pretty telling:

Why he chose Penn State: I was blessed to have offers from a lot of schools. It pretty much came down to Virginia Tech and Penn State. But I chose Penn State because of the high academic standards here and the football.

Really Kevin? You were committed to Michigan at one point, so how do they get left out in mentioning them. And if you're choosing b/c of academics between Penn State and Michigan, I think you chose ... poorly. Last Crusade aging into dust, commence now.

Random fact: My favorite game was when we played Michigan in the Big House. That was a really big win.

A game that you didn't play, and your team won by 21+ points was a really big win? And your favorite game? I think someone secretly still wants to be a Wolverine and is perhaps a little bitter.

Rest of the QBs and Newsome are here http://www.statecollege.com/news/local-news/penn-state-football-meet-th…


August 5th, 2010 at 9:09 PM ^

How many of those Riddell employees absolutely loathe making the Michigan helmet because they're all from Ohio. Was Bo aware of such clear opportunity for sabotage and espionage?


August 6th, 2010 at 10:10 AM ^

Anyone else think this bit of reconciliation might have to do with Lombardi's attack on Red?  Sure Red and Cammy had a bit of a falling out, but when all is said and done, Cammy still attended Michigan and was coached by Red and this could be a little show of support.  You gotta think that Lombardi's comments offended more Michigan players than just JMFJ.