Unverified Voracity Is In A Box

Submitted by Brian on August 20th, 2008 at 12:12 PM

Programming note: I'm moving, which is going to seriously cut into posting time today and possibly the next couple days. It also was not accounted for in my estimates of what I could get done re: other Big Ten teams before the season. Monday the weeklong Michigan preview extravaganza starts; prepare thyselves.

I have the powerful desire to sex you on the puce shag carpet. One thousand cocktails to whoever gave Michael Phelps the sexbomb Spitz mustache he's sporting on the cover of Sports Illustrated. (It's Wednesday, Swindle, get to it.)


If you're not tingling, I don't want to know you.

Phelps, by the way, will be honored at the Wisconsin game. Insert hacky "can he play quarterback?" joke here.

Vote for Marques. Dude's never going to play for Michigan but he can make the Deadspin Hall of Fame. Vote or die. Slocum is currently just above the 75% cutoff line.

R. Lee Emery is wearing JoePa's skin. No, seriously.

The Big Ten Network needs to start running this during every commercial break instead of their current annoying university promo stuff.

All Hail Dan Feldman. When it comes to Michigan beat writing, the Daily's Dan Feldman is killing all comers. He was the guy who uncovered all sorts of useful information during the Women's Football Academy while the Free Press was concerned with Tae Bo. Just a couple days ago he clarified the George Morales situation that's had everyone confused since February; he wrote two other interesting articles on the same day and then dumped some useful bullets in a blog post. Excerpts:

  • Redshirt freshman guard Mark Huyge was in crutches. With redshirt junior Corey Zirbel out with an injury, Huyge started last Tuesday’s walk-through at right guard. Redshirt junior David Moosman started the walk-through at center. He moved to right guard after a few plays, and redshirt freshman David Molk played center.
  • J.B. Fitzgerald stood out to Jay Hopson as the best freshman linebacker.
  • Freshman safety Brandon Smith, who Rodriguez said could see significant playing time, said the talk of moving to linebacker was just a rumor, and it was never seriously discussed.

It the starting line for Utah appears to be Ortmann-McAvoy-Molk-Moosman-Schilling, with Perry Dorrestein the first guy off the bench and Hold Me I Feel Like Dying the second. (He's foreign.)

Moose and squirrel? Actually, the second guy off the bench may be true freshman Rocko Khoury, who's been impressing at center:

“Rocko is working in there [at center] and he’s willing to put his face on somebody,” Frey said, when asked about redshirt freshman David Molk.

“He’s getting consistent with his snaps,” redshirt junior lineman David Moosman said. “When you’re as young as he is, and he hasn’t played center before, it can be tough making sure every snap is good. But he’s doing really well and becoming more consistent.

There is the possibility that Rocko will play next to Moosman at some point, at which point the band has to play "Rocky and Bullwinkle" after every play. There will be no discussion.

There are additional interesting quotes in that article, like this on the slot electrons:

Clemons, working out of the slot position, has spent a good amount of practice time with Martavious Odoms and Terrence Robinson and isn’t ashamed to admit they have something on him.

“They’re quicker than me. Faster? We can always line up and race,” Clemons said, laughing. “They’re real explosive and they’re tough guys too. You look at them and you think they’re undersized but they don’t play like they’re small. They play like their 6-2 even though they’re both 5-9. It’s exciting to watch them work because they work real hard. They’re very explosive, very quick and fast.”

We should place bets on which freshman skill player is has the most buzz after Utah. I'm going with Odoms.


Michigan Arrogance

August 20th, 2008 at 12:39 PM ^

???!?!!!?!?! no mention of the new jerseys?!?!?!!!?! this might be the 1st time brian failed at the interwebs. redeem thyself, blogger! a dedicated post to hockey 9 days before football starts is required. think of the hit traffic!



August 20th, 2008 at 12:43 PM ^

Didn't that dude just win the mile race at the Olympics for Tunisia or something!?!?!

 Otherwise, please no Olympic spoilers......Tivo-ing it all today and am hanging out here in vein hopes of not finding out any results.


August 20th, 2008 at 12:46 PM ^

Well, I do like the sound and call of 'taking bets'.......football is almost here.

Color me a chalk eating mutha fucka but Sam I Am will have the most buzz after the opener. I see him making one, amazingly athletic play that helps us on a key drive to push by the Utes....perhaps a return.......I have been dreaming of it all summer!

Dreams always come true, right!?!?!


August 20th, 2008 at 1:58 PM ^

Has it already been discussed that, according to RR himslef during his interview on the BTN-televised practice show "we just switched John Ferrara to the O-line and we're really excited about that. He could be a starter over there for us..."

So? Doesn't this warrant any further interwebs speculation on our part?

Personally, this comment from RR terrifies me.

Ellipses Man

August 21st, 2008 at 1:28 AM ^


 Whatever your real name is Dex I would like to invite you to meet me at the game on  versus Utah at Michigan Stadium. I find your onsite and offsite comments false and defamatory. And I find them damaging as well. I feel that if you can say them online, we can have a nice talk as to why you feel the way you do and we can talk about this in person. I have asked Brian to remove me from the site as well. I do have some rights and one of them is to be treated with respect and without malice.


August 21st, 2008 at 8:06 AM ^

Yeah, I'm totally going to hang out with you, Internet Tough Guy.

When you post on a public site, the public also has the right to comment on your posts. If you want to make sure no one can respond to your genius, then start your own blog and moderate the comments. 

Ninja Football

August 20th, 2008 at 3:05 PM ^

Hey Caup, by all accounts Ferrara was greatly improved on the D line and doing everything well but nothing spectacularly, so while he may have earned a little playing time there, his possibly becoming a starter on the O-line makes more sense.


August 20th, 2008 at 3:35 PM ^

Commerical is OK but JoePa just comes across as a slightly demented old man yelling at the kids to stay off his lawn.

And that porn stache on Phelps is the ugliest-ass lip caterpillar I've ever seen. The classic photo of Spitz with the medals around his neck was a favorite of gay guys all over the world, but this one of Phelps won't give anyone a stiffy, male or female.

The Barking Sp…

August 21st, 2008 at 12:38 AM ^

I still think homos everywhere will be sporting wood over Phelps. Remember, it's not so much the looks with gays, it's how well you can decorate an apartment and tend a garden.

Phelps is said to be both a wonderful interior decorator (his color schemes and pattern mixing are to die for) as well as an accomplished green thumb.  He currently holds the world record for the number of living ferns and phycus plants being fed with nothing more than old moldy ramen noodle juice and Capn Crunch crumbs. "I do have a way with plants," Phelps said recently as he was interviewed while getting a pedicure, "But you should see me with a couple of knitting needles and a pair of assless chaps. I'll bet you guys didn't know I can juggle chainsaws while brushing my teeth, too."


August 21st, 2008 at 8:14 AM ^

"Mommy, JoePa scares me.  Make him go away"


On a totally unrelated note, my son will compete in his first high school "game" as high school QB in a 4way scrimmage today in Bloomfield Hills.  I'm as nervous now as I was in my first game. 


Go Blue..................and God, PLEASE forgive me but-----Go Irish<----unfortunately, that's who my son plays for.  Gack! 

Tim Waymen

August 21st, 2008 at 10:01 AM ^

Anyone know where I can find a "Beat Ohio State" button like the one on RR's desk? I think it would be absolutely adorable on my desk at work. The USC bookstore used to have them but they're out.

I think that MDen and the other Michigan apparel shops should have more stuff dedicated to the hatred of our rivals, especially OSU. The OSU shops definitely have stuff about Michigan, although sadly, that is the only thing that Ohio St fans have to live for.